My daughter is sharing an apartment with lesbian friends

[lux]

And she wants me to help move her. She has shared an apartment with one of the women along with other heterosexual friends before, but now this will be her sharing quarters with the homosexual woman and her lover. I want to offer her my truck but I don’t want to go within a thousand yards of that apartment. Was wondering if anyone else had experience with this?

 

[Xantippe]

And she wants me to help move her. She has shared an apartment with one of the women along with other heterosexual friends before, but now this will be her sharing quarters with the homosexual woman and her lover. I want to offer her my truck but I don’t want to go within a thousand yards of that apartment. Was wondering if anyone else had experience with this?

The lesbian issue aside, I think I’d ask daughter dearest, would you want to be the third wheel at a household with a boyfriend and girlfriend or a husband and wife? It’s especially problematic if it’s a new couple–one or other of the couple (and maybe both) is eventually going to want more privacy than they are getting.

Also, what if they break up? Is your daughter on the lease? Would she need to make up the difference?

Also, even without the third wheel issue, in any roommate group of three, it’s easy for two of the roommates to have a lot more in common and gang up on a third or exclude the third. That’s why parents are told to be very careful about routinely setting up playdates with three children–somebody’s feelings are going to be hurt.

So, no, this is not a good long-term plan.

 

[Sparkythedog]

And she wants me to help move her. She has shared an apartment with one of the women along with other heterosexual friends before, but now this will be her sharing quarters with the homosexual woman and her lover. I want to offer her my truck but I don’t want to go within a thousand yards of that apartment. Was wondering if anyone else had experience with this?

Have you tried just talking to your daughter about how you feel?

 

[lux]

How I feel about homosexuality is not important, what IS important is what the Church teaches and she knows how I feel about that. But it seems young people today can more easily accept these types of situations and scandal or imprudence doesn’t seem to override practicality. And yes I agree it is also imprudent to room with two other persons who are involved romantically.
When I asked how the three of them were going to share a 2 bedroom apartment, she just casually mentioned how the other two were lesbians and that was that. I had to bite my tongue and leave the room. It’s still bit for now. She is a good kid, graduated college last year, works hard, but I just can’t understand the mindset of this generation.
I know others who would choose to help their daughter or son regardless of their choice of environments or friends, but can’t help thinking that’s the easy way out.

 

[lux]

Is it not? Maybe the biological aspect isn’t contagious, but morally and spritually I think it is just as dangerous, more in regards to her soul. How much are we to compromise with sin before it is sin?

 

[tuffsmurf]

Is it not? Maybe the biological aspect isn’t contagious, but morally and spritually I think it is just as dangerous, more in regards to her soul. How much are we to compromise with sin before it is sin?

Ehum, what? Do you think going in to an apartment where a lesbian couple lives is going to effect you in any way at all? How about being loving and non-judgemental? In case you didn’t know, you’re surronded by sinners every day. Do you refuse to go in to the homes of couples who use contraception as well?

 

[lux]

Ehum, what? Do you think going in to an apartment where a lesbian couple lives is going to effect you in any way at all? How about being loving and non-judgemental? In case you didn’t know, you’re surronded by sinners every day. Do you refuse to go in to the homes of couples who use contraception as well?

So you would have no problem assisting your child in this situation? All sins equal in your mind?

 

[lux]

We’ve been associating with them for quite a few years now and the leaven seems to be working in their favor if public opinion and the courts are any indication.

 

[12345678]

Is it not? Maybe the biological aspect isn’t contagious, but morally and spritually I think it is just as dangerous, more in regards to her soul. How much are we to compromise with sin before it is sin?

There is a difference between associating with people and helping your child move into an unhealthy environment, and yes, it will be a very unhealthy environment.

Of course you should treat others with love etc no matter their state in life, but that is very different to condoning having your daughter move in with two people that are openly living an unnatural and unchaste life.

 

[12345678]

So you would have no problem assisting your child in this situation? All sins equal in your mind?

I would have a problem. Different sins have different effects.

It isn’t healthy for your daughter, it just isn’t. First, I would pray, for the situation and for the right words. Then I would try to find a way to talk to her about it, sooner than later, lovingly.

 

[tuffsmurf]

So you would have no problem assisting your child in this situation? All sins equal in your mind?

Well, IMHO some things are better left to be between that person and our creator.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Well, IMHO some things are better left to be between that person and our creator.

So you believe it’s Christian and loving to look the other way vice stand up for The Word?

Do you believe in Catholic doctrine of mortal sin? Do you believe Christ did commission us as part of the Church to spread the gospel and witness to the truth?

I do not see it as Christian and loving to remain silent or seem to give tacit approval to those who risk their souls. I would prefer they be able to enter into heaven, how sad to lose a possible comrade in paradise due to my own fear in standing by Christ’s teaching.

 

[tuffsmurf]

So you believe it’s Christian and loving to look the other way vice stand up for The Word?

Do you believe in Catholic doctrine of mortal sin? Do you believe Christ did commission us as part of the Church to spread the gospel and witness to the truth?

I do not see it as Christian and loving to remain silent or seem to give tacit approval to those who risk their souls. I would prefer they be able to enter into heaven, how sad to lose a possible comrade in paradise due to my own fear in standing by Christ’s teaching.

Yes, I do believe in catholic doctrine, and in Jesus Christ as the saviour of mankind.
However, I don’t believe that everything always has to be said to everyone. For example, if someone is sinning, either they agree it is a sin and then I believe they’re already trying to stop, or they don’t agree it is a sin and then me saying so won’t change their minds. What I can do, however, is praying for them.
(Sorry for potential bad grammar, english is not my native language)

 

[rcwitness]

Above all show a Christian attitude in this whole issue!

I personally would not support it. Living with someone is not a means to evangelize. But this isnt an occasion to throw judgment either.

I have had an experience of gay men helping me in a time of need. The woman at the well who helped Jesus was living in sin. We only can offer our faithfull testimony and good behavior to compell others out of sin.

I would, and even before this situation arose, prepare my child about the dangers of sinful lifstyles and the way it can seduce us. I take the spiritual wellbeing of my children very serious. I will suffer much to do so, but struggle to do it with love.

The gay movement and its agenda to demand approval is a affliction to the Church in our times. We need to reject it while loving all people. Not easy!

 

[twopekinguys]

And she wants me to help move her. She has shared an apartment with one of the women along with other heterosexual friends before, but now this will be her sharing quarters with the homosexual woman and her lover. I want to offer her my truck but I don’t want to go within a thousand yards of that apartment. Was wondering if anyone else had experience with this?

Would you have the same problem if she were moving in with a couple (b/f and g/f) that are intimate, and not married?

Would you have the same problem if she were moving in with a couple that are in an invalid marriage, and are intimate?

Would you have the same problem if she moved in with another person that jumped from bed to bed, and not married?

And the list goes on…

 

[AnneElizabeth]

There is a difference between associating with people and helping your child move into an unhealthy environment, and** yes, it will be a very unhealthy environment.**

Of course you should treat others with love etc no matter their state in life, but that is very different to condoning having your daughter move in with two people that are openly living an unnatural and unchaste life.

^THIS

(bolded emphasis mine)

It is unhealthy. How do I know? I was lux’s daughter, although in my case I had no power over who the college picked as my flat mates. I could have moved to a different apartment yes, but like lux’s daughter, at that age I felt it should not be a big deal, like how I was being told by the world. However, my living arrangements pretty much drove me to despair…and I didn’t even know why because at the time even though I was raised Catholic, I had no idea about its teachings- the real ones, not the ‘societal ones’, and I especially had no idea about God’s WORD. I went with what the world was teaching… and I felt at the time my aversion to it was wrong, like the world was saying to me. You would think that a 20 year old should know about morality, but I did not. I had* heard,* but I did not know. .

Saying that, I would not necessarily point fingers as the ‘homosexual’ issue as much as I would point to the issue of MORALITY in general. Because ultimately, that is what this is about. Homosexually happens to be a very large moral issue.(People want to deny it, but it is!) People who grow accustomed to the idea of throwing out one large moral issue can and will be tempted to throw out more. The same can be said of Christians too, so don’t make this an issue about religion. Its because sin ***is ***sin and is real and it DOES effect others. You would not send your daughter to go live with drug addicts, or thieves because there is danger in immorality. Living with immorality causes stress and possibly great harm. People do not think there is any harm coming from same sex couples, but accepting it < is > a degradation of the gift of sex and its original purpose. When you say in your heart and decide in your brain that is ok, you unknowingly mock God’s will. That will affect you in one way or the other. It will show up in your life. It will affect you inside. You’ll have a harder time deciding saying no when you ought to.

Morals are like sand dunes with lots of dune grass growing on it.. the more grass the more the dune can withstand the waves and wind and no flooding of the town will occur.   No dune grass, and the dune is washed away and the land flooded, homes destroyed.  In the same way, as Christians it is imperative that you live around other Christians.  We are not to tempt God and put ourselves in morally dangerous fields.   It is a fallacy thinking you an go in by your own accord and convert non believers- don't do that!  It is a sin of pride!    Remember Jesus said "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn **and tear you to pieces.**"  (Matthew 7:6)  A three cord ply is not easily broken.  One cord... yup!  


It may be OP that your daughter is just as clueless as I was in morality, despite the catholic upbringing or it may be that she has decided that its 'no big deal'.   Either way, she will find out what her personal choices procure.  Perhaps OP you should just have a loving calm discussion with your daughter about it.   Don't push or pry, but just see if she is open to discussing the matter.   If she is clueless, like I was, it may help her understand this is not a wise decision.

I also would suggest heavy prayer… as that is what my own mother did for me (without me knowing at all until years later)… to keep her safe from the suggestions and lies of Satan. Perhaps maybe even find some sort of book you can give to her as a gift that might counter and shed light on the true beauty of love, sex and marriage? (One I loved was about Saint Giana and her husband- can’t remember the name of the book but it was beautiful.) Then again, if she is accepting darkness, the light will look like an dull turd to her. (please pardon the rude expression, but its truly how it is.) Much prayer is needed. Ask other to pray for her as well.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Above all show a Christian attitude in this whole issue!

I personally would not support it. Living with someone is not a means to evangelize. But this isnt an occasion to throw judgment either.

I have had an experience of gay men helping me in a time of need. The woman at the well who helped Jesus was living in sin. We only can offer our faithfull testimony and good behavior to compell others out of sin.

I would, and even before this situation arose, prepare my child about the dangers of sinful lifstyles and the way it can seduce us. I take the spiritual wellbeing of my children very serious. I will suffer much to do so, but struggle to do it with love.

The gay movement and its agenda to demand approval is a affliction to the Church in our times. We need to reject it while loving all people. Not easy!

Really really well said!

 

[PatrickSebast]

Best solution I can think of in this situation is to offer her an alternative. If she has already decided on this for social reasons then it is pretty much a loss as is. You are unlikely to change her mind.

However if financial reasons are also a major player then if at all possible offering cheap living at home until she can find a more reasonable (i.e. not living with a couple) arrangement is a potential solution. Of course this might be out of the question due to things like distance from work, available space, or the general social pressure on young adults to be fully independent. Still it is something. A couple months at home rent free (or rent as a forced savings they can have once they move out) can change a young person’s financial situation drastically, which tends to open up options. It also would allow her more time and flexibility to wait for other friends to get to the end of a lease and consider a change in living situations.

 

[Sunbreak]

You don’t say how old your daughter is, but if she is 18 or more she is considered an adult and it is up to her who she will have as roommates. If you don’t agree with her choice, you could refuse to let her use your truck and that will only damage your relationship with her. If she has lived with one of these people before, she knows what a lesbian is. She probably just wants to move in with someone she knows. She is moving in with other people, not cockroaches, but some people here make it sound like she is somehow going to be contaminated by this.

 

[rcwitness]

You don’t say how old your daughter is, but if she is 18 or more she is considered an adult and it is up to her who she will have as roommates. If you don’t agree with her choice, you could refuse to let her use your truck and that will only damage your relationship with her. If she has lived with one of these people before, she knows what a lesbian is. She probably just wants to move in with someone she knows. She is moving in with other people, not cockroaches, but some people here make it sound like she is somehow going to be contaminated by this.

Sounds like a west coast mentality

All I know is that I would not support my daughter making this decision. That doesnt mean Id force her to do anything, or disrespect her either. But I hope to always earn the respect of my children about what I give a blessing (or support) or advise against.

The fact is, while it is not necessarily participating in anything wrong, it should be avoided as much as possible. We should not think that we are immune to being seduced through others ungodly lifestyle. Its a big difference between being friends with someone and living under the same roof and sharing space. Too close