My cousin won't let me attend mass with her

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LebaneseKitty

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So I have to stay with my cousin out in Seattle (where most of my family lives) for two weeks because my aunt and uncle really want me to visit (I’m their favorite!) before I start college. Anyways, I’m bisexual and my older cousin, their daughter, who doesn’t accept it, won’t let me go with them. I told her I really need to go to mass because it’s very important to me but she said doesn’t want me there. She told me to go at a different time. My aunt and uncle said they are staying out of it and letting me decide what to do.

Should I go with them and possibly risk my cousin making a scene, or should I just go to an earlier service by myself? (They go at an 11:00 am service and I could go to the 8:00 am service). I keep my bisexuality to myself and never talk about any of my relationships. I’m very respectful. I hate that I can’t go to service without worrying about my cousin (she’s a blabber-mouth) saying a bunch of stuff. So what should I do? Go with family or go by myself?

Thanks:)
 
Well Kitty,

It’s hard to say. You should definitely go to mass, but you will have to decide for yourself when to go. It might be simplest if you did not upset your cousin, but you can decide that on your own.

God Bless You!!
 
I think your cousin is being ridiculous. It’s one thing to worry that someone might be taking communion in a state of sin, but merely attending Mass? If only non-sinners went to Mass there’d be no one there.

Plus there’s the fact that not attending Mass is a separate sin on its own.

That said, if it were me I would go at a different time just so I didn’t have to deal with her nonsense.
 
I would go at a different time to avoid drama if thats at all possible. I feel the need to ask, if your cousin is making that big of a deal about you wanting to go to mass, do you think she will treat you well while staying with her for 2 weeks? Is there another arrangement available, even if it includes a shorter visit or staying with her only part of the trip? What about the aunt and uncle you are visiting, do they have room for you to stay with them for part of the visit?
 
  1. On the surface I would say avoid the drama and go to Mass at a different time, if at all possible.
  2. It is unclear to me if this daughter is living at your aunt and uncle’s house but if she is, her parents need to step up to tthe plate and make it clear that a guest (whether a relative or not) is not treated in this way.
  3. In conjunction with number 2. I have no idea how old you are or your cousin, but looking at yourother posts you appear to appear highschool or college. Quite frankly, the whole thing is immature and someone has to be the ADULT, a role your aunt and uncle aren’t willing to assume. Therefore it up to you (a role should you should not be put in by your relatives) and the best way is to avoid ANY situation where your cousin is involved.
 
I agree with coachdennis and will add this:

No one should attempt to keep you from Mass. Go if you want to go.
If your cousin is ever in a mood to talk, simply ask why she thinks (if you are such a bad person in her eyes) why she would prevent you from receiving the grace of assisting at Mass, regardless of whether or not you are able to go to communion? (I say this, because only you know your soul).
She’s discouraging you from visiting the Lord in His house.
Serious stuff. Unkind. Unloving, and not what Jesus would do.
Some people are so bent on being right they just do wrong.
I’ll pray for you.
Peace.
 
Idk, if it were me? I would cancel the trip. Why put yourself into a position to be treated so badly? And your aunt and uncle, as your hosts, are just as bad as your cousin for not stepping up and insisting that you be treated properly as a guest AND a fellow human being.

Perhaps your cousin needs to visit the Confessional on her way to church after reflecting on what it means to treat others as a CHRISTIAN. She’s really missing the boat. 😦
 
pianistclare said:
I agree with coachdennis and will add this:

She’s discouraging you from visiting the Lord in His house.
Serious stuff. Unkind. Unloving, and not what Jesus would do.
Some people are so bent on being right they just do wrong.
I’ll pray for you.
Peace.
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God bless you 👍
 
My thoughts are that first of all, no one as any right to tell someone not to go to Mass. Second, I would tell your aunt and uncle that they’d better be involved if they want you to visit. Since you are going to be their guest, they should take you to Mass and tell your snot cousin to go by herself if she has a problem with it. Third, if you do go, you should not recieve communion if you are not in a state of grace.
 
Thanks everyone for the comments. My cousin is 25, still lives with my aunt and uncle, and I’ll be starting college in the fall (I’m 19, female). This trip is for me since I graduated with high honors from high school. My aunt and uncle aren’t strict on my cousin because, before she became very religious, she went down a bad path, using drugs and alcohol in high school (she was abused as a child by a neighbor as well). She found Jesus and now thinks she is the greatest Catholic who ever lived. I’ve always been religious myself, even when I realized I was bisexual, I never gave up on my faith. Mass, God, Jesus and Mary mean too much to me. I’m supposed to stay at their home for the whole two weeks but I think I may shorten it to one week, depending on how much I can stand my cousin. I talked to her on the phone and she said “You better not bring any girls to our home or church”. I wouldn’t do that and I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I only care about my church and my education.

My aunt and uncle are always nervous that, if she doesn’t get her way, she may go down the wrong path again. I think I’ll just go to the earlier time so that I can pray and enjoy mass without the fear of her embarrassing me. I told her that Jesus would want me at church no matter. The house of the lord is for everyone. Right?🙂

Kitty:heart:
 
LebaneseKitty said:
Thanks everyone for the comments. My cousin is 25, still lives with my aunt and uncle, and I’ll be starting college in the fall (I’m 19, female). This trip is for me since I graduated with high honors from high school. My aunt and uncle aren’t strict on my cousin because, before she became very religious, she went down a bad path, using drugs and alcohol in high school (she was abused as a child by a neighbor as well). She found Jesus and now thinks she is the greatest Catholic who ever lived. I’ve always been religious myself, even when I realized I was bisexual, I never gave up on my faith. Mass, God, Jesus and Mary mean too much to me. I’m supposed to stay at their home for the whole two weeks but I think I may shorten it to one week, depending on how much I can stand my cousin. I talked to her on the phone and she said “You better not bring any girls to our home or church”. I wouldn’t do that and I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I only care about my church and my education.

My aunt and uncle are always nervous that, if she doesn’t get her way, she may go down the wrong path again. I think I’ll just go to the earlier time so that I can pray and enjoy mass without the fear of her embarrassing me. I told her that Jesus would want me at church no matter. The house of the lord is for everyone. Right?🙂

Kitty:heart:
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Just tell her that there’s a difference between having knowledge of what she THINKS the Church teaches about SSA and what it does teach, and then again, hitting people over the head with it.
 
First off, your cousin NEVER said ‘don’t go to mass’, she said ‘Don’t go to mass with me’ It is wrong to accuse her of denying you the opportunity to go to church.

Second of all, I need to ask since this will influence my answer

1-)'Do you practice homosexuality? Or,

2-) Do you realize it is a sin and pray to God for the strength to resist temptation.

If the answer is #1, I totally agree with your cousin. I am at the end of my rope with people who sugar coat the teachings of the church to increase attendance. I believe in preaching the gospel and if people want to pick and choose when they listen to God, I respect their opinion but do not go to mass with them

If the answer is #2, then I think your cousin is being very cruel and honestly, I agree with the poster who asked why you would even want to go in the first place. Your aunt and uncle have a weird way of treating their favourite. I would hate to be their least favourite

Angie
 
And even if her answer is #1, we, as Catholics, still treat her with love, compassion, and dignity. We do not give her the cold shoulder because she is a sinner. Pull the plank from your own eye and all that…
 
masondoggy said:
And even if her answer is #1, we, as Catholics, still treat her with love, compassion, and dignity. We do not give her the cold shoulder because she is a sinner. Pull the plank from your own eye and all that…
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There is a difference between giving someone the cold shoulder and not wanting to do certain activities wish them. For example, I am a horrible soccer player. I can understand when people want to get a good competitive game going they don’t want me there. The same thing with mass. I can be kind to everyone, but mass is my hour with the Lord and I want to sit with people who take it as seriously as me. I never said they can’t go on their own and sit in the same church

Angie
 
If we can’t worship in peace and harmony with our own families…we’re not spending that time with the Lord well. :nope:

After all, we give total strangers the sign of peace.
We should be at peace with our own families, or else we approach the altar unworthily.

Nobody’s asking anyone to condone immoral behavior. The OP may have SSA, but may not be acting on it.

This is presumption that is hurting her, I suspect.
I know it the presumption that is causing her cousin to reject her.

That’s why it is bad. We can’t presume to know what lies on a person’s soul.
 
Anglewannabe said:
There is a difference between giving someone the cold shoulder and not wanting to do certain activities wish them. For example, I am a horrible soccer player. I can understand when people want to get a good competitive game going they don’t want me there. The same thing with mass. I can be kind to everyone, but mass is my hour with the Lord and I want to sit with people who take it as seriously as me. I never said they can’t go on their own and sit in the same church

Angie
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Like masondoggy said, pull the plank from your own eye…
 
To answer a few questions, I do have SSA. I always have, even when I was really young. I get emotionally attached to both sexes and I’m physically attracted to both. I just do and I can’t help it. As for my sexual life (its no one’s business but mine and God’s but whatever), I try to remain celibate. I have had girlfriends and I was celibate with them. I had a boyfriend too and, again, I remained celibate. I’m a virgin and I plan to stay one, unless I marry a guy. My girlfriends have understood my decision and are fine with it. I wouldn’t be with a girl who wasn’t. The church doesn’t condemn SSA, just the sexual acts. Like I said before, I’m very respectful and I do take my faith seriously. If I ever mess up, I’ll have to suffer the consequences and go to confession. I don’t plan to mess up though. Thanks to those who would still treat me with love and dignity. Pope Francis even said that LGBT people shouldn’t be judge and should be respected.

Kitty ❤️
 
LebaneseKitty said:
To answer a few questions, I do have SSA. I always have, even when I was really young. I get emotionally attached to both sexes and I’m physically attracted to both. I just do and I can’t help it. As for my sexual life (its no one’s business but mine and God’s but whatever), I try to remain celibate. I have had girlfriends and I was celibate with them. I had a boyfriend too and, again, I remained celibate. I’m a virgin and I plan to stay one, unless I marry a guy. My girlfriends have understood my decision and are fine with it. I wouldn’t be with a girl who wasn’t. The church doesn’t condemn SSA, just the sexual acts. Like I said before, I’m very respectful and I do take my faith seriously. If I ever mess up, I’ll have to suffer the consequences and go to confession. I don’t plan to mess up though. Thanks to those who would still treat me with love and dignity. Pope Francis even said that LGBT people shouldn’t be judge and should be respected.

Kitty ❤️
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God Bless You Kitty!! Just stay close to Jesus. He’s always our best and most essential friend in this life.
 
LebaneseKitty said:
To answer a few questions, I do have SSA. I always have, even when I was really young. I get emotionally attached to both sexes and I’m physically attracted to both. I just do and I can’t help it. As for my sexual life (its no one’s business but mine and God’s but whatever), I try to remain celibate. I have had girlfriends and I was celibate with them. I had a boyfriend too and, again, I remained celibate. I’m a virgin and I plan to stay one, unless I marry a guy. My girlfriends have understood my decision and are fine with it. I wouldn’t be with a girl who wasn’t. The church doesn’t condemn SSA, just the sexual acts. Like I said before, I’m very respectful and I do take my faith seriously. If I ever mess up, I’ll have to suffer the consequences and go to confession. I don’t plan to mess up though. Thanks to those who would still treat me with love and dignity. Pope Francis even said that LGBT people shouldn’t be judge and should be respected.

Kitty ❤️
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I don’t think you owe anybody here an explanation. 😉

I can imagine you have a difficult road to follow. I’m so sorry your family members assume the worse about you. God Bless.
 
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