My faith has been destroyed

[E_7]

Thank you for your kind words, wisdom, and for sharing your stories too. Thanks also Eliza for the link to the booklet.

kptrs - I did have some counselling. Not long after my wife passed I went to see my doctor to see if any counselling was available for my children. There was, but it had to be privately funded. I applied for funding to the local health authority here in the UK and unbelievably we were turned down. However on appeal we were successful and all 3 of us received counselling from UK charity Barnados.

It’s debatable as to how effective it was. I think my children benefitted from it but I didn’t really find it that helpful. A lot of the problem was that it was ‘person led’ counselling which means rather than the counsellor asking me questions it was rather a case of me talking about whatever was on my mind on that particular day. Also as it wasn’t a Catholic charity, I wasn’t able to talk about the issues affecting my faith.

Around about the same time I did get in touch with my local priest. I told him I was having issues with my faith. Although he was very nice, he didn’t feel he was able to answer all of my questions. However he did put me in touch with another priest who he said would be in a better position to help me. I had 3 or 4 sessions with this other priest but, to be honest. I didn’t find them helpful.

Not that I’m trying to mimic a quote from the movie Nanny McPhee, but the person you need is…a priest from Opus Dei and participate it their activities like weekly confession, weekly spiritual direction and weekly meditations. You need a strong spirituality like Opus Dei to help you see and get back on track and be even better than before. This is their UK website opusdei.uk/en-uk/, just go to contact and ask for the nearest Opus Dei center for men. It changes lives for the greater good.

Your wife NEEDS you to pray for her. She is relying on you to pray for her. We can’t take for granted that she is in heaven already. But just in case she is still purifying in purgatory, she needs YOUR prayers to hurry things up so she can finally be in permanent happiness. And a prayer is more powerful when you are in a state of grace and when you combine it with a mortification (a sacrificial offering, material or spiritual, small or big but meaningful) for the sake of something or someone.

 

[kptrs]

Thank you for your kind words, wisdom, and for sharing your stories too. Thanks also Eliza for the link to the booklet.

kptrs - I did have some counselling. Not long after my wife passed I went to see my doctor to see if any counselling was available for my children. There was, but it had to be privately funded. I applied for funding to the local health authority here in the UK and unbelievably we were turned down. However on appeal we were successful and all 3 of us received counselling from UK charity Barnados.

It’s debatable as to how effective it was. I think my children benefitted from it but I didn’t really find it that helpful. A lot of the problem was that it was ‘person led’ counselling which means rather than the counsellor asking me questions it was rather a case of me talking about whatever was on my mind on that particular day. Also as it wasn’t a Catholic charity, I wasn’t able to talk about the issues affecting my faith.

Around about the same time I did get in touch with my local priest. I told him I was having issues with my faith. Although he was very nice, he didn’t feel he was able to answer all of my questions. However he did put me in touch with another priest who he said would be in a better position to help me. I had 3 or 4 sessions with this other priest but, to be honest. I didn’t find them helpful.

I can best describe him as being ‘politician like’ in answering my questions, as in that he would give me an answer, but not necessarily the answer to the question I had asked So in frustration I just gave up!

I’m sorry to hear that. Not all counselors/types of counseling are equally effective. It’s not a bad idea to “therapist shop” to find a good fit. Also, not all priests are equally good at counseling (speaking from lots of experience here). Don’t feel bad about continuing to look for a priest until you find a good match for your pets situation. God bless.

 

[kptrs]

Thank you for posting again. My wife had a PE less than a year ago. She could have easily died. Thankfully we went to the hospital and they caught it. She will be on blood thinners for life now. Your post was very sobering to me because it could indeed happen to us. It refocused me and caused me to reflect on my wonderful family and wife. So, while you may wonder how there is good in any tragedy, remember that even just sharing your story can be a good and holy thing. After I read your post I shared it with my wife and we told each other how much we love each other and that we need to always be vigilant in the way we take care of ourselves for our children. So, your situation can bear good fruit. I hugged my wife and kids a little tighter today because of you. And you should see the good in that.

Wonderful post, Hoosier Daddy. Got me a little weepy there. :bighanky:

 

[livingdaylights]

And me too…

Thanks for sharing that. I’m glad some small good has come of my experience. Yes, please treasure your family. Life can change in the blink of an eye. We go through life thinking we’re invincible - we’re not. My children kissed their Mother goodbye at the school gates one morning and never saw her again.

I had the heart wrenching task of telling them what had happened when they came home at 4 o’clock. My youngest (8 at the time) didn’t believe me at first, he thought she was playing a game of hide and seek. He ran around the house laughing and searching all over for her.

How is an 8 year old supposed deal with tragedy like that? It’s hard enough for us adults but it breaks my heart when I think about how my children must feel. They’ve been so strong these past 3 years, tougher than me. It’s my boys that have given me the strength to go on.

I’ve learnt never to take anything for granted, not even my own life. We never know what may happen tomorrow. That’s why it’s so important to do exactly as you have done - tell your loved ones just how much you love them and hold them tight.

 

[oneofmany]

Have you looked for a grief counselor or found a grief support group? It might be good to join others who have lost loved ones to support each other.

I went to a counselor shortly after losing my father and she reminded me that my father would want me to live a good life and to go on. In your case I would say the same thing, Your wife would want you to live a good life and not lose your faith.

You can pray for your wife now and ask her to pray for you. Keep going to Church and praying. It will help. You can get mad at God, He is big enough to take it. Remember He watched His Son die a terrible death but it was for love of you.

 

[tweedlealice]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here and the reason I’ve joined the forum.

The problem I have is that my faith in God has been destroyed.

One morning about 10 months ago, I got up out of bed, came downstairs and found my wife dead on the living room floor. She was only 34.

She hadn’t been ill. She died from a Pulmonary Embolism which is basically where a blood clot somewhere in your body breaks free and travels up to your lungs and prevents you from breathing. We have 2 boys aged 8 and 10 who thankfully were at school when this happened.

A few weeks before she had been shopping with her Mum when an old man had tripped and fell against her, causing her to bang her hip against the checkout counter. I suspect this is what caused the blood clot.

I’ve been Catholic all my life and my wife had too. I’ve tried to come to terms with her loss but none of it makes any sense.

I had always expected I would be the one to go first as I was 10 years older than Jane and had suffered a heart attack 3 years ago.

I’ve always believed in an all loving and powerful God and I’ve tried to live as good a life as possible. I’ve prayed to God every night and thanked him for all the blessings he’s given me. I’ve defended him when others have attacked or insulted him. I’ve raised my children to believe in him.

I’m no stranger to death either. My Dad died when I was only 3 years old and I was brought up by my Mam and Gran. My Gran passed away a few years back at the age of 99 and my Mam not long after.

Also, I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we can’t see that reason immediately but it usually becomes apparent through the course of time.

I just can’t come to terms with Jane’s death. I can’t understand how there could be any justifiable reason for it to happen. How can God take a mother away from two little children like that? Why couldn’t he do something to prevent it? There’s been a number of times in my life when I’ve nearly died but each time I’ve been saved. Why couldn’t he save Jane? Why save me? It doesn’t make sense. He could have saved my wife from dying if he wanted to, but he didn’t.

I love our two children with all my heart and I will do whatever it takes to bring them up the way Jane would have wanted, but surely it would be better if their mother was here to look after them instead of me?

I’ve prayed and prayed to God for answers but nothing…

I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that my faith in God has been wrong all these years. I still believe in him as the creator of the universe, but my faith in him as being an all loving and powerful God who takes a personal interest in each of our lives has been destroyed.

Arriving at this conclusion has been one of the saddest things in my life next to my wife dying but there seems to be no other explanation.

Blessings,
We live in a natural world with corruptible bodies that will age and die. This is what we expect. We live in a supernatural world, also. Our loving Father knows when to call us home. God knows how many times we disagree with Him. I read the thread and saw other sad stories. Alanna my daughter, was in a relationship for 3 yrs, married for 7 months. On her husband’s 3rd deployment to Iraq, he was killed at 24yo. She became an atheist. If there was a God,etc.
7 months later, my 2nd daughter’s husband committed suicide on 12/31/2007. Both grieved in strange ways. One became a cougar and the other became slightly promiscuous because she wanted to die.You know Jane is in heaven. George who committed suicide, where is he? Jason was working on his faith before they all got killed. There were 4. 18yo to 24yo. Some of our lives have heavier crosses to carry. I felt bad I had no shoes,then, I saw a man with no feet. WE HUMBLE OURSELVES IN THE SIGHT OF THE LORD, AND HE WILL RAISE US UP, HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HE WI’LL RAISE US UP.
cdbaby.com A song in Cd called Faith Walk? The song is “ONLY YOU, A SONG OF SURRENDER”
Maybe it can help?
Jane is happy in heaven with her family members who have gone on before and with Jesus. The angels said to those looking in the tomb. “Why do you search for Him here amongst the dead? He lives. He has arisen”. So, has Jane.
MY PEACE I leave you. My peace I give you " He promises us the peace that passes all understanding. Reach out for it .Jesus freely gives it to us
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice

 

[tweedlealice]

Two and a half years later…

I had so much going on in my life when I made my original post that I never got round to reading all of your replies.

Tonight I’ve been in tears reading them. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to reply! It means a lot to me.

I wish I could tell you that my faith has been restored, it hasn’t. I still feel the same way as I did then. I pray to God every night, I bare my heart to him, I get angry with him, I tell him how I feel, how I want to believe in him but find it hard.

I’ve been through some very dark times where I haven’t wanted to go on… but I’m still here. It hasn’t got any easier, if anything it’s got harder. I’m no further forward than I was back then however I have come to the conclusion that I do have faith, strong faith, because to be angry with someone, as I am with God, means you first have to believe in them.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for making me feel so loved. I truly appreciate you all.

Perhaps you wouldn’t mind saying a small prayer for me next time you are at mass? I need all the help I can get

Blessings,again
Just wrote to you. God can handle your anger. All families have disagreements Finally, it gets too tiresome to carry the anger anymore. Psalm 54 CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART, OH LORD. MATTHEW 11: COME TO ME ALL YOU WHO ARE HEAVY LADEN AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. TAKE , MY YOKE UPON YOU. FOR MY YOKE IS EASY AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT." WE are all gifts from God on loan on earth. Life is too short to put away our joy.
You are allowed to grieve, to be angry and then move on to happiness and joy. Jane would want you to show the boys that there is happiness having someone in heaven.
My soul doth glorify my God, and my spirit doth rejoice in God my Savior
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice

 

[Hawkmaid]

Faith is never destroyed. Damaged, yes, ignored, yes, but never destroyed. I think the key is to not question it. Just look at your sons; child-like faith is the strongest. May God give you peace and understanding, and I pray in thanksgiving that you haven’t given up.