My Discussion with a Cafeteria Catholic (Why do they stay in the Church anyways?)

[spiritblows]

I wasn’t sure which catagory to put this thread, so I decided to put it here, since I’m not sure if Cafeteria Catholicism isn’t another religion. Moderator, please move the thread as you see fit.

I’ve been on friendly terms with a gal who belongs to another parish where I sometimes go, but attends a lot at my church because she loves my priest. She just doesn’t like her priest because she says that he ‘isn’t pastoral’ and doesn’t know her, doesn’t make small talk, has never been to dinner at her house. So, when we talk she never misses an opportunity to mention that she doesn’t like him.

I talked to her yesterday, and in this conversation she sharply critisised some mutual acquaintance of ours because he and his wife have 4 kids under 7 and are struggling financially. They are the sweetest people in the world and very devout. Then she got into a huge diatrabe about NFP, how terrible it is, how the Church hates women, how terrible the ban on birth control is, and that the male hierarchy is sexist. She also went into great depth about how priests should get married, how out of touch the hierarchy is, and then she returned to the hairbrained scemes of her social misfit of a priest.

May I mention that she is extremely involved in her church, is in charge of the Eucharistic Ministers, she goes to my priest for ‘spiritual direction’, goes on frequent retreats, etc. During this conversation, I just let her talk, didn’t argue, I really don’t want to get into it with her since I work with her at times and need her as a work ally.

Why would someone who is in such deep disagreement with the Church remain such an involved member?

 

[Maranatha]

spiritblows:

Why would someone who is in such deep disagreement with the Church remain such an involved member?

I believe it’s because the Real Presence of Christ’s body, blood, soul and divinity is in the Eucharist. How can she walk away from that? We are all struggling with our own problems. It looks like she needs a good example and lots of prayers. Be glad that God set this large loaf of bread in front of you. I will pry for you and her.

 

[spiritblows]

Maranatha:

I believe it’s because the Real Presence of Christ’s body, blood, soul and divinity is in the Eucharist. How can she walk away from that? We are all struggling with our own problems. It looks like she needs a good example and lots of prayers. Be glad that God set this large loaf of bread in front of you. I will pry for you and her.

I don’t know why God would send this person to me. I’m not very good at defending Church positions, I don’t plan on challanging her opinions because I think it would be wise to totally stay on her good side, since she can be a testy and difficult co-worker I’ve heard. She has a lot of senority over me, and I’ve heard through others that she can be overly assertive.

 

[Mickey]

spiritblows:

I wasn’t sure which catagory to put this thread, so I decided to put it here, since I’m not sure if Cafeteria Catholicism isn’t another religion. Moderator, please move the thread as you see fit.

I’ve been on friendly terms with a gal who belongs to another parish where I sometimes go, but attends a lot at my church because she loves my priest. She just doesn’t like her priest because she says that he ‘isn’t pastoral’ and doesn’t know her, doesn’t make small talk, has never been to dinner at her house. So, when we talk she never misses an opportunity to mention that she doesn’t like him.

I talked to her yesterday, and in this conversation she sharply critisised some mutual acquaintance of ours because he and his wife have 4 kids under 7 and are struggling financially. They are the sweetest people in the world and very devout. Then she got into a huge diatrabe about NFP, how terrible it is, how the Church hates women, how terrible the ban on birth control is, and that the male hierarchy is sexist. She also went into great depth about how priests should get married, how out of touch the hierarchy is, and then she returned to the hairbrained scemes of her social misfit of a priest.

May I mention that she is extremely involved in her church, is in charge of the Eucharistic Ministers, she goes to my priest for ‘spiritual direction’, goes on frequent retreats, etc. During this conversation, I just let her talk, didn’t argue, I really don’t want to get into it with her since I work with her at times and need her as a work ally.

Why would someone who is in such deep disagreement with the Church remain such an involved member?

Maybe you could anonymously mail her literature that addresses each of her criticisms.

 

[buffalo]

Mickey:

Maybe you could anonymously mail her literature that addresses each of her criticisms.

or tell her she can join CAF and discuss her positions online.

 

[spiritblows]

Mickey:

Maybe you could anonymously mail her literature that addresses each of her criticisms.

Hi…
Well, maybe I’ll send her a company email…

But, seriously, I don’t get why she stays in the Church if she’s so angry all the time. Maybe it’s just that the Eucharist is so powerful and good, that inspite of her negativity towards other teachings she just can’t resist? Or, perhaps she is just negative by nature, and just can’t help it? Or, is she getting some other payoff?

If I felt so negative about the Church I doubt if I would stay a member, let alone an extremely active one. But, obviously there are a lot of people who disagree with many things, but they still stay. I don’t get it…

 

[aurora77]

It does seem strange that someone with so many disagreements with the church would stay, but something is keeping her there. You do have a great chance to be a witness for the Church, but it sounds like you have to be very selective when and how you say things. Pray for her, pray for guidance on what you should do.

 

[spiritblows]

buffalo:

or tell her she can join CAF and discuss her positions online.

Hey, that’s not a bad idea. Except, I wouldn’t want her to read this thread or know who I am here.

 

[Maranatha]

spiritblows:

I don’t know why God would send this person to me. I’m not very good at defending Church positions, I don’t plan on challanging her opinions because I think it would be wise to totally stay on her good side, since she can be a testy and difficult co-worker I’ve heard. She has a lot of senority over me, and I’ve heard through others that she can be overly assertive.

All you need to do right now is provide a good example and pray, pray, pray. You should learn the faith better so, if a question comes your way, you’d be able to give a reasonable answer that’s non-confrontational.

 

[spiritblows]

aurora77:

It does seem strange that someone with so many disagreements with the church would stay, but something is keeping her there. You do have a great chance to be a witness for the Church, but it sounds like you have to be very selective when and how you say things. Pray for her, pray for guidance on what you should do.

Good advise, thanks.

 

[Mickey]

spiritblows:

Hi…
If I felt so negative about the Church I doubt if I would stay a member, let alone an extremely active one. But, obviously there are a lot of people who disagree with many things, but they still stay. I don’t get it…

This used to boil my blood. But I came to a realization that the more I tried to hammer home the True teachings of the Church, the angrier and more negative they became. Sometimes a subtle approach works. Sometimes being a living witness and example works. Sometimes nothing we can do or say seems to help. And then it hit me-----PRAY! We often under estimate the power of deep prayer from the heart. Pray often for her my friend.

 

[spiritblows]

Maranatha:

All you need to do right now is provide a good example and pray, pray, pray. You should learn the faith better so, if a question comes your way, you’d be able to give a reasonable answer that’s non-confrontational.

I don’t know why she was so critical of this young couple with 4 kids. They have a lovely family, even if they are broke and the wife finishing graduate school. I think it’s great that they have such cute kids. They really are neat people.

It bugs me that I didn’t have a ready answer and was pretty wishy-washy non commital in my response, but I didn’t want to get into it with this gal because she’s pretty outspoken. I think I made it seem to her that I agreed with her. Ugh, I could kick myself, but I’ve heard from people who work in her dept that she’s pretty gnarly. I’m cross-training to that dept lately, and need to stay on her good side…

 

[spiritblows]

Mickey:

This used to boil my blood. But I came to a realization that the more I tried to hammer home the True teachings of the Church, the angrier and more negative they became. Sometimes a subtle approach works. Sometimes being a living witness and example works. Sometimes nothing we can do or say seems to help. And then it hit me-----PRAY! We often under estimate the power of deep prayer from the heart. Pray often for her my friend.

Unfortunately, I’m no living saint, and probably not any great witness. I’m just another extremely flawed person.

 

[Michael_C]

I blame this on poor chatachesis. Almost all the people I spoke to that oppose the Church on artificial contraception and other issues have never heard why the Church teaches what it teaches. The clergy and parents have to bare alot of the responsibility for this.

 

[spiritblows]

I think it really bugs me that she’s not just another church goer, but she is pretty influential and involved in her parish, yet seems to despise her priest and disagree with Church teachings wholeheartedly, with no qualms in sharing her opinions with others…

 

[prodigal-sun]

I must say that God throws some interesting curve bals our way when he wants us to sit up and pay attention. I had an experience similar to yours. I had a boss who was an anti-catholic bigot and was always condeming the CHurch at every oppurtunity. As a moderate catholic with very little knowledge of my faith I sat back and had to listen to this deaming dribble which of course was directed at me and another co-worker. This went on for several months. My co-worker (the other catholic) was finally worn down by all this mis-direction and verbal abuse he denounced anything to do with the church just so he didn’t have to put up with this abuse. I was at this point to but it angered me that I would have to comprimise my faith (as weak as it was) because of this bully. This anger gave me a desire to learn and defend the chuch. This all came to an end when I finally had enough and called his hatred and bigotry what it was to his face and in front of our whole lunch room. This may have not been the most tactful thing to do but it was a long time coming. After I was finished I turned around to leave he stopped me and fired me on the spot. I picked up my things and left.

The great thing about this trying experience was the graces I received were extraordinary. 1) I had a better job for more pay the very next day. 2) my brother the lawyer wrote the company a scathing letter which was answered with a very nice severance cheque and the knowledge of this bullies demotion within the company.

God always rewards courage and sacrifice when it is offered on his behalf.

This is not a message too get you to confront your co-worker but more to get you to understand your faith better so that her negativity does not affect your journey to the Lords table.

Peace!

 

[Mickey]

spiritblows:

Unfortunately, I’m no living saint, and probably not any great witness. I’m just another extremely flawed person.

Aren’t we all.

 

[Maranatha]

prodigal-sun:

God always rewards courage and sacrifice when it is offered on his behalf.

I agree. Just understand that the rewards may be given in this world or the next. Pray that you are allowed to receive them in the next since the rewards will be greater.

 

[prodigal-sun]

Maranatha:

I agree. Just understand that the rewards may be given in this world or the next. Pray that you are allowed to receive them in the next since the rewards will be greater.

Hi Marantha, Yes I agree. I would also like to say that my greatest reward was that of a stronger faith and a greater desire to know and understand Christs church.

 

[Tristan_daCunha]

Mickey:

I came to a realization that the more I tried to hammer home the True teachings of the Church, the angrier and more negative they became. Sometimes a subtle approach works. Sometimes being a living witness and example works. Sometimes nothing we can do or say seems to help. And then it hit me-----PRAY! W

These are all good points. Its not for us to force our opinions on others, but to help lead them along the way.

We have found a way to accomodate the Church’s teachings into our own lives. This is a good thing and its worth sharing without coming across as being judgemental or snobbish.

As for the OPs original question, I would imagine it varies for each individual. Perhaps she would like to ask her friend why it is that she stays in the Church?