My faith has been destroyed

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I don’t know if it’s in Peter Kreeft’s Making Sense out of Suffering or Roy Schoeman’s Salvation is from the Jews, but there’s a story about two Jews in a Nazi concentration camp, reliving an event from the book of Job in a conversation they share: As I recall, Job’s wife (I think, who later leaves him) tells him that, after he’s lost everything, he should “just curse God and die.” Job, instead, says, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away: Blessed be the name of the Lord,” a profound act of faith that, in to me, is the most heroic and the most human act anyone can do. It seems to me that to will to believe, when given every emotional temptation not to and in the face of extreme suffering, can be as hard as laying down one’s life for another, a kind of ‘white martyrdom’.

The two men in the anecdote were similarly having a crisis of faith: One man lost his faith (at least for that moment), and encouraged the other to likewise curse God, who had apparently abandoned them to that camp. The other man replied, ‘No, blessed be the Lord.’

I encourage you to continue on. The drama of life is more powerful than anything people waste their time watching on television, and at the end, you may stand before God and show him your best.
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Job, CHAPTER 2

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Then his wife said to him, “Are you still holding to your innocence? Curse God and die!”
But he said to her, “You speak as foolish women do. We accept good things from God; should we not accept evil?” Through all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
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9 Little comfort his own wife gave him; What, she said, still maintaining thy innocence? Better thou shouldst renounce God, and have done with living.
10 Spoken like a foolish wife, Job answered. What, should we accept the good fortune God sends us, and not the ill? So well, even now, did Job guard his lips.
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[BIBLEDRB]Job 2:9-10[/BIBLEDRB]
 
emil2804 said:
I’m sorry for your loss too. I hope my post will help you adjust your perspective. It is the true story of a family I read a while back in a book. If I remember correctly the book is “Classic Christianity” by Bob George. I may not remember the exact details but it went something like this.
A couple had a beautiful daughter, I think her name was Michelle. One day, when she was about 6, she was in a bus with her class going for a picnic or a field trip. The bus met with an accident. Michelle was killed in the accident and not one other child sustained so much as an injury. The father was very upset and kept blaming God and isolated himself from society. He couldn’t help wondering what life was all about and that a loving God was a myth.
A month later, an old friend died and this man wouldn’t even go to the funeral. It was then that another friend visited him and spoke to him.
He asked him to ponder over just one question. “If God had told you before Michelle was born that she had only 6 years to live in this world and he was looking for a family for her, would you agree to look after her for 6 years for Him?”
The man realized that he would have gladly said yes. That changed his perspective and from that day on he started to return to normal life.
So ask yourself this. If God had told you before you married Jane that he was giving her to you for just 10-11 years and after that he wanted her back with him, would you have accepted her as God’s gift to you?
Hope this helps
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wow!
 
I’m sorry for your loss. Those feel like such empty words, believe me, I know. My daughter passed away in my arms in 2009, just 5 days after her 17th birthday from an illness. For 4 1/2 years now I have been struggling to find my faith, any faith, again. No offense to anyone who hasn’t lost someone so very close to them, but the words we hear over and over, usually sound empty and hollow after awhile. I had so many people tell me that “God needed another flower for his garden or another angel” and all I could think was “WHY MY DAUGHTER?”, and I know you are feeling the same way. Time does not heal all wounds, there are days when I still struggle and I recently went through a very dark time, and while I can tell you time will help, it doesn’t take away all the pain. What I can offer is a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear that knows what you are truly feeling inside. I spent quite a bit of time helping her friends and being their grief counselor, and I think that helped me a lot also. I still keep in touch with them and they with me and we talk and reminisce. Stay in touch with the people whose lives your wife touched…

Nita
 
I guess I see things differently. I see all bad things coming from the devil and the downfall of man. When bad things happen to me I grow closer to God since I pray more and lean on Him more.

I might feel like God had something to do with it but not for long. I feel God wants only good for us so I shake that off and double my prayers for God to help me get through a bad situation. It works for me, I hope it works for you as well.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss. My world is upside down, and my faith is being tested to it’s limits. Married 18 years, started a new life abroad, separated after 2 years. We have separated before, had so many reconciliations I guess I thought in the back of my mind we would reconcile again. Separated husband now with new g/f , she has same age son as mine who goes to same school , she is same age as me, even has the same bloody make of car. I found that out 3 months ago, My 2 year old beloved dog then died 1 month ago. I have been in so much pain, but coped. But…he took the kids to her house at Christmas for a lovely Christmas dinner. How insulting is that? We are still married, not even divorced. I have always taken my children to church, and raised then as Catholics. Where does that leave me? Replaced! (no,I never let my appearances go since I married him btw!!) Just devastated, what was all the ‘good work’ I tried to do over the years for? I’ve been treated as utterly worthless!! I won’t leave God, I’ll continue to go to church and say the Rosary, but thought I’d just share my predicament concerning the faith. :confused:
 
I know a widow who lost her husband age 34 aprox. She had five children. She never lost her faith. She did have a very supportive family. One of her daughters was about to get married when a stranger killed her future husband shortly before their planned marriage. Real tragedy struck that family, but they didn’t lose faith. Never make a serious decisions when suffering tragedy. As others have stated, it is so hard and painful to accept a love ones death. God had a supreme purpose in allowing this loss as painful as it is. Be confident that your wife is with God and still very alive. Now you need God more than ever, to bring up your children, and to give you strength, peace and acceptance. And if it is in His providence, who knows He may give you another partner in life. Our faith in God is very tested in this life. Jesus gives us this gift, we don’t earn it, Jesus merited for us. If we really love Him, we have to be like Job, tested and found worthy. There are dark nights in the life of people, but God brings us through and we are found worthy. (even when we might not co-0perate with His Will) Let time pass, don’t make any critical decisions. Pray and cry inspite of it all, all things do pass, and God heals and gives understanding in time. I will keep you in my prayers
 
I have dealt with several issues like this in my life, starting when I was a child. The details are unimportant now, just please believe me when I say I understand your suffering, and I empathize.

I have spent years working out issues related to this for myself. There are many ways to approach the issue you pose - but for some reason, the following spoke to me this morning.

Please consider the Book of Job, around Ch 38 - 40. This is where God basically asks Job a bunch of questions to establish Job’s place in the universe, and that God knows better than Job. It’s probably worth you reading it.

Then I would say to you - all things, good or bad - are relative. That is, something may seem good or bad, but there are always alternatives, and those alternatives may be better or worse.

As bad as this is - as unprepared as you were, and as much of a surprise as it was - please consider - what if there was something that would have happened that would have been worse - especially for her - but for you - if she had continued to live. I could list all sorts of things, attacks, diseases, severe brain damage from the clot, and so on. Since we do not live in a perfect world and therefore since bad things must happen - how do you know that this wasn’t the most merciful of all the bad things?

That may not give you comfort. But perhaps it will give you closure.
 
Jesus said “Father if this chalice can not pass but that I drink of it, Thy holy Will be done” God can only will what is best for us, always in view of our eternal life with Him and even in our present life (which may entail some real trials) like that of Christ Himself, Those that are faithful are identified with Him, His sufferings and joys. What may seem to be incomprehensible appears as a “dark night” many believe that it isn’t darkness but ":light " True love of God is tried, this truth is found in the lives of saints. We are all saints if we are baptized in Jesus. The life of Christ is repeated spiritually in our individual lives. It’s not a curse but a supreme blessing , a real growth in the love of God. How is love tested, by faithfulness in spite of all obstacles. We believe in the promises of Christ that we will live for ever in union with Him in the after life. All our efforts are directed to the fulfilment of this promise. This is the reason the “Resurrection” is the greatest Feast Day of the Church. St. Paul said "If there is no Resurrection , we are all fools. We live for this, and may die for this, our belief in Jesus Christ and His promises. If we don’t believe this, our faith is worthless.
 
Two and a half years later…

I had so much going on in my life when I made my original post that I never got round to reading all of your replies.

Tonight I’ve been in tears reading them. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply! It means a lot to me.

I wish I could tell you that my faith has been restored, it hasn’t. I still feel the same way as I did then. I pray to God every night, I bare my heart to him, I get angry with him, I tell him how I feel, how I want to believe in him but find it hard.

I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for making me feel so loved. I truly appreciate you all.

Perhaps you wouldn’t mind saying a small prayer for me next time you are at mass? I need all the help I can get 🙂
 
I will pray.

God is close to those whose hearts are breaking.

The level is tragedy you have experienced is likely at a level that not many people around you have ever experienced. But God knows.

Here is what He says to those in your shoes. This work I link below seems truly for you, is Catholic and has the permission of the local bishop to be published (proper form) and also has been submitted to the Vatican for approval, so its Catholicity is solid.

Its from the free library on this page: directionforourtimes.com/library/english/

You scroll down to the yellow booklet and click, and you get this:

directionforourtimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/HS-Tragedy-Body.pdf

I think those Heavenly words are what you need. God bless you.
Yea,
though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. -Psalm 23:4

For the Lord will not cast off for ever:

but though he cause grief,
yet will He have compassion
according to the multitude of His mercies.

For He doth not afflict willingly
nor grieve the children of men.
  • Lamentations 3:31-33
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    .
    .
 
I’m so sorry for your loss. :imsorry:

Have you received any counseling? Finding a good therapist can be very useful. Catholic social services offers counseling, I believe.
 
livingdaylights said:
Two and a half years later…

I had so much going on in my life when I made my original post that I never got round to reading all of your replies.

Tonight I’ve been in tears reading them. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply! It means a lot to me.

I wish I could tell you that my faith has been restored, it hasn’t. I still feel the same way as I did then. I pray to God every night, I bare my heart to him, I get angry with him, I tell him how I feel, how I want to believe in him but find it hard.

I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for making me feel so loved. I truly appreciate you all.

Perhaps you wouldn’t mind saying a small prayer for me next time you are at mass? I need all the help I can get 🙂
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On New Year’s, I woke up to find out that my mother was dead. I was around 14. Just a few hours ago, we were watching fireworks and having a fun little barbeque. Was I mad at God? Definitely! How dare He take away my mother? Of course a wife is much different, but I can relate to you

It gets better. Trust me on this. I’m 18 now, and my faith is the strongest ATM. God is always there. You can scold him, you can shout at him. He is always going to love you and be there. Before my confirmation, I had to go for confession and I told the priest that I was angry at God for doing that. That I don’t believe that he cared anymore. He simply just smiled and told me that it is not something I need to even confess. God wants you to vent to him, it hurts a lot.

You will feel this love one day. Please hang in there. I will obviously pray for you and I want you to know that there are a lot of people who care about you, and if you ever feel the need to, please reach out to talk to someone. I’m glad you make this post, I mean look at all the lovely replies you got 🙂

I’m truly sorry for your loss. Please know that God is always there for you. Always. He is a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it feels like He is not listening but trust me, He is always there and He cares about you.
 
livingdaylights said:
Two and a half years later…

I had so much going on in my life when I made my original post that I never got round to reading all of your replies.

Tonight I’ve been in tears reading them. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply! It means a lot to me.

I wish I could tell you that my faith has been restored, it hasn’t. I still feel the same way as I did then. I pray to God every night, I bare my heart to him, I get angry with him, I tell him how I feel, how I want to believe in him but find it hard.

I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for making me feel so loved. I truly appreciate you all.

Perhaps you wouldn’t mind saying a small prayer for me next time you are at mass? I need all the help I can get 🙂
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T he fact that you are always praying to God in all of your sufferings is proof of your faith, it is being tried, so this inner strength comes from the Holy Spirit of God who gives us this strength through Jesus Christ. We suffer with Christ, and we find joy in Christ, we know all things pass, and even here on earth Jesus lifts us up at the time of His choosing. All Christians are warriors, like Paul, we fight the good fight to win the crown, and even on earth we can experience some of heavenly delight, some spiritual love, joy, and consolation, contact with Jesus which dispels our temporary sorrows. Be assured of my prayers:thumbsup:
 
livingdaylights said:
I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.
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That was the very place that I found my healing began. (Loss of child). I was so angry at God for so long. In the end, logic got to me. I had to ask myself do I really believe in God? If yes, I have to believe He didn’t do this thing to me… that it was part of being in a fallen world and nature and that He is actually the one who will comfort and love me back to meaning and happiness. When I could actually take my grief to God without being angry at Him… I found not just healing but also a new wisdom too.

God bless you in your journey.
 
Thank you for your kind words, wisdom, and for sharing your stories too. Thanks also Eliza for the link to the booklet.

kptrs - I did have some counselling. Not long after my wife passed I went to see my doctor to see if any counselling was available for my children. There was, but it had to be privately funded. I applied for funding to the local health authority here in the UK and unbelievably we were turned down. However on appeal we were successful and all 3 of us received counselling from UK charity Barnados.

It’s debatable as to how effective it was. I think my children benefitted from it but I didn’t really find it that helpful. A lot of the problem was that it was ‘person led’ counselling which means rather than the counsellor asking me questions it was rather a case of me talking about whatever was on my mind on that particular day. Also as it wasn’t a Catholic charity, I wasn’t able to talk about the issues affecting my faith.

Around about the same time I did get in touch with my local priest. I told him I was having issues with my faith. Although he was very nice, he didn’t feel he was able to answer all of my questions. However he did put me in touch with another priest who he said would be in a better position to help me. I had 3 or 4 sessions with this other priest but, to be honest. I didn’t find them helpful.

I can best describe him as being ‘politician like’ in answering my questions, as in that he would give me an answer, but not necessarily the answer to the question I had asked 🙂 So in frustration I just gave up!
 
livingdaylights said:
Two and a half years later…

I had so much going on in my life when I made my original post that I never got round to reading all of your replies.

Tonight I’ve been in tears reading them. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply! It means a lot to me.

I wish I could tell you that my faith has been restored, it hasn’t. I still feel the same way as I did then. I pray to God every night, I bare my heart to him, I get angry with him, I tell him how I feel, how I want to believe in him but find it hard.

I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for making me feel so loved. I truly appreciate you all.

Perhaps you wouldn’t mind saying a small prayer for me next time you are at mass? I need all the help I can get 🙂
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Thanks for coming back after all this time. I am so sorry for your loss and suffering.

I am praying for you and your sons.
 
I will pray for you and your children. Perhaps seek out another Priest? They are all so different from one another.
 
livingdaylights said:
Thank you for your kind words, wisdom, and for sharing your stories too. Thanks also Eliza for the link to the booklet.

kptrs - I did have some counselling. Not long after my wife passed I went to see my doctor to see if any counselling was available for my children. There was, but it had to be privately funded. I applied for funding to the local health authority here in the UK and unbelievably we were turned down. However on appeal we were successful and all 3 of us received counselling from UK charity Barnados.

It’s debatable as to how effective it was. I think my children benefitted from it but I didn’t really find it that helpful. A lot of the problem was that it was ‘person led’ counselling which means rather than the counsellor asking me questions it was rather a case of me talking about whatever was on my mind on that particular day. Also as it wasn’t a Catholic charity, I wasn’t able to talk about the issues affecting my faith.

Around about the same time I did get in touch with my local priest. I told him I was having issues with my faith. Although he was very nice, he didn’t feel he was able to answer all of my questions. However he did put me in touch with another priest who he said would be in a better position to help me. I had 3 or 4 sessions with this other priest but, to be honest. I didn’t find them helpful.

I can best describe him as being ‘politician like’ in answering my questions, as in that he would give me an answer, but not necessarily the answer to the question I had asked 🙂 So in frustration I just gave up!
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Thank you for posting again. My wife had a PE less than a year ago. She could have easily died. Thankfully we went to the hospital and they caught it. She will be on blood thinners for life now. Your post was very sobering to me because it could indeed happen to us. It refocused me and caused me to reflect on my wonderful family and wife. So, while you may wonder how there is good in any tragedy, remember that even just sharing your story can be a good and holy thing. After I read your post I shared it with my wife and we told each other how much we love each other and that we need to always be vigilant in the way we take care of ourselves for our children. So, your situation can bear good fruit. I hugged my wife and kids a little tighter today because of you. And you should see the good in that.
 
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