My divorced friend asked me to be in his wedding

[Sakoman]

I am in a bind. A very good friend of mine (my former roommate of 5 years; 00 to 05) was married in the Catholic Church back in late '93. He married his then girlfriend because he got her pregnant. Apparently that was the only reason. Their marriage lasted about 2 years, then they separated with the only contact being with regards to their child. Since then he’s led a very “casual” lifestyle with many girlfriends that have come and gone. The last couple of years he’s been seriously dating a girl and has decided to marry her. He just asked me to be in his wedding as a groomsman. I don’t believe it’s a Catholic wedding, and I don’t believe he received an annulment from the Church (I don’t know for sure) but what is my responsibility here?

In one way I’m very happy that he’s decided to quit his cavalier lifestyle and “commit” to a woman, and I’d like to support him. On the other hand, he is married in the Catholic Church, not to mention he was brought up Catholic. I’ve known him for almost 20 years and he’s never really practiced his faith, but the last several years he’s been into a lot of new age stuff.

What should I do? I also hate to come off like some kind of “holier than thou” person.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

Have you spoken with your priest?

As a Catholic, I could not attend another Catholic’s wedding if that wedding was taking place outside of the Church.

Here’s what some of the Apologists have said on this topic:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154&highlight=wedding

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=86360&highlight=wedding

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=27120&highlight=wedding

I hope these help!

(If they don’t, I’ll try to do some more digging around for you.)

 

[chabula]

I feel for you. To say you are between a rock and a hard spot is the understatement of the year. I’m currently dealing with a similar issue regarding my sister’s second wedding.

First, pray, pray, pray. When you think you’ve prayed enough, pray some more. Ask for God’s grace and wisdon, pray to your Guardian Angels and St. Michael to help you with this spiritual decision and protection.

Second, find out for sure if he had an annullment or not.

Jimmy Aikens said that if God will be present at the wedding, then so can you. I doubt that he would be present, smiling down His graces, at a new age ceremony (even with an annullment).

Third, talk to your friend and tell him how this effects you. I’m sure the word “judgemental” will be thrown in time and again. But as someone pointed out to me, somethings you just can’t judge because they are flat out wrong.

Pray before you speak to him.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[Sakoman]

Thank you both for you replies. I spoke to a priest from my parish last night after Mass and he basically told me what I already know. I can’t participate in this wedding if there is no annulment. He also said that even if there was an annulment, I still could not participate if it was outside of the Church. This makes sense. However I have to do the right thing, even if it pains me to tell my good friend the news. I hope he’ll understand. I am a catechist in my parish, and I have two young children with my wife that I need to set an example for. Your prayers are much appreciated. God Bless.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

It sounds like you have a great priest who has the courage to tell you the Truth, despite how much it may hurt. God bless him!

I will pray that God gives you the right words when speaking with your friend, and that He opens your friend’s heart to understanding. Take care, Sakoman!

 

[Gem]

Sakoman,

You are doing the right thing in saying no. It’s hard. I recently declined being in my sister’s wedding. I can tell you that it is no fun having those conversations. But I have read in other posts, that one’s strong position of faith can sometimes be a seed of conversion for the other person at some point later in life. Hopefully, this will be the case with your friend.

Speak the truth softly but firmly from your heart. You will be accused of being judgmental and out of line, but if God has given us His law, who are we to defy it? In the end, your friend is free to make his own decision, as are you to make yours.

Gem

 

[Gerry_Hunter]

May God bless, strengthen, and uphold you as you seek to bear witness, in love, to His truth, to your friend.

Blessings,

Gerry

 

[Sakoman]

Thank you Gerry, and everyone else for your kind words and prayers. Its tough, but no one ever said being a Christian was easy. But its also one of the things I love about being Catholic.

 

[estesbob]

Thank you both for you replies. I spoke to a priest from my parish last night after Mass and he basically told me what I already know. I can’t participate in this wedding if there is no annulment. He also said that even if there was an annulment, I still could not participate if it was outside of the Church. This makes sense. However I have to do the right thing, even if it pains me to tell my good friend the news. I hope he’ll understand. I am a catechist in my parish, and I have two young children with my wife that I need to set an example for.
Your prayers are much appreciated. God Bless.

You have a great Priest.!

You are making a very powerful statement to your frined about your commitment to your Faith. Perhaps this will be this will be the spark that starts his journey back to the Chruch.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Thank you both for you replies. I spoke to a priest from my parish last night after Mass and he basically told me what I already know. I can’t participate in this wedding if there is no annulment. He also said that even if there was an annulment, I still could not participate if it was outside of the Church. This makes sense. However I have to do the right thing, even if it pains me to tell my good friend the news. I hope he’ll understand. I am a catechist in my parish, and I have two young children with my wife that I need to set an example for. Your prayers are much appreciated. God Bless.

Stay close with this priest he sounds like a great man and remaining faithful to Mother Church is a great thing.

I will admit that it is tough and you mentioned that we never said it would be easy only that it would be worth it. Kudos to you for being his friend, but more kudos for standing strong in your faith.

BTW welcome to CAF