My father converted to Islam - what do I do when he dies?

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My ex-Catholic father left our family 20+ years ago to marry a Muslim woman (his 2nd wife). He has never returned home to even stay for a night since then, even though I do go and visit him every Eid season. He has changed his religion to Islam. My mother is his first wife, married in a Catholic church in 1969. There is no official “separation/civil divorce action or document” of any kind.

I am the eldest son among 3 siblings. What do I do when he dies? Do I simply let his Muslim wife’s side handle the funeral, and we just watch from afar? Does the catholic church have special provisions/special prayers for this kind of case?

I am eagerly awaiting your views. Thank you.
 
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pinolobu:
My ex-Catholic father left our family 20+ years ago to marry a Muslim woman (his 2nd wife). He has never returned home to even stay for a night since then, even though I do go and visit him every Eid season. He has changed his religion to Islam. My mother is his first wife, married in a Catholic church in 1969. There is no official “separation/civil divorce action or document” of any kind.

I am the eldest son among 3 siblings. What do I do when he dies? Do I simply let his Muslim wife’s side handle the funeral, and we just watch from afar? Does the catholic church have special provisions/special prayers for this kind of case?

I am eagerly awaiting your views. Thank you.
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I don’t think there is anything you can do. The wife most likely would be the one who makes the arrangements for the funeral service and the burial. You might ask him what his preferences are. But usually the surviving spouse can do just about whatever he or she chooses. Funeral arrangements are usually not spelled out in a will.

We have a similar situation in our family too. Except that my father was widowed after 40 years married to my mother, married a Jewish woman, and has since fallen away from the Catholic Church. Will he be buried next to my mother with the cross on the headstone? I’d like to think she wouldn’t have him cremated against his wishes. But I recognize she can do whatever she chooses.
 
My mother is his first wife, married in a Catholic church in 1969. There is no official “separation/civil divorce action or document” of any kind.
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I might be confused, here. If there was no legal/civil seperation or divorce, then wouldn’t that make your mother the next of kin and you and your siblings responsible for arrangements?
 
Is he unconscious? If not why don’t you ask him what he wants? A funeral isn’t going to change the state of his soul now that he has formerly left the church.

Dianne
 
Malaysia is a Muslim country. Hence, in any dispute, the quick answer is that Muslims will get preferential treatment.

The problem here is is not what he wants. We (my mother and my siblings) are not in speaking terms. Even if he wanted to return to the Catholic church, it would be legally impossible. The religious police are ever ready to pounce on us and we could land in jail. This applies even to funeral arrangements. Possibly, the only way is for him to be out of contact with his Muslim’s wife’s family. Then only we can take over the funeral proceedings.

We have been praying for him to return to the church all these years.

What makes it difficult for me to bear is the tought of being helpless, of only being able to watch and pray from afar during the funeral.
 
I understand and emphatise with your predicament. If he wants to revert, he has to renounce his Muslim religion through the court process, which will surely take years, let alone succeed. I suppose for now you can only pray for his conversion.
 
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pinolobu:
I am the eldest son among 3 siblings. What do I do when he dies? Do I simply let his Muslim wife’s side handle the funeral, and we just watch from afar? Does the catholic church have special provisions/special prayers for this kind of case?

I am eagerly awaiting your views. Thank you.
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legally his wife has the right to make decisions about his medical care should he become ill, and his funeral arrangements when he dies. You either decide to participate in the funeral proceedings (assuming you and your family will be invited and welcomed) or make arrangements in your own parish for a Mass to be said for the repose of his soul. Whether or not you can ask for a memorial Mass I don’t know, but I doubt if he would qualify for a Catholic funeral even if you could hold one, because there is no doubt he formally renounced his Catholic faith. Knowing him and how he has lived, do you really think he would want a Catholic funeral?
 
The tie that binds Catholics in the state of grace is greater than the tie of blood. To renounce the faith officially like this is a real catastrophe. Pray to the Blessed Virgin for his conversion. Weep when he dies and abandon his fate to the care of Divine Providence.
 
I’m sure that your family priest would say a Memorial Mass for your family even if you do not have access to the body. That way you can all say goodbye to him and commend his soul to God.
 
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benedictusoblat:
The tie that binds Catholics in the state of grace is greater than the tie of blood. To renounce the faith officially like this is a real catastrophe. Pray to the Blessed Virgin for his conversion. Weep when he dies and abandon his fate to the care of Divine Providence.
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And St. Monica.
 
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