My fiance stole from my little brother. .

[dixieagle]

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You sound like an intelligent young woman with your head on straight; the fact that you say this calls for “cookie dough and Dr. Who” shows me that you have a healthy sense of humor. You will be fine.

I would also thank your brother for helping to expose the ex for what he is: immature in the extreme, a thief, and a liar.

 

[Maria1212]

You have a good head on your shoulders Kalerumi. I am very sorry this happened to you. I am glad you discovered this before you got married though. I will keep you in my prayers. I know there will be times you miss him and feel incredibly lonely but stay strong. I really recommend praying the rosary and spending time with Jesus in Adoration at a quiet church. I have found those two things to be the best medicine for mending a broken heart and finding clarity when making an important decision. Reading Psalms and Proverbs also helps when you are too tired to pray.

I will keep you in my prayers. We are here if you need to vent or need support!

Sincerely,

Maria1212

We’re juniors in college, and we’ve known each other since Freshman Move-In day. He was friends with my roommate. He’s close to his parents and his sister, who are all very normal people - his mother is a psychologist and his father is a dean at a private university, sweet Christian people, if a little over-involved in our life. He doesn’t have many friendships, but the ones he have are very close.

He lied to me once before over something small, but he himself came to me and confessed it. I would never have known if he hadn’t have done that. I forgave him, and we rebuilt our relationship from there.

But as of this moment we have broken off our engagement, and all contact for quite some time. I told him I needed time to clear my head, to pray and to fast, and I could not accept an engagement to him regardless - an engagement is a promise, and I didn’t know what other lies came with his promise. The wedding has been postponed indefinitely. The final straw was when he called me upset because I allowed this “situation to come between our relationship of 13 months” and freaked out when I told him lying and stealing had spiritual roots and I couldn’t allow that to be the the spiritual head of my family. He told me he didn’t have spiritual problems and had no history of stealing before. I told him EVERYONE has spiritual problems - my issue was with LYING and STEALING. Not everyone does that!! I asked him how much of what he’d already told me I could believe - did he really want to convert to Catholicism with me or was he just saying that to make me happy? Did he really want to move to China with me to my parents orphan ministry? Did he really get the job offer he said he’d gotten? Confessing under pressure and seeking repentance after being caught is an entirely different matter than coming to me and my brother and confessing.

My brother is disappointed, but keeps telling me “You don’t have to break it up over this! Let him make it up to you!” Him being hurt is what infuriates me. He’s had a rough year, and I could go Texan on my now-ex-fiance’s rear end for doing this to him.

And now I’m finding out that my “antique” engagement ring may not be an “antique” at all but a reproduction made last year. . .I believe this calls for cookie dough and Dr. Who. Thanks everyone for your prayers, I sincerely covet them.

 

[kalerumi]

I really recommend praying the rosary and spending time with Jesus in Adoration at a quiet church. I have found those two things to be the best medicine for mending a broken heart and finding clarity when making an important decision. Reading Psalms and Proverbs also helps when you are too tired to pray.

Excellent advice. . .I am already beginning the conversion process, but the peace and solace I have found from God through the Church throughout situation this has solidified my decision to swim the Tiber with a ready heart. Thanks to everyone for their support.

 

[spellinggirl]

Just read all of the posts… I am so glad you’ve made the right choice and dumped him. I think God made this happen to show you what kind of person your ex really is. I’ll be praying for you!

 

[Norseman82]

I think you made a good decision by breaking up with him, considering that if he continues doing illegal stuff when you are married you could end up being an accomplice and share legal responsibility (especially if he cheats on taxes).

I believe this calls for cookie dough and Dr. Who.

I can’t help you with the cookie dough, but for Dr. Who, enjoy this bit I found (especially if you also enjoy Star Trek; please forgive any rough language):

youtube.com/watch?v=2JhAPkkLgtI

youtube.com/watch?v=5y4I0fT6SU0

youtube.com/watch?v=ERhu7LUxprs

youtube.com/watch?v=2M47diM41nA

 

[FiberZilla]

Hi everyone,
It’s with a heavy heart that I write this thread. I found out this weekend that my fiance has stolen my 14-year-old brother’s Play Station Portable (a device my brother worked very hard to earn the money for). He stole it out of my mother’s car back in October when we were visiting my family over our university’s fall break.

The bizarre part is how I found out. . .he gave it to my brother as a Christmas present. Under the guise that it was a PSP he bought off of Craig’s List to “replace the one that was stolen from you”. My brother, not being an idiot, immediately recognized it as his - he had bought it off of eBay, and had an exact accounting for each and every scratch and damaged part of the PSP, as well as the serial number, etc. My brother adores my fiance, and treats him like his hero - he was almost crying, not out of sadness, but because he had prayed that the PSP would be returned to him, and thought that God had done that by inspiring the thief to post it on Craig’s List, and inspired my fiance to purchase that exact one. It didn’t even dawn on him that it could be because my fiance himself stole it.

I had a check in my spirit about it, and I confronted my fiance. He denied it vehemently, but I kept getting this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He finally confessed when it was obvious I wasn’t buying his excuses.

His excuse for stealing it is even more bizarre - he had promised my little brother his old drum set, but was getting worried b/c he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to fit the entire set in his car. So he stole it from him to make him upset, so that he could pretend to buy one off of Craig’s List and “replace” it.

I am shocked, my family is shocked, and I’m hurt. . .I want to end it all, but part of me wants to let him have a chance to regain my trust. I don’t know what to do and I’m just a mess of emotions right now. Sorry this is so long.

Praise God that he stole this thing. This incident revealed his true character as a liar and a thief. You need to drop this loser immediately! If you marry a guy with integrity issues as obvious as this you are headed for a lifetime of marital misery. You should be thanking God for the heads up!

 

[flyingfish]

I’m sorry if this is an inappropriate question, but has he attempted to contact you? Have you found out any other evidence of sneakiness on his part?

 

[February]

Kassie,

I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing well in spite of things. I recently ended a friendship with a guy who lied to me about a number of things (including still dating his girlfriend…which he never mentioned in the past year and a half). I know that an engagement is different than a friendship, but I had feelings for this guy for quite some time. I realized that his lies about various things involving relationships, work, legal issues, and smaller matters were a definite problem (among other issues). It is difficult to end any sort of relationship, but you will come out stronger as a result.

Prayers for you on your journey to Catholicism!

 

[kalerumi]

I’m sorry if this is an inappropriate question, but has he attempted to contact you? Have you found out any other evidence of sneakiness on his part?

He has tried to contact me. He’s transferring schools, but is flying down to our current university on Saturday to pack up all his things. He wants to see me then, but I refused. His mother contacted me pleading for me to see him just once, for closure’s sake. I’m just worried that he’s going to make a scene, and beg and plead in front of everyone. He has a tendency to be a little… .Eeyore-esque when things aren’t going well for him.

My best friend is married to his best friend, and the version that he shared with them was that he had lied to me, he came to me and told me that he had lied, then confessed to what the lie was, and that I had freaked out and broken up with him. This is apparently the version that he’s shared with our friends at school. I don’t want to get in the middle of a he-said-she-said war. . .

 

[flyingfish]

He has tried to contact me. He’s transferring schools, but is flying down to our current university on Saturday to pack up all his things. He wants to see me then, but I refused. His mother contacted me pleading for me to see him just once, for closure’s sake. I’m just worried that he’s going to make a scene, and beg and plead in front of everyone. He has a tendency to be a little… .Eeyore-esque when things aren’t going well for him.

My best friend is married to his best friend, and the version that he shared with them was that he had lied to me, he came to me and told me that he had lied, then confessed to what the lie was, and that I had freaked out and broken up with him. This is apparently the version that he’s shared with our friends at school. I don’t want to get in the middle of a he-said-she-said war. . .

:console:

Maybe you should tell your best friend what he did? Not the friends at school, but the close friend. It seems like he is trying to make himself look good and make you look like the bad one.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I wouldn’t give him that last scene. Personally, I’d be afraid someone like that would try something safety-wise. His mother’s job was to teach him honesty. Badgering you to see her precious baboo one more time isn’t in her job description. (Did she think he was wrong? Did she make excuses for him?)

You’ll find out now if your best friend is really your best friend by which story she chooses to believe.

Someday he’ll steal from his “best friend” and they won’t be able to say they weren’t warned.

 

[whatevergirl]

He has tried to contact me. He’s transferring schools, but is flying down to our current university on Saturday to pack up all his things. He wants to see me then, but I refused. His mother contacted me pleading for me to see him just once, for closure’s sake. I’m just worried that he’s going to make a scene, and beg and plead in front of everyone. He has a tendency to be a little… .Eeyore-esque when things aren’t going well for him.

My best friend is married to his best friend, and the version that he shared with them was that he had lied to me, he came to me and told me that he had lied, then confessed to what the lie was, and that I had freaked out and broken up with him. This is apparently the version that he’s shared with our friends at school. I don’t want to get in the middle of a he-said-she-said war. . .

*I think this is the best course of action, to not see him. It’s not to be mean, it’s because you are concerned of his behavior in public. Closure? Closure was when you ended it. lol I pray that he changes for his own sake, and for others. I will hold you too in my prayers…break ups, even ones like this, are hard. God bless. *

 

[EvelynEVF]

He’s not looking for closure. You have closure now. He is looking to reopen things and hopefully guilt you into giving him his inch so he can try for a mile.

I’m sorry to be pessimistic. It’s just that people who really realize what they’ve done, who are really sorry and repentant, accept the consequences of their actions with grace. If he really respected you and your judgment, he would do what you asked him to do and stay away. He wants to double check your boundaries here.

I am dealing with an abusive former spouse who has told some really interesting tales to his friends, which then filter back to me, so I understand some of the desire to straighten things out for people. There will be a time in the future when you can do this, without sending him double messages.

 

[DihydrogenOxide]

Pay attention to that uneasy feeling. He has shown you who he really is.

Agreed. At least he showed you his true colors before you married the guy. I’d leave him. That’s just messed up, and his reasoning is really freaky. Who knows if he will make excuses or hide other things from you in the future. You had to show him he was in a corner for him to tell you the truth, when nothing else would suffice, even with evidence.

This guy in not for you. God help any woman that gets in a relationship with him.

With all due respect, you deserve better. Someone that steals from kids is disturbed.

 

[Norseman82]

He has tried to contact me. He’s transferring schools, but is flying down to our current university on Saturday to pack up all his things. He wants to see me then, but I refused. His mother contacted me pleading for me to see him just once, for closure’s sake. I’m just worried that he’s going to make a scene, and beg and plead in front of everyone. He has a tendency to be a little… .Eeyore-esque when things aren’t going well for him.

My best friend is married to his best friend, and the version that he shared with them was that he had lied to me, he came to me and told me that he had lied, then confessed to what the lie was, and that I had freaked out and broken up with him. This is apparently the version that he’s shared with our friends at school. I don’t want to get in the middle of a he-said-she-said war. . .

Does his mother know that he stole from your brother and the doubts regarding the engagement ring?

Or is she just trying to dump her problem onto you?

If you can somehow be out of the area the day that he is on campus that would be a good “out” for you, unless you are afraid that he may go to your room and try to steal something and you feel the need to be there to protect your belongings.

If worse comes to worse, look into getting a restraining order against him.

 

[February]

So now he’s lying about how he lied? I don’t know…I definitely wouldn’t meet with him at school in front of other people. If you feel that closure for yourself would include seeing him again, I’d do it in private (if at all). At some point he’s going to have to accept that the broken engagement is a consequence of HIS actions. However, it doesn’t sound like he has the capacity to see his fault right now (if at all). Again, prayers are with you…

 

[Liberanosamalo]

No, no, no!

When a relationship gets to this point, you DON’T meet with someone like this in private ever!

It’s a safety issue.

 

[February]

No, no, no!

When a relationship gets to this point, you DON’T meet with someone like this in private ever!

It’s a safety issue.

Well, yeah, I wasn’t saying she should meet him in a locked closet or something. However, it probably wouldn’t help matters if there was an audience of their friends and classmates, either. There are places she could go if she feels that she needs to talk to him again (i.e. coffee shop)…though in my opinion it’s probably best to leave things as they are.

 

[grace_singh]

EvelynEVF:

He’s not looking for closure. You have closure now. He is looking to reopen things and hopefully guilt you into giving him his inch so he can try for a mile.

this is probably true. you’re doing the right thing in refusing to see him again.

after something like this it’s best to not talk to the person again, because emotional manipulators tend to try their stuff at every opportunity, in the hopes or turning things around to their favor. allowing them to do that will only hurt you, confuse them, and drag things out longer than need be.

trust your heart on this, and move on with dignity and hope for the future, in God’s time.

 

[kalerumi]

I have decided NOT to meet with him - there would be no closure in it for me, and I didn’t want to give an opportunity for him to try anything manipulative (or worse). I told him this, and he informed me that it didn’t matter, because he knew I was the one God made for him, and I would have to come back to him at some point because that was God’s plan. I had choice words for this statement, but decided it was better to just not even dignify it with a response and block the number.