My dad says no..

[mlchance]

1ke:

It implies that husbands cannot be talked to logically when you have valid points and that wives should just smile and agree and not share their opinions.

That’s not what was implied. That’s what you inferred. What I inferred was this: In a marriage, ultimate responsibility for leadership falls on the husband. In a situation where spouses cannot agree on a particular course of action, the husband’s decision is the one that carries the day. He also carries all of the fault should that decision turn out to be wrong one.

But that really isn’t the point of the thread. To the OP: Don’t invite the cousin.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[GregoryPalamas]

Meet the mysterious cousin some other time.

CDL

 

[Katie1723]

Did you ever think it odd that people you rarely see other wise, get invited to weddings and funerals??
~ Kathy ~

 

[mlchance]

Katie1723:

Did you ever think it odd that people you rarely see other wise, get invited to weddings and funerals??

I have lots of relatives that I only see when someone dies. In a few cases, even that is too often.



– Mark L. Chance.

 

[Cupofkindness]

I havn’t read all of the posts, but I must ask the OP why you would even question your father’s decision. Why is this an issue?

Like another poster said, it’s not like he’s banning your best friend or the grooms mother.

You’ve never met this cousin. The relationship isn’t there. Your wedding isn’t the occassion to begin a relationship. Don’t even question your father any further about this. It isn’t worth your time or his. Weddings are stressful for parents, don’t yank his chain about this matter, you will regret it. Wedding aren’t family reunions. They are much more intimate than those sort of events.

Take her name off of your list and move forward to focus on the more important issues surrounding your upcoming marriage. Say ‘yes’ to your father, mother and future in-laws as often as you can and save your protests for the really important issues.

 

[Della]

How about having your father talk to his brother about how he would feel if you invited your cousin? If your uncle says he won’t attend if she is there then don’t invite her. But, if your uncle wants her to be invited, then your father should relent because the one who was most closely involved in the matter is your cousin’s father and not really your side of the family. It might be the time to bring about a reconciliation–if your uncle wants to do that.

 

[1ke]

mlchance:

That’s not what was implied. That’s what you inferred. What I inferred was this: In a marriage, ultimate responsibility for leadership falls on the husband. In a situation where spouses cannot agree on a particular course of action, the husband’s decision is the one that carries the day. He also carries all of the fault should that decision turn out to be wrong one.

But that really isn’t the point of the thread. To the OP: Don’t invite the cousin.

– Mark L. Chance.

Then you should have stated what you actually meant. And, I don’t completely agree with your assessment above in any event.

 

[mlchance]

1ke:

Then you should have stated what you actually meant.

I didn’t say anything to begin with. You responded to Rebecca New’s advice.

1ke:

And, I don’t completely agree with your assessment above in any event.

Your disagreement is noted.

– Mark L. Chance.

 

[Nance]

mlchance:

I have lots of relatives that I only see when someone dies. In a few cases, even that is too often.



– Mark L. Chance.

here here

 

[IlovemyChurch]

Dear all,

many many thanks for your advice.

A day after I posted that my dad changed his mind and said that I can invite her if I really want to.
It’s not really an issue anymore anyway seeing as I have already invited more people than the reception hall can fit anyway.
(and no, I couldn’t just invite her to the wedding mass and not to the reception afterwards because she lives a plane ride away).

By the way, MariaG…

MariaG:

Either way, I’d say you may have some serious growing up to do if you want your marriage to succeed. .

I was shocked beyond all belief when I read your post and especially that comment above.

It really really hurt me.

I can’t believe you consider yourself in a position to judge me like that and suggest that my entire MARRIAGE may FAIL.

what a spiteful thing to say. and really really un-called for.

 

[MariaG]

Originally Posted by MariaG
*
Either way, I’d say you may have some serious growing up to do if you want your marriage to succeed. .*

IlovemyChurch:

By the way, MariaG…
I was shocked beyond all belief when I read your post and especially that comment above.

It really really hurt me.

I can’t believe you consider yourself in a position to judge me like that and suggest that my entire MARRIAGE may FAIL.

what a spiteful thing to say. and really really un-called for.

Judge? Spiteful? Not at all. I am sorry that my words hurt you.

But I do think you need to seriously look at a couple of things, or you will continue not be treated like an adult and/or to over react which in turn will make it difficult for you to succeed in your marriage.

Your father, at first, “banned” your cousin from the wedding. If he used those words, **your father has yet to start treating you as an adult. **Does not mean you are not acting like one, but your father still is treating you as a child. The stress on your marriage this will put is huge. You need to start getting your Dad to see you for the adult you are.

Or. Your Dad did not “bann” but that is what you heard when he asked you not to invite this cousin. Which means you are not as mature as you think you are and will cause many misunderstandings with your new husband. This obviously being the more serious scenario.

Since I have no idea which scenario applies to you, both needed to be presented to point out a pitfall that is already threatening your marriage that hasn’t even taken place.

**Ususally, fathers have trouble seeing their little girls are grown up. But you need to help him see that you are an adult before you get married, or there are many problems that can cause in your marriage. **The biggest being that we tend to live up to others expectations. If your Dad is treating you as a child, (Which is what he is doing if he BANNED someone from your wedding instead of asking they not be invited), it is very hard not to act like one in some cases.

I’m sorry you see that as spiteful and judgemental. I see it as well needed and timely advice that I wish I would have had at the beginning of my now 17 year marriage.

May God Bless you in your marriage.

Maria

 

[mommyaprilj]

Number 1. You’re 22, do what you want.

Number 2. Pay for your own wedding, do what you want.

Number 3. Tell your dad his grudges have nothing to do with you and if he loves you he’ll support you, do what you want.

Now, all of the above suggestions may sound good, but what you have to do is PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, and then wait and listen.

God will tell you what to do.