My discipline techniques are finally paying off with my son

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My very difficult baby, toddler and preschooler is turning 5 in about 2 weeks. His behaviour has gotten so much better.

I used to use spanking as a back-up method when he wouldn’t go to his room, etc. I used it consistently as a back-up, so my son always knew what was coming if he didn’t listen to me…one or two smacks on the bum and three if he was being really defiant.

Now when he’s naughty, I just take him to his room and tell him sternly not to leave his room until I tell him so. He’ll open the door a little bit and I say sternly to close the door. He’ll tell me he hates me under his breath and then close the door. I ignore it. He has no idea what hate is.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I spanked his bum. More than a month for sure.

He’s well behaved at school; he respects authority and he is very respectful of his teachers, peers and daycare providers. He’s no longer aggressive with his friends and he doesn’t hit back when a friend is aggressive with him…he tells a teacher.

My son is extremely tall and if he wanted to, he could win any fight with a kid his age. He has become a friendly giant.

I have received a lot of criticism for my son’s behaviour over the years as well as my mothering skills. My son and I have a great bond and we hug and kiss several times a day. I am extremely close to him and we lay down together every night so he can tell me about his day. I love this little boy! All the hard work is paying off.
 
Congratulations. I think consistency is critical to punishment, and finding something that actually works with the individual child. Using both rewards and punishments as incentives.

All kids instinctively know that your time and attention shows how much you care-- even when they’re being bad. They understand that for you to take the time to correct them means you care about them, otherwise you’d just ignore them and let them do whatever.

Good work Mom.
 
styrgwillidar said:
Congratulations. I think consistency is critical to punishment, and finding something that actually works with the individual child. Using both rewards and punishments as incentives.

All kids instinctively know that your time and attention shows how much you care-- even when they’re being bad. They understand that for you to take the time to correct them means you care about them, otherwise you’d just ignore them and let them do whatever.

Good work Mom.
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I think all different parenting styles work if the parents are consistent and let the child know that there are boundaries and consequences. Spanking doesn’t have to be the parenting tool of choice, but I used it as a back-up b/c his behaviour was very defiant and he needed to know that I’m in charge, not him.

Preparing a child for life is not easy. It’s my job to show him that there are consequences to antisocial behaviours. Some consequences are natural and some consequences are imposed.

For example, If he refuses to wear his warm coat, I just carry it and if he changes his mind, I can put his coat on. He won’t get disciplined for something so trivial.

He must do his reading homework and he cannot go on the computer until he does his reading and writing. It usually only takes him about 15 or 20 minutes to do anyway. He hates reading, so I give him lots of high fives and a jelly bean for every page he gets correct.
 
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Congrats mom! :clapping::clapping::tiphat: the hard work is paying off! I think you just will keep to see improvement. Some kids can be defiant and you found what works for tour son and showed him you ate in charge and there are consequences. I think everything is staring to sink in. Now you just have to keep the good work. Being a parent is never easy and babies don’t come with manual but consistency and discipline pay off

I think is great how you are working with him regarding his homework. I think little boys tend to struggle more with reading than girls so lots of encouragement when he gets it correct is great!

You know I think we all the moms in CAF should write a parenting book hehehe from CAF’s moms to the world…how to succeed with your child! You should write the part for defiant boys.
 
marymary1975 said:
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Congrats mom! :clapping::clapping::tiphat: the hard work is paying off! I think you just will keep to see improvement. Some kids can be defiant and you found what works for tour son and showed him you ate in charge and there are consequences. I think everything is staring to sink in. Now you just have to keep the good work. Being a parent is never easy and babies don’t come with manual but consistency and discipline pay off

I think is great how you are working with him regarding his homework. I think little boys tend to struggle more with reading than girls so lots of encouragement when he gets it correct is great!

You know I think we all the moms in CAF should write a parenting book hehehe from CAF’s moms to the world…how to succeed with your child! You should write the part for defiant boys.
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haha! I was an anti spanker until my son was born.

I wish to take spanking out of my tool box…definitely before he’s 6 or 7.
 
God bless you, i hope your son has two loving parents, raising children is a difficult job for two, never mind one.
 
Serap said:
haha! I was an anti spanker until my son was born.

I wish to take spanking out of my tool box…definitely before he’s 6 or 7.
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It’s so nice to get to this point in parenting!

A child should definitely receive his/her last spanking/corporal punishment before he’s 6. After that, it’s ineffective and does more harm than good.
 
we never really spanked our kids, maybe that’s where we went wrong…
 
bisco said:
we never really spanked our kids, maybe that’s where we went wrong…
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NO!!! Please don’t feel this way. I know many parents who do not spank their children and they are wonderful amazing parents!!

There are many ways to discipline. Each family does what works for them, so long as they are not abusive.
 
Cat said:
It’s so nice to get to this point in parenting!

A child should definitely receive his/her last spanking/corporal punishment before he’s 6. After that, it’s ineffective and does more harm than good.
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I agree with you.
 
bisco said:
we never really spanked our kids, maybe that’s where we went wrong…
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The child determines the punishment because the parent has to find the thing that the child responds to. For some kids, that’s physical punishment. I have three and only used spanking with one because the others responded to time-outs or having privileges taken away.

However, as that child got older, she did respond to having electronics taken away (computer/computer time/phone/iPod etc.)
 
styrgwillidar said:
The child determines the punishment because the parent has to find the thing that the child responds to. For some kids, that’s physical punishment. I have three and only used spanking with one because the others responded to time-outs or having privileges taken away.

However, as that child got older, she did respond to having electronics taken away (computer/computer time/phone/iPod etc.)
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I’m finding this with my son now and he’s turning 5. If I take away computer time…HUGE blow for him. It’s more effective than spanking.

I only reserve spanking for those really defiant moments as a back-up. I am finding that I don’t really need that back-up anymore. It’s amazing what a difference turning 5 can make.
 
my wife had a bad habit of threatening punishment that we all knew she would never carry out. i used to try to get her to understand that the message was confusing the children, and they didn’t respond well because of it. don’t get me wrong, she is a much better parent than i am, but i always felt this one thing was a hindrance to her getting the children to obey.
 
bisco said:
my wife had a bad habit of threatening punishment that we all knew she would never carry out. i used to try to get her to understand that the message was confusing the children, and they didn’t respond well because of it. don’t get me wrong, she is a much better parent than i am, but i always felt this one thing was a hindrance to her getting the children to obey.
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No matter the discipline, unless it’s carried out, warnings are meaningless. My son knows that when I tell him he’ll go to his room; he stops. If he doesn’t, he goes to his room. If he’s really bad, we leave him there for a good 10 minutes.

My son hates being alone. He’s very social.

How old are your kids now?
 
they are good people, but all have lost their faith, due in part to the public school system imo.
 
Serap said:
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My son knows that when I tell him he’ll go to his room; he stops. If he doesn’t, he goes to his room. If he’s really bad, we leave him there for a good 10 minutes.
…
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My daughter refused to stay in time outs. One of the first times I tried it, I kept having to lift her up and carry her back, with the whole time her telling me/yelling at me that she hadn’t done anything wrong , that I was the one who was wrong. I lost count after the 35th time of physically putting her back.

Therapist told us to put a lock on the outside of her room – which I thought was crueler than two swats on the bottom. Turning her room into a jail cell, locking her away…
 
styrgwillidar said:
My daughter refused to stay in time outs. One of the first times I tried it, I kept having to lift her up and carry her back, with the whole time her telling me/yelling at me that she hadn’t done anything wrong , that I was the one who was wrong. I lost count after the 35th time of physically putting her back.

Therapist told us to put a lock on the outside of her room – which I thought was crueler than two swats on the bottom. Turning her room into a jail cell, locking her away…
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I’ve read the same. To put a lock on the door and only begin the time out when the child has calmed down. That time out could last an hour or more doing it that way.
 
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