My friend asked this question to me

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A friend asked this question to me, and I don’t know how to answer.

Can we love someone else even though you are married? You just love them but don’t have sex with them. He meant the love between women and women, romantic love. Is that marital infidelity?
 
Christ wants us to love our neighbor as he did here on earth. It is not wrong to love someone, so in this case I think it would be permissible to love them. It is how one handles the situation that should be the issue here. You cannot stop loving someone at will, but you can control how you approach them. A spouse should be responsible in knowing his/her limitations and threatening dangers to their souls, so it would be prudent in this case to exercise extreme caution in having contact with the other person.
 
UndertheRadar said:
Christ wants us to love our neighbor as he did here on earth. It is not wrong to love someone, so in this case I think it would be permissible to love them. It is how one handles the situation that should be the issue here. You cannot stop loving someone at will, but you can control how you approach them. A spouse should be responsible in knowing his/her limitations and threatening dangers to their souls, so it would be prudent in this case to exercise extreme caution in having contact with the other person.
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Are you saying he could love someone as a friend or even a family member but not a boyfriend or girlfriend with romantic feeling and sexual desire?
 
dumbseeker said:
A friend asked this question to me, and I don’t know how to answer.

Can we love someone else even though you are married? You just love them but don’t have sex with them. He meant the love between women and women, romantic love. Is that marital infidelity?
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No. Romantic love is limited only to our spouse. To do otherwise is to commit a form of adultery by giving to another person what is reserved to the spouse alone.

In addition, there is simply no way a person can remain married to and love someone else. Something will give. I refuse to believe that people would not have sexual relations. In addition, a divorce is inevitable.

So aside from the fact that it is a form of adultery, it is a very foolish thing to do.

Remember, love is always a choice. People do not fall into love as much as the fall into lust.
 
dumbseeker said:
A friend asked this question to me, and I don’t know how to answer.

Can we love someone else even though you are married? You just love them but don’t have sex with them. He meant the love between women and women, romantic love. Is that marital infidelity?
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Love between a husband a wife goes beyond the bedroom.The bond of love between spouses includes deep conversations that touch the soul and many that should be confidential. And then there are those “little things” shared by a husband and wife that enhance their love for each other. This should not be shared with anyone else. The kind of love is where souls unite and the two become one. Yes, sexual intimacy is where the relationship results in the gift of conjugal love but there is so much more.

So, to answer your question, I’d have to say no. One cannot share the love that spouses share even while eliminating the sexual aspect because if one truly does then it’s only a matter of time when the sex comes in the picture and then it’s too late.

Love between women and women can be just a damaging if this love mimics the love I described above.
 
dumbseeker said:
A friend asked this question to me, and I don’t know how to answer.

Can we love someone else even though you are married? You just love them but don’t have sex with them. He meant the love between women and women, romantic love. Is that marital infidelity?
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dseeker,
There are different kinds of love. There is a sexual love between married folks and love that is shared with a dear friend, called agape love.
I have many dear friends which I love dearly. I would help them if an emergency came their way.
I loved my dear husband. He is with the Lord today. I know I will see him again someday. 🙂

God bless you,
jean8
 
rpp said:
No. Romantic love is limited only to our spouse. To do otherwise is to commit a form of adultery by giving to another person what is reserved to the spouse alone.

In addition, there is simply no way a person can remain married to and love someone else. Something will give. I refuse to believe that people would not have sexual relations. In addition, a divorce is inevitable.

So aside from the fact that it is a form of adultery, it is a very foolish thing to do.

** Remember, love is always a choice. People do not fall into love as much as the fall into lust.**
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👍👍👍
Couldn’t have said it better myself!!!
 
Any married person who has (misguided) romantic feelings for anyone other than their spouse is courting danger. Even if it does not lead to sexual infidelity (yet), it is what I call an “affair of the heart.” Jesus called it adultery.

Allowed to continue, it will most certainly lead to complete infidelity. Anyone, in this situation, who thinks otherwise is only lying to themselves to rationalize their feelings.

Love is the total gift of yourself (including your feelings).

CSJ
 
CSJ said:
Any married person who has (misguided) romantic feelings for anyone other than their spouse is courting danger. Even if it does not lead to sexual infidelity (yet), it is what I call an “affair of the heart.” Jesus called it adultery.
Anyone, in this situation, who thinks otherwise is only lying to themselves to rationalize their feelings.
Love is the total gift of yourself (including your feelings).

CSJ
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In situations like this where one has the warm fuzzy feelings for someone not their spouse, they are actually taking from their spouse something that belongs to the spouse only. These are the kind of relationships where the “off the reservation lover” is seeking something he should be seeking from his spouse. It’s great for the ego, but as CSJ says it is a form of infidelity.

I have been married nearly fifty years and from time to time have started to experience such feelings with another woman than my wife. I fled from this outside relationship as I recognized it as !. morally dangerous, 2. unfair to my wife who was the proper target of such feelings, and 3. might have led the attractive woman away from her proper love target.

It also occurs to me that such warm fuzzie love, is not the kind of love Jesus requires us to have to other persons that we encounter in life:)
 
If this is someone’s situation, the best thing is to avoid the person entirely. After awhile such feelings will end, unless that person makes the mistake of daydreaming of the person they think they love.
 
rwoehmke said:
In situations like this where one has the warm fuzzy feelings for someone not their spouse, they are actually taking from their spouse something that belongs to the spouse only. These are the kind of relationships where the “off the reservation lover” is seeking something he should be seeking from his spouse. It’s great for the ego, but as CSJ says it is a form of infidelity.

I have been married nearly fifty years and from time to time have started to experience such feelings with another woman than my wife. I fled from this outside relationship as I recognized it as !. morally dangerous, 2. unfair to my wife who was the proper target of such feelings, and 3. might have led the attractive woman away from her proper love target

It also occurs to me that such warm fuzzie love, is not the kind of love Jesus requires us to have to other persons that we encounter in life:)
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Wow…almost 50 years!! My hat is off to you as I say ,“Congratulations!” Take it from the voice of experience folks…this is wisdom at a premium. 👍

I’ve only been married 10 years, but like you, I’ve been watchful for these situations and quickly addressed them. I find that a good rule of thumb is to behave with others exactly as you would if your spouse were there with you.

And like rwoehmke said, God has called us to a higher love (agape) - it is the love that gives from itself unconditionally - it does not request anything in return other than to receive it - it is a gift and it is given solely on the basis of our intrinsic human dignity.
 
jean8 said:
dseeker,
There are different kinds of love. There is a sexual love between married folks and love that is shared with a dear friend, called agape love.
I have many dear friends which I love dearly. I would help them if an emergency came their way.
I loved my dear husband. He is with the Lord today. I know I will see him again someday. 🙂

God bless you,
jean8
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Is the love between you and your friends different from the love between you and your husband?
 
Remember, love is always a choice. People do not fall into love as much as the fall into lust.
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I would have to disagree with this statement.
Falling in love is a matter of choice???
Experience suggests otherwise.
 
:doh2: Falling in love is a misnomer. It has nothing to do with true love. Free, faithful, total, and fruitful. True love has these qualities. The one that applies here is free. True love is not reactionary, as this so called “Falling in love” experience would entail, Love is active. When this experience occurs you are more or less dealing with infatuation or lust. Another problem is the connotation of the words. “Falling” is a negative word. “Love” is a positive word. See the conflict? I don’t know the person who first came up with this statement, but whatever people are falling into is not love. 1 Corinthians 13. When someone can demonstrate how it is possible to fall into these qualities unwillingly, I will rescind my statements. Until then, peace.
 
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