My dh isn't altogether into the idea of having another baby

[dulcissima]

Ann…I love your post–thank you for adding to this. I especially like your second paragraph…it really touched me. I think that I must also consider…would this be a good thing for our family? I can’t imagine it not be…but, I just wonder if being 12 years older than when I gave birth to our 2nd…am I in the same health to have a baby? Would I be a good mom to a little one again? It has been a while since I have had babies, and I’m on a different plain with my kids now…the life issues that they are facing, learning about themselves and religion…I wonder if I would be good at being a mom to a wee lil baby again. I am sure I would remember…lol But, doyou know what I’m saying? It does make me happy though, to know that at least we have responded to God’s enlightenment the other day, and not disregarding it as a fleeting thought or something. Please keep us in your prayers…I’d very much like that.

I have a sister that is 15 years younger than me, and I think having her helped keep my mom young. I have 11 years between my oldest and youngest and physically speaking it was not any more difficult being older, even though I had a c-section.

In some ways it is easier being a mom later in life, because you are more experienced. You have enough that is just “standard operating procedure” that you don’t have to devote the mental bandwidth to figuring out how to do something new. You are already a family you already know how to juggle multiple priorities.

Plus, you have your older kids who can help out. I know when my sister was little, my mom had it made. She had built in babysitters and personal assistants. She could ask us to do anything for our sister, and we were thrilled. (My kids were the same way about helping out with babies) For me that was a real advantage because when I became a mom for the first time at 24, it was all completely second nature to me since I already had all of those years of experience with my sister.

I mean, this is till something for you and your husband to discern together, but just don’t be afraid of being open to life. It is a beautiful thing.

 

[whatevergirl]

I have a sister that is 15 years younger than me, and I think having her helped keep my mom young. I have 11 years between my oldest and youngest and physically speaking it was not any more difficult being older, even though I had a c-section.

In some ways it is easier being a mom later in life, because you are more experienced. You have enough that is just “standard operating procedure” that you don’t have to devote the mental bandwidth to figuring out how to do something new. You are already a family you already know how to juggle multiple priorities.

Plus, you have your older kids who can help out. I know when my sister was little, my mom had it made. She had built in babysitters and personal assistants. She could ask us to do anything for our sister, and we were thrilled. (My kids were the same way about helping out with babies) For me that was a real advantage because when I became a mom for the first time at 24, it was all completely second nature to me since I already had all of those years of experience with my sister.

I mean, this is till something for you and your husband to discern together, but just don’t be afraid of being open to life. It is a beautiful thing.

Those are great points! I thought that about the kids…but, they are not altogether enamored with the idea of mom and dad having children. My husband explained to me the other night, that when his mom and dad decided to have as many kids as possible (he is 1 of 9) they were ‘used to it,’ and with our kids, they have not been accustomed to a lot more kids following them…so, another concern I even have, is the wide gap. It has helped reading stories on here about others who have larger gaps between their kids, because it can work…it still concerns, a little.

 

[dulcissima]

Those are great points! I thought that about the kids…but, they are not altogether enamored with the idea of mom and dad having children. My husband explained to me the other night, that when his mom and dad decided to have as many kids as possible (he is 1 of 9) they were ‘used to it,’ and with our kids, they have not been accustomed to a lot more kids following them…so, another concern I even have, is the wide gap. It has helped reading stories on here about others who have larger gaps between their kids, because it can work…it still concerns, a little.

My other sister was 12, so we had 15, 12, and a newborn. We were fine about it. We treasured her. Now that she is 26, I still totally value her. In some ways we are more alike than my sister that is 3 years younger than me. So, even two kids who have had life a certain way their whole life can adapt.

 

[marci]

I have one final thought. When my mom was 40, her youngest child was starting kindergarten. Her oldest child was starting college. My mother was in a dark depression because as a stay at home mother she had defined her life by raising her children and she felt that she had no direction and no purpose. She prayed for God to help her through this time. Soon thereafter, I was conceived (entirely by accident though they were not practicing any sort of avoidance measures).

She then had a whole set of other concerns to worry about- financial, raising a child into her 60’s, etc. I am now 33, my mom is nearly 74, and she has said many times throughout the years that my birth was the greatest answer to her prayers, though she didn’t realize that at the time. With her other children, she feels that she spent a lot of time worrying about things that didn’t end up mattering, fussing over things that didn’t need fussing, and chasing after children that didn’t necessarily need chasing. With me she was able to enjoy herself and enjoy having me.

DITTO this for my mom. I think my younger brother kept my parents young.

 

[marci]

Those are great points! I thought that about the kids…but, they are not altogether enamored with the idea of mom and dad having children. My husband explained to me the other night, that when his mom and dad decided to have as many kids as possible (he is 1 of 9) they were ‘used to it,’ and with our kids, they have not been accustomed to a lot more kids following them…so, another concern I even have, is the wide gap. It has helped reading stories on here about others who have larger gaps between their kids, because it can work…it still concerns, a little.

I don’t know if you have boys or girls, but I loved the baby like my own. So did my other brothers, although they were less hands on. I remember I used to beg my mother to let me take him places, and I used to go in and get him at night for my mom, give him his bottle and put him in bed with me.

When I left for college and would come home to visit, he would tip toe into the room to get his clothes in the morning and I would snatch him up and make him cuddle with me for a few minutes. He was soooo cute. It was really hard for me to go away to school.

I have four kids of my own now and I really believe the experience I had with my baby brother helped me to be a better mother. I knew what to expect, I wasn’t scared and I didn’t second guess every decision.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t know if you have boys or girls, but I loved the baby like my own. So did my other brothers, although they were less hands on. I remember I used to beg my mother to let me take him places, and I used to go in and get him at night for my mom, give him his bottle and put him in bed with me.

When I left for college and would come home to visit, he would tip toe into the room to get his clothes in the morning and I would snatch him up and make him cuddle with me for a few minutes. He was soooo cute. It was really hard for me to go away to school.

I have four kids of my own now and I really believe the experience I had with my baby brother helped me to be a better mother. I knew what to expect, I wasn’t scared and I didn’t second guess every decision.

Aw! What a sweet story–you would pick him up and cuddle with him…aw!

Well…everyone in this thread will be happy to learn (and those reading maybe?) that my dh and I talked extensively about this tonight. Just got it all out there. And we both agreed to pray and think about it, and make a definitive decision if we should ‘try’ to have another baby. We are going to be following NFP, so there still could be a chance that we do get pregnant, but in 3 months–I think this will also give me time to reflect a little more about it all. I think I would like to try to have a baby…and now, my husband will be discerning God’s will, too. I’m so glad we talked. He made some very good points against it, but also had a smile on his face thinking about it. It’s a big thing–and I told him we will take this time, to discern if we should try to have a baby.

My husband said…‘suppose we have three babies?’ Like ‘suppose NFP doesn’t work three times?’ Hmmm…I haven’t gotten that far in my thinking. That would be pretty wild, though.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

But maybe the father **will **be there. If the couple decide to be closed to life, the father definitely won’t be able to see another child graduate, get married, etc.

You also need to remember that when a loved one dies, they don’t just disappear out of existence. Your father was very much a part of your brother’s big events–he was busily interceding for him and watching over him every step of the way! My husband feels much closer to his grandparents now that they are deceased than he did while they were alive (they lived far away). He has more of a “relationship” with them now that he can pray to them at any time of the day or night.

I agree with CatholicSam. My father had me when he was 27 and passed away three years later. At school there was a girl with her father in his 70’s. He was there for her graduation etc, yet my father who had us young wasn’t. You never know what God’s will is. My mom always reminded us of how we had our dad up in heaven and could ask for his help in ways other kids couldn’t ask their parents. Obviously I would have loved to have my father here on earth with us, but God’s plans were different. Nevertheless, both the girl that I went to school with and I are glad that our parents were open to having us. I would rather be sad to not have a father (if that was God’s will) than to never have come into existence! Being open to a blessing from God, which may or may not come, is very different to the people you see on the news undergoing artificial procedures to become pregnant when their age no longer allows it. Also, my aunt adopted a child while she was in her forties (now is in her fifties) and she comments on how this child is keeping her young and active. Just thought I’d throw out a couple random thoughts out there

 

[LeahInancsi]

Here’s another story you guys will like better.

My very Irish Catholic great grandfather was 55 when my grandmother was born. As a result, my grandmother had a sister who was 25 years older and a brother who was 22 years older who never married and lived together in the family home until their death. If it hadn’t been for my grandmother’s older syblings, my mother would not have had any grandparent figures in her life.

On the other hand, my great grandfather died at age 65 when my grandmother was ten years old and she remembered very little about him.