My fiance makes our home a terror place fi

[LongingSoul]

Of course at this point some of us are questioning if this is true or real.

I see. I hadn’t seen the other threads.

OP, you have definitely lost your natural compass through the manipulations of this man. It’s only a matter of time until your moral compass will fail you too. The devil doesn’t ask people to go and talk to a Priest and follow the rules of the Church. The devil is the one who by deception and lies, tells you that things the Church stands for are wrong.

 

[Julianna]

Call your parents and tell them you are coming home. Leave, go, now. Abuse is abuse. Leave. You can’t help what his is going through, he has to seek the help.

There is no reason any woman should stay with an abuser. Get out, get out now.

 

[EasterJoy]

He wont make an allowance for a trial seperation.

A separation is a choice either of you can make unilaterally. The only thing he can say is that it won’t be a trial, but for good.

So what if he does? If he had your welfare in mind and was concerned that you made valid vows, given freely, would he answer your fears with threats?

Talk to your priest. Do not delay. You need an explanation you can feel safe about listening to. We don’t want to see you bullied, but we can’t bully you out of a bad situation. Your pastor, however–you will let him lead you, won’t you? He is the one God has given partial authority over you, not this man living in your house.

 

[Do_Good_Then_Go]

He wont make an allowance for a trial seperation.

Of course he won’t. He knows you will start to see things in a different light if you are away from him. He may dress it up in words like ‘you’ll be influenced by evil unless you have me to tell you what is right and Godly’ or some such rubbish, but that’s exactly what it is, rubbish.

 

[Julianna]

He wont make an allowance for a trial seperation.

Are you kidding me? He won’t…where is your backbone? I understand it’s your house. Tell him to leave. If he refuses, call the sheriff. He won’t go to jail if you ask him to leave and he won’t go to jail if the sheriff asks him to leave.

He will go to jail for embezzlement…I don’t care who he is. He will serve time.

 

[EasterJoy]

Are you kidding me? He won’t…where is your backbone? I understand it’s your house. Tell him to leave. If he refuses, call the sheriff. He won’t go to jail if you ask him to leave and he won’t go to jail if the sheriff asks him to leave.

He will go to jail for embezzlement…I don’t care who he is. He will serve time.

He has taken her sense of autonomy from her. Emotional abuse will do that–and again, it does not matter that the guy undermining her sense of self means no harm by it. Most of the people who have done that to me have meant no harm. Most thought it was “for my good” that they put their sense in place of mine. They did not see that they were making themselves into false gods, instead.

Once your sense of self has been shot full of holes, your ability to assert yourself is greatly diminished. You can even come to depend on some you once could have seen ss pushy or controlling.

The antidote is not the same kind of pressure coming from the other direction. What is needed is reassurance that her fears are not her fault, encouragement reminding her that she does indeed have the ability to see the truth and the strength to do what is right. She deserves to know that God intends for her to feel peaceful, that she can come to learn to breathe easily and trust without fear. At the time you are in a one-sided relationship, it is hard to believe that. It is especially hard for a woman whose father did not teach her that, whose mother did not have a strong sense of self.

I would strongly encourage her to find healthy friendships and guidance, to connect with the people who will support her sense of self. Courage comes easier when you can see into the eyes or read the words of someone who believes in you. It can be very hard, but that is what she needs to gather up the courage to do what she needs to do.

 

[Sunbreak]

How do i KNOW IF THIS MAN IS GODS WILL FOR ME?
What makes you think that God’s will is to be with a verbally abusive man who puts you down, blames you and doesn’t respect you? Many people here have told you the relationship is not healthy and you don’t want to believe it. Please go talk to a priest and maybe he will be able to see things since you won’t believe us.

 

[Julianna]

He has taken her sense of autonomy from her. Emotional abuse will do that–and again, it does not matter that the guy undermining her sense of self means no harm by it. Most of the people who have done that to me have meant no harm. Most thought it was “for my good” that they put their sense in place of mine. They did not see that they were making themselves into false gods, instead.

Once your sense of self has been shot full of holes, your ability to assert yourself is greatly diminished. You can even come to depend on some you once could have seen ss pushy or controlling.

The antidote is not the same kind of pressure coming from the other direction. What is needed is reassurance that her fears are not her fault, encouragement reminding her that she does indeed have the ability to see the truth and the strength to do what is right. She deserves to know that God intends for her to feel peaceful, that she can come to learn to breathe easily and trust without fear. At the time you are in a one-sided relationship, it is hard to believe that. It is especially hard for a woman whose father did not teach her that, whose mother did not have a strong sense of self.

I would strongly encourage her to find healthy friendships and guidance, to connect with the people who will support her sense of self. Courage comes easier when you can see into the eyes or read the words of someone who believes in you. It can be very hard, but that is what she needs to gather up the courage to do what she needs to do.

I understand where you are coming from. I find it hard to believe with all the help lines, faith based help that women find themselves in abusive relationships. No one takes your self esteem without your permission.

If she had healthy friendships, that would be the first place to go vs. a message forum. She could log on to a Domestic Abuse hotline. They would give her the low down as far as her rights. She has the right to ask him to leave, especially if HER name is on the lease, mortgage. She has the right to call the sheriff and have him removed. She does not need to tell him, “hey the sheriff is coming”. …let it be a surprise. Change the locks on the door, get an order of protection. He will need a lawyer if he breaches it.

Where are the parents of these women who have no backbone? I would be calling my parents at the first sign…not wait until the mind games are being played. In this day and age, women do not have subject themselves to behavior such as this from anyone.

Although, as some posters have stated, this looks like a troll post… it remains to be seen.

 

[DeniseNY]

Please seek both spiritual and psychological counseling

 

[Do_Good_Then_Go]

I understand where you are coming from. I find it hard to believe with all the help lines, faith based help that women find themselves in abusive relationships. No one takes your self esteem without your permission.

If she had healthy friendships, that would be the first place to go vs. a message forum. She could log on to a Domestic Abuse hotline. They would give her the low down as far as her rights. She has the right to ask him to leave, especially if HER name is on the lease, mortgage. She has the right to call the sheriff and have him removed. She does not need to tell him, “hey the sheriff is coming”. …let it be a surprise. Change the locks on the door, get an order of protection. He will need a lawyer if he breaches it.

Where are the parents of these women who have no backbone? I would be calling my parents at the first sign…not wait until the mind games are being played. In this day and age, women do not have subject themselves to behavior such as this from anyone.

Although, as some posters have stated, this looks like a troll post… it remains to be seen.

As you say, who knows whether this situation actually exists, but situations like the OP describes certainly do. Abusers are generally not abusive on day 1 of the relationship; if they were the victim would run immediately. Abusers are very clever and even if they don’t set out in the beginning to deliberately abuse, their words and actions over time destroy the victim’s self-esteem and their backbone to the point where they (victims) really can’t tell what is reasonable and what isn’t any more. Victims really do come to believe if only they were ‘better’ or ‘more understanding’ or even ‘stronger’, the abuser would change, or wouldn’t need to act they way they do. They (victims) begin to feel they must deserve it in some way, after all if they were a good enough person, deserving of ‘normal’ treatment, no-one would treat them this way, right? It’s usually a fairly subtle process that happens over years.

I’m sort of the mind that the abusers themselves often do not believe that what they’re doing is truly abusive. They often lack the skills to maintain a ‘normal’ relationship and so act and react the only way they know. That doesn’t mean it’s not abuse though.

It’s very very hard to understand how it happens unless you’ve experienced it, and in my experience, being told that you should be strong enough or have enough self-respect to end it, get out, leave, not tolerate it, etc etc can leave victims feeling even worse. They come to feel that not only are they IN an abusive situation, they’re not even strong enough or smart enough or brave enough or respectful of themselves enough to get out. Victims can come to feel that in some ways, as bad as it is, it would be easier to just put up with it. It’s all so hard to fathom unless you’ve actually been in that situation.

Abusers also, over time, tend to make it so that victims become isolated or cut off from other people, at least to some extent. Sometimes victims isolate themselves too because it’s ‘easier’ or because they don’t want others to see how they are being treated or don’t want to have to explain or defend the abuser’s actions. Again, it’s all so hard to fathom unless you’ve actually been in that situation.

So OP, if what you describe is really happening to you, please please please get some help and get out of this awful situation. If you have absolutely no friends or family who can help you, go to a shelter. A person who truly loves you and wants the best for you does not act like this. Someone who truly loves you and wants the best for you may well be devastated if you leave or talk about leaving or say you are unhappy, but they will NOT threaten suicide or tell you you’re evil or influenced by the devil or whatever other things that have been said to you. On some level, you know that. Hold on to that thought.

 

[agnes_therese]

He wont make an allowance for a trial seperation.

Why are you letting it be his decision?

 

[Cricket2]

biblehub.com/nlt/matthew/7.htm

Matthew 7:15-20 (New Living Translation)

“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

He abuses you. He insults you. He throws blame on you.

His behavior produces bad fruit, for you and for the relationship.

The fault is his. You are afraid of him because of what he does.

This man is not God’s will for you. He just says that to control you.

This is an excellent response for this poster. He is not God’s will for her.

 

[EasterJoy]

I understand where you are coming from. I find it hard to believe with all the help lines, faith based help that women find themselves in abusive relationships. No one takes your self esteem without your permission.

If she had healthy friendships, that would be the first place to go vs. a message forum. She could log on to a Domestic Abuse hotline. They would give her the low down as far as her rights. She has the right to ask him to leave, especially if HER name is on the lease, mortgage. She has the right to call the sheriff and have him removed. She does not need to tell him, “hey the sheriff is coming”. …let it be a surprise. Change the locks on the door, get an order of protection. He will need a lawyer if he breaches it.

Where are the parents of these women who have no backbone? I would be calling my parents at the first sign…not wait until the mind games are being played. In this day and age, women do not have subject themselves to behavior such as this from anyone.

Although, as some posters have stated, this looks like a troll post… it remains to be seen.

She certainly could be sincere and as real as can be. Yes, a person does not get exactly where she is except by acts of will, but once you are in an emotionally weakened state–where via emotional abuse, addiction, or whatever–your chances of getting yourself out by mere force of will diminish.

This man has interfered with her free will. She feels unable to make decisions. She is tempted into endless second-guessing at every turn. She is being fed misinformation by this houseguest concerning what her most virtuous options are. Maybe he is deluded, too, but her chances of doing the right thing will be greatly improved if the emotional shackles come off. Before that, it is sadly no surprise that she is resisting getting her life back on the right track. I’ve seen situations that are a fraction of this (no cohabitation), and her stance doesn’t surprise me. It’s wrong-headed, but hardly uncommon.

 

[Help2]

I agree.

Please don’t force your child to watch this abuse of you. And if your boyfriend treats your child the same way he treats you, please don’t allow the abuse to continue against your child.

They should not have to “take shifts” staying up with an abusive person.

No. He does not emotionally, verbally nor physically abuse my child. My child has seen his bizarre behaviors and it has frightened her. I am trying to avoid as much of him as to not set him off to protect myself and my child.
Someone questioned that i too may be mentally unstable. Yes, i think i am. I think that any woman living in such terror would be unstable mentally n emotionaly. I cant decide what to do and i also cant determine if it is right to marry my fiance. Im still questioning. Why do i keep convincing myself that he is the right one???

 

[Help2]

It almost sounds like she is playing us. Getting a kick out of all of the sympathy she is getting from us.

If this isn’t the case, it is very sad that her boyfriend has convinced her that she must ask him for a separation. Especially since she owns the house, he is on probation and he is the one that is abusing her.

All she has to do is to call the police. Tell them that he is abusing her, and that she wants him gone. And he will be gone.

No. No. No, mary. My story is real. My fear is real. My question is, is my fiance the righteous holy man that God chose for me?
He isnt the bad man every day. There r days when he is really compassionate, holy, kind and loving. Other days hes a mad man. Other days he is sarcastic and moody. Other days hes cryin a lot over me not paying attention to him. I just want an answer from God.

 

[Help2]

How is he likely to react if you made the decision to end the relationship and move out?

Hed blow up! Get in my face, pull me by my wrists and demand that i look him in the eyes and say " you want nothing to do with me, i’ll show you how i can take care of that right now!! Take me flowers to my funeral! You got it!!?? " Then the mad man will storm out of the house, peel off in his jeep and head south towards the outskirts of town. Then, im right behind him in my vehicle, chasing him down and calling him to please stop

 

[Help2]

The OP has started numerous threads. All of her threads are about the horrible actions of her boyfriend.

Yes, he is on parole. This is from her thread “Emotional and mental wreck.”

No it wasn’t for violence.

And then of course.

Of course at this point some of us are questioning if this is true or real.

Hes not on parole. Its probation. For theft. Not violence.

 

[Viki63]

No. He does not emotionally, verbally nor physically abuse my child. My child has seen his bizarre behaviors and it has frightened her. I am trying to avoid as much of him as to not set him off to protect myself and my child.
Someone questioned that i too may be mentally unstable. Yes, i think i am. I think that any woman living in such terror would be unstable mentally n emotionaly. I cant decide what to do and i also cant determine if it is right to marry my fiance. Im still questioning. Why do i keep convincing myself that he is the right one???

Please listen: this is abuse of your child. She’s seen him abuse you, and she’s frightened of him. That is abuse. Why are you letting him do this to your child? If you’re living in terror, don’t you think your daughter is?
If I lived next door to you, I would report the situation to Child Protective Services
.
Get some help, because he may get violent if you try to leave. Get your brain in gear and get help, for your child’s sake if not your own.
Do NOT marry this guy. He is not marriage material for any woman.

 

[Help2]

I understand where you are coming from. I find it hard to believe with all the help lines, faith based help that women find themselves in abusive relationships. No one takes your self esteem without your permission.

If she had healthy friendships, that would be the first place to go vs. a message forum. She could log on to a Domestic Abuse hotline. They would give her the low down as far as her rights. She has the right to ask him to leave, especially if HER name is on the lease, mortgage. She has the right to call the sheriff and have him removed. She does not need to tell him, “hey the sheriff is coming”. …let it be a surprise. Change the locks on the door, get an order of protection. He will need a lawyer if he breaches it.

Where are the parents of these women who have no backbone? I would be calling my parents at the first sign…not wait until the mind games are being played. In this day and age, women do not have subject themselves to behavior such as this from anyone.

Although, as some posters have stated, this looks like a troll post… it remains to be seen.

I have no friends. And i am very ashamed to let my family see what kind of man i chose to take as my husband. My friendships were cut after i made him feel ignored and disrespected.he constantly complained when i was on the phone with friends or family. I, many times, made him feel unworthy by putting communicating with others before him. socialize with, i was choosing others before him. So as to not be a selfish person and to die to myself, i gave him what made him feel good; my attention.
THATS WHY im on this forum. Because i have no one to talk to. Because i was desperate and drowning the little bit of life left in me. I finally put it out. I have bottled this for years. Im very sorry if i have made anyone feel like im toying around or if i have offended others. I will no longer post as to not cause anyone to get upset over my statements. Thank you to everyone of you in every thread i posted, for taking your love and expressing it in Gods love for me. I will forever appreciate the compassion, truth and hearts that did understand me. I will keep everyone of u in my prayers. Much love to all. God Bless each n every one of you. Be it known, that i am visiting a 2nd priest to get a 2nd opinion. Peace to all my friends.

 

[robwar]

We are not having sex. We do not share the same baed because we do not want to offend God. We share a house, spousal responsibilities and we share love through intimate readins from scripture and prayer. And he does not beat me up

You are giving scandal here because you are letting this guy live with you and are not married. Likewise you are setting a horrible example for your child which now must be by someone else? Any mother with any common sense should not be letting any unrelated unmarried man live with her. It is a bad example and is dangerous. You are not sharing love by reading scripture verses together. Real love is that someone would marry the other before living together. If this is your house, you need to call the police and throw him out now if he won’t leave and is making threats. That is not love. Stop this delusion of yourself.
If anything, I would listen to that Katy Perry song “Roar” and the line I am thinking of is “I went from zero to my own hero” It is time to be your own hero as well as that of this child.
no one else can do that for you. I think you should listen to that song and take it to heart.
It is about someone in an abusive relationship that finally decided they had enough. He is pushing you down, you need to get up and brush off that dust. He needs to here that voice and hear that sound, and like thunder you need to shake the ground and get rid of this bum and do the right thing for yourself and your child. That is God’s will for you.