My father told me to get out of his life

[lovedance4ever]

I did not know it was possible to hurt so much. My father has not had the most positive of relationships with my grandmother; she has been nasty to him all his life, always favoring her daughters over him.

Recently, I finally got a taste of what he has been going through for so many years. But first you must understand that my dad and I used to be so close…up until three weeks ago! Then all of a sudden, he stopped taking interest in me. He started screaming at me for things I did not even do wrong (for instance, yesterday he told me to do something and when I went ahead and did it, he yelled at me for it). He’s constantly belittling me.

What I believe triggered it, is that I am going out with a guy who my father does not like. This guy was a bit wild when he was in his early teens, but he has grown out of it, matured and is now in college and working two part time jobs…he’s obviously a hard worker! My mom likes him too, and asked my father to give him a chance.

To make a long story short, my father is accusing me of being “disrespectful, rebellious, and going behind his back.” Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that that simply is not true. I am almost 20 years old, I’m a straight A student…and I have made many good choices for myself along the way. I think I should have some sort of say about who I date…especially when my mother also believes he is a good guy.

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad over something, he told me, and I quote, “Get the hell out of my life.”

I’m devastated. My mom is devastated. During this whole time, my mother has even said that I have done nothing wrong. I know I am not perfect, that I make mistakes, and that I probably should not have argued with my father this afternoon. But all of the anger over being beaten down verbally for so many weeks really got to me and I could not help but stand up for myself.

I know it wasn’t just said in anger, either. I could see so much hate in his eyes and I heard it in his voice…that’s what hurts the most.

Please pray for me. I do not know what else to do or say. My father and I have not really been talking these past few weeks. He just won’t talk to me if I try to have a conversation with him. Honestly, I feel so alone. This past summer was hell for me, and I am not sure how much more I can take. I just do not want to live anymore.

Please pray for him too. I think a lot of this is because of how he has been treated. My grandmother has been especially horrible to him lately, and I would not be surprised at all if that factored into this situation.

God bless.

 

[St_Stoli]

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes, people get caught up in their emotions and anger. It can bring forth so much destruction and violence that leads to many other things. When people become enraged and let it consume them, they often may say or do things that they would not normally. Understand that the things that have been said and done are coming from a dark place we all have inside of us somewhere. It can be really scary.

We must try to conquer anger with love. Although your Father and Grandmother might not feel very much like accepting any, pray for them, and pray for their peace. Do your best to keep out of a dangerous situation. If you need to, maybe you can spend some time away to center yourself, and then come back and try to work towards a peace.

I will pray for your intentions. You should also pray when you are able; the most powerful weapon we have is the rosary. God bless!



St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defence against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits, who roam the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[Starrsmother]

I did not know it was possible to hurt so much. My father has not had the most positive of relationships with my grandmother; she has been nasty to him all his life, always favoring her daughters over him.

Recently, I finally got a taste of what he has been going through for so many years. But first you must understand that my dad and I used to be so close…up until three weeks ago! Then all of a sudden, he stopped taking interest in me. He started screaming at me for things I did not even do wrong (for instance, yesterday he told me to do something and when I went ahead and did it, he yelled at me for it). He’s constantly belittling me.

What I believe triggered it, is that I am going out with a guy who my father does not like. This guy was a bit wild when he was in his early teens, but he has grown out of it, matured and is now in college and working two part time jobs…he’s obviously a hard worker! My mom likes him too, and asked my father to give him a chance.

To make a long story short, my father is accusing me of being “disrespectful, rebellious, and going behind his back.” Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that that simply is not true. I am almost 20 years old, I’m a straight A student…and I have made many good choices for myself along the way. I think I should have some sort of say about who I date…especially when my mother also believes he is a good guy.

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad over something, he told me, and I quote, “Get the hell out of my life.”

I’m devastated. My mom is devastated. During this whole time, my mother has even said that I have done nothing wrong. I know I am not perfect, that I make mistakes, and that I probably should not have argued with my father this afternoon. But all of the anger over being beaten down verbally for so many weeks really got to me and I could not help but stand up for myself.

I know it wasn’t just said in anger, either. I could see so much hate in his eyes and I heard it in his voice…that’s what hurts the most.

Please pray for me. I do not know what else to do or say. My father and I have not really been talking these past few weeks. He just won’t talk to me if I try to have a conversation with him. Honestly, I feel so alone. This past summer was hell for me, and I am not sure how much more I can take. I just do not want to live anymore.

Please pray for him too. I think a lot of this is because of how he has been treated. My grandmother has been especially horrible to him lately, and I would not be surprised at all if that factored into this situation.

God bless.

I had a tumultuous relationship with my Dad too when he was still alive. There were many times when I told myself that he hated me and that I returned the favor. I am now a mom of grown kids and a grandmother. I look back and can see now that parents can only bring into their parenting skills what they have inside from their own relationship with their own parents. I realize that their are courses and training films now in parenting and they may change my statement above slightly—but not as much as some experts want to think. I have no doubt that what you saw in your Dad’s eyes was hatred and anger–however, I bet that if you could see into his soul that you’d find that it was mostly directed at himself and possibly his parents. Parents–especially fathers of girls–are inordinantly protective of their daughters. My own Dad and my own husband were the same. I learned long ago that men often say they want a son–but it’s their daughter(s) who pull at their heart forever! They form a judgment about the men who enter their girls’ lives and if they once decide negatively, they really have a hard time changing. Men are really hard on other men that way.I’m probably not going to tell you what you want to hear, but you should concentrate on forgiving your Dad within yourself. Act toward him as if nothing had happened and let him steep in what he said. In doing so, you incorporate positive parenting skills into your own heart instead of the same negative ones that cripple your Dad. Your kids will be the recipient of this–and I’d bet your Dad will eventually come around.

 

[hazcompat]

That drastic a change over a short period of time might have a physiological cause. When is the last time he had his blood pressure checked?

Peace

 

[Country_Gal]

Does you Dad drink? Has he been abusive in the past?

 

[petra22]

I’m praying for you. He just doesn’t know how important he is in your life!
St. Joseph, foster father of Jesus and foster father of us all, pray for this family and pray for us that we may also be a Holy Family. Amen

 

[Xantippe]

“I just do not want to live anymore.”

When are you going to go to counseling? Also, can your mom get your dad to a doctor? Sudden personality changes can be a sign of certain serious medical problems.

Your whole family sounds like they’re (and you’re) all tightly wound on a good day. On a bad day–wow! I think you need some perspective from outsiders, because living with your family has got to be like living in a sort of emotional carnival funhouse–everything is big and scary and distorted. If your dad checks out OK medically, try to give him (and yourself) some space. If he is angry (and there’s no substance to it), just tell him you can talk about it tomorrow, and go somewhere else until he cools down.

 

[Country_Gal]

“I just do not want to live anymore.”

When are you going to go to counseling? Also, can your mom get your dad to a doctor? Sudden personality changes can be a sign of certain serious medical problems.

Your whole family sounds like they’re (and you’re) all tightly wound on a good day. On a bad day–wow! I think you need some perspective from outsiders, because living with your family has got to be like living in a sort of emotional carnival funhouse–everything is big and scary and distorted. If your dad checks out OK medically, try to give him (and yourself) some space. If he is angry (and there’s no substance to it), just tell him you can talk about it tomorrow, and go somewhere else until he cools down.

Ditto

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I did not know it was possible to hurt so much. My father has not had the most positive of relationships with my grandmother; she has been nasty to him all his life, always favoring her daughters over him.

Recently, I finally got a taste of what he has been going through for so many years. But first you must understand that my dad and I used to be so close…up until three weeks ago! Then all of a sudden, he stopped taking interest in me. He started screaming at me for things I did not even do wrong (for instance, yesterday he told me to do something and when I went ahead and did it, he yelled at me for it). He’s constantly belittling me.

What I believe triggered it, is that I am going out with a guy who my father does not like. This guy was a bit wild when he was in his early teens, but he has grown out of it, matured and is now in college and working two part time jobs…he’s obviously a hard worker! My mom likes him too, and asked my father to give him a chance.

To make a long story short, my father is accusing me of being “disrespectful, rebellious, and going behind his back.” Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that that simply is not true. I am almost 20 years old, I’m a straight A student…and I have made many good choices for myself along the way. I think I should have some sort of say about who I date…especially when my mother also believes he is a good guy.

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad over something, he told me, and I quote, “Get the hell out of my life.”

I’m devastated. My mom is devastated. During this whole time, my mother has even said that I have done nothing wrong. I know I am not perfect, that I make mistakes, and that I probably should not have argued with my father this afternoon. But all of the anger over being beaten down verbally for so many weeks really got to me and I could not help but stand up for myself.

I know it wasn’t just said in anger, either. I could see so much hate in his eyes and I heard it in his voice…that’s what hurts the most.

Please pray for me. I do not know what else to do or say. My father and I have not really been talking these past few weeks. He just won’t talk to me if I try to have a conversation with him. Honestly, I feel so alone. This past summer was hell for me, and I am not sure how much more I can take. I just do not want to live anymore.

Please pray for him too. I think a lot of this is because of how he has been treated. My grandmother has been especially horrible to him lately, and I would not be surprised at all if that factored into this situation.

God bless.

Your dad sounds like he is troubled and very worried and tense about something. Have you specifically asked him what it was? I know… lots of grown men will absolutely refuse to talk about ‘feelings’, but it is worth a shot. Did you ask him if you did something to cause the upset? I would try and talk with him gently and calmly and with love. Right now it seems that you really don’t understand or know what is going on with him.

How close are you to your new boyfriend? Maybe your father is afraid of loosing you? If you were very close before, it may be that he is not really liking the idea of his little girl going away from the family some day. You know some men when they have strong emotions they sort of have outbursts like this. Has he ever been this way before? If not, I would worry about some sort of physical problem occurring.

I’d really try to have a chat with my dad if I were you. Maybe he knows something about this guy that you and your mom do not see. Guys know other guys- better than gals know guys. If he is accusing you of being disrespectful have you asked him to elaborate? If so, what does he say?

-OH woops… I see now that he won’t talk to you… but I would still try. I hope this situation mends for you OP.

 

[Allegra]

Such a sudden change in disposition could be caused by something physical or psychological that is troubling your dad and you might not even know about it. I think that what he said to you was horrid and you would be within reason to say something along the lines of, “I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way and I’m not willing to talk to you if that is the way you are going to talk.” Whatever is causing his problems, they aren’t your fault and you are at the age where one needs to start drawing some boundaries.

 

[daisybee]

Do you have to live at home? (Maybe you do if they’re paying for your studies, room & board.) I’m not saying to cut off interaction with him, but I’m wondering if you would have more peace by not living under the same roof. You would certainly reduce the number of times you have to endure verbal abuse.

Of course, you would only want to live with trusted relatives or friends, respectable people. No people of questionable character please–that would just be exchanging one set of problems for another.

Perhaps you could even find work and/or student loans that would help you find a small, modest place that you could rent while your finish your studies. Even if you take on some debt and it takes you longer to graduate as you work part-time, you would remove yourself from an unkind (abusive?) environment. There are always options available to us. Perhaps you can pray to be shown a different path that would help you remove yourself from this situation.

 

[Aquag80]

I was in a similar situation when I was around your age with my mom. She also had a bad relationship with her parents and anger issues but I know she wants the best for me. She would yell and basically gave me an ultimatum about her or the guy (and he was actually a totally innocent guy just quite a bit older than me).

I look back on that time in my life and I realize I was being very sinful. I was drinking a lot, being lustful, and generally being a regular college kid (which just because society says it’s okay doesn’t make it okay).

I have found that after dedicating my life to God and making real changes I don’t have so much chaos and problems in my life.

Also as a good Catholic girl, we are called in the 10 commandments to obey our parents. Most of the time reasonable parents know what is best for us.

At the time, I had on rose colored glasses about this guy but looking back I wish I had not spent so much time in a relationship with him.

It’s really hard, but Jesus died on the cross for us. We have to make sacrifices and not give in to what society says is okay.

Is this guy a good Catholic? Are you having a real Christian relationship with him? No kissing, or lustful kinds of behaviors? Are you planning on marriage?

Your dad cares about you a lot, especially since you are such a good student. He wants the best for you and he probably thinks you could do better than this guy. That is a very emotional thing to go through and while his rage is not okay, maybe you can do better.

If you are really carrying out a good Christian life as best as you can in every way, then you will have to do your best to live under your Dad’s rules (if you live in his house) until you can figure out a way to be on your own.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh.

 

[Xantippe]

“If you are really carrying out a good Christian life as best as you can in every way, then you will have to do your best to live under your Dad’s rules (if you live in his house) until you can figure out a way to be on your own.”

The problem is, it’s not entirely clear which of her Dad’s rules are being violated, if any. From the OP’s description, he just seems generally angry.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

The problem is, it’s not entirely clear which of her Dad’s rules are being violated, if any. From the OP’s description, he just seems generally angry.

Perhaps the rule of “you are mine and will do what I say”. That is my impression, of a possessive man who has a bad temper and is taking out his problems on his daughter. Not sure if this counts as parenting that God wants us to respect.

 

[Starrsmother]

Perhaps the rule of “you are mine and will do what I say”. That is my impression, of a possessive man who has a bad temper and is taking out his problems on his daughter. Not sure if this counts as parenting that God wants us to respect.

I totally agree that it probably isn’t the kind of parenting that God wants—but it is the parenting this child finds him/herself in. The goal would be–in my opinion–to help her get through it safely and with the least possible emotional damage to him/herself and fellow siblings. --AND, God willing, to help the Dad in question as he too is a child of God and of value both to God and his family.

 

[bben15]

I’m sorry to hear this. Post this in the Prayer Intentions section. A lot of people will pray for you.

Prayers for you!

 

[Sonas]

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers.