My curious questions annoy my husband

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My husband and I are going through some changes in our marriage. He is trying to give up porn and masturbation and I’m trying to be a supportive wife.

He just got annoyed with me because I ask too many questions. I asked him the last time her mastubated and he told me. I keep asking him questions like, when? where? how? what were you thinking? How did it come about? I just want to know details because I feel like I dont know this side of him and I am just curious how he falls into this stuff.

Anyway he got annoyed at me and said that its annoying for me to ask all these questions because he doesn’t remember and the details dont matter, etc. And he’s right they dont matter but I am just so curious to know.

Should I just leave him alone about this stuff? I guess since he is annoyed I am crossing a boundary??

What do you guys think?
 
for :crying: out loud leave him alone. You are leading him to a near occasion of sin. Why would you want details anyway. How can he stop this behavior with you wanting to know so much and bring it back to his mind.
 
Yes you should leave him alone. You behavior is not helping him, please stop.
 
MeOnly said:
What do you guys think?
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Well, seeing that you asked, 😉 , I think if you look inward, you’ll probably find some flaws of your own that you could work on while your husband works on his.

One of my big faults is minding other people’s business in order to avoid looking at my own problems; I do it all the time, like in here, for instance, :banghead: , and it’s so much easier when I’m not nagged, to work on these problems, defects, whatevers… It takes the pressure off.

Prayer however, helps a lot.

Let God be in charge of your husband, and of you. Marriage works much better as a partnership.
 
MeOnly said:
My husband and I are going through some changes in our marriage. He is trying to give up porn and masturbation and I’m trying to be a supportive wife.

He just got annoyed with me because I ask too many questions. I asked him the last time her mastubated and he told me. I keep asking him questions like, when? where? how? what were you thinking? How did it come about? I just want to know details because I feel like I dont know this side of him and I am just curious how he falls into this stuff.

Anyway he got annoyed at me and said that its annoying for me to ask all these questions because he doesn’t remember and the details dont matter, etc. And he’s right they dont matter but I am just so curious to know.

Should I just leave him alone about this stuff? I guess since he is annoyed I am crossing a boundary??

What do you guys think?
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Probably two things…he is reliving the experience (the habit) he is trying to break, and he also might feel you are behaving like a parole officer.😛 (I’m trying to be funny)

I think that you’ve asked, he has told you–now maybe let it go. Marriage requires trust. I have no idea if my husband masturbates, to be honest. I don’t feel the need to ask, because it never really was an issue, but he very well may do it. But, again, I trust. You will grow to trust that he isn’t soon enough. Hang in there.🙂
 
While I don’t think so many questions are necessary, I do think it’s important for you two to talk about it. The details don’t need to be discussed, but ways in which you could help him break his addiction do need to be talked about. As a married couple you should be very concerned for the salvation of your spouse, which means keeping each other morally accountable and helping each other grow in virtue (and battle sin). Of course, keep him in prayer, and even pray together (such as a rosary, spend time together in front of the Blessed Sacrament, go to daily Mass together, or all of these things if possible) for him to have the grace and strength to remove such sin from his life. I would also strongly encourage him to seek a spiritual director (a priest that he would feel comfortable with) to help him in his struggle.
 
I think you need to stop hounding him. It’s not really your business to check up on another’s sins and try to get details out of them. Even if you are married. That’s what the confessional is for.

That being said.Masturbation is a sin that effects marriage and perhaps you could seek spiritual direction together to help battle it.

Your number one job is prayer for your spouse.
 
Do you know why guys get so annoyed when women ask, “What are you thinking?” It’s because they aren’t thinking of anything…
 
Let it go… and take a look at your name here… “Me Only”.

There’s no “I” in team… and any member of a team that transposes the E and M into “ME”… well, make your own conclusions.

Marriage is a team effort… regardless of the quirks of the members. It’s up to the participants to work out the problems, with “G & J” as the head coaches!
 
Jay2 said:
It’s up to the participants to work out the problems, with “G & J” as the head coaches!
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I think you mean “T, I, & PA” (Greek), or “D, I, & SS”(Latin), or “G, J, & HS” (English).😃
 
You can help him out by:
**
  1. Not asking him to describe details**
    a) The details of the acts further relive the experience for him and provoke unhealthy images in your mind for you
    *Alternative: Ask if you can help him to avoid that which caused it *
    **
  2. When is not important either**
    a) Whether it be last week or yesterday, you should get him to confess it.
    Alternative: Ask him occassionally if he is keeping on top of these things, privately, and when he is an indifferent mood
    **
  3. How did you do it?**
    a) This is just outright silly to ask and would probably be a bit awkward even if you have known him for 200 years.
4) How did it come about that you did this?
If he has informed you that he masturbated, then this question is perfectly acceptable and SHOULD be asked. Progress should be made, and this question is getting to the root of the problem.

All in all, you just have to continue being more supportive, remind him of confession, and in your own way, be a reminder to him that sexual acts are meant to be between you two as one, not him alone. Perhaps you two should watch:

crossroadsinitiative.com/resource_info/138.html

Cheers
 
Thank you for the responses.

My husband is not Catholic so he doesn’t receive the sacraments.

We talked more about it last night. I won’t go into such detail anymore.

Thanks again.
 
If he isn’t Catholic, then he is more likely to be “enlightened” by the Christopher West - Theology of the Body teachings.

Theology of the Body was by John Paul II, Christopher West does an excellent job of explaining it. I think for couples it’s probably the best resource, it doesn’t matter if he isn’t Catholic. You are, and watching it “together” will help both of you develop mentally, spiritually.

I highly recommend it. I bet most people here do too.

Ask him what he is keeping in mind, his method of stopping masturbation. Everyone has to have an idea of what they will do to better themselves. So no doubt, this is one of they key questions and aspects you two should focus on.

Cheers
 
Dittos to the posts that suggest backing off on the questions. Nobody wants to be grilled on their details of their sinning.

👍
 
A couple thoughts:

First, I like an analogy I heard which is about a speaker who goes in front of an audience and does not want them to thing about “cars”; so, as he steps out in front of the audience, the first thing he says is “I do NOT want anyone thinking about cars”. Notice what he just did. He just put the thought of “cars” in everyone’s mind.

You need to focus on your mutual love and support of one another, help each other to make it through what you are BOTH going through.

Second, the way to bring change in our lives is by focusing on what we seek for our futures as opposed to what we don’t. Life in Christ is not just a matter of faith, but it makes sense. Our love should be selfless and lived for the other and not for ourselves.

Place it in God’s hands and concentrate on your love for one another. God Bless.
 
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