My Daughter's Cohabitation: How Can I Heal?

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Wow! Thanks again to all have replied to this thread (including those I have not been able to address). I am very thankful for each and every one of your comments.

melekali, the book “Overcoming Life’s Disappointments” is EXACTLY what I need right now (thank you!). I downloaded a “sample” to my iPad; then purchased it; and couldn’t stop reading. Here’s a link for anyone else who may be interested:

amazon.com/Overcoming-Lifes-Disappointments-ebook/dp/B000JMKNGU/

And Dodge pursuit, thank you for the book recommendations and links (in addition to your previous advice). I took a quick peek at catholicscomehome.org and wau.org and they appear to be exactly what I need as I continue to strengthen my faith in the Catholic Church. I’ll check out the books this weekend. And yes, this website is terrific!

mikecash, thank you as well. Yes, she typically needs to learn everything the hard way… which makes me even more frustrated. That’s why I find solace in the book that melekali referred me to (“Overcoming Life’s Disappointments”). Our doors will always be open for her, and when/if she returns, she will be my “Prodigal Daughter”.

In the meantime, I’ll have to deal with the anxiety knowing that this narcissistic, disrespectful snake has the ability to buy her love with worldly possessions, and will probably become my son-in-law some day. This has put a lot of stress on my own marriage. I just can’t imagine allowing this guy in my heart or home, ever again. But I also can’t imagine giving him that much power over my own life and family. This is a cross I will probably have to bear for the rest of my life.
 
joseph300 said:
Wow! Thanks again to all have replied to this thread (including those I have not been able to address). I am very thankful for each and every one of your comments.

melekali, the book “Overcoming Life’s Disappointments” is EXACTLY what I need right now (thank you!). I downloaded a “sample” to my iPad; then purchased it; and couldn’t stop reading. Here’s a link for anyone else who may be interested:

amazon.com/Overcoming-Lifes-Disappointments-ebook/dp/B000JMKNGU/

And Dodge pursuit, thank you for the book recommendations and links (in addition to your previous advice). I took a quick peek at catholicscomehome.org and wau.org and they appear to be exactly what I need as I continue to strengthen my faith in the Catholic Church. I’ll check out the books this weekend. And yes, this website is terrific!

mikecash, thank you as well. Yes, she typically needs to learn everything the hard way… which makes me even more frustrated. That’s why I find solace in the book that melekali referred me to (“Overcoming Life’s Disappointments”). Our doors will always be open for her, and when/if she returns, she will be my “Prodigal Daughter”.

In the meantime, I’ll have to deal with the anxiety knowing that this narcissistic, disrespectful snake has the ability to buy her love with worldly possessions, and will probably become my son-in-law some day. This has put a lot of stress on my own marriage. I just can’t imagine allowing this guy in my heart or home, ever again. But I also can’t imagine giving him that much power over my own life and family. This is a cross I will probably have to bear for the rest of my life.
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As for your anger towards him you have to remember that he ist doing anything that your daughter isn’t also doing.
 
One more thing:

STOP speaking death and destruction over yourself and your life, right now! Read your Bible- death and life are in the power of the tongue! Like a tiny rudder that steers a big ship, our tongue has great power, scripture says.

God spoke the world into existence.

If we catch you making all these negative declarations again we’re gonna give you an electronic beat down. 😉

*It will never work, I’ll always be suffering, I’ll never get over it, I can’t forgive, I’m gonna worry… *STOP. We don’t know everything. That’s why we must trust God.

That kind of stuff is the opposite of prayer- instead of giving it to God and having hope and trust, we declare that we have no hope, no trust and give the devil an opportunity to mess with our heads. Murmuring leads to doubt and attracts devils like a greasy hamburger wrapper attracts flies!

Praise! Thanksgiving! Hope! Faith! These things keep the enemy (and our worries) away. It also pleases God.

Amen? Amen.
 
Pray the Novena to Our Lady who unties knots and pray to the Infant Jesus of Prague. Your prayers will be answered as mine have been.

God bless you!
 
In the meantime, I’ll have to deal with the anxiety knowing that this narcissistic, disrespectful snake has the ability to buy her love with worldly possessions, and will probably become my son-in-law some day. This has put a lot of stress on my own marriage. I just can’t imagine allowing this guy in my heart or home, ever again. But I also can’t imagine giving him that much power over my own life and family. This is a cross I will probably have to bear for the rest of my life.

Just throwing this out there to hopefully give you a different perspective…our daughter DID end up marrying the guy. And now it’s 12 years later. They have a very good relationship, both of them work hard, and have a nice little home. He approached us about 6 months ago and asked for advice on how to start the annulment process for his first marriage. They have been meeting with a priest and working to get things straightened out in the Church…though he is not Catholic, he knows it is something that is important to our daughter. We’ve learned to love him, and appreciate that he is a good and caring husband to her.

Trust in God–He can make good come from anything!!!
 
Good points Dodge pursuit… the last couple of months have been among the most negative I’ve ever faced (and/or helped to create), but they are behind me now, and many positive things have, and will, come from this. And thank you for reminding me that my words and thoughts are indeed very powerful. I’ve been unusually negative lately. Wish I could find (or remember the name of) my book on discernment… it has a brown, shiny cover with a wheat drawing and was written by a Jesuit priest (just in case anyone can help jog my memory).

ela2, thank you for your words of encouragement, and thank you for your blessing.

Pax2u, thank you for your perspective (once again)-- that’s exactly what I need to begin visualizing and praying for. It is time to begin the healing process; check my ego; let go of my fears (i.e., “be not afraid”) and stop feeling sorry for myself.

All, fyi, my daughter moved out a couple of days ago, and much of the drama in my house has ended. Indeed, all I can do is pray for good things to happen, and let it go.

“THY will be done.”

Thanks again to all.
 
I’m praying for your inner peace Joseph.

Put this hurt and worry at the foot of the cross and let Jesus deal with it. Ask him to carry this burden for you.

I also second the novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots, and this meditation on letting go and letting God: pelianito.stblogs.com/files/2010/08/Novena-of-surrender-to-the-will-of-God.pdf
Whenever I start worrying about things I have no control over, I pray like the meditation suggests: O Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything.

God bless.
 
How To Listen When God is Speaking by Fr. Mitch Pacwa, SJ

Discerning the Will of God by Fr. Timothy Gallagher

Both very good.

But I have learned, between the Bible and Sacred Tradition (see the catechism) we know a whole lot about God’s will! The issue is often accepting and carrying it out.

For instance, I wonder, “Does God want me to share the gospel with my neighbor?” Not an issue. Scripture says God desires that all men be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth. Jesus said preach the gospel to all the earth. He said those who believe and are baptized will be saved, those who do not believe will be condemned. Case closed. I have no doubt what God’s will is on the issue, whether he speaks to me personally or not. The only remaining issue is, am I willing to do it?

That being said, the above books talk a lot about when two “goods” are being weighed. In other words, both things are good and desirable, so how do I pick what God would have me do? Am I called to the priesthood or the religious life? Should we focus on the Right to Life committee activities or spend more time on our outreach to the home bound? See what I mean?
 
Xantippe said:
Keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and keep praying.
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This is the best advice.
I’m another who lived with her boyfriend for 4 years before marrying him – I had a salvation experience and told him we either needed to get married or I would have to leave.
We got married – I think my dad may have bribed him – bad idea. The marriage lasted 4 years. He was abusive, but it never crossed my mind to leave him until he put our child in danger.
God is working in your daughter’s life, He is certainly not done with her yet. You say she knows exactly what she’s doing – I highly doubt that. She will learn through life’s experiences as so many of us have. Try to love both of them, love only means wishing the best for someone, and you can surely wish good for the boyfriend.
God bless.
 
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