My fiance stole from my little brother. .

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kalerumi

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Hi everyone,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write this thread. I found out this weekend that my fiance has stolen my 14-year-old brother’s Play Station Portable (a device my brother worked very hard to earn the money for). He stole it out of my mother’s car back in October when we were visiting my family over our university’s fall break.

The bizarre part is how I found out. . .he gave it to my brother as a Christmas present. Under the guise that it was a PSP he bought off of Craig’s List to “replace the one that was stolen from you”. My brother, not being an idiot, immediately recognized it as his - he had bought it off of eBay, and had an exact accounting for each and every scratch and damaged part of the PSP, as well as the serial number, etc. My brother adores my fiance, and treats him like his hero - he was almost crying, not out of sadness, but because he had prayed that the PSP would be returned to him, and thought that God had done that by inspiring the thief to post it on Craig’s List, and inspired my fiance to purchase that exact one. It didn’t even dawn on him that it could be because my fiance himself stole it.

I had a check in my spirit about it, and I confronted my fiance. He denied it vehemently, but I kept getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He finally confessed when it was obvious I wasn’t buying his excuses.

His excuse for stealing it is even more bizarre - he had promised my little brother his old drum set, but was getting worried b/c he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to fit the entire set in his car. So he stole it from him to make him upset, so that he could pretend to buy one off of Craig’s List and “replace” it.

I am shocked, my family is shocked, and I’m hurt. . .I want to end it all, but part of me wants to let him have a chance to regain my trust. I don’t know what to do and I’m just a mess of emotions right now. Sorry this is so long.
 
kalerumi said:
He denied it vehemently, but I kept getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He finally confessed when it was obvious I wasn’t buying his excuses.
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Pay attention to that uneasy feeling. He has shown you who he really is.
 
Oh my gosh, that is very said. I hope prayer and introspection help you come the the right decision. I will pray for you.
 
The main thing that jumps out at me from your post Kassie (correct from your sig?) is your boyfriends immaturity. Rather than just own up about the drums and be honest he thinks this bizarre “solution” will be the answer. Of course stealing is terrible but it’s his bizarre thinking, lying and justifying behavior that seems just as alarming. As much as we are called to forgive, consider yourself warned by this Red Flag behavior. I think you should take a step back and consider deeply if your fiance is really mature enough for marriage. As painful as this episode has been for you and your family it could be a blessing in disguise by enlightening you to how your fiance thinks and how he justifies his behavior.
 
kalerumi said:
Hi everyone,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write this thread. I found out this weekend that my fiance has stolen my 14-year-old brother’s Play Station Portable (a device my brother worked very hard to earn the money for). He stole it out of my mother’s car back in October when we were visiting my family over our university’s fall break.

The bizarre part is how I found out. . .he gave it to my brother as a Christmas present. Under the guise that it was a PSP he bought off of Craig’s List to “replace the one that was stolen from you”. My brother, not being an idiot, immediately recognized it as his - he had bought it off of eBay, and had an exact accounting for each and every scratch and damaged part of the PSP, as well as the serial number, etc. My brother adores my fiance, and treats him like his hero - he was almost crying, not out of sadness, but because he had prayed that the PSP would be returned to him, and thought that God had done that by inspiring the thief to post it on Craig’s List, and inspired my fiance to purchase that exact one. It didn’t even dawn on him that it could be because my fiance himself stole it.

I had a check in my spirit about it, and I confronted my fiance. He denied it vehemently, but I kept getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He finally confessed when it was obvious I wasn’t buying his excuses.

His excuse for stealing it is even more bizarre - he had promised my little brother his old drum set, but was getting worried b/c he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to fit the entire set in his car. So he stole it from him to make him upset, so that he could pretend to buy one off of Craig’s List and “replace” it.

I am shocked, my family is shocked, and I’m hurt. . .I want to end it all, but part of me wants to let him have a chance to regain my trust. I don’t know what to do and I’m just a mess of emotions right now. Sorry this is so long.
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Wow… Do you think he might have stolen it from your brother because he wanted one and later repented and giving it as a present was a way for him to make amends?

If the explanation he gave is the true one, and not an excuse he is trying to come up with then it’s even worse. He wanted your little brother to be upset?

How long have you known him? Has he ever done something so weird before? Is he close with his family? Are they normal people? Does he have good friendships?
 
How old is this fellow? The incident, including his excuse, would make me question whether he’s mature enough to be a husband or father.
 
kalerumi I am so sorry.It hurts so badly to find out someone you love and trust has done something distrustful.So hurtful too to steal from your little brother! I think this may be an example of a deeper problem your fiance has.If you remain with him (as part of your heart is telling you) you may be in for years of heartache.On the other hand if he gets help now and you are prepared to stand by him he may be able to overcome his issues.

If you stay with him without resolving ‘his issues’ he will learn the lesson he can get away with deceitful behaviour and you may be in for worse heartache.
My goodness I am so sorry you have this huge dilemma.How is your poor brother?
My prayers and love for you.God bless

Remember, O most loving Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, we turn to you, O Virgins of virgins, our Mother. To you we come, before you we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, do not despise our petitions, but in your mercy hear us and answer us. Amen
 
While I won’t tell you what to do, consider all options.

Option 1: Staying With Him
Pro - Everyone makes mistakes and perhaps he is truly sorry. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone right?
Con - There is also the possibility here that this is not a slip in character but a sign of character. If this is what he truly is, then the consequences of marrying him and raising a family with him are severe. Will he steal your children’s christmas gift to make them feel bad so that he can appear the Hero when he “finds” it and returns it?

Option 2: Ending the Engagement and Relationship
Pro - This man is obviously immature and not ready for a marriage if he is willing to compromise his morals to pull a stunt like this. He betrayed the trust not only of you but of your family as well.
Con - If this is an out-of-character mistake that he is not likely to repeat then you could perhaps be losing a good husband.

Option 3: Postponing the Wedding and Waiting For HIm to Re-Build Trust
Pro - This gives him the opportunity to own up to his mistake, make retribution to those hurt and to move forward. This allows you to forgive him without naively marrying him.
Con - If he does not prove himself trustworthy then you have wasted time you could have spent being with someone that is worth spending your life with.

I am afraid you are the only one who can make this decision and it’s not going to be easy. In each scenario you lose something, whether it be some dignity, a fiance or time. You have to weigh which of those are most important for you. You just need to decide which option will cause the least harm in the short-term and the long-term.

I am so sorry this happened to you.
 
kalerumi said:
I am shocked, my family is shocked, and I’m hurt. . .I want to end it all, but part of me wants to let him have a chance to regain my trust. I don’t know what to do and I’m just a mess of emotions right now. Sorry this is so long.
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That’s so very sad and upsetting. Please think and pray real hard as to whether you truly want to spend the rest of your life with this person. I don’t think I would want to. Trust is very hard to earn back and can so easily be broken again.

Saying a prayer for you as you contemplate your next decision.
 
Forgive, but don’t forget.

It was probably guilt that made him give it back to your little brother. The fact that he stole it though…ouch.

It may be/it is hard, but you need to think long and hard before you marry this guy.

Walking away is eaiser said than done…but life is full of hard choices.

I have a game boy that I actually use alot, more than I should. I’d be crushed if I lost it. Give your little brother a hug for me.

I’m so sorry for you.
 
HOW can anyone justify doing this to a KID??? Is he THAT insecure he’s got to go make a mere 14-year-old miserable to build himself up?

I’d have a VERY hard time trusting him again, even just as a friend.
 
bluerose said:
HOW can anyone justify doing this to a KID??? Is he THAT insecure he’s got to go make a mere 14-year-old miserable to build himself up?

I’d have a VERY hard time trusting him again, even just as a friend.
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I am paranoid in general, but if I was dating someone who did that I could probably never stop suspecting him of being a sociopath.

It’s not just stealing, I mean it would be one thing if he stole the PSP from a store (still wrong, but I doubt anyone will be shedding tears for the store’s profit margin) but to steal it from a child and much less his fiance’s baby brother… ugh.

It just seems to me to be outside the realm of sanity. Can someone with a shred of empathy do this? I am struggling to put myself in his shoes, but I just can’t imagine stealing from a fiance’s sibling.
 
kalerumi said:
I am shocked, my family is shocked, and I’m hurt. . .I want to end it all, but part of me wants to let him have a chance to regain my trust. I don’t know what to do and I’m just a mess of emotions right now. Sorry this is so long.
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I want to preface my reply by saying that it’s ultimately your decision to make. However, if this happened to a friend of mine, I’d tell her to dump the guy ASAP. It’s a triple-whammy. First, he stole. Second, he lied to you and your family and only confessed when confronted. Third, this is a farcry from what a good Catholic/Christian/decent person would do. And really, the gall to re-package and give it to your little brother on Christmas! Ugh, words can’t begin to describe it! He is apparently not the person you thought he was, so why would you still want to marry him? Anyway, just my $0.02.

And oh, people rarely change, by the way.
 
Forgive him his weakness and wish him a nice life.

Let him grow up on his own time and his own dime.

He is not ready to be part of a family. You don’t steal, especially from family. Then he lied repeatedly to you until you finally made him admit he was lying.

If you continue with him and you have doubts in the future, this episode will come back to haunt you and you will kick yourself for not having shown him the door when you had the chance. To this day I am haunted by the very day in 1988 when I realized my xh was a liar and I didn’t show him the door. Instead I made excuses for him. And to my everlasting heartbreak I found out I was married to an untrustworthy liar.

This guy is a thief who steals from children and then perpetuates a fraud and then lies to you.

That’s what engagements are for… the last chance to find out the truth before you make it permanent.

Show your younger brother that your loyalty is to him and your family. Maybe losing a fiancee will make that other jerk grow up. But I wouldn’t believe a word he said even if he crawled back.

Is he sorry, or is he sorry he got caught? You’ll never know.

(By the way… he’s also a promise breaker. He promised a kid a drum set. He could have sent it in the mail one drum at a time or found a friend with a minivan to help. Instead, he backed out of that promise. Do you want to be married to someone who promises you and your children something and then decides he can’t keep that promise and cheats his way out of it with elaborate schemes?)
 
This is bizarre, immature, manipulative and perhaps an indication of socio-pathic behavior.
Do yourself and your family a favor and end the engagement. Is this the man you want in charge of your family’s finances and well being some day? How long before it is a scam at work that gets him fired, or worse. He seems to have a habit of creating huge problems by lying and concocting false stories rather than manning up when a problem is still small enough to be extinguished with a few words. That is scary and can lead to a world of trouble. Think about it.
 
I really agree with the previous poster. 👍

Life’s too short to have to deal with someone like this, believe me.

You never know what people are really up to… really… let him go…
 
flyingfish said:
How long have you known him? Has he ever done something so weird before? Is he close with his family? Are they normal people? Does he have good friendships?
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We’re juniors in college, and we’ve known each other since Freshman Move-In day. He was friends with my roommate. He’s close to his parents and his sister, who are all very normal people - his mother is a psychologist and his father is a dean at a private university, sweet Christian people, if a little over-involved in our life. He doesn’t have many friendships, but the ones he have are very close.

He lied to me once before over something small, but he himself came to me and confessed it. I would never have known if he hadn’t have done that. I forgave him, and we rebuilt our relationship from there.

But as of this moment we have broken off our engagement, and all contact for quite some time. I told him I needed time to clear my head, to pray and to fast, and I could not accept an engagement to him regardless - an engagement is a promise, and I didn’t know what other lies came with his promise. The wedding has been postponed indefinitely. The final straw was when he called me upset because I allowed this “situation to come between our relationship of 13 months” and freaked out when I told him lying and stealing had spiritual roots and I couldn’t allow that to be the the spiritual head of my family. He told me he didn’t have spiritual problems and had no history of stealing before. I told him EVERYONE has spiritual problems - my issue was with LYING and STEALING. Not everyone does that!! I asked him how much of what he’d already told me I could believe - did he really want to convert to Catholicism with me or was he just saying that to make me happy? Did he really want to move to China with me to my parents orphan ministry? Did he really get the job offer he said he’d gotten? Confessing under pressure and seeking repentance after being caught is an entirely different matter than coming to me and my brother and confessing.

My brother is disappointed, but keeps telling me “You don’t have to break it up over this! Let him make it up to you!” Him being hurt is what infuriates me. He’s had a rough year, and I could go Texan on my now-ex-fiance’s rear end for doing this to him.

And now I’m finding out that my “antique” engagement ring may not be an “antique” at all but a reproduction made last year. . .I believe this calls for cookie dough and Dr. Who. Thanks everyone for your prayers, I sincerely covet them.
 
kalerumi said:
We’re juniors in college, and we’ve known each other since Freshman Move-In day. He was friends with my roommate. He’s close to his parents and his sister, who are all very normal people - his mother is a psychologist and his father is a dean at a private university, sweet Christian people, if a little over-involved in our life. He doesn’t have many friendships, but the ones he have are very close.

He lied to me once before over something small, but he himself came to me and confessed it. I would never have known if he hadn’t have done that. I forgave him, and we rebuilt our relationship from there.

But as of this moment we have broken off our engagement, and all contact for quite some time. I told him I needed time to clear my head, to pray and to fast, and I could not accept an engagement to him regardless - an engagement is a promise, and I didn’t know what other lies came with his promise. The wedding has been postponed indefinitely. The final straw was when he called me upset because I allowed this “situation to come between our relationship of 13 months” and freaked out when I told him lying and stealing had spiritual roots and I couldn’t allow that to be the the spiritual head of my family. He told me he didn’t have spiritual problems and had no history of stealing before. I told him EVERYONE has spiritual problems - my issue was with LYING and STEALING. Not everyone does that!! I asked him how much of what he’d already told me I could believe - did he really want to convert to Catholicism with me or was he just saying that to make me happy? Did he really want to move to China with me to my parents orphan ministry? Did he really get the job offer he said he’d gotten? Confessing under pressure and seeking repentance after being caught is an entirely different matter than coming to me and my brother and confessing.

My brother is disappointed, but keeps telling me “You don’t have to break it up over this! Let him make it up to you!” Him being hurt is what infuriates me. He’s had a rough year, and I could go Texan on my now-ex-fiance’s rear end for doing this to him.

And now I’m finding out that my “antique” engagement ring may not be an “antique” at all but a reproduction made last year. . .I believe this calls for cookie dough and Dr. Who. Thanks everyone for your prayers, I sincerely covet them.
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Girl, you are being SMART. A lot women would have wool over their eyes and the cotton in their ears not wanting to hear this advice. Good for you.
 
kalerumi said:
We’re juniors in college, and we’ve known each other since Freshman Move-In day. He was friends with my roommate. He’s close to his parents and his sister, who are all very normal people - his mother is a psychologist and his father is a dean at a private university, sweet Christian people, if a little over-involved in our life. He doesn’t have many friendships, but the ones he have are very close.

He lied to me once before over something small, but he himself came to me and confessed it. I would never have known if he hadn’t have done that. I forgave him, and we rebuilt our relationship from there.

But as of this moment we have broken off our engagement, and all contact for quite some time. I told him I needed time to clear my head, to pray and to fast, and I could not accept an engagement to him regardless - an engagement is a promise, and I didn’t know what other lies came with his promise. The wedding has been postponed indefinitely. The final straw was when he called me upset because I allowed this “situation to come between our relationship of 13 months” and freaked out when I told him lying and stealing had spiritual roots and I couldn’t allow that to be the the spiritual head of my family. He told me he didn’t have spiritual problems and had no history of stealing before. I told him EVERYONE has spiritual problems - my issue was with LYING and STEALING. Not everyone does that!! I asked him how much of what he’d already told me I could believe - did he really want to convert to Catholicism with me or was he just saying that to make me happy? Did he really want to move to China with me to my parents orphan ministry? Did he really get the job offer he said he’d gotten? Confessing under pressure and seeking repentance after being caught is an entirely different matter than coming to me and my brother and confessing.

My brother is disappointed, but keeps telling me “You don’t have to break it up over this! Let him make it up to you!” Him being hurt is what infuriates me. He’s had a rough year, and I could go Texan on my now-ex-fiance’s rear end for doing this to him.

And now I’m finding out that my “antique” engagement ring may not be an “antique” at all but a reproduction made last year. . .I believe this calls for cookie dough and Dr. Who. Thanks everyone for your prayers, I sincerely covet them.
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I’m really sorry to hear that. I would apologize on behalf of the entire male species if I could.
 
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