My Current Situation

[bkeesee]

Alright, so this may seem a bit long winded, but I need some advice. To sum up my raising, I was raised protestant, became atheist at around 11 or 12, came to the Catholic Church at about 14 and stayed there up until about 6 months ago. I intended on becoming a priest or monk, and had my local parish priest as a spiritual director who helped me contact different monastaries and different orders in my area to help me in my discernment.

However, as I said, I have fallen away from the faith. I do not deny that God exists, but only that the Christian idea of God is not what I wished to idealize. I’ve been a pagan for about 6 months; adhereing to Asatru (Germanic Paganism: Odin, Thor, etc.). Now, contrary to popular belief, these pagan customs don’t believe Odin is actually a guy in the sky with a spear and one eye. He is an archetype and the personification of wisdom. We use him as a way to relate ourselves to the ultimate divine. Regardless, my conversion to Asatru, the faith of my nordic ancestors, was mostly because the Christian God seemed weak to me. While Christianity emphasized submission to God and complete reliance on God, Asatru made the God’s your equals. You didn’t submit to them, you simply corresponded with them. You didn’t bow before them, you stood tall and proud with them behind you. Regardless, here is my current dilemma:

I feel myself being called back to the Church. I keep walking by my bookshelf of Bibles, Catechisms, Theology Books, and my old Liturgy of the Hours, and i feel called to pick them up. I feel called to go back to my local chapel and pray my Hail Marys in the rose garden. However, there are multiple issues I can’t reconcile. They are as follows:

1. As the Christians spread the faith to my ancestors several centuries ago, they did so by murdering my forefathers. They desecrated sacred Pagan sites, and built churches on top of them. Over 99% of my ancestors were pagan, so am I not putting to shame my forefathers who gave their lives preserving their culture from a middle eastern religion?
2. While I do enjoy reading the bible and going to mass, I find issue with fellow Christians. It’s going to seem INCREDIBLY hypocritical, but I feel that they preach the Good News at church, then live as atheists outside of church. I see people come to mass in basketball jerseys, shorts, and flip flops. I feel that the church as a whole has stopped taking itself seriously. I remember spending well over 5 hours on my knees on tile floor during Easter Vigil, but I see people who are scrolling through twitter while Father consecrates the Host. The Church, the greatest institution in western history, is fading into oblivion in the west.

Continued in first reply

 

[bkeesee]

1. Pope Francis, and a lot of recent Popes, seem to have forgotten that they are the leaders of 1.2 billion Catholics. When the Pope covers up statues so he doesn’t offend the Iranian president, he seems to be just like the SJWs of the American left. The Pope seems to be a puppet for the far left socialist movements that are crippling America and Europe. And there doesn’t seem to be much hope in the College of Cardinals for another Pius XII if you get what I’m saying.

Now I know these issues may seems easy to you, but to me they are very difficult. Also, you probably find it incredibly hard to believe that I was once so close to pursuing the priesthood. I converted 4 of my friends from being Atheists, to being Catholics. I brought 2 protestant friends into the Catholic Church. I spoke at my high school Catholic Club meetings about the importance of Christ, and the truth in the Eucharist. It all almost seems like a dream now.

Anyway, I’m sorry for this being so long, but I didn’t know where else to go with this. I hope I can get some help with all this. Thank you.

-A Confused 18 year old Californian man

 

[1ke]

As the Christians spread the faith to my ancestors several centuries ago, they did so by murdering my forefathers

You say you are of Nordic ancestry. Really the only Nordic country that had any sort of violent Christianization was Norway. And that was from its OWN kings. The destroying of temples in that country was as much a political move as a religious one. History is complicated, and while many kings, jarls, tribal rulers, and emperors large and small did many things in the name of Christianity, that is not the same thing as “the church” doing them.

so am I not putting to shame my forefathers who gave their lives preserving their culture from a middle eastern religion?

I have no idea why you would think that. This is a rather cut off your nose to spite your face sort of attitude. I will be pagan, not because it’s true, but so I can be loyal to my supposed-culture of 1000 years ago. No, that isn’t rational. Christianity supplanted the Norse gods, but the Norse gods supplanted what came before. And so on, and so on. And your forefathers didn’t give their lives to preserve their culture form a middle eastern religion. They gave their lives in service of their jarl against another jarl. These were wars of territory, not religion.

I see people come to mass in basketball jerseys, shorts, and flip flops

I don’t see how that is any indication that people “live as atheists” outside Church. What they wear is not who they are or what they do.

Pope Francis, and a lot of recent Popes, seem to have forgotten that they are the leaders of 1.2 billion Catholics

Oh, I think not. I think you miss the point that the Pope is not left, right, or central and he is preaching the Gospel not a political view.

but I didn’t know where else to go with this

You really need to be talking to someone in real life. Perhaps this is part of a larger issue you are having, or it may be confined to a crisis of faith, but people considering the priesthood don’t typically up and convert to pagan nature religions without something being seriously wrong internally. You need counseling. I hope you will work through your issues IRL with someone you know and trust to help you through this spiritual crisis.

A Confused 18 year old Californian man

The fact that you are 18 only redoubles my advice to talk this out with a spiritual director in real life. I have a feeling this is much less about religion and much more about the overall turmoil that can accompany this age and stage in life.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

1. As the Christians spread the faith to my ancestors several centuries ago, they did so by murdering my forefathers. They desecrated sacred Pagan sites, and built churches on top of them. Over 99% of my ancestors were pagan, so am I not putting to shame my forefathers who gave their lives preserving their culture from a middle eastern religion?
2. While I do enjoy reading the bible and going to mass, I find issue with fellow Christians. It’s going to seem INCREDIBLY hypocritical, but I feel that they preach the Good News at church, then live as atheists outside of church. I see people come to mass in basketball jerseys, shorts, and flip flops. I feel that the church as a whole has stopped taking itself seriously. I remember spending well over 5 hours on my knees on tile floor during Easter Vigil, but I see people who are scrolling through twitter while Father consecrates the Host. The Church, the greatest institution in western history, is fading into oblivion in the west.

3.Pope Francis, and a lot of recent Popes, seem to have forgotten that they are the leaders of 1.2 billion Catholics. When the Pope covers up statues so he doesn’t offend the Iranian president, he seems to be just like the SJWs of the American left. The Pope seems to be a puppet for the far left socialist movements that are crippling America and Europe. And there doesn’t seem to be much hope in the College of Cardinals for another Pius XII if you get what I’m saying.

1. There were certinally travisties both encouraged and simply overlooked by the church. However, understanding and grasping them must be done in the scope of history. Today we would not cover a person with the flu in leeches or ascribe anausmia (bad air) to diareah. Science has taught us better. People are a product of their time. We can no more hold the Church accountable for acting like it’s peers than we can those peers. Understanding history is vital to understanding where the church is comming from.
2. You need to worry about yourself. While I try to dress nicely for Mass I am no less reverent when I decide to wear sandals and a teeshirt because my bloated pregnant self dosn’t fit into ordinarly clothing but isn’t big enough for maternity ware. I wore jeans to Mass when I used to walk to Mass and they were often dirtied by the road salt and did not look clean. I was judged. When it comes to phones, do not assume that it’s twitter or facebook. I know many who choose to use Mass apps or LOTH apps or Bible apps. During cold and flu season, a parish I know actually recommends this so people are less likely to share germs. Keep custody of your own eyes.
3. If you really want to understand Pope Francis, stop listening to the soundbites and read his works. He is not coming from a place of “socalism” but rather from real concerns about the environment and how we treat it. His words echo previous Popes. Just because his focus is on topics that the left has currently found fodder in, doesn’t make him anything but the Pope.

 

[bkeesee]

In regards to #2, I have sat next to these people and they were literally on twitter. I wasn’t just making a random assumption.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

In regards to #2, I have sat next to these people and they were literally on twitter. I wasn’t just making a random assumption.

Still, you must have custody of your eyes. it is NONE of your business. None. Full stop.

 

[bkeesee]

My issue with the Pope’s leftist bias is his massive support of immigration into Europe. He is willing to let Europe get attacked and raped in the name of letting in those who would rather see Europe in flames than as a new home. The Russian Orthodox church is at least trying to preserve the existence of their Russian culture. The pope wouldn’t care if Europe became 100% arab and the entirety of it’s culture was erased, all in the name of tolerance and multiculturalism.