My first confession next week, Need some advice?

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Aaron780

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Hi everyone I didnt know where to post this so I hope here is ok, Anyway Im finally getting confirmed into the church in the next few weeks! The Father wanted to see me after mass today and he said that im ready for my confirmation at anytime of my choosing, I was so happy its finally happening!!! Im waiting till my mother gets back from overseas in a few weeks then ill do it, But he wants me to have my first confession next week, Im really excited for it for some reason but also a bit nervous.

Now what I want to ask is, do I have to remember every sin that I have done for the first 35yrs of my life? Look I admit I was no Angel when I was young and in my 20s, I had a bit of a rough childhood and I did a lot of stupid things to try and forget what went on, I truly regret how I was back then and its why I cant wait to get it off my chest, But I also dont want to take up the Fathers whole day as well lol, So do I break it down? can I take in a list? And what do I say when I first walk in? He said we can do it face to face or we can use the confessional, its up to me, But ill think Ill use the confessional for my first one, Like I said im nervous and excited at the same time, its just I dont want to embarrass myself saying the wrong things thats all. After mass he gave me a leaflet on confession but he said it was more for children than adults so im not sure if ill go off that.

So can anyone please give me some tips on confession and help me with this?
 
Congratulations and “welcome home”!

The Code of Canon Law in regards to your responsibilities on the Sacrament of Penance is very simple: Emphasis in **bold **-- my comments in redCan. 987 To receive the salvific remedy of the sacrament of penance, a member of the Christian faithful must be (1) disposed in such a way that, rejecting sins committed and (2) having a purpose of amendment, the person is turned back to God.
Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in (3) kind and (4) number all grave sins committed after baptism and not yet remitted directly through the keys of the Church nor acknowledged in individual confession, of which the person has knowledge after diligent examination of conscience.
§2. It is recommended to the Christian faithful that they also confess venial sins.
Can. 989 After having reached the age of discretion, each member of the faithful is ob-liged to confess faithfully his or her grave sins at least once a year.
Can. 990 No one is prohibited from confessing through an interpreter as long as abuses and scandals are avoided and without prejudice to the prescript of can. 983, §2.
Can. 991 Every member of the Christian faithful is free to confess sins to a legitimately approved confessor of his or her choice, even to one of another rite.
So your rules are:
  1. You have to reject that sin. You have to feel contrite for that sin. In other words, you need to recognize that something is a sin, feel badly for that sin, and want it gone.
  2. You have to have a purpose of amendment. You have to intend not to commit that sin again.
Please note that without 1&2 above, you are not properly disposed to receive the graces of that sacrament.
  1. You have to confess the number of sins in kind and number. In other words, I committed murder two times, I committed adultery on one occasion. I stole on 12 occasions, I masturbated three times, I abandoned my mother for the last 12 years of her life. And so on. You do not need to go into gory detail. If the priest needs more detail, he will ask.
4, If you honestly do not remember some sin you committed, those sins will be absolved when the priest pronounces the words of absolution over you. God will know if you have honestly forgotten something or if you are intentionally omitting something. You can fool the priest (unless he’s Padre Pio or the like); you will not fool God. Intentional omissions are, themselves, a grave sin. So you need to make your best effort – but if something comes to mind afterwards, don’t worry, you are still absolved.

Those are, in the simplest sense, the rules.
  • You probably want to find a really good guide to an examination of conscience. The Knights of Columbus on their website.
  • Can you take a list? Sure. Again, remember, you don’t need to go into gory detail on what you’ve done…just a list of the “charges” that you accuse yourself of. If you do take a list, make sure to either shred it or burn it afterwards. Once you’ve been forgiven, you don’t need reminders floating around. One of the biggest tricks the devil uses is to convince people they haven’t really been forgiven of something after they’ve been absolved.
  • One other thing that usually bugs people: “How will that priest look at me after I’ve confessed all of the garbage I’ve done in my past?” Two things with that thought:
  • Unless the priest has been ordained in the past couple of weeks, chances are he’s heard far more scandalous confessions than the one you will give. You will not embarrass him. You will not scandalize him.
  • And, literally each and every priest friend of mine has maintained that God gives them the grace to forget about the confession once its done. So you don’t need to worry about him looking at you funny afterwards.
Hope the above helps.
 
Great thanks for that, I printed off the pdf and its got everything I need, I didnt know some sins were so grave and unacceptable, Im terribly sorry for some of the things ive done in the past but I cant change it, these are things that are accepted in todays society but I know deep down that its wrong, I feel sick from regret most days, Ive made mistakes and I massively regret them, I really hope im still accepted into the church, I feel Ive truly found Jesus and God, I feel so much peace when I go to mass, I feel this is where I belong, Its something ive never felt before and I want to go as much as I can, I love the Catholic church so much it hurts and im just praying the Father will let me in, ill be devastated if he doesnt, Thanks again for your help…
 
A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in (3) kind and (4) number all grave sins committed after baptism and not yet remitted directly through the keys of the Church nor acknowledged in individual confession, of which the person has knowledge after diligent examination of conscience.

So, in other words, we are only to confess sins we have done after baptism??
 
Becca3 said:
A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in (3) kind and (4) number all grave sins committed after baptism and not yet remitted directly through the keys of the Church nor acknowledged in individual confession, of which the person has knowledge after diligent examination of conscience.

So, in other words, we are only to confess sins we have done after baptism??
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Well I was baptised when I just 6months old in a Protestant church, So its pretty much my whole life…
 
Aaron780 said:
Well I was baptised when I just 6months old in a Protestant church, So its pretty much my whole life…
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Oh wow. Well, surely when we are baptised in the Catholic Church, then all sins should be washed away. So, here, they are talking about sins after baptism. Were you just baptised in the Catholic Church recently??
 
Becca3 said:
Oh wow. Well, surely when we are baptised in the Catholic Church, then all sins should be washed away. So, here, they are talking about sins after baptism. Were you just baptised in the Catholic Church recently??
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No like I said I was baptised in a Protestant church when I was a baby, The father told me that you cant be baptised twice, So every sin Ive done since I was 6months old I will have to confess…
 
Aaron780 said:
No like I said I was baptised in a Protestant church when I was a baby, The father told me that you cant be baptised twice, So every sin Ive done since I was 6months old I will have to confess…
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I just want to say Welcome Home as well!!!

You’ve gotten some great advice already. Based on what you wrote here, please do not fret over remembering every sin you ever committed since you were 6 months old! It’s my understanding that if you have done so in good faith and forget things, they are forgiven as well.
 
Aaron780 said:
No like I said I was baptised in a Protestant church when I was a baby, The father told me that you cant be baptised twice, So every sin Ive done since I was 6months old I will have to confess…
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Oh ok. Well, it depends on whether the Catholic church validates the baptism from another religion, if it wasn’t done in the name of the “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit”, then that person will have to be baptised again. I have heard of people being baptised again. Also, I guess you are lucky cuz I heard that Protestants and Catholics do the sacraments kind of similar. I am still new to all this. lol.
 
As someone else mentioned before, if your memory fails you in some things it is not a problem. The problem would be to intentionally omit something. For this span of time, I think writing it down is really helpful. For the number of times you committed a sin, you can use an guestimate if you don’t know exactly. E.g. I lied about 300 times. or I used foul language at least 500 times. or for a period of 10 years I masturbated every day, etc.
Also, the Word of God and the Holy Spirit can enlighten you about certain sins. Like a post said before, once you made a good confession, the priest absolves you from all prior sins. However, many people find it helpful to confess past sins when they are enlightened about them, even if they committed them before their last confession.

Oh, and congratulations. I’m really happy for you.
 
First I want to say WELCOME HOME (almost LOL)! Second, don’t beat yourself up too much. I had 52 years worth of sins to confess and I was really nervous because I had some really egregious sins to confess. But the priest was so kind and led me through everything. When he said, “Just remember this: those sins are in the past and you never have to think of them again” I cried. A lot. I don’t even remember his words of absolution, just his hands over my head. What a relief!! The smile on my face when I came out of that confessional told those waiting everything. Words cannot describe what you will experience, but just let me say this, you will be CLEAN. I became a big fan of reconciliation on that day.

May God richly bless you on your journey HOME.
 
In order for a sin to be mortal you first it has to be a grave matter and second you have to know it was mortal and third decide to commit it anyway. If a person just became a Catholic, it is easy to assume that some grave acts were not considered grave by whatever denomination he or she belonged to. Therefore the person was not fully culpable of mortal sins because of ignorance of the sin. The three conditions were not met

I have had priests advice those in RCIA who were going to confession for the first time not to worry too much about details. They should just tell the priest those grave sins that they committed in their lifetime but not be so concerned about the number or other details. If the priest wants details he will ask for them.
 
Joannm said:
In order for a sin to be mortal you first it has to be a grave matter and second you have to know it was mortal and third decide to commit it anyway. If a person just became a Catholic, it is easy to assume that some grave acts were not considered grave by whatever denomination he or she belonged to. Therefore the person was not fully culpable of mortal sins because of ignorance of the sin. The three conditions were not met

I have had priests advice those in RCIA who were going to confession for the first time not to worry too much about details. They should just tell the priest those grave sins that they committed in their lifetime but not be so concerned about the number or other details. If the priest wants details he will ask for them.
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Well, since I am becoming Catholic, I wouldn’t know what sins are mortal or not, I don’t even know the meaning of venial sins either. I do know that murder and adultery are grave and mortal sins. But other sins, I am not sure of. I do know when I take my RCIA classes, I surely grill my teacher on those things. lol.
 
You can also say things like, for 10 years, I was in the habit of taking God’s Name in vain, so I did that around twice a week, or 5 times a day, or continually through my conversation the way some people say “like”… the number does not have to be specific.

Also, for some reason it was a few years before I found this out, but at the end of telling one’s sins, it’s good to say something like: For these and all the sins of my past life, I am exceedingly sorry. Then all your sins are covered and the priest knows you have finished.

Welcome to the Church!!! It’s more wonderful than words can describe 🙂
 
Lucky7 said:
I just want to say Welcome Home as well!!!

You’ve gotten some great advice already. Based on what you wrote here, please do not fret over remembering every sin you ever committed since you were 6 months old! It’s my understanding that if you have done so in good faith and forget things, they are forgiven as well.
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Thanks for that but there is just one sin which im stressing about and I fear ill be turned away, Ok I wont lie, its abortion… My girlfriend at the time had one and I didnt do enough to stop it, I totally blame myself for it and not her, I blame myself 100%, Ive regretted it every day since, It haunts me, Ive had many nightmares because of it, which I probably deserve! I feel so ashamed of myself it its even hard for me to write this, Ive said sorry to God so many times now ive lost count, I sometimes feel im not even worthy to become a Catholic, I hope when I confess the Father will forgive me and not turn me away from the church because I wont know what to do then, This is where ive felt the closest to God and Jesus, Ive made lots of friends at church as well and would hate to lose them. Abortion should be banned full stop! Doctors and people in the community treat it as though its nothing, Its wrecked me mentally, They dont talk about that do they! Anyway I hope the Father forgives me, Im sorry if you all think of me different now, If I could turn back time I would…
 
Aaron780 said:
Thanks for that but there is just one sin which im stressing about and I fear ill be turned away, Ok I wont lie, its abortion… My girlfriend at the time had one and I didnt do enough to stop it, I totally blame myself for it and not her, I blame myself 100%, Ive regretted it every day since, It haunts me, Ive had many nightmares because of it, which I probably deserve! I feel so ashamed of myself it its even hard for me to write this, Ive said sorry to God so many times now ive lost count, I sometimes feel im not even worthy to become a Catholic, I hope when I confess the Father will forgive me and not turn me away from the church because I wont know what to do then, This is where ive felt the closest to God and Jesus, Ive made lots of friends at church as well and would hate to lose them. Abortion should be banned full stop! Doctors and people in the community treat it as though its nothing, Its wrecked me mentally, They dont talk about that do they! Anyway I hope the Father forgives me, Im sorry if you all think of me different now, If I could turn back time I would…
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Of course you are forgiven. Do not be afraid. God forgives all. Because of your sin and your repentance, you will be an amazing voice against abortion for His Church.

Do not doubt God’s mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation!!

I’m very excited for you.
 
St_Francis said:
You can also say things like, for 10 years, I was in the habit of taking God’s Name in vain, so I did that around twice a week, or 5 times a day, or continually through my conversation the way some people say “like”… the number does not have to be specific.

Also, for some reason it was a few years before I found this out, but at the end of telling one’s sins, it’s good to say something like: For these and all the sins of my past life, I am exceedingly sorry. Then all your sins are covered and the priest knows you have finished.

Welcome to the Church!!! It’s more wonderful than words can describe 🙂
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Well actually thats something I never really do, Cursing at people using the Lords name is something ive always felt uncomfortable with, Their are plenty of words for this so why use the Lords? So many shows and movies are littered with it and it really gets to me, So I guess thats something I can leave off the list lol…
 
Aaron780 said:
Well actually thats something I never really do, Cursing at people using the Lords name is something ive always felt uncomfortable with, Their are plenty of words for this so why use the Lords? So many shows and movies are littered with it and it really gets to me, So I guess thats something I can leave off the list lol…
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I am in the same boat as you! I don’t use the Lord’s name in vain either. I get mad at other people who thinks it is nothing to curse and scream God’s name in vain.
 
Lucky7 said:
Of course you are forgiven. Do not be afraid. God forgives all. Because of your sin and your repentance, you will be an amazing voice against abortion for His Church.

Do not doubt God’s mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation!!

I’m very excited for you.
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Thanyou for that, I dont doubt Gods mercy, its just deep down I cant forgive myself for some reason, How could I do this?! Ive let myself and God down massively, It makes me sick how some people do this all the time without a second thought, Doctors throwing their science at me saying its just an embrio when its not, its a human life! Who are we to mess with that! Ive learnt a hard lesson with this, I hope when I confess this pain ive been carrying will finally go away…
 
Aaron780 said:
Thanyou for that, I dont doubt Gods mercy, its just deep down I cant forgive myself for some reason, How could I do this?! Ive let myself and God down massively, It makes me sick how some people do this all the time without a second thought, Doctors throwing their science at me saying its just an embrio when its not, its a human life! Who are we to mess with that! Ive learnt a hard lesson with this, I hope when I confess this pain ive been carrying will finally go away…
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And it will. May I say something? I think the Holy Spirit wanted me to tell you this. Before I was born, my late mum had an abortion and I didn’t find this out til years later! I couldn’t say anything cuz course I was shocked. But later on in her life, on April 4, 2011 to be exact, she laid on her deathbed dying from cirhosis of the liver from being an alcoholic. I came to her, and we both held hands. She was looking out the window from her bed, and she told me she had 1 week maybe 2 weeks to live. And she was at peace! Now that I think about it, God had forgiven her for what she had done. At the funeral, I could barely see her spirit around. Yes, I have gift of discernment.

In other words, you will be forgiven!! Don’t beat yourself up over it.
 
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