My first Mass (comments/questions)

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Hope_Philomena

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Last night I asked for prayers, for I was going to attend my first Catholic Mass in the morning. I am back from Mass now, and I thought I might share my thoughts, as well as questions (questions and comments that may seem silly, I’m not sure)

I wore a long skirt to the service in order to be modest. But when I got there, I saw that most people were in skinny jeans! It made me feel out of place 😊

The music was very beautiful, and I think that was my favorite part. All the other churches I’ve been to play standard Christian pop/rock with people jumping up and down with their hands raised. The hymns and the organ made it seem much more sacred, which I enjoyed immensely.

I was worried that I would be the youngest person there (17 in a month ;)) but there were many young families and I did spot a few teenagers. It overall seemed very mixed rather than just one age group.

It was strange having to stand up then sit down, stand up then sit down. I have never experienced that before. Everyone seemed to know exactly when to stand, when to sit, when to pull out things from under the pews to kneel on.

Sometimes the priest would be speaking and then the whole church would say something softly in unison, and I didn’t speak at those points since I wasn’t sure what they were saying. I was pretty proud of myself when I was able to recite the Lord’s Prayer with all of them, since I know that prayer.

It was a bit hard to keep up with what (I think) the priest was saying. I sort of understood the message he was getting across, but his sermon was actually quite short. This is strange for me, since in the Protestant churches I have been to the order has been: “Sing four songs, listen to pastor talk for an hour, go eat lunch”

The people seemed welcoming, but nobody actually spoke to me directly. I felt more out of place because I could see the community was rather tight knit. Everyone was quiet before the service, and when it ended everyone quickly exited the sanctuary area and mingled a bit. They all seemed to have their own circles.

I had an embarrassing moment where I lingered near the priest after the service, waiting to speak to him perhaps, as this was suggested by some. He was talking to a man that he seemed to know very well, and they were laughing and patting each other’s backs. Then the priest glanced at me and said “I’ll be back in a moment.” I smiled and stood in the corner waiting for him. Nobody payed me any mind, and perhaps I should have gone up to people but I am terribly shy… The priest was still talking to the man and now the man’s family. When the man left, another woman immediately came up to him and spoke to him for a long while as I stood there awkwardly. He went into another room, came back out, finished speaking to the woman. And then he left again, so I just decided to go assuming he had forgotten or was too busy.

Now, I know the priest must be busy of course! It just embarrassed me a bit 😊 I was in there on my own (family is not religious, and my boyfriend dropped me off because he gets uncomfortable in churches) and the environment was quite foreign.

I apologize for this being so long. Overall, the service itself seemed very holy and I enjoyed it very much. I just felt out of place and alone.

Should I visit another Catholic church next weekend to see if I find the congregation more welcoming? Or is it going to be like that everywhere? Also, what were those phrases the congregation kept saying?
 
Catholic parishes are like people, they all have different personalities. Of course you can visit another parish next week. You are welcome to try several until you find a good fit for you; you may even come back to the one you went to today. I’m glad you had a good experience today; Catholic parishes are usually very large, and everyone will assume that you are Catholic and attend regularly, so don’t be surprised or insulted if no one recognizes you as a visitor and don’t speak with you. I think you are right, the priest was busy and distracted and forgot you were there. You can always call the office and make an appointment to speak with him or you could get in touch with the youth minister of the parish. Welcome Home! :grouphug:
 
Excellent questions. First, buy a Sunday missal on Amazon or at a used book store. It tells you when to sit, stand, and kneel (it’s not really that hard–you stand at the Gospel, kneel at the Sanctus and again at Communion) and it gives all the prayers the priest says as well as the prayers the people say. There can be some degree of substitution (Nicene Creed or Apostle’s Creed, for example). The prayers of the Mass aren’t random; they have a pattern, and a good missal will explain that. If not, search online. If you just take the prayers as random prayers it doesn’t make a lot of sense. If you see what the prayers are building up to in each section, it all makes a great deal of sense. It’s sort of like looking at individual pieces of a jigsaw puzzle–each piece might be a bit colorful, but it doesn’t make any sense until you assemble the puzzle.

Look up GIRM (General Instructions to the Roman Missal) online at the US Conference of Catholic Bishops site-- usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/the-mass/general-instruction-of-the-roman-missal/ You can read in in 10-15 minutes, and it explains what the priest is doing (or, sad to say, should do).

Church as a formal dress affair ended sometime in the early 60s. Certain types of dress might be a bit extreme, but no one is going to throw anyone out because they don’t like the length of their dress or tight T shirt. Some people may have another activity afterwards, and it’s not unusual to see people in shorts in the summer.

As for the priest, after Mass is not the time to engage him in anything longer than “Good morning.” If you have questions, best to ask a Catholic friend (one who actually knows stuff!) or make an appointment with the priest. Or ask here. Most parishes are fairly large, and for the most part, unless you do some volunteer work through the church, people don’t know each other. Keep in mind this is a communal prayer, not a social activity.

Music varies greatly from parish to parish. Opinions of the music range from “insipid xxx” to “inspiring.” Most of what you hear at today’s Masses was composed by non-professionals in the late 60s and beyond. Think what it would be like if popular music was stuck in the late 60s. “Why Catholics Can’t Sing” by Thomas Day is a good critique of current church music. If you have never heard Gregorian chant, buy a CD or two. You may even get lucky and find a parish that sings it.

Finally, you should be aware that Catholics are not all equally informed about their religion. Some are very knowledgeable and some are ignorant. The same goes for beliefs. There is a common core of beliefs that Catholics should share, but beyond that there are a lot of disagreements. All you have to do is read some of the threads on this site to see that people disagree all the time–and that includes bishops and cardinals. The church–contrary to what most Protestants think–is not some authoritarian body.
 
You could be a fly on the wall for the next ten years in that parish, or most parishes for that matter, if you wanted to. You have to make the first move, and then keep going even if you strike out, … like with the priest you were waiting for. I know, your shy, so it will be harder for you…but in the end you will grow from taking the first steps. Your so brave to be doing all this. Good for you!

If anyone really knew what your situation was, they would not hesitate to talk to you, invite you to events, etc…But, Catholic’s will generally leave each other alone by default. Sometimes people reach out more but that’s not really a rule of thumb.

Catholic churches are universal so people can come and go from parishes without being noticed. I’ve probably gone to 7 or 8 different Roman Catholic churches all over the country this year alone. I’ve never expected anyone to stop me and ask what my deal is … it is nice to chit chat with people from different parishes but I would usually have to take the initiative if I wanted to chit chat.
 
When you settle on a parish, ask the pastor if you can borrow a personal missal. They probably have some laying around, so that you can learn the responses, No worries. Even if you don’t have one, over time, you’ll memorize them.
Don’t fret too much. Wear what is modest and comfortable,
Welcome home!
 
Hope_Philomena said:
Should I visit another Catholic church next weekend to see if I find the congregation more welcoming? Or is it going to be like that everywhere? Also, what were those phrases the congregation kept saying?
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I’ve been Catholic for years & still like to visit other Catholic churches. Each one has it’s own flavor. This past summer I visited one in Portland that I hadn’t been to in years. To my surprise, the mass was in Latin. I told the priest afterwards that I should have brought my husband - he’s the Latin expert in the family. I just followed along as best I could. I went to the cafeteria for coffee after & was surprised that no one spoke to me. The atmosphere was much chillier than it had been years before. I don’t know what happened. Even long-time Catholics can feel like they don’t belong.

It can be terribly difficult to talk to a priest after mass - I rarely do so unless I’m willing to wait a long time. Generally better, if you have some questions for him, to call later.
 
I admire someone your age wearing modest clothing as for myself I am 28 I generally wear black slacks or khakis and a button-up shirt when I go to Mass. I do remember reading some of the material about the order of Mass but mostly I just memorized it and I could probably recite the prayers word for word if you wanted me to. I also have the Byzantine liturgy down pretty well too. I live in an area where there aren’t a whole lot of Catholics most folks here are Protestant in fact I can walk to the closest Baptist church I cannot do the same for the closest Catholic church. The flip side of that is it a lot easier for me to defend my faith than it would be if I lived somewhere where most folks were Catholic. I know it seems kind of like Mindless calisthenics with the kneeling and whatnot, but we do things the way we do for a reason and you really should read up on the history of this and I think that would help you. Sometimes you have to force yourself into the conversation with a priest don’t be rude about it wait until they’re done talking to someone else but you’ll get a moment to do it trust me I’d done this first-hand I’m sorry no one talked to you afterwards but as for myself I like to talk to people after Mass if I’ve never seen them before. I like it when people make me feel well, I prefer to make them feel welcome and I am a very shy person.
 
I went to Mass for the first time last year. I wish my experience was a pleasant as yours, even though your experience wasn’t perfect. My social anxiety kept me from focusing on what was important, and instead had me focusing on everyone around me. I’ll try again later, maybe when I’ve fixed my social anxiety.
 
The Center of attention and attraction is the
PRESENCE of the Lord in the mass, all other
things are peripheral, we come together to
WORSHIP the Lord who is present in the
Liturgy and the Tabernacle which houses
the Host(Body of Christ) and the Altar in
the perpetuating of the Sacrifice of the mass,
and we commune with the faithful both living
and dead in the responses during mass
and of course in the partaking of holy commun-
ion. Socializing, sadly, is NOT a big thing in
the order of priorities of the masses.
 
Paragraph numbers added by LM
Hope_Philomena said:
  1. Last night I asked for prayers, for I was going to attend my first Catholic Mass in the morning. I am back from Mass now, and I thought I might share my thoughts, as well as questions (questions and comments that may seem silly, I’m not sure)
  2. I wore a long skirt to the service in order to be modest. But when I got there, I saw that most people were in skinny jeans! It made me feel out of place 😊
  3. The music was very beautiful, and I think that was my favorite part. All the other churches I’ve been to play standard Christian pop/rock with people jumping up and down with their hands raised. The hymns and the organ made it seem much more sacred, which I enjoyed immensely.
  4. I was worried that I would be the youngest person there (17 in a month ;)) but there were many young families and I did spot a few teenagers. It overall seemed very mixed rather than just one age group.
  5. It was strange having to stand up then sit down, stand up then sit down. I have never experienced that before. Everyone seemed to know exactly when to stand, when to sit, when to pull out things from under the pews to kneel on.
  6. Sometimes the priest would be speaking and then the whole church would say something softly in unison, and I didn’t speak at those points since I wasn’t sure what they were saying. I was pretty proud of myself when I was able to recite the Lord’s Prayer with all of them, since I know that prayer.
  7. It was a bit hard to keep up with what (I think) the priest was saying. I sort of understood the message he was getting across, but his sermon was actually quite short. This is strange for me, since in the Protestant churches I have been to the order has been: “Sing four songs, listen to pastor talk for an hour, go eat lunch”
  8. The people seemed welcoming, but nobody actually spoke to me directly. I felt more out of place because I could see the community was rather tight knit. Everyone was quiet before the service, and when it ended everyone quickly exited the sanctuary area and mingled a bit. They all seemed to have their own circles.
  9. I had an embarrassing moment where I lingered near the priest after the service, waiting to speak to him perhaps, as this was suggested by some. He was talking to a man that he seemed to know very well, and they were laughing and patting each other’s backs. Then the priest glanced at me and said “I’ll be back in a moment.” I smiled and stood in the corner waiting for him. Nobody payed me any mind, and perhaps I should have gone up to people but I am terribly shy… The priest was still talking to the man and now the man’s family. When the man left, another woman immediately came up to him and spoke to him for a long while as I stood there awkwardly. He went into another room, came back out, finished speaking to the woman. And then he left again, so I just decided to go assuming he had forgotten or was too busy.
  10. Now, I know the priest must be busy of course! It just embarrassed me a bit 😊 I was in there on my own (family is not religious, and my boyfriend dropped me off because he gets uncomfortable in churches) and the environment was quite foreign.
  11. I apologize for this being so long. Overall, the service itself seemed very holy and I enjoyed it very much. I just felt out of place and alone.
  12. Should I visit another Catholic church next weekend to see if I find the congregation more welcoming? Or is it going to be like that everywhere? Also, what were those phrases the congregation kept saying?
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First, I want to congratulate you! I did not think you were that young :)! Good for you :extrahappy"!

I read many of the answers that have been posted already. All I can say is “sad, but true”. Since am “Catholic” I go to any Roman Catholic church for Mass and . . . observe “local tradition” for tiny things, and just pray. I will walk around after Mass to look at the place. If am asked, I simply tell them that it is my first time there and ask questions about the stained glass window/s if I have any.

Here are some of my comments:
  1. There are no silly questions or comments. We are all in this journey together and we are all learning from each other. Your questions give Catholics, at least me, an idea of how I, personally, may make the “atmosphere” more warm toward newcomers.
  2. At times it is embarrassing what women would wear at Mass. The Priests at time give talks about that. I wear modest clothes and it does not bother me at all that I do. In “the old Country” the Priest would skip a woman wearing a sleeveless blouse/dress (they were usually first timers at the parish or visiting). A Lady parishioner would then lend her a shawl or something to cover up. The Lady would then approach and the Priest would give her Communion. That was in the “old Country”. Stay modest.
  3. So glad you liked the music. Different parishes have different music and even the same parish will have different music at different Masses. A Gospel Mass would be different than a Charismatic Mass, or a “Traditional” Mass. Then there are children’s Masses geared to the young ones.
  4. Did you get a bulletin? There could be a “Youth Group” or “Ministry” in the parish. You could call the Rectory (church office also Priests’ home) tomorrow and find out. The secretary can answer that question.
Continued
 
Part 2 of 2
  1. There are cues for all that. I pull the kneeler down while we (congregation) say the “Holy, Holy, Holy” (with the top of my foot and do not let it drop). The prayer is:
    Holy, holy, holy,
    Lord, GOD of power and might.
    Heaven and earth are filled with Your glory.
    Hosanna in the highest.
    Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.
    Hosanna to GOD in the highest.
    Kneel.
Then get up right at the end of the “Amen” we all say. If there is singing of that “Amen”, then at the last Amen that is sung.

It is all cues. They are learned little by little. Don’t worry.
  1. You did it right. Don’t worry. People are involved in their own Mass/prayers and do not pay attention to if you are not responding. These are “responses” that the congregation say.
    E.g., Priest: The Lord be with you.
    Response: And with your spirit. These are in the Missals in boldface. In time one learns them. There are no tests 😉.
  2. The Priest’s prayers are all in the Missal or the small booklets at the pews. You can follow along if you want. I think it is best to listen at the beginning.
  3. Many Pastors do not allow talking in the nave, and people, including me, many times just say hi and are aware if the person next to me needs something (help putting on a coat). People also can be oblivious at times or “standoffish”. We (includes me) are all at times way too involved with our own “stuff” at church with our own prayers. I do like quiet before Mass and afterward in the nave (see parts of a church building about traditional church-building shape, etc.). Maybe they too are shy. They know you are there, never seen you before, they could be giving you a chance to walk around and see the place. Maybe they do not know as much about their church building and feel hesitant of giving you a tour. I have no explanation and you are being very charitable. Thank you.
  4. 😊 At times (mostly always in my experience) people after Mass want the Priest’s attention. Many times I try to think of a parish in the same way of family with sons and daughters (sd (don’t want to write “children”)). The sd all want mom and dad’s attention and “show off” who is better or best liked. Each parish-family is different in some ways because the people there are different. Am sorry this happened to you.
  5. All Priests “are busy” with all kinds of “stuff” to do, but a they are there to “shepherd” God’s people. Maybe this Priest is shy and talks with those he knows. He is human too. Maybe he is not the Priest “in charge of” the Youth Ministry. I am not trying to make excuses for him. Am a
  6. There is no need at all to apologize. I am Catholic and for the longest time did not know the time/s for Confession at one parish (would go to another where I knew the times). The bulletin cover had the wrong day and time for Confessions and the Pastor had not noticed it :hmmm: until I asked directly why there were no Priests at the confessional! 😃
I hope this, along with what others write here, helps you. Am sorry you had any negative experience/s at all. I many times bring non-catholic friends to Mass and introduce my friends to parish people.

In addition to all that has been written on this thread, people at a Mass in Spanish and in other languages will be different. I have no qualms at all about going to Mass in a “foreign” language. It is basically the same, the people are different – which many times is just GREAT!😃

Keep asking questions here and we will try to help you out.

Luz Maria
 
Hope_Philomena said:
Should I visit another Catholic church next weekend to see if I find the congregation more welcoming? Or is it going to be like that everywhere? Also, what were those phrases the congregation kept saying?
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I’d give it a few weeks, try making an appointment to talk to the priest. He can help point out some individuals that may help you in your journey, like rcia team. They are the ones that are supposed to be responsible for teaching the faith to newcomers. Every parish is different regarding the schedules for these faith classes and also what materials they may use. Most commonly they start in the fall, but ask the priest about them. Our parish does them year round.
 
Because one Catholic parish alone is likely to have at least 3 different Masses per weekend and because Catholics may change up wish parish they attend from week to week depending on their schedules/travel situation, people will not necessarily realize that you are brand new to Catholic culture. Volunteering in some capacity (such as singing) is a good way to get to know members of the parish better. If you have questions, I would email/call the parish office and/or priest. It can be difficult to chat with a priest after Mass beyond a “Thank you for a nice Mass, Father. Have a great week.”
 
Wow, how exciting, good for you! You may think you’re shy, but I hope you also realize you have courage. 🙂 I saw your post from last night late this morning (probably after you went to church) and prayed for you then.

I’m happy you found a church with beautiful music. As you become more familiar with all the details, you’ll keep discovering more and more beauty in the Mass. *It is so beautiful. *

The “Catholic calisthenics” make more sense once you understand the prayers. For now, all you have to do is follow everyone else. There will be a lot of rustling to tell you it’s time to change position.

The prayers make more sense once you understand the structure of the Mass, in which there are four sections:

  1. *]Introductory Rite – exactly what it sounds like, usually beginning with a hymn
    *]Liturgy of the Word – three readings from the Bible separated by singing, then a homily or short “sermon,” then a prayer where the congregation responds in unison to one person reading short petitions
    *]Liturgy of the Eucharist – the consecration (this is the distinctly Catholic part!) the priest does a lot of talking here, and there are some short songs related to the priests’s prayer, and usually two hymns
    *]Concluding Rite – very short and exactly what it sounds like, usually followed by one more hymn

    The congregation is responding to the priest, and those responses are in the books in the pews. If you can’t get your hands on a missal, try to go early next time. There will be one of two setups in the book racks on the pews: a few copies of the same large book -or- a few large books and a few smaller paperbacks. If it’s just large books, look through the table of contents and start reading from the front to follow the Mass as it goes along; the hymns will be in the back section. If there are smaller paperbacks, go for those and do the same; the hymns will be in the larger books.

    Catholics do tend to keep to themselves. If you’re ever in an empty church deep in prayer and somebody walks in, you may learn to appreciate it! The churches are quiet before Mass because people are praying. Also, in a Catholic church we have the Real Presence right there. Raucous socializing in that space is… well, it’s questionable. (On the one hand, the incarnate God is human and is deeply involved in our human lives. On the other hand, that’s GOD resting just twenty feet away!)

    In the long run, if you want to make friends, join a ministry. At this stage, you might just try sitting in the same spot every week, because people tend to have their favorite pews; after a while the smiles at the Sign of Peace will become more personal and you might be more comfortable trying to reach out with a quick hello after Mass.

    I would have felt exactly the same way in that situation with the priest. I don’t do the after-Mass hand-shaking thing for precisely that reason: it’s just. so. awkward. I’m certain he didn’t mean anything at all by it, though. If you want to have a conversation, just make an appointment. Be persistent. It will be okay.

    And sure, try more churches if you like. No harm.

    I’m excited for you. I wish I were in that parish, I would be so happy to show you the ropes. 🙂 I hope you’re able to go easy on yourself and tolerate the discomfort until you get a little more familiar with everything. The Mass is such a beautiful place to be.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
Volunteering in some capacity (such as singing) is a good way to get to know members of the parish better.
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Volunteering is not the same in all dioceses. Where I live, only Catholics in good standing and that have completed an ethics class can be a volunteer. That is for every ministry: choir, religious education, groundskeeping, greeter, etc.
 
Thank you all very much for your replies, they were quite informative! 🙂

In the pews the only book I could find was “Breaking Bread 2017” and another songbook. I’ll look into finding a missal.

I’d like to say that the couple of awkward moments that I experienced overall were completely worth it. Because the service itself was so beautiful and I felt calm for hours afterwards (Whereas after any other awkward social situation I’d be hyperventilating)

I would like to visit other parishes as well; I saw one had a bell choir and a Vietnamese service! Very interesting and I’m looking forward to exploring all the different atmospheres. What I like about this is that all the churches have their own special atmosphere, yet every single one sort of boils down to the same heart of the Catholic Church.

I’m sure that, after awhile, it will all begin to make more sense and feel more comfortable.

Your replies in my prayer intentions thread as well as this thread are so greatly appreciated. You’re all actually the only Catholics I know, and you all are very good representatives.
 
Casilda said:
Volunteering is not the same in all dioceses. Where I live, only Catholics in good standing and that have completed an ethics class can be a volunteer. That is for every ministry: choir, religious education, groundskeeping, greeter, etc.
Click to expand...
Interesting…religious ed, lector, eucharistic minister, yes, of course…singing with the choir or groundskeeping…no wonder Catholics get labelled as unfriendly…
 
With respect public worship, St Paul said: “…but all things should be done decently and in order.” (1 Corinthians 14:40)
In this spirit of orderliness, the priestly prayers, the congregational responses and the postures for the Mass are prescribed, like the parts of a stage play. The “script” for the Mass is called the Order of the Mass. It can often be found in the pews in a printed missalette or worship guide. It is also available online, such as here.

The Bible readings for the Mass of the day are also prescribed. They can often be found in the pews in a printed missalette or worship guide. They are also available online, such as here.
 
Try to bask in the moment as what each part of the mass represents and what it means.

For example, when the Gospel is proclaimed, it is Jesus in person saying it. That’s why you have to stand, not sit, when it is read, as you are listening from the mouth of the King.

And you kneel during the consecration of the bread and the wine. They have become the Body and the Blood of the Lord. It is such an awesome moment, that you can hear the pin drops as the congregation savor the infinite love of God who gave His own life for us all so that we can have it.

When Catholics have gone through all these profound moments in the mass, many are overwhelmed to really be sociable. You can meet them in different circumstances, perhaps in ministries or prayer meetings where the atmosphere is more relaxed and personal.

God bless.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
Interesting…religious ed, lector, eucharistic minister, yes, of course…singing with the choir or groundskeeping…no wonder Catholics get labelled as unfriendly…
Click to expand...
I think it’s the same with most churches - if you aren’t a member, you can’t hold a ministry position. Tho a hired job, such as groundskeeper, wouldn’t be a problem.
 
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