My confessor told me masturbation is only venial

[westboro]

…and that I should keep taking the Eucharist while still attempting to stop because it’s a serious and spiritually harmful venial sin…do I listen to him after I’ve known for years that the Church defines this as a mortal sin?!

Whenever I read about a post/plight for help with this frustrating and embarrassing habit, I would offer the following:
For some, like myself, masturbation can be a very powerful habit, and in my case, an addiction that I even carried into my marriage.
A couple years ago, I happened upon a total ‘release’ from this powerful and discouraging repetitive sin. What happened is that I was so very upset to see someone take communion knowing that they had committed a certain sin, which I knew was a serious matter. It hurt me so much to witness this, that I began a ‘fast’ from Holy Communion to demonstrate that it is wrong to do something so serious and still take communion. What happened next was something I totally did not expect. From the day I began that communion fast, I felt NO URGE to masturbate! I could hardly believe it after all these years of feeling hopeless! This went on for four months until the Easter season, when I began taking communion again on Divine Mercy Sunday…to fulfill my Easter duties. Bear in mind, that I always sat in the front of the church and throughout this fast I was very self conscious of what people thought of me. At times I even broke out in a sweat just imagining the ‘judgement’ that must have been placed upon me by people who had no knowledge of why I was not taking communion. Still, I persevered day after day, as I attended mass every single day of the week. Also, I am an altar server as well as an extraordinary minister and throughout this four months I did not take communion while serving on the altar. I believe all this ‘exposure’ sent the demon(s) that were plaguing me to flight and I became totally free of my life long habit (addiction) of masturbation. It has now been three years since I last masturbated and I feel totally free from this awful condition! Even if you choose not to fast from the Eucharist, I would highly recommend some kind of fasting to anyone in the plight to conquer this condition. Fasting, praying and giving alms are three of the most powerful tools in our arsenal. Try fasting to overcome this habit. I think you might be more successful than any other means you can try. Don’t give up on your other spiritual exercises because they all work together to help you! I even went to weekly confession during this four month period…but DID NOT have to confess masturbation!!!
Finally, in so far as the seriousness of this sin, the Catechism is quite clear about it as being a serious intrinsic disorder, however, one must take in the culpability section of the Catechism when examining one’s conscience. IF we are doing all we can to stop sinning…than that is what truly matters. Habits and addiction are huge considerations in the issue of culpability in the Catechism. That means that this act may not be a serious sin at times during the struggle to rid oneself of the habit/addiction.
I hope this is helpful!

 

[m134e5]

…and that I should keep taking the Eucharist while still attempting to stop because it’s a serious and spiritually harmful venial sin…do I listen to him after I’ve known for years that the Church defines this as a mortal sin?!

The Church defines it as grave matter. Whether or not it is a mortal sin is up to whether or not you had full knowledge and consent of the will. You know what the Church teaches, so you have at least that part of full knowledge. If you also knew you did it, you have complete full knowledge (I doubt doing it in your sleep is a mortal sin as long as you stop if you wake up in time). Consent of the will is the tricky one for this sin. Did you freely choose to do it?

Always confess it before going to communion. That may mean you have to go to confession each day you go to Mass- if so, go- that’s a wonderful thing to do, and if more people would do that, our world would be in much better shape.

 

[westboro]

The Church defines it as grave matter. Whether or not it is a mortal sin is up to whether or not you had full knowledge and consent of the will. You know what the Church teaches, so you have at least that part of full knowledge. If you also knew you did it, you have complete full knowledge (I doubt doing it in your sleep is a mortal sin as long as you stop if you wake up in time). Consent of the will is the tricky one for this sin. Did you freely choose to do it?

Always confess it before going to communion. That may mean you have to go to confession each day you go to Mass- if so, go- that’s a wonderful thing to do, and if more people would do that, our world would be in much better shape.

It seems that one who repeats a sin every single day…even if the substance of the sin is serious matter, that they are somehow enslaved by that particular sin. Whereas it is impractical to get to confession every single day, especially with the shortage of priests, it is allot more practical to make a really good act of condition, with the intention of getting to confession as soon as possible…while taking definitive action to break this particular habitual sin. I highly suggest people struggling in this area to refer to the catechism section on Man’s Freedom beginning at section 1730 through section 1748 for enlightenment and clarity on the topic of freedom and one’s personal culpability. Also, once a habit is recognized or even if it be it an addiction, the idea is to take certain actions to deal with and break these conditions, which may take allot of time and determination through prayer, fasting and almsgiving. These are our ‘power’ tools!

 

[Bookcat]

If he means “masturbation in its self” it is only venial…he is very very wrong…and I would look for another confessor…for it is clearly the teaching of the Church that it is objectively grave…

(But he may be judging that subjectively …as to your personal guilt at that time…that it is reduced for some reason (see catechism) (…but of course one must seek freedom from this sin…repent etc avoid occasions etc…) )

 

[westboro]

If he means “masturbation in its self” it is only venial…he is very very wrong…and I would look for another confessor…for it is clearly the teaching of the Church that it is objectively grave…

(But he may be judging that subjectively …as to your personal guilt at that time…that it is reduced for some reason (see catechism) (…but of course one must seek freedom from this sin…repent etc avoid occasions etc…) )

Excellent post!
I remember during my personal struggle of many years, that priests telling me it was only a venial sin sort of gave me the ‘green light’ to do very little, if anything, to stop it. As a matter of fact, I would even feel ‘comfortable’ looking at someone lustfully…thinking it was only a venial sin anyway. The devil can really play tricks with our minds, especially when we have a serious habitual sin or even addiction to it. Eventually I had to learn to stop watching certain TV shows that I thought were harmless…until I recognized that they were feeding my habit in the long run. I’m talking seemingly ‘innocent’ programming too…not porn. The bottom line is that we must do whatever it takes to avoid the near occasion of sin and that is allot easier said than done. I use to think I could not control my eyes because an immodestly dressed person would suddenly happen on the scene but in time I learned that I could look away and NOT enjoy the view. It took practice, but like anything else we want bad enough…with time, patience, prayer, and perseverance, the results are improvement.

 

[Elizabeth502]

The devil can really play tricks with our minds, especially when we have a serious habitual sin or even addiction to it.

Exactly. It’s important to understand this with regard to all repetitive sin. Just because I’m habituated to doing something very bad (mortal sin) does not mean that the sin is suddenly venial. Become accustomed to something very bad, and 3 things happen:

(1) Other sin becomes much easier, and equally subject to rationalization. This is Catholic doctrine. (Mortal sin disposes us to other mortal sins, including other categories of sin.) In modern terms, mortal sin is a “gateway drug.”

(2) Mortal sin blinds: it prevents us from clear vision, and thus an appropriate level of revulsion at the evil of our (and even others’) sins. This is also Catholic doctrine, not anyone’s personal opinion.

(3) All habits (good or bad) affect, and shape, character. The little things as well as the big things. And the Church also teaches that venial sins, when ingrained, when not confessed frequently, do 2 things: make mortal sin easier for us, and become part of our character, shaping us toward an attitude of indifference. And indifference is spiritually deadly: it can allow us to settle into spiritual sloth (acedia) – one of the 7 Capital Sins.

A habit, in itself, is not a compulsion. A compulsion is a psychiatric disorder, and by that very category removes one of the three aspects of mortal sin, which is deliberate consent.

Be careful of enablers who are using their own ingrained bad habits (sins) to excuse those of others, so that they will feel absolved of their own sins.

The bottom line is that we must do whatever it takes to avoid the near occasion of sin and that is allot easier said than done.

Exactly. Saying it is an ingrained habit is merely a fact, not permission to continue the habit.

I use to think I could not control my eyes because an immodestly dressed person would suddenly happen on the scene but in time I learned that I could look away and NOT enjoy the view. It took practice, but like anything else we want bad enough…with time, patience, prayer, and perseverance, the results are improvement.

Yes. The more sinful and the more repetitive a behavior of ours is, the more we should be alarmed (not making excuses), and the more we are commanded to work on it (not, by contrast, becoming indifferent to it due to its frequency in our lives). A bad habit is a danger sign, not a reason for complacency. Saying something is a habit does not mean that we have no control: it means that we have chosen not to exercise control.

 

[Seatuck]

This might be helpful-

couragerc.net/Masturbation.html#RECOBJ7DB11314EE3520

 

[westboro]

This might be helpful-

couragerc.net/Masturbation.html#RECOBJ7DB11314EE3520

This is a great source of information and is filled with wisdom, although it is a lengthy dissertation and one could get ‘lost’ and impatient with it, especially in the midst of the battle.
It seems to me that people who are caught up in the slavery of this sin are naturally looking for any kind of ‘quick fix’ for it, as it can really bear down on one’s guilt and shame…rendering some of us discouraged and even depressed over it.
That is why I think it is important for people to know that this particular sin could be a manifestation of a much deeper problem or connection that needs attention first. It could be any of a number of a host of addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, food or whatever. It could be a clinical depression condition or other condition(s)…etc, etc, etc.
Once a person decides that they will go to any length to curb this behavior, the desired result will come about. It is hard work but for some people like me…the pain of the unwanted behavior eventually outweighed the pain of doing whatever I had to do to get over it. I discovered I had allot of addictions, and I discovered I was clinically depressed. All this enlightenment didn’t come overnight. Arresting addiction is a huge challenge, depending on the substance/nature of the addiction. It took years for me. Be patient and keep up the fight and keep an open mind and cling to hope ho matter what.
“Knock and the door will open, Seek and you shall find, Ask and you shall receive”!!!
Sometimes, loving one self is very hard work…especially if that love was not attained as a child. Most of all…be patient and gentle with self…while at the same time being firm and exercising good discipline as one would do with a child.

 

[Elizabeth502]

^ There’s a lot of wisdom in that post.

…that:
(1) the human tendency is to get impatient for quick solutions for what can be a long-term habit.
and
(2) pleasurable distractions, and habits, are used to self-medicate and/or to avoid deeper issues.

(At least, that’s what I’ve heard a couple of priests mention with regard to vices that have become integrated with daily life.)

The biggest success stories with entrenched habits of any kind seem to be usually (not always) achieved by long-term effort and discipline. One has to put oneself on a “program,” or be put on one by someone else.

 

[westboro]

^ There’s a lot of wisdom in that post.

…that:
(1) the human tendency is to get impatient for quick solutions for what can be a long-term habit.
and
(2) pleasurable distractions, and habits, are used to self-medicate and/or to avoid deeper issues.

(At least, that’s what I’ve heard a couple of priests mention with regard to vices that have become integrated with daily life.)

The biggest success stories with entrenched habits of any kind seem to be usually (not always) achieved by long-term effort and discipline. One has to put oneself on a “program,” or be put on one by someone else.

(1) I read somewhere that one NEVER rids oneself of a habit…but rather must ‘replace’ a bad habit with a good one. In other words, the bad habit ‘seems’ to subside or go to the background, while the new good habit takes over.

(2) Great observation, I remember when I first ‘discovered’ that I was an alcoholic in that everyone - family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers etc knew that I had a problem with alcohol EXCEPT me. It wasn’t until I crashed and burned, unfortunately, that I began to ‘listen’ to the symptoms of my illness within the confines of a recovery program. Alcoholism and other addictions are diseases of ‘denial’ in that they deny themselves for survival sake. One really believes they cannot ‘live’ without the source of the addiction…which is the biggest lie of all!!!

The first step - that of admitting powerlessness to ‘anything’ is the hardest one of all!
Also…knowing our humanity…God only expects us to ‘try’ to improve ourselves and embrace His commandments. It is when we give up doing ‘anything’ to improve ourselves, that we are truly ‘powerless’ and perhaps at the doorway of despair!

Finally: it wasn’t until years after becoming sober and peeling the ‘onion’ of deeper issues, that I finally was able to stop masturbating. Like I said, the journey toward the end goal can be a long one…BUT…filled with joy and fulfillment on the other side!

 

[Elizabeth502]

Westboro, I really appreciate your contributions to this thread.

 

[MS_SURVEYOR]

I have found this to help,

***Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen. ***

 

[chain]

We do not know the limits of God’s Divine Mercy. Premarital sex and masturbation are serious sins, and you are fully aware that they are serious sins - that only leaves consent.

We should not only avoid sin, but should avoid the near occasion of it.

Try to not masturbate today, pray for the strength to avoid masturbation today. You can worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Accept God’s Mercy and Forgiveness today. Receive the sacrament’s today. I bet you can make it through today without masturbating.

Make a point to go to confession frequently and regularly. Receive the Eucharist frequently and regularly. Avoid sin today.

 

[westboro]

Westboro, I really appreciate your contributions to this thread.

Thank you very much for your kind words, Elizabeth!
Honestly, my contributions are mostly, if not all, self-serving - as I take my recovery program quite seriously wherein it says “you cannot keep your sobriety unless you give it away”.
My sobriety is the key to my recovery from a host of addiction(s), and I NEVER want to lose it! I am not proud of this, but I am no longer unduly ashamed of it either.
It is what it is!
But for the Grace of God…I would be already dead, literally, many years ago given the way that I was living my life.
All that I have and all that I am today, through my experience(s)…as always…I owe to the great God and His immense grace who loves me despite my many, many mistakes in my life - both past and present!
The only credit I can claim is that I once ‘opened’ myself up to receive God’s healing grace and became willing to cooperate and do my part, going to whatever length I had too!
He did everything else…for which I am grateful to Him beyond any and all words!!!
Now - I can honestly say that I truly ‘love’ myself, in a healthy way, rather than ‘loath’ my very existence as I once did.
Now - I try my best to follow Jesus’ command to “Love thy neighbor as thyself”!

 

[Elizabeth502]

Thank you very much for your kind words, Elizabeth!
Honestly, my contributions are mostly, if not all, self-serving - as I take my recovery program quite seriously wherein it says “you cannot keep your sobriety unless you give it away”.

…meaning that you’re merely making my point for me.

Personal testimony is not self-serving; it’s a form of witness when done in this context.

You are also an example of how empathy and truth are not mutually exclusive.

 

[westboro]

…meaning that you’re merely making my point for me.

Personal testimony is not self-serving; it’s a form of witness when done in this context.

You are also an example of how empathy and truth are not mutually exclusive.

Please excuse my lack of formal education, but I don’t quite grasp your statement.
My personal understanding of ‘truth’ is that it is not an object or concept…but a person. His name is Jesus. I suppose to say that Jesus resides within me confirms what I think you mean. Does that make sense?

 

[PJM]

=scapularkid8;4416039]…and that I should keep taking the Eucharist while still attempting to stop because it’s a serious and spiritually harmful venial sin…do I listen to him after I’ve known for years that the Church defines this as a mortal sin?!

What your Confessor said [POORLY] is that their is in HIS OPINION [And that is as Good as God! [John20:23], that there is a a BAD HABIT involved. Sex can be addictive especially when it is self-FOR self. The priest KNOWS that addictions require God’s help to overcome them. Failure TO MAKE A SERIOUS EFFORT would still make the act a Mortal Sin; and needs to be Confessed with the ADDMISSION that One is not really even trying to overcome the problem… So long as SERIOUS EFFORT, and prayers for help are involved the Priest has not only a RIGHT but a Moral Obligation to facor in Culpubility.

THIS IS A SERIOUS Matter; seek God’s help and pray!

God Bles you!
Pat

 

[Elizabeth502]

Please excuse my lack of formal education, but I don’t quite grasp your statement.
My personal understanding of ‘truth’ is that it is not an object or concept…but a person. His name is Jesus. I suppose to say that Jesus resides within me confirms what I think you mean. Does that make sense?

I meant that Church teachings reflect truth. But yes, you could say that it’s one and the same, since the Church was instituted by Jesus, and he promised that the Holy Spirit would reside in that Church, as well.

I also meant that you have witnessed here to truth: your personal truth, and a truth that can be applied to those with habits and addictions that are not life-giving, and not ‘neutral’ in their effect.