My first confession since leaving catholicism

[uglygal]

I eventually went to confession today later in the day and I saw a priest who ‘diagnosed’ and told me I am mentally ill. That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.

Since when can priests make such accusations or ‘diagnosis’? BTW I have been assessed by psychologists and a psychiatrist and they have all consistently found that i am perfectly sane, albeit sad because of the mistreatment / hurt I have undergone.

I am never going to confession again. I feel so hurt as if i have been punched in the teeth and kicked to the ground. : I stepped out of the confessional feeling assaulted and in a daze.

I am speechless. I will not say anymore because I fear I will say something nasty :banghead:

Can priests do this?

 

[LilyM]

I eventually went to confession today later in the day and I saw a priest who ‘diagnosed’ and told me I am mentally ill. That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.

I am so furious I could burst Since when can priests make such accusations or ‘diagnosis’? BTW I have been assessed by psychologists and a psychiatrist and they have all consistently found that i am perfectly sane, albeit sad because of the mistreatment / hurt I have undergone.

I am never going to confession again. I feel so hurt as if i have been punched in the teeth and kicked to the ground. : I stepped out of the confessional feeling assaulted and in a daze.

I am speechless. I will not say anymore because I fear I will say something nasty :banghead:

Can priests do this?

Oh man :console: Big time prayers coming your way.

The short answer is no. Not unless he actually is a psychiatrist or psychologist (maybe he is, I don’t know if you asked?)

If you want real resolution you may need to go back and talk to him again, if only to prevent him similarly traumatising others. Unfortunately due to the seal of the confessional HE can’t discuss the contents of your confession with you unless YOU bring the topic up with him.

Whatever you do please please don’t discuss your confession with anyone else - not here or elsewhere. The priest is forbidden by the seal of the confessional from defending himself or discussing the matter in any way with anyone but you.

Please take the next comments in the right spirit - the fact is if you choose to publicise the matter, it’s only your side of the story that will ever be heard, and for all we know the priest may have a legitimate side of his own.

Imagine the roles reversed - you being the one bound on pain of mortal sin to silence and the priest being able to publicly allege that you’re mentally ill and whatever else he wanted with no possibility of you saying anything in reply. It would hardly be fair of him to use his freedom to do so, would it?

Whatever you do - please (I’m begging here) don’t let one bad experience (atrocious though it may be) drive you away from the sacrament of confession. Truly, the only party who’d benefit if you stayed away is Satan.

Take my word on this - I’ve confessed many many times and come across the good, the bad and the extremely ugly in terms of confessors - keep going regularly, avoid that priest if it helps, but keep going.

 

[blessedtoo]

I eventually went to confession today later in the day and I saw a priest who ‘diagnosed’ and told me I am mentally ill. That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.

Since when can priests make such accusations or ‘diagnosis’? BTW I have been assessed by psychologists and a psychiatrist and they have all consistently found that i am perfectly sane, albeit sad because of the mistreatment / hurt I have undergone.

I am never going to confession again. I feel so hurt as if i have been punched in the teeth and kicked to the ground. : I stepped out of the confessional feeling assaulted and in a daze.

I am speechless. I will not say anymore because I fear I will say something nasty :banghead:

Can priests do this?

Confession is for those who have sinned and wish to repent and resceive absolution. Based on your post, it sounds like you went to discuss abuses you suffered at the hands of others. If this was your intent, Confession would not have been necessary. A meeting with a priest outside the Sacrament would have seemed more appropriate.

I don’t really understand your post. At the risk of sounding uncharitable (which I am not), your posts consistently have an accusatory angle without any real substance. Perhaps it is too personal or painful to disclose on a public forum. In that case I would recommend you make an appointment OUTSIDE the Confessional to speak with a good priest about your issues.

 

[johnnydigit]

we pray for you dearly.

no, you shouldn’t stop going to confession because of a “bad” priest. that would be like not ever going to school because of a bad teacher… not eating anymore because of a bad apple… “throwing the baby out with the dirty bathwater”… you would be hurting yourself even more.

confession is one of the most valuable tools we have as Catholics. the healing that can come from it, not only spiritually but psychologically, is amazing.

remember a priest is not necessarily any more holier than you, me, or any other person. they basically have holy hands that can consecrate the host into the Eucharist. otherwise, they can be just as sinful as anyone else, down to the horrible thing this priest did to you.

take into consideration what they have mentioned above, and don’t let the evil one chase you away from the only thing that can heal you and bring you everlasting joy in this world.

 

[Tietjen]

Dear UG,

I have to agree with blessedtoo. I have in the past read your posts and you appear to be almost hostile with the Church. Whether or not this is your intention, it is often what comes across. Since I know neither you nor the situation(s) that have spawned this apparent hostility, I find it difficult to understand. Even in your profile, you confess that you are not a Christian let alone a Catholic. This causes me to wonder why you are even in a confessional.

As a Catholic who has been to (and continues to go) Confession regularly, I have never encountered anything like what you have described. I’m not saying that it didn’t happen, rather that it is certainly not the norm. I’ve lived all over the country and have never experienced anything like that. As others have already said, perhaps you should simply speak with the Priest who heard your Confession outside of the Confessional. The odds are great that you simply misunderstood what was said. Regardless what your decision is, God bless and I hope that someday soon you’ll cross the Tiber.

 

[Joysong]

Uglygal:

I eventually went to confession today later in the day and I saw a priest who ‘diagnosed’ and told me I am mentally ill. That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.

Your post below in Liturgy and Sacraments tells us that you were “late” to confession and did not make it. Yet in your post above you say you went. Could you clarify?

I attempted to go to confession today - against my better judgment but I thought I’d go - and I was denied confession because I was 2 minutes late, though according to the parish bulletin I was on time and within the hour. I felt ‘kicked out’ again. I’m starting to remember why I distanced myself from the church to begin with and I feel hurt.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=3030063&postcount=1

 

[uglygal]

Your post below in Liturgy and Sacraments tells us that you were “late” to confession and did not make it. Yet in your post above you say you went. Could you clarify?

Yes, I said in the post “I eventually went to confession later in the day” - I went to one parish earlier in the day, then I went to another parish approx 1 - 1.5 hours later

 

[uglygal]

I don’t really understand your post. At the risk of sounding uncharitable (which I am not), your posts consistently have an accusatory angle without any real substance. Perhaps it is too personal or painful to disclose on a public forum. In that case I would recommend you make an appointment OUTSIDE the Confessional to speak with a good priest about your issues.

I went to confession to make a confession - whilst I did this the priest asked questions that led to other issues coming up.

accusatory angle without any real substance

I don’t understand what you mean by this, well not exactly - this is what happened so how am I making unsubstantiated accusations?

I have in the past read your posts and you appear to be almost hostile with the Church.

With the experiences I have I am trying hard not to be hostile. I am calmer now - but after this confession I was angry and hurt, that’s maybe why I seemed hostile but it wasn’t my intent

 

[LilyM]

Yes, I said in the post “I eventually went to confession later in the day” - I went to one parish earlier in the day, then I went to another parish approx 1 - 1.5 hours later

And in between you hopped on the internet to complain about it? Must’ve been an awfully busy couple of hours!

 

[uglygal]

Yes it was a “busy” couple of hours. I would call it emotional because it was going back to a church for the first time in a while. I struggled this morning making up my mind whether to go or not, then I finally decided to go, as I drove I tried to put my confession together and think of what I wanted to confess, then I got to the parish and I wasn’t allowed confession because of a technicality and I felt brushed off. So I felt a little frustrated.

Then I “complained” as you put it, but then I re-read some posts from people who have been kind to me and I thought I’d give it another go because maybe the confession was genuinely not available and I felt a little ashamed that I had jumped to the worse conclusion. Then I went to another parish that had confession later in the day, then this scenario happened, and I got really hurt by this occurrence, then I went to work.

 

[Joysong]

The last time I attempted to go to confession, many many months back, the church was empty and the priest was reading a newspaper in the confessional. I tried to do confession but the priest was in quiet a hurry to get back to the newspaper and I left feeling literally ‘kicked out’.

I attempted to go to confession today - against my better judgment but I thought I’d go - and I was denied confession because I was 2 minutes late, though according to the parish bulletin I was on time and within the hour. I felt ‘kicked out’ again. I’m starting to remember why I distanced myself from the church to begin with and I feel hurt

What does the first paragraph have to do with your present attempt to go to confession, Uglygal? You saw him reading the newspaper?

As for paragraph two, was the priest’s confessional empty, or did the priest see you coming in as he was preparing to exit the church and ask you to return another time. It seems likely he would have given an honest explanation rather than just brush you off, if in fact he had a pressing appointment.

I don’t know, it just seems to me that you are prone to be somewhat negative and maybe too eager to put the church in a bad light, especially after reading paragraph one. Did you or did you not get to make your confession? I cannot believe the priest said to leave in favor of reading his paper.

 

[DJgang]

I think you need a Spiritual Director to help you write out a script for your Confession, go in, stick to your paragraph and leave.

“That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.”

Did he really say that? Exact words? Or did you think you heard him suggest this?

You don’t have to answer me.

It’s just sometimes we hear things that aren’t really said. For instance my husband may say honey are you wearing that? and I hear you look fat in that, when really he just wanted to compare and wear something according to what I am wearing for the occasion…

 

[Maria1212]

I am sorry to hear you had an unfortunate experience. Most of the time confession was been an extremely healing and positive experience for me and I am sorry to hear this was not your case.

Sometimes when we have been away from the sacrament for awhile, we forget how the sacrament should go, and sometimes we confuse what is actually a sin with imperfections or other things.

I would recommend making an appointment so you can talk to the priest outside of the confessional. In that appointment, you can explain that you have been away from the church, but would like to return. You can discuss any concerns you might have, and then ask for a refresher on the sacrament of confession. I am not saying you need a refresher, but I think everyone can find this helpful from time to time.

Reading a good examination of conscience can also help. I hope you will take the time to make an appointment with a priest. The best thing to do is move forward and focus on what is important, your relationship with God and your journey toward salvation. Please pray for both priests you met with today. Priests are human and they need or prayers too.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[ILUVGSUS2]

I’m really sorry you had a bad experience with your confessor. I’ve had several bad experiences myself. Please don’t give up - the good experiences sure out weigh the bad ones I’ve had and the sacrament of confession is so important! I don’t know what I’d do without it!!!

I’m praying for you!

By the way, if you choose not to have a spiritual director to guide you where confession is concerned, there are so many little booklets on confession that can help you as well. You can write your confession down. We can’t avoid questions that are asked by the priests but it does help us stay focused on what we are confessing.

 

[water]

I eventually went to confession today later in the day and I saw a priest who ‘diagnosed’ and told me I am mentally ill. That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.

Since when can priests make such accusations or ‘diagnosis’? BTW I have been assessed by psychologists and a psychiatrist and they have all consistently found that i am perfectly sane, albeit sad because of the mistreatment / hurt I have undergone.

I am never going to confession again. I feel so hurt as if i have been punched in the teeth and kicked to the ground. : I stepped out of the confessional feeling assaulted and in a daze.

I am speechless. I will not say anymore because I fear I will say something nasty :banghead:

Can priests do this?

You could go back and tell him what you felt. Telling us all without telling him won’t help you, especially when you said you would not go back to confession again.

You need to set a good amount of time to meet a priest to explain about what you had gone through. The priest might help you or might refer you to someone else. He is not a psychiatrist; he is Confessor. They are quite different.

 

[uglygal]

As for paragraph two, was the priest’s confessional empty, or did the priest see you coming in as he was preparing to exit the church and ask you to return another time. It seems likely he would have given an honest explanation rather than just brush you off, if in fact he had a pressing appointment.

The confession was empty, I walked to the confessional and as I got there he came out. I asked him if I could have confession and he abruptly said, no confession is over, and walked past me. Though according to the bulletin it was still confession hour.

I don’t know, it just seems to me that you are prone to be somewhat negative and maybe too eager to put the church in a bad light, especially after reading paragraph one. Did you or did you not get to make your confession? I cannot believe the priest said to leave in favor of reading his paper.

I didn’t say he said to leave so he could read his newspaper, I said he was eager to get back to his newspaper and I felt kicked out - i began my confession and he interrupted me and said that he knows I am sorry for all my sins and gave me absolution without hearing me out or letting me say my entire confession.

Did I get my confession - yes at the second parish I went to along with a psychiatric assessment.

 

[uglygal]

I think you need a Spiritual Director to help you write out a script for your Confession, go in, stick to your paragraph and leave.

“That the abuse I underwent previously was my fault, that I am delusional, mentally ill and I am at fault.”

Did he really say that? Exact words? Or did you think you heard him suggest this?

You don’t have to answer me.

It’s just sometimes we hear things that aren’t really said. For instance my husband may say honey are you wearing that? and I hear you look fat in that, when really he just wanted to compare and wear something according to what I am wearing for the occasion…

They are the words he used.

 

[DJgang]

They are the words he used.

I’m sorry.

 

[puzzleannie]

no way anybody here can answer your question, can know your internal state, mental or spiritual. find a priest you can trust for confession and spiritual direction, if you need professional help in other areas of life, by all means seek it, but asking anonymous third parties on the internet will not be likely to assist you in any area of your life that is causing you pain. we can and do however pray like warriors and will be praying for you.

 

[LilyM]

The confession was empty, I walked to the confessional and as I got there he came out. I asked him if I could have confession and he abruptly said, no confession is over, and walked past me. Though according to the bulletin *it was still confession hour. *

But you said you were denied confession because because you were ‘two minutes late’. So which was it? Were you late or were you on time? If it was a matter of a few minutes either way maybe his watch was a bit fast or yours was a bit slow? That’s happened to me in the past.

Then again you’ve got to factor in that it takes time to hear a confession, and he doesn’t know whether you’ll take two minutes or twenty. So you can’t arrive at the last minute and expect him not to have other things to do. In my experience confession generally tends to be held just before Mass, so he probably had to go get ready for Mass.

Admittedly he probably should’ve told you to come back after Mass if that was the case, but he may’ve had other things to do, many priests I know are really busy and look after more than one parish.