J
jazzy0710
Guest
Good day everyone!
Many of you will remember some of my previous posts about my FIL and his wife(not my husband’s real Mom).
Just a quick refresher, this is my FIL’s third marriage. His wife was previously married for a little over 20 yrs and has 2 adult children, a 28 yr old son and a 33 yr old daughter so basically the same age as my DH and SIL. MY FIL is 56 yrs old and his wife is 53.
As you’d remember if you read the previous posts, my DH and I had numerous issues with his Father’s wife.
I received plenty of great advice on here. Some thought that we needed to give her the chance because she’s my FIL’s wife and some felt that she was toxic and that we should cut ties with her.
Both me and my husband have been in therapy. Different therapists though. We also have a friend who is a therapist that gave us some feedback too.
Both therapists that my husband and I saw gave us plenty of good advice about how to set healthy boundaries with her and what to do if she didn’t. They actually both felt that based on what we told them about her behavior that it sounded like Borderline Personality Disorder but they couldn’t really say for sure unless they met her of course.
My DH and I tried everything we could and nothing worked. After an incident that occured in September 2014 we both reached our breaking point, especially my DH. We just felt that we could no longer trust her and we were mentally exhausted from trying to tolerate her but we just couldn’t do it anymore. We had to make the difficult decision to cut ties. We had to protect our psychological well being as well as our son’s.
She’s not allowed in our home or on our property unless she’s dropping my FIL off or picking him up but since he works right by our house he usually comes by on his lunch hour to see our son.
Back in October I had to change my cell phone number because she wouldn’t stop sending me text messages. She would actually fill my inbox right up continuously asking me for Jesus’ phone number. Then after I changed my number she started sending messages to my husband. He would just delete them and the reason he didn’t change his number was for fear that nobody would be able to get a hold of him if something was wrong with his father. My DH did delete and block her from facebook though because she kept sending inappropriate messages on there as well and writing inappropriate things on our walls as well.
Anyway, I’ll get to my point…
My FIL and her do fight and they fight a lot. My DH and I know this because we have seen it and my SIL used to live with them and told us that she was really getting sick of it and that’s one of the reasons she finally moved out.
Anytime my DH and I see my FIL in looks very run down. I mean, this is a guy that was so healthy and active at one time and he looks like he’s aged 10 years. My father is 3 years older than him and he looks much older than my Father. It’s really sad.
My FIL’s family is quite large. There were 16 children in total and there are currently 5 generations right now so many many people lol. Not one of them can find anything good to say about my FIL’s wife other than “jesus loves her”. None of them allow his wife in their homes either because of her overstepping boundaries and because they feel uncomfortable with the way she talks to my FIL.
My FIL’s Mother is currently in a nursing home in our town.She just turned 90 yrs old after Easter. My FIL never went to see her. He never calls her. He never went to see her on Mother’s Day and she was really upset. It broke my heart to see because I know how much she loves her son and she recently had a massive heart attack which almost killed her and now only 45% of her heart functions now. My FIL didn’t go see her then either.
How can one not go see his Mother all because she’s not fond of his wife? It seems that he needs her to come to everything he does. Honestly I don’t think that’s very healthy. Spouses need to have their hobbies outside of the marriage.
He used to have many hobbies including hunting which he doesn’t seem to do anymore. He’s lost plenty of friends and family won’t come around anymore.
What my husband and I are worried about is that one of these days he might drink a little too much.No he’s not an alcoholic but he does ocassionally drink on weekends. We are afraid that one of these days he’ll be drinking and she’ll nag him and that he’ll mouth off at her and she’ll beat him to death with a bat or something and claim it was self defense because she’s spiteful that way. He also has a heart murmur and some respiratory problems which he never had before but when they got married 4 yrs ago all of a sudden he has these problems.
He knows there is issues and we have all tried talking to him, even his siblings, and have told him how worried we are about his health and he just keeps on saying that he really can’t afford a third divorce.
What should we do? I welcome any feedback both good and bad.
Thanks and god bless
Many of you will remember some of my previous posts about my FIL and his wife(not my husband’s real Mom).
Just a quick refresher, this is my FIL’s third marriage. His wife was previously married for a little over 20 yrs and has 2 adult children, a 28 yr old son and a 33 yr old daughter so basically the same age as my DH and SIL. MY FIL is 56 yrs old and his wife is 53.
As you’d remember if you read the previous posts, my DH and I had numerous issues with his Father’s wife.
I received plenty of great advice on here. Some thought that we needed to give her the chance because she’s my FIL’s wife and some felt that she was toxic and that we should cut ties with her.
Both me and my husband have been in therapy. Different therapists though. We also have a friend who is a therapist that gave us some feedback too.
Both therapists that my husband and I saw gave us plenty of good advice about how to set healthy boundaries with her and what to do if she didn’t. They actually both felt that based on what we told them about her behavior that it sounded like Borderline Personality Disorder but they couldn’t really say for sure unless they met her of course.
My DH and I tried everything we could and nothing worked. After an incident that occured in September 2014 we both reached our breaking point, especially my DH. We just felt that we could no longer trust her and we were mentally exhausted from trying to tolerate her but we just couldn’t do it anymore. We had to make the difficult decision to cut ties. We had to protect our psychological well being as well as our son’s.
She’s not allowed in our home or on our property unless she’s dropping my FIL off or picking him up but since he works right by our house he usually comes by on his lunch hour to see our son.
Back in October I had to change my cell phone number because she wouldn’t stop sending me text messages. She would actually fill my inbox right up continuously asking me for Jesus’ phone number. Then after I changed my number she started sending messages to my husband. He would just delete them and the reason he didn’t change his number was for fear that nobody would be able to get a hold of him if something was wrong with his father. My DH did delete and block her from facebook though because she kept sending inappropriate messages on there as well and writing inappropriate things on our walls as well.
Anyway, I’ll get to my point…
My FIL and her do fight and they fight a lot. My DH and I know this because we have seen it and my SIL used to live with them and told us that she was really getting sick of it and that’s one of the reasons she finally moved out.
Anytime my DH and I see my FIL in looks very run down. I mean, this is a guy that was so healthy and active at one time and he looks like he’s aged 10 years. My father is 3 years older than him and he looks much older than my Father. It’s really sad.
My FIL’s family is quite large. There were 16 children in total and there are currently 5 generations right now so many many people lol. Not one of them can find anything good to say about my FIL’s wife other than “jesus loves her”. None of them allow his wife in their homes either because of her overstepping boundaries and because they feel uncomfortable with the way she talks to my FIL.
My FIL’s Mother is currently in a nursing home in our town.She just turned 90 yrs old after Easter. My FIL never went to see her. He never calls her. He never went to see her on Mother’s Day and she was really upset. It broke my heart to see because I know how much she loves her son and she recently had a massive heart attack which almost killed her and now only 45% of her heart functions now. My FIL didn’t go see her then either.
How can one not go see his Mother all because she’s not fond of his wife? It seems that he needs her to come to everything he does. Honestly I don’t think that’s very healthy. Spouses need to have their hobbies outside of the marriage.
He used to have many hobbies including hunting which he doesn’t seem to do anymore. He’s lost plenty of friends and family won’t come around anymore.
What my husband and I are worried about is that one of these days he might drink a little too much.No he’s not an alcoholic but he does ocassionally drink on weekends. We are afraid that one of these days he’ll be drinking and she’ll nag him and that he’ll mouth off at her and she’ll beat him to death with a bat or something and claim it was self defense because she’s spiteful that way. He also has a heart murmur and some respiratory problems which he never had before but when they got married 4 yrs ago all of a sudden he has these problems.
He knows there is issues and we have all tried talking to him, even his siblings, and have told him how worried we are about his health and he just keeps on saying that he really can’t afford a third divorce.
What should we do? I welcome any feedback both good and bad.
Thanks and god bless