My First Confession

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seeker63

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I completed RCIA Wednesday, get confirmed today, and had my first confession Saturday (12/18) morning.

For the longest time the idea of confession terrified me, and indeed, it kept me from converting for the longest time. Once I got into RCIA I kept planning to go to my first confession, but I’d always find a new booklet on the subject and would put off going until I’d read it. My confirmation class director said I was probably expecting too much and would be in for a let-down.

All this week I was out sick, so I had to get my confession done Saturday or not at all. I was going back to work and was due there at noon; a church near my job site was having confession from 11:30 to 12, so I needed to confess early in order to get to work on time.

On the bus ride from home downtown, I read all the materials I had, preparing for the Sacrament, saying all the suggested prayers. I was just sure I’d burst into tears once I got in there.

I got to the church and hour-and-a-half early. The parish hall was set up like a chapel. In back was a closet with a chair hidden by a folding shoji screen and with a kneeler in front of it.

I went back through my material, praying. A crowd gathered, including a tiny, old priest who looked like Jean-Paul Sartre with a moustache, whom others referred to as “the Monsignor.” A line built up without my noticing it, but the man in front got my attention and gestured for me to go ahead of him.

I had scarcely gotten into the door before the priest began saying some things very quickly. I finally got to my knees, and explained it was my first confession and so forth. I thought he was going to make some suggestions, but when they weren’t forthcoming I just pulled out a list of my sins of four decades and began rattling them off.

I didn’t cry, but I’m sure he could tell from my voice that I was sorry and embarrassed for my sins. Still, he didn’t seem to react. I was just sure he was going to stop me and get onto me about one sin or other, or have me expand on one, or maybe comfort me about another.

But I just kept on. I’m sure now I accidentally left a few off, and I know I started repeating myself. I did feel rushed. He went very quickly into something—I was trying to hear if it was Scripture, but I figured it was a prayer. He gave me an “Our Father” and a “Hail Mary” as penance, absolved me, and set me on my way.

One of my RCIA teachers had told me I’d feel afterwards like a great burden had been lifted off me. I, on the other hand, just felt sort of puzzled and surprised. It was not at all what I was expecting.

Maybe I was expecting to get the book thrown at me, so to speak. I guess I have a certain idea of what I *“deserve” *for mysins that’s a lot worse than the penance I got. But had I gotten the penance I really deserve—wow, I don’t know if I could handle it.

Anyway, it was an unusual experience. Kind of anti-climactic. I know I’m absolved. I just have to let the shock wear off so I can process the idea properly.

In the meantime, please pray for me and my confirmation class today.

Thanks and God bless.
 
welcome to the sacraments, it may be a good thing your experience worked out this way, so you have the chance to understand the sacrament works because Christ through the Holy Spirit works in the ritual words and actions of the priest. He could have done some of the optional things suggested in the new rite for confession, but given the circumstances, chose the streamlined version. As long has you confessed and expressed condition and he absolved you and assigned a penance, your good to go, free from all sin, like it never happened. that includes those you forgot to mention because your intent was to confess every sin of your past life. Is this Church great or what?
 
Yeah, I wanted to bring in Peggy Lee to sing “Is That All There Is?” I was just broadsided that that was all God would want of me after 41 years of serious sinning. I’m still sitting here and saying, “Huh?” If confession is that easy, then why has it fallen into disuse by some Catholics?

Also, I think I in a way got a lot of my penance out of the way in advance, with all the agonizing I was doing over my sins and what confession would be like, all these months and years. Now if I can just keep my nose clean…
 
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seeker63:
Yeah, I wanted to bring in Peggy Lee to sing “Is That All There Is?” I was just broadsided that that was all God would want of me after 41 years of serious sinning. I’m still sitting here and saying, “Huh?” If confession is that easy, then why has it fallen into disuse by some Catholics?

Also, I think I in a way got a lot of my penance out of the way in advance, with all the agonizing I was doing over my sins and what confession would be like, all these months and years. Now if I can just keep my nose clean…
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as long as we have people like you to keep the wonder and joy of the sacrament alive maybe other Catholics will realize what they are losing out on. the difference is you have a healthy sense of sin and contrition which many of us have blunted in our own lives.
 
Yeah confessions never quite as bad as you think it is.

There are some people out there with horror stories about confession, some true some untrue. But beware, any priest that has a go, or throws the book at you in not acting in persona Christi (how do you think Jesus would react?). I have 2 priests i go to for confession, both are very kind, very nice, give good advice and i have never had the book thrown at me at all.

I think the only time a priest should prod you a bit is if you either vague or not that sorry, but if (like me) your voice always has a quiver in it, they leave you alone.

A quick tip for future confessions - never think about the priest, the priest is pretty much invisible, as he is just a megaphone for Jesus. Think about what you are saying to Jesus, and think about how sorry you are for it. Only time you should be thinking about the priest is when he gives you advice after you confess.

Good luck in the future 🙂
 
Confession is scary to me. I always feel ashamed, and on the verge of tears.

I do feel that my priest means very well, but he never has me do a specific penance (such as Hail Mary, Rosary, etc) is this normal?

He asked me at my last confession how I’ve done with the things I confessed the prior time. I am so new to my faith I am still learning and don’t know all the norms.

I do feel so much better after I have confessed, so I know that it is working, and Jesus was in there absolving me…I guess I need some books on it!

I feel like I could study and practice catholicism for 1000 years and not fully understand all I wish I knew. I have to say though, I do believe and trust the church 100%, even though I don’t “get it” all yet!

~Carrie
 
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seeker63:
One of my RCIA teachers had told me I’d feel afterwards like a great burden had been lifted off me. I, on the other hand, just felt sort of puzzled and surprised. It was not at all what I was expecting.

Maybe I was expecting to get the book thrown at me, so to speak. I guess I have a certain idea of what I *“deserve” *for mysins that’s a lot worse than the penance I got. But had I gotten the penance I really deserve—wow, I don’t know if I could handle it.

Anyway, it was an unusual experience. Kind of anti-climactic. I know I’m absolved. I just have to let the shock wear off so I can process the idea properly.
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Feelings are misleading. We can feel forgiven and still be deeply in the grip of serious sin. On the other hand, we can feel nothing and be totally absolved from our sins. You received the Sacrament, and you have been forgiven no matter how you may feel about it.

As far as penance, no one can pay the penance due for their sins. Penance is about contrition for sin, not about paying for sin. We perform penance in obedience to Christ and to the Church that He established. We deny ourselves in acts of mortification and humility out of gratitude for what has already been accomplished. Jesus has already paid what needs to be paid for sin. He suffered and died in our place.
 
Was your confession with the pastor of your new parish? You might want to pull him aside. Perhaps he was daydreaming or distracted. Priests are only human, and confession is such an important sacrament. You might just ask him to slow down a little bit for the new Catholics. I’m certain he didn’t even realize what he was doing.

However,

WELCOME HOME! :clapping:
 
Actually Detroit, my confession was heard by a retired priest, a monsignor, a pretty old gentleman. I went to a different parish than the one where I’m a member. I didn’t want the embarrassment of trotting out a lifetime of wretched sins in front of priests who may or may one day recognize my voice.
 
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seeker63:
Actually Detroit, my confession was heard by a retired priest, a monsignor, a pretty old gentleman. I went to a different parish than the one where I’m a member. I didn’t want the embarrassment of trotting out a lifetime of wretched sins in front of priests who may or may one day recognize my voice.
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But maybe you would have received more of a response if you had gone to your own priest. I am in RCIA and so I am wondering about this as well. Don’t most people go to confession at their own parish? Isn’t the point that a priest cannot divulge what he hears in confession to allow you to go to your priest in time of trouble? I am just very curious what to do. We have a very very nice, warm friendly priest. I am not sure I want him to know ALL of my sins…OTOH just rattling them off to a complete stranger doesn’t seem right either.

Lisa N
 
I was curious about that too, Lisa N. I feel the same way- I wouldn’t want a priest who knows me know some of the stufff I’ve done, but at the same time, I feel like maybe I’m… I don’t know how to describe it, but that I’m not being completely sorry by going to a complete stranger priest. Like I’m taking the easy way out is the best way to describe it.
 
People who fear confessing to a familiar priest probably suffer from a little bit of pride. Part of the beauty of confession is that it breeds humility. What can be more humbling than confessing your deepest and most embarassing sins to somebody you know?

Personally, I wouldn’t worry. Odds are what you have to confess, he’s heard many times before. A good confessor will not judge you for what you have done. His purpose in the sacrament is not to judge, it is to absolve. On the contrary, he will likely respect you more because you had the courage and humility to admit you have done wrong and are truly sorry for your sins. And no matter what you’ve done, there is more than enough absolution to go around.
 
Now my understanding of confession/reconcilaition is that it’s designed to get us right with God, to reconcile ourselves with Him and His Church and to show our sorrow, contrition, and repentence for our sins. I’ve not understood that it was designed to maximize embarrassment for us. If that was the idea, then we’d probably be required to stand up in front of the entire congregation and tell everybody all our sins.

It’s embarrassing enough for me to know I did what I did and to have to say what I did in the presence of another human being, albeit a proxy for Christ. I don’t know as going to an unfamiliar priest necessarily has anything to do with pride. I’d like to get to know my priests at my parish, but I don’t think I could do that if I couldn’t look them in the eye.

For what it’s worth, my chief RCIA teacher confesses at a different parish.
 
seeker, it sounds to me like you did most of your penance before hand by the contrition. All that was really left, was for the priest to absolve you and finish out the penance so that you would be prepared to go out in the world and [try to] sin no more.
 
*pro-life_teen*:
I was curious about that too, Lisa N. I feel the same way- I wouldn’t want a priest who knows me know some of the stufff I’ve done, but at the same time, I feel like maybe I’m… I don’t know how to describe it, but that I’m not being completely sorry by going to a complete stranger priest. Like I’m taking the easy way out is the best way to describe it.
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You guys have brought up a good point. I recently had to confess something I was REALLY ashamed of to a priest who knows me. We met in his office, and to tell the truth, it was great. He understood.
You see priests have heard it all! They are not shocked by what we tell them, and will usually forget the specifics of our confession as soon as we leave.
Although I do go face to face with my confessor, I do so only because he really does know me, and I know he likes to take the time to really help me. I am happy to have finally found someone I am truly comfortable with.
 
**I, too, want to welcome you to the sacraments! **

**Going to confession usually makes most people a little nervous. I always have to make myself go, but once I am there, I am fine. I have a good confessor, and I know he will point me in the right direction. **
**I’m sorry you left with a feeling of confusion. But, considering you experience, I am not surprised! **
**Confession really IS easy if we just remember that our God is not only an Awesome God, but a loving one who wants to forgive us for whatever we have done. When we are confessing to a priest, we are really confessing to Jesus…That’s one of the reasons I actually prefer the screen…I can focus on Jesus more that way. **
But…I usually go face to face, because the priest knows me pretty well.
Anyway…Keep going! Your soul will thank you for it .
 
Lisa N:
But maybe you would have received more of a response if you had gone to your own priest. I am in RCIA and so I am wondering about this as well. Don’t most people go to confession at their own parish?** Isn’t the point that a priest cannot divulge what he hears in confession to allow you to go to your priest in time of trouble?** I am just very curious what to do. We have a very very nice, warm friendly priest. I am not sure I want him to know ALL of my sins…OTOH just rattling them off to a complete stranger doesn’t seem right either.

Lisa N
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Whatever people may say (rightly) about how this sacrament “works” no matter how you feel about it, it IS a very personal sacrament, and sometimes you need to do what **you **need to do. Your observation about having a confessor who knows you is very wise! If you are comfortable with your priest, then by all means go to him!

For me, my first confession as a Catholic was a VERY big deal psychologically and emotionally because it was the first Sacrament I would receive AS a Catholic. I prepared for six months – not doing my examen for six months but praying and meditating on passages of Scripture relating to the Mercy of God and his forgiving heart. I knew that I wanted to make that confession after at least a week of silence and solitude, so I found a hermitage where the Desert Father was reputed to be very good at receiving confessions, and made my “submission retreat” and general confession there. It was the most important day of my life.

If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of coughing up a lifetime of sin, ask Jesus to make that confession for you. He did it for me!
 
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Calatta:
I do feel that my priest means very well, but he never has me do a specific penance (such as Hail Mary, Rosary, etc) is this normal?
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No, this is not normal. A penance should consist of either prayers or good works. (i.e. say 3 Hail Marys, say a Rosary, pray for the grace to be nicer to your co-workers, etc… AND/OR do something nice for your brother, call your father and make up with him, help the poor by working an hour at a soup kitchen, spend some time at Adoration this week, etc…) The priest should give you something specific to do to make up for your sins…
 
seeker63:
It is very good to know that you have the chance for Confession.

Remember it’s not what you feel BUT what you believe just happened to you. Your sins have been forgiven. (At times I have a problem with really believing that my sins were forgiven, but I have to have Faith that they were).

I have also found that when I somehow do forget to confess something, the Holy Spirit will remind you. (I had a sin from about 20 years that once haunted me, then recently the Holy Spirit reminded me about it. It was confessed and now that memory of that sin haunts me. I just pray with hope that ALL my mortal sins in my life have been confessed to before I leave this earth. WIth this same faith, I am sure the Holy Spirit will help me on this.

Go with God!
Edwin
 
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