My Faith is Weak and Failing Me

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SavedByFaith

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On June 13th, 2005 I started a 40 day prayer fast consisting of:

Daily Rosary
Stations of the Cross (2 stations per day)
Daily Mass Reading and Prayers
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

I am doing this in an effort to walk away from outside influences and seek Gods guidance for me concerning conversion to the Catholic faith.

Everything went fine for about 3 weeks (20 days or so) and I was becoming increasingly convinced that I was on the right path and within the will of God. On about July 1st (halfway through my prayer fast) my faith was severely shaken and since that time I am consumed with doubt and fear. I can not convince myself that I am not wasting my time, where God is, if He truly cares for me, if Jesus was His Son or any other basic truths. When I say shaken, I really mean shaken badly. I get brief moments of faith while praying but it takes a full hour of my day and I cannot pray all day.

Is it normal to have to fight with evil so much or is it possible that I am just a loser or a cast off or something. Maybe the Calvinists are right about election and I just did not make the cut. I think all sorts of trash and cant seem to get back on my feet.

How do we go about getting faith back? I pray and pray and pray and ask and beg for faith. Yet I suffer. I have had a tough go at life in general for the last 4-5 years and have suffered much. I have been more patient that most in my suffering and have truly tried to please God in my suffering and yet I keep trudging along with no absolute truth, weak faith, no church home and nowhere that I feel that I belong.
 
Satan doesn’t worry about the people who are immersed in his lies and vices, but he does make a special effort to trip up those who are trying to break free.

I advise finding a holy priest to talk to about this, and if you haven’t been to confession lately, do it right away.
 
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urquhart:
Satan doesn’t worry about the people who are immersed in his lies and vices, but he does make a special effort to trip up those who are trying to break free.

I advise finding a holy priest to talk to about this, and if you haven’t been to confession lately, do it right away.
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I am not Catholic (yet). My prayer fast was intended to lead me to a final decision concerning conversion. Obviously, I am not sure about converting as a result of this terrible lack of faith ordeal that I am going through right now.
 
One thing that always picked me up was looking at all the miracles that have occured within the Catholic Church-apparitions, incorruptables, Eucharistic miracles, other phenomina in the lives of the saints, etc.
 
one thing our Protestant brothers and sisters have right it, the prayers and pious practices you have embraced are not faith, not proof of faith, not the result of faith, and do not produce faith. Initial faith, which you received in baptism, is a gift from God. Growth and strength in faith is a fruit of humble obedience and submission to God, and trust in Him as He works in your life through all its sufferings, goods and circumstances. The prayer and pious practices are signs of that submission and gratitude for that action, but by themselves they do not bear fruit. They are of value only as part of that submission and trust.

Crises in faith are not combatted by more prayers, more works, but by more trust, more humility and more obedience. Did you embark on this spiritual program at the direction of a trusted confessor or spiritual advisor, or are you a DIY?
 
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puzzleannie:
Did you embark on this spiritual program at the direction of a trusted confessor or spiritual advisor, or are you a DIY?
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DIY, my wife has a panic/anxiety disorder x 4 years now and I can not get out much at all. I am pretty much on my own in this pursuit of truth.
 
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SavedByFaith:
I am not Catholic (yet). My prayer fast was intended to lead me to a final decision concerning conversion. Obviously, I am not sure about converting as a result of this terrible lack of faith ordeal that I am going through right now.
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Urquhart posted that the devil loves to play with those who are doing good and are on the path of righteousness.

As you are trying to strengthen your relationship with God, seek God’s will in becoming Catholic, you seem to be good pickens for a major derailment assault by the enemy.

But as PuzzleAnnie said, trust is what is needed. Just place all your trust in God and He will help you through.
 
You are on the right path…you will always have ups and downs - and the closer to God you get, the more persecution you will get as well (Jesus tells us so)…Mother Theresa had a dry spell that lasted around 30 years! Also, Paul would not have told us to run the race to win if predestination by elect (ala Calvanist) were true.

Run the race to win brother! - 1 Cor 9:24-27
 
God loves it when people seek him out and look for the truth. The devil however hates this. The devil and his minions will do whatever they can do deceive people and make them question the faith that God is giving them. Continue to pray to God in these times. The intercession of Mary will also help you with your daily rosary. This is probably the devil working on you trying to get you to back down. Do not back down to the devil. Eventually these troubles will not bother you in the same way. Through God all can be accomplished, so do not be afraid of the devil or anything else. IIf you seek God you will find Him.

Lastly I would recommend praying the prayer of St. Michael. It goes like this:

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness
and snares of the devil;
may God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the divine power,
thrust into hell Satan
and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

You can also ask for the intercession of St. Benedict. He was a very holy man who used the sign of the cross to fight the devil and his minions.

You will be in my prayers.

matthew
 
Dear friend

You are a thinking human being; it would be very strange if at some point in your journey with God you didn’t sit down and ponder the Truth. You shouldn’t feel bad nor feel bad about yourself for these thoughts coming into your mind and the fact that you are pondering them in your heart.

Every human being is seeking God, the Truth of Life. The Truth is so marvelous and so humbling, that God became man, suffered for our sins and restored, that is, redeemed our relationship with God again, that sometimes we can have thoughts that cross our minds that cause us to consider whether it is all actually true.

There exist so many human opinions in regard to God and the man Christ Jesus that we can find the wood hard to see for the trees.

Somewhere in the bottom of our soul, we know it is true. Incredulous , humbling and magnificent as it is, it is true, God became man and the Divinity veiled in flesh is Jesus and Blessed is His Holy Name.

We all at some point have to make a leap of faith. Your faith is not weak, your faith is strong as in your circumstances you are making every striving you can to embrace the Truth.

Be aware, as other posters have said, that satan doesn’t want you to have a relationship with Jesus, but in being aware of this fact, don’t worry about it, satan is POWERLESS against Jesus, even His Holy Name causes evil spirits to flee.

If you feel you can, make this simple prayer, ‘Lord Jesus, show Yourself to me, lead me to You and lead me to Your Church. I promise to embrace the truths You show to me, give me the strength to keep my promise to You.’

If you say that prayer, Jesus will show Himself to you and where He desires you to practice your faith in Him. Be ready, He will show you and you will be surprised by the Kindness and the Mercy He bestows upon you.

Persevere!

Don’t worry about anything, you are in the Hands of the Holy Spirit. Everything will be alright, I promise you and I can promise you because I trust in God’s Providence for you.

You remain in my prayers

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
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SavedByFaith:
Is it normal to have to fight with evil so much or is it possible that I am just a loser or a cast off or something.
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SavedByFaith :tiphat:

If you made it through the novena without any attacks or problems, then I would be worried. Satan only attacks at this heighten level when God is ready to bestow major graces. As St. Paul said, “run the race to win.” You are doing it and Satan hates it. Persevere and trust in God.
How do we go about getting faith back? I pray and pray and pray and ask and beg for faith. Yet I suffer
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You answered your own question. What a blessing the suffering has been for you. Do you see how God is answering your prayer with redemptive suffering? Suffering in union with God is living the way Jesus showed us.

Peace
 
You remind me of the repentant tax collector.

Luke 18:
8] I tell you, he will vindicate them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of man comes, will he find faith on earth?"
9] He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others:
10] “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
11] The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. **12**] I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.' **13**] But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, God, be merciful to me a sinner!’
14] I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Keep up the good work. :clapping:
 
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johnq:
Do you see how God is answering your prayer with redemptive suffering? Suffering in union with God is living the way Jesus showed us.

Peace
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I must not understand redemptive suffering yet. I just feel terrible, broken, downtrodden and very loserish. The harder I try to be good and faithful the more I waiver back and forth. I just feel so lousy that I can not seem to see the truth and have faith. Can someone explain to me how redemptive suffering works and why it is beneficial, because it just feels bad to me.
 
Dear Friend - I am a convert to Catholicism from the Evangelical Church. May I offer you a few suggestions that have been helpful to me? Do you go to Mass, even though you cannot receive comunion? Mass will strenghten your love of Christ in the Eucharist. Praying before the Tabernacle will console you until you are able to receive the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ in communion. You say that you are doing this on your own w/o a spiritual advisor - is there any way you could start a relationship w/ a local priest who could guide you? Also, have you lookied into the Coming Home Network? Their web page is chnetwork.org Their entire ministry is helping people who are on the journey of conversion to the Catholic Church, or who are considering the journey. Dear friend, the Evil One is called the “accuser of the brotherhood” in Revelation. Satan sees you drawing closer to God, and sees how precious you are to God, and he wants to ruin that closeness - so he accuses us - makes us think we “didn’t make the cut,” that we’re not worthy, or that it all just isn’t worth the effort. Dear brother, it is worth the effort - ask God to help you w/ your undelief. We are praying for you. . . and the saints in heaven will pray for you, too. Please let us know how you are doing. We really care. Your Sister in Christ, Kate
 
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SavedByFaith:
DIY, my wife has a panic/anxiety disorder x 4 years now and I can not get out much at all. I am pretty much on my own in this pursuit of truth.
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God made holy music and hymns for just this occasion. Both of you.
Get out your favorite spiritual audios, and play them now. They can’t help but lift you up. If you have none go out and get some.
Spiritual music is toxic to depression, lack of faith and temptation.
 
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SavedByFaith:
I must not understand redemptive suffering yet. I just feel terrible, broken, downtrodden and very loserish. The harder I try to be good and faithful the more I waiver back and forth. I just feel so lousy that I can not seem to see the truth and have faith. Can someone explain to me how redemptive suffering works and why it is beneficial, because it just feels bad to me.
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Suffering for Christ’s sake is one of the most beneficial things one can do! He tells us to pick up our cross and follow in His bloody foot steps…let me ask you this:

If you see a man walking down the street wearing overalls, carrying a roller, paint brush, and a bucket of paint, what do you think he is going to do? Probably paint something…

If you see a man walking down the street carrying a fishing pole and tackle box, what do you think he is going to do? That’s right, go fishing!

Now, if you see a person who is beaten and bloodied, carrying his cross, what do you think is going to happen? He is going to be crucified…Jesus tells us this must happen for us to have eternal life with Him.

Remember, Jesus was beaten and disgraced even before the actual crucifixion, but Mary was there for Him when He fell and this gave Him strength (as it would for any man to see His mother)…ask Mary to be there for you, to comfort you, and to renew your strength for the journey you are on…for never was it known that Mary refused anyone who asked for her intercession.

Also remember, that many others are going through hardships such as yourself (as I am), and we all are in the same spiritual battle that is going on, let us all encourage one another to fight the good fight!

Strength and peace be with you!

Your brother in Christ,
~Lee
1 Cor 1:4
 
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Magicsilence:
Sorry to sound dumb, but what do you mean by a prayer fast?
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Maybe the wrong term? Prayer diet, how is that? Much prayer, little else.
 
You friend want someone to make that leap of faith for you and no-one can do that for you; YOU must make the leap of faith and once you leap you leap with the entire Church since Christ Jesus founded it.

You leap, you make that choice, you do it! You have been given the gift of faith, you leap, you embrace and you leap and don’t ask anyone else to do that for you…for all people, we all make that leap of faith. You must make your leap of faith.

May God Bless you with the zeal of Elijah and a double portion of his spirit. Amen!

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Saved ByFaith, I can relate to many things you stated. I went from doubting God’s existence. Then I believed in God, but I didn’t feel a connection, I didn’t feel a relationship. I prayed and asked God to guide me so that I could love him and feel connected to him.

I got little clues here and there that I followed and I had to do this on my own a lot. It took more than a year! But finally one thing led to another and now I feel that God is really there looking out for me. I just pray that that you will preservere with your prayers and that one day you will truly believe and also feel connected to God.

I suggest that you read about the many miracles that have occurred, the lives of Saints, and more.

Have you read “The Miracle Detective” by Randall Sullivan? I related to a lot of what he said and doubts that he had. It helped me. Especially when I read his interview with father Groeschel. Father Groeschel said there was a lot of gray that we might never understand and for some reason that really calmed me and I realized that I didn’t need constant “proof” of God’s existence.

I believe in God, our Church, and the Eucharist now. But this was long process for me. Even though I had been going to Church regurlay like I said for over a year. Recently for a few days I got worried because I felt like I was being disconnected again from God. I still believed in Him, but for some reason I was feeling like I was being pulled away. I finally prayed a rosary and I feel good now. I don’t want to get into a big story, but I can get pretty angry at times and my anger caused me to commit some things that I felt bad for and it was kinda opening the flood-gates of negativity towards myself. I don’t like to think it was the devil, but you never know. Especially since this happened after missing confession which began my frustration ordeal.

Keep praying to God and try not to waiver. That fact alone that you are trying to get closer to God is because He is calling you and you are trying to reach Him. I believe that He is always calling us towards Him, no matter how far away from the faith we are. I’ll be praying for you SavedByFaith.
 
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