My daughter says she's gay

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@Ness have you spoken to or thought about speaking to a priest about this? People on this forum might give you different types of advice, with good intentions I’m sure, but the advice of a member of clergy might be more useful.
 
You’re in my prayers. Love her, let her know she is loved. Be an agent of the divine mercy. For now keep the lines of communication open because there will have to be harder conversation later. Pray. Fast.
 
I have a feeling, if Pope francis was talking directly to your daughter now, his mercy, love and caring would be powerful. I think you should follow the leader of the Church with your daughter. Be there for her.
 
Loving her does not mean simply accepting her. To simply accept someone where they are could be to accompany them in sin which is not true charity.
You can love her and stand for your beliefs without being hateful or rude. But should be vigilant that she knows your position and that your firm because you love her.
You could encourage her to remain chaste. To avoid the occasion of sin.
 
This is the issue I have with some people saying ‘Just love her and accept her’. Of course the mother will love her daughter, but isn’t part of that love for one another to help each other get to heaven? Sin pushes us away from this destiny.

I understand this is a difficult issue, and I understand that the daughter was very emotional and probably building up to telling her mother this for some time. Of course she needs comfort and reassurance that her mother will not stop loving her because of this. I’m just saying though, love for a fellow human being is telling them when they do something (or could do something) that will push them further from God.
 
It’s not just a “phase” my older sister identifies as gay and it definitely is not a phase, don’t assume most go back to normal and end up married happily ever after. Also don’t assume homosexuals are sexually active. Emotional attachment is strong.
 
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repentant2 said:
She will most likely grow out of it. I’d need to dig and find the study but a large percentage of women who identify as gay or bi in their teens cease doing so in their later 20s or early 30s.
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Some do, some don’t, but this is a distinct possibility. One interesting side effect of how we currently treat homosexual inclinations in our society is that we now tend to assume that they are permanent, when they are not for many people - especially young women. I am not saying to dismiss her concerns, but it is something to keep in mind. Part of why she feels scared may be that she believes this could be her identity forever, because we put everyone into “gay” or “straight” boxes, and teens who feel some attraction to the same sex may feel that they must identify as gay rather than just ride out the rest of adolescence and see what happens.

Yes, I echo everyone’s advice to listen to her and reassure her that you love her no matter what.
 
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I would try keep things normal and to minimize any sufferings you might have, it could help to turn your mind to others things until everything is emotionally stable. I’d recommend prayer, even though it’s sort of a given.
 
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Salibi said:
Time and place. My Muslim friend’s dad died unbaptized last year. At no point ever am I going to tell her that he may very well be in Hell, ever though that may technically be the “truth”.
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Not to take the thread off topic, but I will personally pray for the soul of your Muslim friend’s dad and exhort God on his behalf.
I will pray for this family situation of the OP too.

OP, you are doing the right thing. Just love your daughter, tell her you’ll always love her, pray for her, follow the good advice already given by Cecilia, Lou2U, Salibi and others in this thread who counsel you to love and support your daughter at this time and have “the talk” with her about morals and your personal boundaries, gently, at a later time.

And as someone else said, the girl is only 17. This may or may not be a permanent thing.
 
TheMortenBay said:
Most people do. I should have stated it in general terms:
“One doesn’t have to support a person’s lifestyle in order to support the person.”
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And if one truly wants to have a meaningful relationshipship with someone who’s lifestyle they don’t approve of, they may mention it once (if they just can’t help themselves) and then never speak of it again.
 
Encourage her to live a chaste lifestyle. There is only sin if she acts on her inclinations. She is called to celibacy. Therefore, no need to be in emotional turmoil.
 
Again not to take the thread off-topic, but comparing this situation to a non-Christian who has died is not the same thing at all. This young lady is alive and in need of family support and guidance.
 
Ness said:
How should I respond.
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“Honey, I am so sorry that you ever had any fear that I would disown you. That is so far from the truth that I wonder where I went wrong in word or deed that may have given that impression. Our culture has put such a wrong emphasis on sexuality and all that revolves around it that cause us to think we see things that aren’t true. Maybe something along these lines is how you may have misread how I would respond? Either way, I will not disown you. I am so sorry that you have this inclination. I will be there for you and help you as much as I am able to live a pure life in Christ. It will be hard, the world will tell you something else, but I will always tell you the truth and live the truth with you as best I am able. We will cross bridges together that will be difficult but you can always count on the fact that I love you and will only speak truth to you.”

Or something along those lines. The hard parts will be if she wants to have relationships and bring those into your family events. Scandal will be ever at the door then for the young and boundaries will need to be set and enforced. Just always make sure she knows that you love her and will always speak truth to her. Not doing so would be scandalous to her.

You and she are in my prayers. God bless.
 
I don’t think what I can say hasn’t been said already, but, like many above me, keep loving her unconditionally and remind her she is loved unconditionally not only by you and your family, but by God Himself more than she could ever know.
Pray for her, help her grow in her faith and live a life of chastity, I will pray for you and for her journey. ❤️
 
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Ness, I’m curious how long you suspected this could be the case. Or did it seem totally out of the blue?

Also, I’m curious how many conversations you’ve had with your daughter in the past about the purpose of sex within a marriage; Genesis and God’s plan for men and women, natural family planning or any other subject related to sex.

How did she respond at that time?
Welcome to the community by the way.
 
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Loud-living-dogma said:
but comparing this situation to a non-Christian who has died is not the same thing at all. Thi
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My point was to illustrate that even though something is the “truth”, that doesn’t justify just dumping it whenever and wherever. For example, we wouldn’t (shouldn’t) slam a Protestant interested in learning more about Catholicism with the full force of Catholicism’s Marian theology, even though it is truth, as at that stage he lacks the understanding of Catholicism to properly put Marian theology in its place. Rather, we introduce the Protestant first to the Christo-centric essentials of our faith before branching out to Marian devotions and theology. Again, even though its truth, not bombarding the Protestant with it is a prudential act at the seeking stage, not a sinful one.
 
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