My cousin's funeral

[fivegoldenrings]

My cousin lost his battle with cancer 9 days ago, and his wife had his funeral Mass at the Catholic Church where their young son goes to school. My cousin was not Catholic, but he wanted to do what was best for his son; his wife felt a Catholic Mass would be best. My sons served at the Mass. My cousin’s parents are anti-Catholic, and were angry with the Catholic funeral, but they came. They also decided to have a memorial service at their Congregational Church the week after the funeral. At the dinner after the funeral Mass, My uncle and later my cousin’s sister asked me if I’d be attending the service. I would possibly like to go to the service to show support for my aunt and uncle’s sorrow, but I do not want to appear to slap the Catholic Church in the face by appearing to condone their possible disregard for his funeral Mass. My husband feels I should not go, but a dear friend feels it would be an act of charity if I did go. I want to do what God would prefer. Any suggestions?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

If you have the time, go. You are not slapping the Catholic Church in the face. You are performing a kindness and perhaps lending some healing simply by your presence.

Even if your cousin was a friend instead of your cousin, you could still go. The only stipulation is not receive the Eucharist in a Protestant church- which I highly doubt will be offered.

Not that it’s exactly the same, but when my father-in-law died about 2 years ago, my husband’s stepmother did not want us at “her” funeral. She did allow the priest to bless the grave, casket and body, the rest was, from what we heard, a jumble of New Age stuff.

We heard about it from the kind relatives who attended both “her” funeral for my f-i-l, as well as the Memorial Mass and luncheon we had in my f-i-l’s hometown, in the parish where he was baptized, received First Communion, and was confirmed.

 

[MJE]

Yes, go. I do not understand how attending the memorial service would be a slap to the Catholic church or the previous funeral Mass. It would be, among other things, an act of charity.

 

[DJgang]

I see a Memorial Service and Funeral as two totally different services.

I would go if I were you.

 

[Hellisreal]

I would go. I would just not participate in anything that would be heretical, (I dont know what that faith believes, or how they do their memorial services- hopefully nothing is heretical in it)

And, I would make sure to carry my Rosary in my pocket or purse, or silently say the Rosary (use your fingers) to pray for the conversion of their angry hearts against the Catholic Church. Mary will help. Be proactive!

I would go. You could do more by going, than not going.

 

[fivegoldenrings]

Thank you for all the responses. It sounds unanimous! Somebody asked why I felt it would be an insult to the Catholic Church–I guess I was not explicit enough in my original post about one point. The anti-Catholic parents of my cousin were angry with the fact that his wife was having a Catholic funeral for their son. So, they scheduled a Protestant memorial service for one week after the original funeral, in order to “do it right.” (That is, the Protestant way.) THAT is my only concern: would I be showing, by my presence, that I agree with them? That the first one wasn’t good enough? (They didn’t do any cemetery stuff at the Catholic funeral. I am unsure if the coffin will be at the Protestant service. )

 

[LSK]

well, we know that the Rite of Christian Burial celebrated for the departed one was good enough. I am curious, though - if he was not a Catholic, did the widow need some sort of special pemission to have a Catholic service?

It is my understanding, and forgive me if I am wrong, that only if someone has gone through the rite of acceptance and welcome (thereby demonstrating their intent to continue their studies and enter into full communion with The Church) is ‘given’ a Catholic funeral if they die before the Rites of Initiation.

Am I incorrect?

 

[Hellisreal]

At times like this, there is no need to worry about appearances.
Your cousin’s death should not be all about Catholic and Protestant concerns.
You lost a dear family member, and your presence at the service is not a vote of approval of the service. Its showing your desire to share in these last things that we as humans do, when saying goodbye until we meet again.
Keep your eyes on the ressurection of Jesus Christ, and your hope in the ressurection. Not these matters that humans here below in their flawed and fallen nature make that are irrelevant to your cousins salvation. Trust in Jesus that all is in his hands.
God bless you

Thank you for all the responses. It sounds unanimous! Somebody asked why I felt it would be an insult to the Catholic Church–I guess I was not explicit enough in my original post about one point. The anti-Catholic parents of my cousin were angry with the fact that his wife was having a Catholic funeral for their son. So, they scheduled a Protestant memorial service for one week after the original funeral, in order to “do it right.” (That is, the Protestant way.) THAT is my only concern: would I be showing, by my presence, that I agree with them? That the first one wasn’t good enough? (They didn’t do any cemetery stuff at the Catholic funeral. I am unsure if the coffin will be at the Protestant service. )

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

As I said, we went through this with my Catholic f-i-l and his 4th wife (also known as “the winner”). She saw our memorial Mass and luncheon as “doing it wrong” and bragged that, as widow, she got to do it “right” first.

We will not mention that she did not even offer a cup of coffee to those who attended “her” funeral, an egerious point of etiquette in families of mediterranean extraction.

It’s not a matter of rite (pun). Go.

 

[Hellisreal]

Was this woman even a Christian? Sorry, I did not want to comment on your earlier post, I was simply too stunned to do so.
I was only curious, if this woman claims to know Jesus Christ? Has she ever said the Our Father prayer? I find many people who behave such as this, have no concept of forgiveness, in the true biblical sense, yet they remain “victims” all their sad lives. Counting costs, and wishing ill to others around them.
This was my concern for the OP in a way, to not allow these people to take away something from her that is not theirs to take away, no matter how challenging they think they have made it. We can overcome the evil one himself! We have trust and faith, therefore these silly things people do, they can not stop us from doing the right thing in circumstances others become mean and spiteful in, as they have no peace in the Lord.
Sorry, I just had to say something about your story, the most ironic thing about it is, that woman would be very surprised to know how many prayers your family has said for her and still does I am willing to guess, and one day, I hope she will find that kind of peace herself.
Sorry about what happened to your family.

As I said, we went through this with my Catholic f-i-l and his 4th wife (also known as “the winner”). She saw our memorial Mass and luncheon as “doing it wrong” and bragged that, as widow, she got to do it “right” first.

We will not mention that she did not even offer a cup of coffee to those who attended “her” funeral, an egerious point of etiquette in families of mediterranean extraction.

It’s not a matter of rite (pun). Go.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Was this woman even a Christian?
I was only curious, if this woman claims to know Jesus Christ? people to take away something from her that is not theirs to take away, no matter how challenging they think they have made it. , and one day, I hope she will find that kind of peace herself.
Sorry about what happened to your family.

Thank you for your kindness.

She’s a little “out there”. A lot of people think Californians are “odd” but it is not so. It is that some of the minority is so “odd” it reflects badly on the others.

It has all worked out very well for us, esp. my husband and his sister. My husband needed to stand up to her, and he needed to place his own belief in Christ above what “everybody” wanted him to do, whoever “everybody” was.