My family questions my reasons for becoming Catholic

[JRKH]

Yes, the feedback is being a huge help! Thanks so much! I need to work on my end of not being defensive and to stop trying to convince/justify as others have stated. I like the approach that you suggested. I am trying to think of a way to stop trying to justify when they question my decision. My parents, my mother in particular, do not let things go very easily. If I were to say, “I’m not going to justify my decision to you anymore. I have already said my reasons. You need to trust me”…she would want to draw out the discussion further because it is the wrong decision to her. I’m not sure what to do in those cases other than to just not say anything and let the conversation die when she wants to continue the information pumping session (as I like to think of it in my head ).

Yes - sometimes this is the best solution.
Or - if she just can’t stop talking about it you can try the broken record technique…just keep repeating the same thing over and over…“you need to trust me”…

Everyone’s advice has been super helpful! I really do appreciate the encouraging words.

Peace
James

 

[NFPWife]

… Side Note: I still live at home and commute to school everyday. So, I can’t just hang up the phone or get in a car and drive back to campus when these discussions present themselves. I have to stay and deal with it.

Two words - ear buds. Or - bluetooth headset. Once you’ve answered her, pop in your ear buds and put on some music.

If you can’t exit physically, exit mentally. Disengage. Don’t answer her. Don’t even do verbal encouragers like “Uh huh.” The key D word is “disengage” not “defensive.” When you get defensive, she hooks you and then she’s reinforced for her badgering about this with a big conversation. She also likely thinks she has a chance at changing your perspective when you engage in drawn out dialog on this.

I like to have a couple key phrases to use when I feel defensive, in this case I’d say, “Thanks for your perspective.” or “Your concern is noted.”

For other situations I like, “Thanks for pointing that out to me.” “Hmmm, that’s something to think about.” “I’ll give that some consideration.” (Because her opinion isn’t something you’d think about or give consideration, I wouldn’t do those for this specific thing.)

 

[Lor91]

Two words - ear buds. Or - bluetooth headset. Once you’ve answered her, pop in your ear buds and put on some music.

If you can’t exit physically, exit mentally. Disengage. Don’t answer her. Don’t even do verbal encouragers like “Uh huh.” The key D word is “disengage” not “defensive.” When you get defensive, she hooks you and then she’s reinforced for her badgering about this with a big conversation. She also likely thinks she has a chance at changing your perspective when you engage in drawn out dialog on this.

I like to have a couple key phrases to use when I feel defensive, in this case I’d say, “Thanks for your perspective.” or “Your concern is noted.”

For other situations I like, “Thanks for pointing that out to me.” “Hmmm, that’s something to think about.” “I’ll give that some consideration.” (Because her opinion isn’t something you’d think about or give consideration, I wouldn’t do those for this specific thing.)

Thanks! I will keep those phrases in mind for when she questions me again.

 

[rinnie]

Hello everyone!

I am in dire need of prayer and advice! For the past year I have been learning about the Catholic faith and have made the decision to become Catholic. My family is Protestant and they are against this decision and think I’m going down the wrong path. Besides the fact that they disagree with Church teaching on saints, praying to Mary, etc., they are questioning my reasons for making this decision.

When I still believed in Protestantism, I met a guy who was Catholic. We became really good friends and I wanted to learn more about his faith because (here it is), I was falling in love with him. As I read and learned, I basically learned that the Catholic church is the TRUE church founded by Jesus Christ. It didn’t end up working out between this guy and I, but we are still really good friends. Even though this relationship didn’t work out, my passion for the Catholic Church has not vanished. But, explaining this to my family is difficult. They believe that I’m doing this for a boy. I have told them numerous times that this isn’t the reason until I’m blue in the face.

I’m not sure what else I can do to try and convince them. I don’t want to end my friendship with him in order to prove something to my parents because he has introduced me to other Catholic people who I’ve made as friends and has really helped me in this journey. I care about him a lot as a friend now. I wish that I hadn’t discovered Catholicism by falling in love with this guy. I wish that it had been on my own. But, it just happened that way for some reason. I will accept whatever suffering that comes my way because I know that that is part of following Christ. I am not going to budge from my decision. I just would really appreciate prayer and any advice that could be provided. I’m a college student on top of all of this and also focusing on school and graduating. Things are quite stressful!

Has anyone gone through a similar experience and could offer some advice? Thanks so much! God Bless!

Trust God and follow the Holy Spirit that is leading you to his Church. Christ has his own way of working these things out.

 

[acadiANNA]

I was having a house guest for two weeks. She is an old school friend. Every time she came to town she would let me know and we would meet for lunch. Sandy had been Catholic, but joined a non-denominational church, went to divinity school, and became a missionary. During our meetings, she would ask me to say the sinner’s prayer. I would say no, the last few times I answered by asking her to say a rosary with me to which she said emphatically no. Now this last time she was coming, I called our priest. I told him I didn’t know how to respond and didn’t want to get into a debate about religion. He said
when she got here, to tell her we can’t discuss religion. I thought that was good advice. That time, Sandy did not stay with us, she stayed with a member of a church that sponsors her. So far I have not asked her to lunch when she is in town. I pray for her. I told Father that I feel guilty not giving her money for her ministry and this is what he told me: If you give her money it means you support her beliefs (which I do not). He said better to give financial support to the church whose teachings you believe. Will be praying for you–the road to the truth is not always easy, but blessed in every step.

 

[Lor91]

I have signed up for RCIA in the fall. Did I mention that? Currently, my parents and my older brother are the only people in my family who know about my becoming Catholic. Honestly, I would like to keep it that way. But, I realize the rest of my family will probably find out one way or another and it would be really hard to keep it a secret once I officially become Catholic. Once they find out that I’m going to a different church, they will want to know where and I will just be like “Around…” Ha,ha. Nope. Keeping it a secret won’t work.

Right now, I am trying to figure out the best way to steadily withdraw from my parent’s church. I go to Mass every Sunday evening and usually go to my parent’s church in the morning. But, I feel like I’m compromising my beliefs. It is really small and my Dad is the pastor. It makes things complicated when as the pastor’s daughter, I have some obligations (as my Mother reminds me). But, I do not go when they are having communion, I do not put money into the offering plate, and I do not participate when they are singing certain hymns. I care about the people at that church IMMENSELY, but I feel like I’m lying and deceiving them. I have decided not to sign up to lead music this year. So, that would be a first step. My goal is to just stop going entirely and that is going to be really hard on my parents and me because I know that I will be hurting them.

If anyone has any other suggestions or advice, that would be great. How should I address the rest of my family when the time comes and how should I respectfully continue to withdraw from my parent’s church? Prayers appreciated!

Side note: HAPPY MAY CROWNING! YAY!

 

[Lor91]

Will be praying for you–the road to the truth is not always easy, but blessed in every step.

Thank you! I appreciate it.

 

[JRKH]

I have signed up for RCIA in the fall. Did I mention that? Currently, my parents and my older brother are the only people in my family who know about my becoming Catholic. Honestly, I would like to keep it that way. But, I realize the rest of my family will probably find out one way or another and it would be really hard to keep it a secret once I officially become Catholic. Once they find out that I’m going to a different church, they will want to know where and I will just be like “Around…” Ha,ha. Nope. Keeping it a secret won’t work.

Right now, I am trying to figure out the best way to steadily withdraw from my parent’s church. I go to Mass every Sunday evening and usually go to my parent’s church in the morning. But, I feel like I’m compromising my beliefs. It is really small and my Dad is the pastor. It makes things complicated when as the pastor’s daughter, I have some obligations (as my Mother reminds me). But, I do not go when they are having communion, I do not put money into the offering plate, and I do not participate when they are singing certain hymns. I care about the people at that church IMMENSELY, but I feel like I’m lying and deceiving them. I have decided not to sign up to lead music this year. So, that would be a first step. My goal is to just stop going entirely and that is going to be really hard on my parents and me because I know that I will be hurting them.

If anyone has any other suggestions or advice, that would be great. How should I address the rest of my family when the time comes and how should I respectfully continue to withdraw from my parent’s church? Prayers appreciated!

Side note: HAPPY MAY CROWNING! YAY!

WOW - I guess I missed that you were a PK. Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this to you here, but yo umight want to check out the “COMING HOME NETWORK”. It might prove to be a good resource for you to get advice on your specific situation. It is run by a man, Marcus Grodi, who was a protestant minister and converted to Catholicism. It’s not really an evangelization site but more of a resource for those who have questions…ministers looking at the Catholic faith and the families of those looking and so forth.
I would bet they have dealt with others in your situation and would have insights to offer you.

Peace
James

 

[Lor91]

WOW - I guess I missed that you were a PK. Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this to you here, but yo umight want to check out the “COMING HOME NETWORK”. It might prove to be a good resource for you to get advice on your specific situation. It is run by a man, Marcus Grodi, who was a protestant minister and converted to Catholicism. It’s not really an evangelization site but more of a resource for those who have questions…ministers looking at the Catholic faith and the families of those looking and so forth.
I would bet they have dealt with others in your situation and would have insights to offer you.

Peace
James

I will definitely check that out! Thanks!

 

[dedo]

I don’t know your family situation, but I concur with the poster who suggested not engaging, as much as possible, in debates with Protestants about your choice.

Jesus did not engage / confront everyone that disagreed with Him. Sometimes He just walked away. That is a lesson for each of us to choose our battles carefully. One way the enemy uses to try and keep us from moving forward is to try and get us involved in conflict / debates that we could easily avoid. Also, it is generally a good philosophy to respect others’ point of view. Catholicism is the path I follow; however, Protestantism is the choice of my wife. We each respect the other’s choice.

One other resource that may help your own understanding as well as the understanding of concerned family are lighthouse media CD’s from Scott Hahn. Hahn was a Protestant minister who became a Catholic theologian. He is a scholar and excellent speaker. He explains his reasoning in his CD’s, and just giving a copy to someone who is overly persistent may be a way to get someone off of your case.

Also, I like Hahn’s CD’s because they are not “black and white”. So although he now is Catholic, he also relates stories about how God worked through him when he was a Protestant as well.

Good luck.