My daughter

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Buzzy190394

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I need some help and advice. My daughter is 20 and at university. We live in the UK. Last year she became very friendly with a Dominican friar at her local church. He is 83! I was horrified to find out that they had intended that he would leave the priesthood so that they could get married. In the end he changed his mind and they moved him to another priory but to no avail as they still meet! They go on holiday together and she has gone today. I’ve tried talking to her and we’ve argued so much. I cannot understand why a young woman of her age would want this. I think she has been lying to me and that they sleep together. I’ve done all I can I and I’m exhausted with it! What else can I do? Please don’t tell me to tell his superiors in the Dominican order as I think it would harm my daughter if I did and would permanently ruin our normally very good relationship.
 
Unfortunately I guess the friar and your daughter are both feeling very flattered by the other’s interest.
He should be untouchable so she feels very special due to his particular interest,
and he feels very flattered by the interest of a young woman.

Your daughter’s reputation is at risk anyway.
His Order needs to know.
They will not be keen to publicize this or your daughter, because it’s a scandal for them also.
Even if he’s expelled from the Order, that won’t help though as they already have self-glorifying cause to cling to each other. Father-figure and perhaps? lover. The relationship fulfills two radical functions for your daughter. And in his life of past faith and service he learned all the skills of sensitivity and kindness. May God come to your aid.

Your relationship with your daughter doesn’t mean much to her at this stage,
and their immortal souls are in danger.

There isn’t much you can do. Both are adults, both think they’re in love. Both are profoundly flattered. That they have gone so very far with their relationship as to go away together means you have very little power and can only pray.

If nothing else, can you go to a priest in Confession and ask his advice under the seal of Confession.

I’ll be praying for your daughter, the friar, and you who are surely devastated.
 
Well I would tell the priory or who ever is in charge and demand confidentiality. Those in religious orders can be required to move without explanation and it sounds like this is in order. Even if your daughter found out, I have to think she would get over this as soon as she met someone her own age. In the meantime she needs counseling concerning her attraction to someone 60 years her senior.

I do find it strange when families seem to have such problems with speaking their minds. One thing that my family has always done is speak our minds. My parents had no trouble telling us what they thought and why, and we certainly did not have to like it. Still, my siblings and I still love our father deeply and we loved our mother to the end of her life. Your daughter needs to deal with this as an adult, and the sooner the better. Something is wrong.
 
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