My dh isn't altogether into the idea of having another baby

[whatevergirl]

…is it wrong for me to pray for him to be open to the idea? We are going to do the NFP method again. We have to see a doctor, and he wants to go with me. But, he said tonight, that he doesn’t want to be ‘an old man’ when he has a teenager. He is 48, soon to be 49, and I’m 39. I have been really giving having another child, sincere thought. (and prayer) I don’t know why I’m feeling this way-but I attribute it to God’s will, and I told him this tonight. He said ‘we need to discuss it more.’ I’m not 100% positive in having another baby, but a large part of me is leaning towards that. It actually makes me very happy to think of having another child, again.

Anyways, is it wrong for me to ask God to open my husband’s heart up to this, or just leave it alone? Thank you for listening.

Merry Christmas to you all here!

http://i-love-cartoons.com/snags/clipart/christmas/peanuts/Christmas-Snoopy-Lights-Tree.jpg

 

[Truly_Beloved]

Anyways, is it wrong for me to ask God to open my husband’s heart up to this, or just leave it alone?

I don’t think it’s wrong at all to ask God to open your husband’s heart to the idea of expanding your family. If it is, I’m in trouble, too! (I’d love to have like a dozen kids, but my DH gets nervous thinking about more than 5.)

Children are such blessings. How can desiring something so good be bad? It’s like praying for someone to have deeper faith, IMHO. I think the two issues (faith and openness to children) are strongly linked for lots of people.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**It is not wrong to pray for God to open your husband’s heart… just remember to pray that you are also open to God’s will… another baby may not be it:shrug:. But if it is, hopefully both you and your hubby will be on board and we’ll be seeing some super cute pics in about 10 months

Malia**

 

[TIME]

Aw, WG, I think for most men it is more to do with taking care of your family than aging. When my DW was in her late 30’s she was in major baby mode too. And I was really not. Just about every body wants a cute baby around even it means weeks or months of sleep deprivation or a couple of years of diapers.

But for the men it is real worries about long term finances. How will you ever save for retirement? If anything happens to your husband what will the wife do? It is those type of things that come to mind the most for men I think. I bet if you win the next $10M Florida Lottery he would have a change of heart.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Aw, WG, I think for most men it is more to do with taking care of your family than aging. When my DW was in her late 30’s she was in major baby mode too. And I was really not. Just about every body wants a cute baby around even it means weeks or months of sleep deprivation or a couple of years of diapers.

But for the men it is real worries about long term finances. How will you ever save for retirement? If anything happens to your husband what will the wife do? It is those type of things that come to mind the most for men I think. I bet if you win the next $10M Florida Lottery he would have a change of heart.

Depending on how a baby born when your husband is 50, 51, etc. plans his/her life, your husband may not be around to see him/her graudate from college, get married, have children. etc. I saw it with my father and younger brother. It broke my brother’s heart that his father wouldn’t be around to share in the big events in his life.

 

[anna1978]

Ok, I’m biased…my dad died when he was 51, I was 7 at the time and looking back…they really had me too late in life. My BIL has just had a son, he’s 44 and survived major cardiac arrest only 1 year ago. A friend lost her dh aged 43 through a heart-attack, when her youngest was 4-weeks-old…I think at a certain time, you’ve GOT to be realistic: Do I want this baby for ‘selfish’ reasons, to feel young again/not ‘barren’ (as my dh calls it)…whatever…If you try for a baby at that age, you’ve got to be clear in your own mind, that you accept that you or your husband may not see the child to adulthood. Is that a problem? Well, for some it is…but not for others (the eternal optimists’ it won’t happen to me’ types)…

What ‘Time’ said about saving for retirement and all that, is valid too…you do worry how are you going to provide for your old age and more kids at that age. OP, your husband has some very valid points, and you need to discuss this.

Having said that, my grandma had her youngest aged 43, she lived to 64 so saw Hermine into adulthood, if only just (21 was the age you became an adult in Holland in those days)

BUT…apart from all earthly reasons: pray for GOD’S WILL to be done in this, He might not be too hot on the idea…then again He might…but you’re in this TOGETHER: you, your husband AND God!

Anna x

 

[whatevergirl]

Ok, I’m biased…my dad died when he was 51, I was 7 at the time and looking back…they really had me too late in life. My BIL has just had a son, he’s 44 and survived major cardiac arrest only 1 year ago. A friend lost her dh aged 43 through a heart-attack, when her youngest was 4-weeks-old…I think at a certain time, you’ve GOT to be realistic: Do I want this baby for ‘selfish’ reasons, to feel young again/not ‘barren’ (as my dh calls it)…whatever…If you try for a baby at that age, you’ve got to be clear in your own mind, that you accept that you or your husband may not see the child to adulthood. Is that a problem? Well, for some it is…but not for others (the eternal optimists’ it won’t happen to me’ types)…

What ‘Time’ said about saving for retirement and all that, is valid too…you do worry how are you going to provide for your old age and more kids at that age. OP, your husband has some very valid points, and you need to discuss this.

Having said that, my grandma had her youngest aged 43, she lived to 64 so saw Hermine into adulthood, if only just (21 was the age you became an adult in Holland in those days)

BUT…apart from all earthly reasons: pray for GOD’S WILL to be done in this, He might not be too hot on the idea…then again He might…but you’re in this TOGETHER: you, your husband AND God!

Anna x

Hermine? What a great name!

To all of you are have witnessed parents having you or someone else, late in life…count me in with that number. My mom had me at 42, I don’t believe I was planned. My dad died when I was 9, but he was 54, and my mom was 52 when she died…I was 10. My dad smoked to high heavens, and perhaps if he hadn’t he would have lived to see me grow up. But, I have been thinking about what my husband has been saying, too.

This morning, he laughed and said to me…‘you are really serious about this, aren’t you?’ He just kept laughing. ha That’s a good sign…he could be yelling…or not saying anything…or crying even…haha So, laughing is good. But, I also have self reflected that we both need to be on board with the idea of a new baby, and how that will affect our life ‘as we know it.’

Time–You are right. We both work, and with my career, I make a great living–so to leave it completely…not sure if that would be an option. I would probably want to work out of my home for 3 days at least per week. I’m thinking ahead, can you tell? My husband is a very factual type person…not swayed by emotions. If I present him with facts as to how we would be able to manage…he would be more forthcoming, perhaps. I can only do so much though–by the gace of God,if it be His will…we will have a new baby. My husband is concerned about retiring…and will he be an ‘old man’ when his child(ren) are in high school…yes, I said children, because maybe would have twins or something. Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Anyways…you have all given me great food for thought! Thank you!

 

[marci]

My father was 54 when my youngest brother was born. My mom was 39. He was definately a surprise. I (the oldest) was 17 when he was born and there was an eleven year separation between the youngest and the next sibling.

I remember my dad having some worries, not to mention being teased ALOT by friends. However, even now at 73 my dad is in excellent health. He bicycles, hikes, and still works full time (he’s a farmer). My dad and my little brother are extremely close and I am so thankful that my dad was healthy enough to have an active relationship with him, as he did with myself and my other brothers.

My advice is that whatever you decide, it needs to be a mutual decision, obviously. Health (mental and physical) and Financial reasons aside, there is no reason why age should hinder growing a family. It’s up to the individual couple to decide.

:twocents:

 

[whatevergirl]

My father was 54 when my youngest brother was born. My mom was 39. He was definately a surprise. I (the oldest) was 17 when he was born and there was an eleven year separation between the youngest and the next sibling.

I remember my dad having some worries, not to mention being teased ALOT by friends. However, even now at 73 my dad is in excellent health. He bicycles, hikes, and still works full time (he’s a farmer). My dad and my little brother are extremely close and I am so thankful that my dad was healthy enough to have an active relationship with him, as he did with myself and my other brothers.

My advice is that whatever you decide, it needs to be a mutual decision, obviously. Health (mental and physical) and Financial reasons aside, there is no reason why age should hinder growing a family. It’s up to the individual couple to decide.

:twocents:

Teased by other kids. Hmm…Interesting.
I appreciate your comments…I must consider everything…I wish I never went on bc pills…whata lie society hands us women and couples.

 

[marci]

Teased by other kids. Hmm…Interesting.

I appreciate your comments…I must consider everything…I wish I never went on bc pills…whata lie society hands us women and couples.

No, my dad was teased by HIS friends. You know, “Hey, your going to have to cash in the Soc. Sec. check to take the kid to McDonalds, HA HA HA”

That sort of thing. My dad just laughed it off. My brother was never teased about his parents being older. My parents were/are awsome, everybody loves them.

 

[whatevergirl]

No, my dad was teased by HIS friends. You know, “Hey, your going to have to cash in the Soc. Sec. check to take the kid to McDonalds, HA HA HA”

That sort of thing. My dad just laughed it off. My brother was never teased about his parents being older. My parents were/are awsome, everybody loves them.

LOL I see. Aw, that is kind of funny, but I could see how that would get old–those comments. I thought you meant the kids were teased…sorry.

My kids know that we have been discussing this possibility, and they are like…nooooo…we don’t want a baby. I wonder how far one should take into consideration, how this impacts the other children? But, they have been teasing me…when they see someone who clearly is a grandmother, looks about 70-something…pushing a baby…they say…there’s mommy. I said…I’m not sure if you have learned this yet in health, but uh…women can’t have babies in their 70’s. They are silly…I’m nowhere near 70!

 

[marci]

My kids know that we have been discussing this possibility, and they are like…nooooo…we don’t want a baby. I wonder how far one should take into consideration, how this impacts the other children? But, they have been teasing me…when they see someone who clearly is a grandmother, looks about 70-something…pushing a baby…they say…there’s mommy. I said…I’m not sure if you have learned this yet in health, but uh…women can’t have babies in their 70’s. They are silly…I’m nowhere near 70!

I remember being shocked when my parents told us, I was 16. My other brothers were 13 and 11. However, after he was born it was great! He is more like my child to me, than my brother. Poor kid, he actually has 5 parents.

Good Luck!

 

[rayne89]

Well, I was adopted but both my parents were in their early 40’s when they adopted me. I’m 35 (almost 36) and they are still around. My mom will be 80 next year, and my dad is a couple years behind. Their age is starting to catch up with them but for most of my life they were very active and never looked their age. My mom still doesn’t look nearly 80. Her older sister still goes dancing, high heels and all -I wish I had her genes. We went camping, went to Disneyworld & Disneyland, and traveled to Europe more than once. (They adopted my sister 9 years earlier -unfortunately she died of cancer at 21.)

They have also been very active grandparents. When my daughter was 3 they took her on vacation with them for 10 days. They still take her places all the time and keep her for weekends -she’s now 12. Honestly with my heart condition, my parents can do more with my daughter than I can.

For those who say their parents had them too late in life -you do realize if they thought that way you wouldn’t even be here? Would you rather have not been born? Young parents can die too -of illness or accidents, there are no gaurantees in life.

Whatevergirl -I know your really excited, but try not to overwhelm your hubby. Give him a little time to digest this new “revelation”. He may come around. I would give the baby talk a break and just start working on your return to NFP. But I wouldn’t worry about being too old.

 

[whatevergirl]

I remember being shocked when my parents told us, I was 16. My other brothers were 13 and 11. However, after he was born it was great! He is more like my child to me, than my brother. Poor kid, he actually has 5 parents. that is a funny comment! lol

Good Luck!

thank you…and again, thanks for sharing this!

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, I was adopted but both my parents were in their early 40’s when they adopted me. I’m 35 (almost 36) and they are still around. My mom will be 80 next year, and my dad is a couple years behind. Their age is starting to catch up with them but for most of my life they were very active and never looked their age. My mom still doesn’t look nearly 80. Her older sister still goes dancing, high heels and all -I wish I had her genes. We went camping, went to Disneyworld & Disneyland, and traveled to Europe more than once. (They adopted my sister 9 years earlier -unfortunately she died of cancer at 21.)

Hey–see that??? That is a heart warming story. It can work!

They have also been very active grandparents. When my daughter was 3 they took her on vacation with them for 10 days. They still take her places all the time and keep her for weekends -she’s now 12. Honestly with my heart condition, my parents can do more with my daughter than I can.

For those who say their parents had them too late in life -you do realize if they thought that way you wouldn’t even be here? Would you rather have not been born? Young parents can die too -of illness or accidents, there are no gaurantees in life.

Whatevergirl -I know your really excited, but try not to overwhelm your hubby. Give him a little time to digest this new “revelation”. He may come around. I would give the baby talk a break and just start working on your return to NFP. But I wouldn’t worry about being too old.

I agree. I will definitely heed this advice. My husband needs some time to digest it, as well…one thing at a time. He told me this morning…‘why don’t you volunteer at a daycare or something, and then tell me if you still want to have a baby.’ I said…I would be watching several at a time, so it would comparing an apple to an orange. Whew, got out of that one. LOL

 

[TIME]

I agree. I will definitely heed this advice. My husband needs some time to digest it, as well…one thing at a time. He told me this morning…‘why don’t you volunteer at a daycare or something, and then tell me if you still want to have a baby.’ I said…I would be watching several at a time, so it would comparing an apple to an orange. Whew, got out of that one. LOL

You are such a tricky girl. You hubby needs to keep an eye on you. I bet you are a tough enough Mama, you know what you are getting into, but boy that sleep deprivation is something else.

As for your older kids, they will be in awe of a new baby.he he. Besides baby’s are “No Deposit, No Return” items anyway.

 

[CatholicSam]

Depending on how a baby born when your husband is 50, 51, etc. plans his/her life, your husband may not be around to see him/her graudate from college, get married, have children. etc. I saw it with my father and younger brother. It broke my brother’s heart that his father wouldn’t be around to share in the big events in his life.

But maybe the father **will **be there. If the couple decide to be closed to life, the father definitely won’t be able to see another child graduate, get married, etc.

You also need to remember that when a loved one dies, they don’t just disappear out of existence. Your father was very much a part of your brother’s big events–he was busily interceding for him and watching over him every step of the way! My husband feels much closer to his grandparents now that they are deceased than he did while they were alive (they lived far away). He has more of a “relationship” with them now that he can pray to them at any time of the day or night.

 

[Chovy]

Hi Whatevergirl,
I’ve read a lot of your posts as you moved into doing NFP and now are considering the possibility of a new baby. I have a few thoughts for you.

One of the beautiful things about NFP is that each time the couple considers engaging in the marital embrace, the couple can make the determination as to whether they wish to try to conceive or try to avoid. Although a new baby may not sound like a grand idea to your husband while he’s drinking his morning coffee, when he is actually being intimate with you his opinion may be different. Alternatively, his feelings may be the same in which case you would find other ways to be intimate without engaging in relations or other sexual activities.

As to a new baby and all that comes with it, I think you are considering all important facets of your decision, but keep in mind that as much as we plan these things, they cannot always be planned. After all, an unplanned pregnancy may have occured when you were taking artificial birth control. I have a nephew conceived while my sister and her husband were using condoms, and a niece conceived while that same sister was on the birth control pill. I also have a sister who has been married for 15 years and has had only 2 children, both of whom were planned, and she and her husband have used NFP since the beginning of their marriage.

I have one final thought. When my mom was 40, her youngest child was starting kindergarten. Her oldest child was starting college. My mother was in a dark depression because as a stay at home mother she had defined her life by raising her children and she felt that she had no direction and no purpose. She prayed for God to help her through this time. Soon thereafter, I was conceived (entirely by accident though they were not practicing any sort of avoidance measures).

She then had a whole set of other concerns to worry about- financial, raising a child into her 60’s, etc. I am now 33, my mom is nearly 74, and she has said many times throughout the years that my birth was the greatest answer to her prayers, though she didn’t realize that at the time. With her other children, she feels that she spent a lot of time worrying about things that didn’t end up mattering, fussing over things that didn’t need fussing, and chasing after children that didn’t necessarily need chasing. With me she was able to enjoy herself and enjoy having me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can’t plan what will happen in our lives and sometimes its best just to sit back and enjoy what God throws at us. My husband and I have used NFP to try to conceive for 5 years to no avail. He is 46 and I am 33, and although we aren’t going to be doing any more “trying” in 5 months, I’ve asked him what he would do if we got pregnant when he was 50 or 55 and his answer is always the same. He would give thanks to God for blessing us with a child. My advice is to take the classes to understand how NFP works, understand that at each instance of marital relations you are making a decision about your intent to be open to a new life, and to continue to enjoy each other in the way God intended it. I will keep you in my prayers!

Ann

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Whatevergirl,
I’ve read a lot of your posts as you moved into doing NFP and now are considering the possibility of a new baby. I have a few thoughts for you.

One of the beautiful things about NFP is that each time the couple considers engaging in the marital embrace, the couple can make the determination as to whether they wish to try to conceive or try to avoid. Although a new baby may not sound like a grand idea to your husband while he’s drinking his morning coffee, when he is actually being intimate with you his opinion may be different. Alternatively, his feelings may be the same in which case you would find other ways to be intimate without engaging in relations or other sexual activities.

As to a new baby and all that comes with it, I think you are considering all important facets of your decision, but keep in mind that as much as we plan these things, they cannot always be planned. After all, an unplanned pregnancy may have occured when you were taking artificial birth control. I have a nephew conceived while my sister and her husband were using condoms, and a niece conceived while that same sister was on the birth control pill. I also have a sister who has been married for 15 years and has had only 2 children, both of whom were planned, and she and her husband have used NFP since the beginning of their marriage.

I have one final thought. When my mom was 40, her youngest child was starting kindergarten. Her oldest child was starting college. My mother was in a dark depression because as a stay at home mother she had defined her life by raising her children and she felt that she had no direction and no purpose. She prayed for God to help her through this time. Soon thereafter, I was conceived (entirely by accident though they were not practicing any sort of avoidance measures).

She then had a whole set of other concerns to worry about- financial, raising a child into her 60’s, etc. I am now 33, my mom is nearly 74, and she has said many times throughout the years that my birth was the greatest answer to her prayers, though she didn’t realize that at the time. With her other children, she feels that she spent a lot of time worrying about things that didn’t end up mattering, fussing over things that didn’t need fussing, and chasing after children that didn’t necessarily need chasing. With me she was able to enjoy herself and enjoy having me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can’t plan what will happen in our lives and sometimes its best just to sit back and enjoy what God throws at us. My husband and I have used NFP to try to conceive for 5 years to no avail. He is 46 and I am 33, and although we aren’t going to be doing any more “trying” in 5 months, I’ve asked him what he would do if we got pregnant when he was 50 or 55 and his answer is always the same. He would give thanks to God for blessing us with a child. My advice is to take the classes to understand how NFP works, understand that at each instance of marital relations you are making a decision about your intent to be open to a new life, and to continue to enjoy each other in the way God intended it. I will keep you in my prayers!

Ann

Ann…I love your post–thank you for adding to this. I especially like your second paragraph…it really touched me. I think that I must also consider…would this be a good thing for our family? I can’t imagine it not be…but, I just wonder if being 12 years older than when I gave birth to our 2nd…am I in the same health to have a baby? Would I be a good mom to a little one again? It has been a while since I have had babies, and I’m on a different plain with my kids now…the life issues that they are facing, learning about themselves and religion…I wonder if I would be good at being a mom to a wee lil baby again. I am sure I would remember…lol But, doyou know what I’m saying? It does make me happy though, to know that at least we have responded to God’s enlightenment the other day, and not disregarding it as a fleeting thought or something. Please keep us in your prayers…I’d very much like that.

 

[LeahInancsi]

But maybe the father **will **be there. If the couple decide to be closed to life, the father definitely won’t be able to see another child graduate, get married, etc.

You also need to remember that when a loved one dies, they don’t just disappear out of existence. Your father was very much a part of your brother’s big events–he was busily interceding for him and watching over him every step of the way! My husband feels much closer to his grandparents now that they are deceased than he did while they were alive (they lived far away). He has more of a “relationship” with them now that he can pray to them at any time of the day or night.

I’m not suggesting that they be closed to children just not to use NFP to have another child. At 39, it’s much more difficult for a woman to get pregnant.

BTW, this is my half-brother I’m speaking of. I didn’t go into the part where my step-mother is to the point that she is going to have to sell her house and/or depend on my half-brother and step-brother to support her. Most likely, she would be very comfortable financially if it weren’t for having to educate my half-brother. I remember my father sweating bullets when his mother was 93 and facing the fact that she was running out of money. Money was a VERY big concern for my father in the last 10 years of his life. He had to retire at 64 when he should have retired at 55 for health reasons. He tried to hold out until 65, but couldn’t make it. That’s not the way I would want to spend my golden years.