My daughters attitude

[a_cermak]

Life is affected by more than simple physical health. Mental health is certainly affected by living a lesbian lifestyle. The risk of an STD is actually small in comparison to living your entire life on the outskirts of society, constantly trying to convince yourself that going against the natural order of life is natural for you. That is a sad existance indeed.

You know, that might have been true (the living on the outskirts of society thing) but I don’t think it is now. I live in the city of Chicago and these days I don’t think there are any neighborhoods that would have a problem with a lesbian couple. In fact, lesbians are far more accepted in society than gay men, at least from what I’ve seen.

 

[MyPhilomena]

you’ve got a point. i’ll hand you that, if my daughter thought all doors were shut to her, who would she have? no one. she knows i do not approve, but we have set that aside and we actually get along fine. sound impossible? no. i do want her conversion badly, so iam trying to not make waves with her and let her see by our example that people can be won over without a word. telling her all the time that i disapprove would not get anywhere. she just gets rebellious. her no means no and that is a fact. however, she is starting to ask me in small ways about our religion, and that is good because she never would’ve asked even a few years ago! so i count my blessings and even if they are small blessings, they are still blessings!

 

[bear06]

she knows i do not approve, but we have set that aside and we actually get along fine. sound impossible?

Absolutely not. There is bond that can’t be broken no matter who tries to break it. The Holy Spirit guides us all to different tactics. We just must try our best to make sure that our tactics are His! Many prayers.

a-cermak - I don’t think Philomena or I agree with you that acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle is an option. We simply disagree with how we’d handle trying to get our children away from that lifestyle.

 

[MikeinSD]

I’m a gay man and I’ve been thru the priest vs the gays argument during family dinners.

I learned as I grew up that “shoving” my sexual orientation into my Christian relatives’ faces is rude. My family had a priest over to visit over the holidays for some years. They didn’t think he wanted to be confronted with homosexuality. I respected that after some harsh words. I grew to learn to respect my familiy’s wishes.

OTOH – my family learned to respect that fact that us gay guys can have a Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner without our biological families. And they thankfully understood they were not welcome at our celebrations. Some got pouty. But us gay guys are also entitled to invite people who have manners to our celebrations.

 

[fiat1122]

Hi all,

I have a very perplexing question to ask, and do not know where to put this.
It is aggravating to say the least, and please bear in mind, this is hard for me
to talk about, and i don’t want you to think Iam asking for pity, or for comfort. Iam not asking for any of that. Then why post this you ask? Because, I need advice from hopefully a parent that has been through this, and knows what kind of situation Iam facing here.

So here goes, and please, be kind to me, this is hard.

My 23 year old is gay. Iam facing a predicament here. I want to have our
priest over for supper on thanksgiving on October 9th. That is a given, and
it is already a go and Iam not going to change it. My daughter wants to bring her partner over. sigh As soon as i told her we were having a priest over for supper, she saud “why???” I told her I wanted to have him for dinner.
She tell me, well, we might not be able to make it.

First off, my daughter would refuse to come to dinner if her partner couldn’t
come. So, I said okay. But then I told her that the priest is coming, and she
got snooty with me! I was hurt a bit, but not surprised.

Why does she have to insist on bringing her partner? She knows I want to spend time with her, she is my daughter and I do love her a great deal, but
why does her partner have to be there? Do you think the priest would come
if he knew her partner would be there? No. Not likely. Iam going to talk to him
about it.

My daughter, when she attends church, ( once a year ) brings her partner,
and she refuses to even entertain wearing a dress! She wears hip hugging
low waist jeans! So does her partner! sigh Iam not angry, but feel like she
is disrespecting me, and the priest, most of all, disrespecting God

I know she will come up with an excuse not to be there. Why? Could it be
perhaps that she is concsious of her immoral lifestyle? Why would it bother
her to have dinner at our house when our priest is here? As a matter of fact,
I can tell you that she will call her “girlfriend” honey, and they will sit together
and embarrass me.

I have told the priest we want him for dinner, and he has cleared his schedule
just to make the trip to come to have dinner with us. That is fabulous because he is a very busy man, and a lovely priest!

What should I do about this? Tell my child that it is okay for her to bring her
partner? I will be talking to the priest and take his advice for sure, but I
cannot turn away my child because she is my family, but at the same time,
I do not want her partner here because I know they will deliberately make a
scene.

Also, no I cannot go to her place for dinner because I cannot climb the three flights of stairs to her apartment because of my back, and no I cannot reschedule because i can only afford to do this once, and my daughter only has that day off, and my hubby is working long hours after that time period.

Sigh…

Update:

I spoke to our priest, and he told me he would not come for dinner if my daughter brought her partner. Who can blame him? He said he did not want
to be around that, and he told me I could reschedule, and i told him no! I told him that my husband would be deeply offended if we had to reschedule the dinner because my daughter wanted to bring her partner.

So, the priest is coming, and i’ll have to give the bad news to my daughter.
she is going to be very angry with me But oh well. She knows how the
church is regarding homosexual lifestyle, and she knows how the priest feels
about it. Man, this is perplexing!

i feel bad about not letting her come. but this is an important visit for me because we will be discussing my conformation, and my husbands baptism and so on. Father is very very busy, and we were fortunate to be able to book this time with him. Do i sound mean? like not wanting her to bring her partner here, and having the priest here instead of her? does it sound like Iam kicking her to the curb? Iam not. I just feel mixed up. I feel like Iam going to hurt my flesh and blood, and I don’t want to do that!

It’s amazing how sin clouds the mind. Tell her that the priest is comming, period. If she frowns, to bad. I have a female “gay” cousin, and sorry to say, if I ever became a priest, she is one I would HAVE to keep distance from, she has a partner.

 

[MyPhilomena]

a-cermak - I don’t think Philomena or I agree with you that acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle is an option. We simply disagree with how we’d handle trying to get our children away from that lifestyle.

agreed.

 

[a_cermak]

a-cermak - I don’t think Philomena or I agree with you that acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle is an option. We simply disagree with how we’d handle trying to get our children away from that lifestyle.

I understand. But she may be in this for the long haul (as I mentioned my brother-in-law) and the two learning to live with each others attitudes might make life more rewarding than butting heads over it all the time. That means the daughter needs to learn not to intentionally upset her mother and not to shove her sexuality in her mother’s face; and it probably means eventually (5 years, 10? 15?) setting an extra place for her partner. Like I said, getting to know the partner as a person (instead of just the role as her daughter’s partner) can make a difference.

On the other hand, your daughter may change her life. But I don’t think there’s anything you can do to effect that change.

MikeinSD,
I’m assuming SD is South Dakota. There’s a huge gay community in my area (Chicago) is there a large gay community in SD? I’ve been to Rapid City, SD and it seemed like such a small town.

 

[MikeinSD]

“MikeinSD,
I’m assuming SD is South Dakota. There’s a huge gay community in my area (Chicago) is there a large gay community in SD? I’ve been to Rapid City, SD and it seemed like such a small town.”

I’m in San Diego. There’s a huge LGBT population here as well.

 

[MyPhilomena]

no disrespect intended, but please, let’s keep this post on track

 

[Sailboat]

Wow I read the whole thread, very interesting. I think that your daughter is used to using emotional blackmail to get her way with you. She’s 23 and should be on her own and not dependent on her mother and father. It sounds like Mike in SD has made peace with the fact that not everyone wants the gay lifestyle flaunted and it sounds like your daughter hasn’t matured to that point yet. Maybe she should spend Thanksgiving with her partner’s family? Not everyone keeps coming home for Thankgiving everyyear. I think that you need to make peace with the fact that you need to let go of your daughter and also that your dreams of what she would be like have turned out entirely differently than you hoped for.

Many gay people seem so insecure and seem to need total acceptance by the whole world. But none of us will get that. I know that there is a time and place for everything and I don’t bring up praying the Rosary with my Protestant friends. They don’t accept it, so why bring it up in casual conversation. The fact of the matter is that alot of people don’t accept the Catholic Church either, that’s just the way it is.

You might want to tell your daughter that when you have a gathering in mixed company like this, that she can bring her partner only if she introduces her as her roommate and doesn’t act as if there is a sexual relationship going on. She should do this out of respect for you as her elder and her mother. You can tell her that it is embarrassing to you and makes your guests uncomfortable. Tell her ahead of time. If she chooses not to respect these wishes, then you need to let go of the idea that you can have her over. Meanwhile, since you’ve already discussed this with your priest, the cat’s out of the bag for this dinner. I don’t think my priest would have a problem with it though, he’s used to a variety of people and probably has seen worse. Your priest sounds a little sheltered if he can’t be in the company of people who have strange lifestyles.

 

[TarAshly]

No. she does not. she told me that she would refuse to come to ANY church ceremony if she had to wear any dress. she said she is a jeans girl or dressy black pants, and she refuses to wear any type of dress for any ceremony be it in a church or not. she claims it would make her into something she is not.

I dont know how traditional your church is, but I wore pants to my baptism, my confirmation etc. The only time I have ever worn a dress to Church has been when the Bishop came for a visit and on my wedding day I of course wore my wedding gown. now grant it I live in Texas, Jeans are considered a piece of a tux if worn appropriately but maybe its different where your from. As far as your daughters partner, well my sister just off and married her jerk boyfriend on Monday so now I guess we have to except him in some form or another because of nieceikins, but other than that NO WAY! personally I would choose to have my priest over. They do so much for their parish and he is probably very touched to be a part of your family celebration. How fun it would be to have a priest over for Thanksgiving! Your daughter can’t shove her beliefs down your throat anymore than she would want you shoving yours, reminder her of that! good luck and God Bless!

 

[BeeSweet]

You know, that might have been true (the living on the outskirts of society thing) but I don’t think it is now. I live in the city of Chicago and these days I don’t think there are any neighborhoods that would have a problem with a lesbian couple. In fact, lesbians are far more accepted in society than gay men, at least from what I’ve seen.

I live in the area of Houston that is most populated with homosexuals, this is where they gather for their own community. I can tell you they flock together to create thier own society. My landlords are a gay couple who have been together for 20 years at least, they also live next door to me. They know there’s something wrong with them. They’re not going to tell anyone that though, to do so would admit to their wrong doing. They are not an accepted part of society. They create their own society in which to feel accepted. When I say that, I don’t mean that they are shunned or ridiculed by mainstream society, I mean that they know they are not normal, and so they try to argue what normal really is. This is what I mean by it being a sad existance. They are trying to get the rest of the world to conform to their choices. I see homosexual couples everywhere I go around my home, in the grocery stores, gas stations, in restaurants. They know there’s something wrong with them. I see it in their faces. Maybe I’m wrong, some will say I am, but this is my intuition telling me their lives would be happier if they had not made the choice to live this lifestyle. I see shame and indignation in their faces when they see you recognising their state of being. And, believe me, I’m not jugemental, I don’t snub them, it’s just a matter of catching them in an embrace, or hearing their conversations, if I look over at them just for having noticed the difference, they shoot me a look as if to say, “I’m not a freak! Stop staring at me!” I don’t know if I’m explaining this right, it’s hard to imagine unless you actually live in a homosexual society like I do. See, they snub me for being a heterosexual. Their lives are complicated beyond anything I’d ever want to deal with myself. It’s not a fun life! It’s a very sad existance. I see it all around me. I’m very very sorry for them. It’s heartbreaking, because most of them are such very nice people! My landlords are great guys, I love talking to them, one of them is like a girlfriend to gossip with, and the other is my veterinarian and a really really good caring veterinarian. But, for sure they live with a burden. No doubt in my mind about that.

As far as lesbians getting a better deal, I don’t know any lesbian couples personally, but you can still pick them out of the crowd. They don’t look happy to me. If they’re holding hands or embracing each other or kissing each other in public, they do so knowing there’s someone looking at them in disgust. Even if there’s no one looking! Can you imagine having this hang over your head all the time? And their behavior is often overdone, as if they’re out to prove they don’t care what other’s think of them and the choices they’ve made. It’s SAD!!!

Sorry to go on and on about it. It’s just that I live with it all around me, and it breaks my heart. I believe if we weren’t such an oversexed society, many of these people would choose the celibate life and have much less heaviness on their minds. We live in a society that thinks there’s less wrong with living a gay lifestyle than with living a celibate life. If you think about it, that’s the real disorder.

 

[MyPhilomena]

great news! i spoke to my daughter and told her we could have a nice lunch together that day, and we spoke about the situation, and she agreed with me that it would not be a good idea to brign her partner to dinner with the priest being there. she had time to think about it, and she will have lunch with us instead so all in all, it worked out better than I had expected praise God!

 

[BeeSweet]

That’s just awesome, what an ideal compromise!! And a huge relief for you I’m sure!

 

[Sailboat]

great news! i spoke to my daughter and told her we could have a nice lunch together that day, and we spoke about the situation, and she agreed with me that it would not be a good idea to brign her partner to dinner with the priest being there. she had time to think about it, and she will have lunch with us instead so all in all, it worked out better than I had expected praise God!

Hey that’s a great breakthrough for you and your daughter! In her own way she’s growing up! Wonderful. You sound like a very tactful mother.

I think there’s an organization that helps parents of gays cope. Maybe the Church can point you in a direction. I think it’s a support group. I’m not sure if there’s one that isn’t totally pro-gay, to encourage people like you, who disapprove but want to keep a mutually respectful relationship.

 

[bear06]

great news! i spoke to my daughter and told her we could have a nice lunch together that day, and we spoke about the situation, and she agreed with me that it would not be a good idea to brign her partner to dinner with the priest being there. she had time to think about it, and she will have lunch with us instead so all in all, it worked out better than I had expected praise God!

They can’t get rid of us Philomena. The only time this tactic works is when we let it.