My father has threatened me...

[Maine52]

Lovedance4ever,

As many have said, you desperately need to get out of this situation. Please, please find a priest, school counselor…some trustworthy person to go to. YOU MUST GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE NOW!

That said, I am so very sorry for the judgmental responses you have received on here. You came to ask for prayers and vent and you received some very harsh responses. Please know my heart and prayers go out to you. :console: :hug1: :hug3:

 

[crystal_waters]

That said, I am so very sorry for the judgmental responses you have received on here. You came to ask for prayers and vent and you received some very harsh responses. Please know my heart and prayers go out to you. :console: :hug1: :hug3:

Im praying for you too lovedance4ever…
I think you were judged unfairly when all you wanted was a safe place to vent and seek advice and opinions…some of those judgemental posters should remember the bible says judge not lest ye be judged…

Crystal

 

[erine]

The thing that a lot of people don’t understand is that when you grow up with abusive, controlling parents, you are not raised so that you can become an independent adult. Often, they keep you from learning to drive, from getting a job, from understanding the aspects of finances and housing and all those things which are necessary to be able to move out. Then when you need to move out for your own safety and sanity, you have no driver’s license, no money, no support, no knowledge, nobody to really ask about these things, no family or friends to stay with. It is really difficult, and insisting on working on these things while you are there causes tremendous antagonism from said parents. Sometimes, we end up looking at things from a cost-benefit ratio and try to deal with first things first in effort to maximize our chances, when we are able to get out, of living normal, productive, somewhat happy lives. Locking your door can result in abuse.

Dear OP- I understand completely- and you are in my prayers!

Thank you!! When I had to leave my abusive family it was hard. I was raised to be so busy fighting the abuse and protecting siblings that my resume wasn’t great even though I am smart and work hard, and I was clueless about the real world stuff because growing up in an abusive home is like being in a cult different from everything else. I got out but it is not as easy as just leave. I had to sneak my stuff and pretend I was visiting a friend etc and people don’t want you to stay too long they think you are bad etc.

I am praying for you OP! You can get out like I did eventually with faith.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Maybe I took a break at 5:20am because I was very sick and wanted prayers to find the keys? If you are familiar with my other posts, then you will know that I am going through abdominal pain and nausea 24/7. And my dad’s “urgent” reason for the car keys was so that he could purchase dog food - not then - but later in the day. My goodness, for Catholic people some of you are awfully judgmental.

You cry out for help about being in an abusive situation, then make excuses for your abuser’s behavior.

You are a victim.

Now are you going to take control or you life, or are you going to continue to be a victim?

 

[Pax2u]

Im praying for you too lovedance4ever…
I think you were judged unfairly when all you wanted was a safe place to vent and seek advice and opinions…some of those judgemental posters should remember the bible says judge not lest ye be judged…

Crystal

Really??? OP is posting on a public forum, which elicits responses from people. We are not “judging” in the sense you are referring to…I believe the Bible is talking about judging whether or not someone is a sinner. That is not what is going on. People are assessing the situation as best they can from the postings OP has made and giving their opinions. Since OP is posting in such a forum, I’m assuming she wants to hear what people have to say. She can take what works for her, and ignore the rest. I found your post to be judgemental!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Im praying for you too lovedance4ever…
I think you were judged unfairly when all you wanted was a safe place to vent and seek advice and opinions…some of those judgemental posters should remember the bible says judge not lest ye be judged…

Crystal

I am judging as I would be judged.

I am perfectly ok with being judged by telling someone in an abusive relationship and in danger to leave and get out rather than post over a long period of time about how people abuse her.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My mother is a sainted woman, regardless of what goes on. She knew I had been emotional pain all day, and offered to go out with me. We got my father’s permission, went to a coffee shop, and when I came home, after having been beaten down on by my aunt, I decided to have a few drinks.

Creative writing? No, no I assure you, if this were not a Catholic website, I would be much more creative with my responses to these incredibly uncharitable and judgmental posts.

Just a note here. Your mother is not sainted. She may be saintly though. But I have yet to think of a saint who would allow their child to be in danger.

 

[Xantippe]

crystal waters said:

“I think you were judged unfairly when all you wanted was a safe place to vent and seek advice and opinions…some of those judgemental posters should remember the bible says judge not lest ye be judged…”

Have a look at the OP’s old threads. It’s just one crisis after another, and very little indication that she ever takes any of the advice given. For instance, colleges have student counseling centers and colleges also have all sorts of other helpful offices. The OP has often been told to go to those offices for help, and yet she has not indicated that she has ever done so. There are also women’s shelters. Not the funnest place to go, I’m sure, but the OP does have options as a legal adult that she is choosing not to utilize.

Now, if she were a legal minor, things would look very different, but she is a legal adult.

 

[robwar]

crystal waters said:

“I think you were judged unfairly when all you wanted was a safe place to vent and seek advice and opinions…some of those judgemental posters should remember the bible says judge not lest ye be judged…”

Have a look at the OP’s old threads. It’s just one crisis after another, and very little indication that she ever takes any of the advice given. For instance, colleges have student counseling centers and colleges also have all sorts of other helpful offices. The OP has often been told to go to those offices for help, and yet she has not indicated that she has ever done so. There are also women’s shelters. Not the funnest place to go, I’m sure, but the OP does have options as a legal adult that she is choosing not to utilize.

Now, if she were a legal minor, things would look very different, but she is a legal adult.

Yes, those feelings and views are understandable. She did cut off the boyfriend from India after a number of posters did suggest for her to do so. It is always hard to know what is true over the internet when there have been conflicting stories. I am hoping that those posters who have shared how they as young adults left abusive families and went on to rebuild their lives would influence OP to do so and she would follow in their foot steps which is why she should go to a care center for abused women to get help and get out and move on with her life.

 

[lovedance4ever]

Thanks to those of you who have been very kind and understanding about my situation. I truly appreciate the time and consideration you took to write to me.

On the contrary, I cannot help but be offended by some of you who have had nothing but unkind, judgmental things to say to me. How do you know that I have not “taken steps” to improve my situation? I have numerous job applications sent in around the area (and am looking into applying for a couple out of state). As I’ve said before, and I will say it again, I have been extremely sick, and that is what is holding me back from meeting the goals I have set for myself. Oh, and I have also been to counseling and continue to go, and like another poster mentioned, I did step away from my “Indian boyfriend.” It’s not as though I have not heeded any advice.

How easy do you think it would be for me to up and leave my parents? They are not wicked people; YES they are controlling, YES my father is an alcoholic, but you act as though I should drop them as I would drop a simple acquaintance. For the past ten years, I’ve taken care of them emotionally and even, believe it or not, financially at times.

So until you walk in my shoes, and experience the physical and emotional pain I feel, day after day, minute after bloody minute, you cannot possibly understand enough to just spew judgmental and hurtful comments on my thread. You try going job hunting when your stomach pain is so bad that it takes your breath away, and you can’t get in to see a specialist for three months… Oh…I’m sorry. Did that sound dramatic…like creative writing?

I guess I thought this was a place for Catholics to pray for one another; when I joined these forums, I really thought that I would be able to spill out my feelings to Christian people who were compassionate and not eager to accuse me of fabricating a story. I’ll be sure to not make that mistake again. I am done with these forums…at least from asking anything deep and meaningful.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Last night was absolutely horrible for reasons I will not go into. I’m abused by every person in the house - in other words, when they get angry, they take their anger out on me.

Well, I went out last night to escape the madness, and when I returned…I have no idea where I put his keys down. At 4:00 am, my father woke me up screaming at me, and threatening me that if I did not find his keys, he would do something. It is now 5:20 am and I still can’t find them. I am scared to death. He will hit me, I know. He does not usually put his hands on me like that, but I know he will now…I’ve never seen such hate in his eyes for me before.

Why does God hate me so? Am I being punished? I never do anything right, and whatever I choose to do always backfires on me. I am so, so, so scared right now. Please pray. Last night I was contemplating suicide again, and I drank an entire bottle of wine (I am not proud to admit this) by myself, because I just did not want to deal with reality anymore. My Lord, I am so scared. Life is just an endless circle of misery.

You posted this and then lash out at those of us who from the kindness of our hearts want to help you? You lash out at those of us who have prayed for you? You lash out at those of us who want a victim to get away from the abusers? Ok… I am not sure what you expected. Perhaps as we all have said this is not the place you need to get your help from.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Thanks to those of you who have been very kind and understanding about my situation. I truly appreciate the time and consideration you took to write to me.

Some of the people on this thread may understand your situation more than you know. I married an abuse victim; now my ex wife. I had no idea how much damage abuse can have on a person, notably in areas such as trust and bonding, prior to attempting marriage.

I’m just trying to direct you out of your situation before you become as emotionally damaged and scarred as people like her.

 

[Maine52]

Yup, a lot of these posts don’t add up. If the whole day has been horrible with terrible things being done by the whole family to the OP, then she decided to ask Dad to borrow the car, he says yes, and she and Mom go out? She drinks a bottle of wine…is that while she’s out with Mom or after she gets home? Maybe that’s why Dad was upset as to where his keys were???

I think criminal justice isn’t the calling…it may be creative writing./QUOTE]

This is offensive. Do realize how hurtful it is to go through pain and suffering and then have someone tell you that you are making it up? Imagine going up to a person who survived a concentration camp and telling them the Holocaust never happened.

I’ve been reading the OP’s posts since before I was a member. She HAS been taking advice she got on here and is doing the best she can in her situation. In the meantime, she came on here asking for moral support since she has no one else to confide in and what she got was just the opposite. So sad…

 

[Maine52]

I think criminal justice isn’t the calling…it may be creative writing.

This is offensive. Do realize how hurtful it is to go through pain and suffering and then have someone tell you that you are making it up? Imagine going up to a person who survived a concentration camp and telling them the Holocaust never happened.

I’ve been reading the OP’s posts since before I was a member. She HAS been taking advice she got on here and is doing the best she can in her situation. In the meantime, she came on here asking for moral support since she has no one else to confide in and what she got was just the opposite. So sad…

 

[Maine52]

I guess I thought this was a place for Catholics to pray for one another; when I joined these forums, I really thought that I would be able to spill out my feelings to Christian people who were compassionate and not eager to accuse me of fabricating a story. I’ll be sure to not make that mistake again. I am done with these forums…at least from asking anything deep and meaningful.

I would advise this strongly. This is really not the place to ask for sympathy. You can ask for it if you want, but you have to be prepared to get the opposite.

I really am so very sorry for all the harsh comments. :imsorry: :console:

 

[Maine52]

Some of the people on this thread may understand your situation more than you know. I married an abuse victim; now my ex wife. I had no idea how much damage abuse can have on a person, notably in areas such as trust and bonding, prior to attempting marriage.

I’m just trying to direct you out of your situation before you become as emotionally damaged and scarred as people like her.

Your situation is still not exactly the same as the OP’s. No one knows exactly what it is until we walk in her shoes. I really believe she is taking advice and doing the best she can. In the meantime, she just needs someone to lean on and she tries to get it from these forums.

Some people’s choice of words and attitudes in their posts (and I’m not saying yours necessarily) were very hurtful.

I’m not saying don’t give advice, I’m just saying don’t be harsh.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Your situation is still not exactly the same as the OP’s. No one knows exactly what it is until we walk in her shoes. I really believe she is taking advice and doing the best she can. In the meantime, she just needs someone to lean on and she tries to get it from these forums.

Some people’s choice of words and attitudes in their posts (and I’m not saying yours necessarily) were very hurtful.

I’m not saying don’t give advice, I’m just saying don’t be harsh.

There is something else here.

Here is a thread from the OP where she asks for and receives advice.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?p=11615089#post11615089

All of the advice given applies to this thread as well. The responses are encouraging and charitable. Then here we have the title and first post that paint a situation that does not need sympathetic prayers and hugs, but rather ACTION. Danger is present and given the OPs history a life could be at risk. The OP should not be posting about threats or dangerous situations. If the situation is as the OP describes, the mere idea that she is posting about these things could cause her harm. Feelings aside, the OP needs to have the police involved and get out ASAP. If she sleeps there one more night then that is a problem. These forums are indeed NOT the place for this. But I suspect we all know that. What is the place for this is the OP’s parish and therapist. If the OP is looking for prayers and support, she has them. If she is asking for advice and then continues to post aboute the problem while playing the “you don’t know me” card, well, nothing will change and nothing good will come of it. I fail to see the “uncharitableness” and “judgement” that is being complained about. But rather many different ways of saying the same thing. GET OUT!

And the OP could live on campus but for some reason does not want to.

 

[Pax2u]

Everyone needs someone to lean on once in awhile…but it is not a good idea to make leaning a way of life, or you never learn self reliance. Sorry you think I’m being harsh, but there are things in this story that just don’t add up to me. OP says her home life is horrible and everyone in the home abuses her…then she says her mom is “sainted.” She says she has horrible stomach pain 24/7, but she goes to a coffee house and follows that up drinks a bottle of wine (when I have stomach pain, coffee and wine are not even something I would think about), and she drives, goes to college, etc. Yes, I think there may be some exaggerations on the OP’s part. It doesn’t help someone to enable them, which can happen with too much empathy after a point…yes, you give it at first, but then you hope the person will start to move in a healthy direction. These are my opinions…I certainly could be wrong, but I thought that was what forums are all about. You get a variety of thoughts, not just what you may “want” to hear.

In either case, don’t assume that I am uncaring or not praying for the OP. Because you would be wrong.

 

[Xantippe]

Maine52 said:

“Imagine going up to a person who survived a concentration camp and telling them the Holocaust never happened.”

This is more like realizing that you are talking to a Holocaust “survivor” whose story sounds fishy. There have, in fact, been quite a number of fake Holocaust survivors, including authors of published memoirs.

nytimes.com/2008/12/29/books/29hoax.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

There’s also the phenomenon of Munchausen by internet, in which people spin elaborate stories of serious illness, for instance posing as a cancer sufferer on cancer forums.

nytimes.com/2008/12/29/books/29hoax.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

I do take people online more or less at face value–but only up to a point.

 

[Xantippe]

Sorry!

Here’s the Munchausen by internet link.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnchausen_by_Internet