My friend from church told me he thinks he is interested in other men

[Teen4Christ]

I’m afraid, Teen4Christ, that in world of adults, the practice of the faith is not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes tough decisions need to be made.

To abandon a friend? that’s not the right thing to do. Even if you disagree with a friend, they are still a friend.

 

[HappyRevert]

What is needed here is pragmatism. The individual who feels he is having same-sex attractions is confused, to say the least. The OP is likely confused as well, otherwise she would not be asking for advice here. To counsel that the OP should continue to have close associations with this friend of hers is therefore unwise in the extreme.

My advice for the OP is to preserve her own fragile faith and avoid those who, through imprudent association, could lead her into error. This individual’s experience of same-sex attraction provides him no special right to her friendship and, in the presence of a mutual confusion that could metastasize into something far more serious, it is better for both that he not have it.

I have to agree with Teen4Christ that your position is quite drastic. The OP apparently has a good head on her shoulders because she was wondering how to support someone during a difficult time in a truly loving manner. I would hope that when I have difficult times, that my friends don’t abandon me in fear that I may drag them into my sin - versus being my lifeline to drag me out.

The other posters have given her wonderful advice, combining the teaching of the catechism with the practical support groups to help her friend. Her friend needs love and support. She could certainly be a converting force for him. She is in a position to let him understand SSA is not something he can control (the attraction itself - not acting on it) and is not something that should make him hate himself. It is a cross to bear. As I tell my children - everyone has something. You can see some and not others, but everyone has something to bear. If he is able to understand that he is a beautiful individual in God’s eyes but may be called to celibacy (not definite since SSA may be a phase if he is young) that is a positive position to sake - neither denying his true nature - nor giving into behaviors which will ultimately harm himself or others.

My prayers go with you Kimi and your friend.

 

[Arclight]

Find him a girlfriend.

 

[Arclight]

Wow…that’s so freaking heartless


Jesus was friends with sinners

But only with the** right** kinds of sinners, is how I’m reading this.

 

[Other_Eric]

To abandon a friend? that’s not the right thing to do. Even if you disagree with a friend, they are still a friend.

And yet, “If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire.” Painful though it may be in the short term, the dissolution of the friendship may very well be what is best for the OP’s soul.

 

[Arclight]

All of my friends are sinners.

 

[Teen4Christ]

Find him a girlfriend.

I’m sure that’s the last thing he wants


That would just lead to more cufusion

If he want’s to not pursue a homosexual “lifestyle” fine, so be it. But he needs to do what’s right for him. not anyone else.

 

[Teen4Christ]

And yet, “If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire.” Painful though it may be in the short term, the dissolution of the friendship may very well be what is best for the OP’s soul.

I doubt this friendship will effect her soul in any what so ever

 

[Arclight]

I’m sure that’s the last thing he wants


That would just lead to more cufusion

If he want’s to not pursue a homosexual “lifestyle” fine, so be it. But he needs to do what’s right for him. not anyone else.

Nah, he’s just confused. Nothing that a Saturday night date won’t cure.

 

[Other_Eric]

I have to agree with Teen4Christ that your position is quite drastic. The OP apparently has a good head on her shoulders because she was wondering how to support someone during a difficult time in a truly loving manner. I would hope that when I have difficult times, that my friends don’t abandon me in fear that I may drag them into my sin - versus being my lifeline to drag me out.

The other posters have given her wonderful advice, combining the teaching of the catechism with the practical support groups to help her friend. Her friend needs love and support. She could certainly be a converting force for him. She is in a position to let him understand SSA is not something he can control (the attraction itself - not acting on it) and is not something that should make him hate himself. It is a cross to bear. As I tell my children - everyone has something. You can see some and not others, but everyone has something to bear. If he is able to understand that he is a beautiful individual in God’s eyes but may be called to celibacy (not definite since SSA may be a phase if he is young) that is a positive position to sake - neither denying his true nature - nor giving into behaviors which will ultimately harm himself or others.

My prayers go with you Kimi and your friend.

Perhaps you are unaware of the gravity of same-sex attraction and the fragile psychological nature of those who are held in its grip. Ministry to such people is best accomplished by truly orthodox individuals and trained therapists. Amateurs need not apply and may end up only making things worse.

Secondly, it seems you may need to reexamine your use of terminology. The celibate state is one in which the individual so called gives up the positive good of family life in order to minister to Christ’s Church. The individual with same-sex attractions has no such licit desire and can only give up something evil. Since there is no genuine sacrifice, neither can there be any genuine call to the celibate state. Indeed, an attempt at Manichaen-style sexual suppression under the heading “celibacy” is a crude parody of the vocation every bit as much as same-sex “marriage” is a crude parody of that vocation.

If the OP lacks the requisite credentials, perhaps her farewell may include a reference to either a therapist or a priest who isn’t so unprepared for this situation.

 

[Other_Eric]

I doubt this friendship will effect her soul in any what so ever

You say that however you are disturbingly indifferent to the proper and holy use of the sexual faculty. Why should I then trust your discernment in this matter?

 

[Other_Eric]

All of my friends are sinners.

I’m sure that even though all your friends are sinners that you can still recognize a hierarchy of gravity to the sins that they commit. Given a serious enough offense, I’m sure a friend of yours would cease to be such for very much longer.

 

[Teen4Christ]

You say that however you are disturbingly indifferent to the proper and holy use of the sexual faculty. Why should I then trust your discernment in this matter?

Hmm, there really isn’t much of a reason.

But, you know. EVERYBODY is a sinner, so why shouldn’t she be friends with him? it makes no sense what so ever

 

[Arclight]

I’m sure that even though all your friends are sinners that you can still recognize a hierarchy of gravity to the sins that they commit. Given a serious enough offense, I’m sure a friend of yours would cease to be such for very much longer.

No, I’m not privy to knowledge of the worst of the sins they commit. I’m not their confessor. So I really don’t know Who has done What.

How to you weed out the worst of the sinners to know who not to associate with? Most people are probably reluctant to say much around you.

 

[Other_Eric]

Hmm, there really isn’t much of a reason.

But, you know. EVERYBODY is a sinner, so why shouldn’t she be friends with him? it makes no sense what so ever

The virtue of any friendship is its potential to dimly replicate the Communion of Saints and by so doing bring each of its members closer to Christ. That potential is sadly lacking in the instant case. The OP has been exposed to an extremely complex and thorny issue and she ought not take it upon herself to attempt something she is wholly unprepared for. Similarly, if sat in front of the controls to a particle accelerator, it would be bad (at the very least) should I start pushing buttons willy-nilly. Doing so anyway in either case would be a manifestation of the sin of pride and could very well lead to explosive consequences.

 

[Arclight]

Hmm, there really isn’t much of a reason.

But, you know. EVERYBODY is a sinner, so why shouldn’t she be friends with him? it makes no sense what so ever

Teen, you seem like a decent chap … but, you know, you’re a

CUE: discordant trumpet blare
SINNER.

So we can’t be friends anymore.

 

[Other_Eric]

No, I’m not privy to knowledge of the worst of the sins they commit. I’m not their confessor. So I really don’t know Who has done What.

How to you weed out the worst of the sinners to know who not to associate with? Most people are probably reluctant to say much around you.

You weed such people out when they are so shameless as to disclose such things to you. This is what has happened in the OP’s case.

 

[Arclight]

You weed such people out when they are so shameless as to disclose such things to you. This is what has happened in the OP’s case.

So its ok to be friends with a sinner, so long as, let’s see, what’s the phrase… don’t as, don’t tell?

I’m friends with a prostitute. Do you think I should end the friendship?

 

[Other_Eric]

So its ok to be friends with a sinner, so long as, let’s see, what’s the phrase… don’t as, don’t tell?

I’m friends with a prostitute. Do you think I should end the friendship?

It is improper to associate with people who continue to revel in their sins and disorders. If such people must disclose these things to someone, the Church has already provided the appropriate forum: the confessional. If they wish for a secular alternative, there is the therapist’s couch.

The sad reality is that in “coming out” as this person has done to the OP, there can only be two possible motives: 1. seduction, although I concede this is unlikely since I am assuming they are opposite sexes, 2. recruitment into an ideology.

Applying this sort of orthodox line of reasoning to the relationship you have with this prostitute, it seems that your continued friendship ought to be conditioned on something like the warning Christ gave to the woman caught in adultery: to “sin no more.”

 

[Arclight]

…

The sad reality is that in “coming out” as this person has done to the OP, there can only be two possible motives: 1. seduction, although I concede this is unlikely since I am assuming they are opposite sexes, 2. recruitment into an ideology.

Returning to earth, the OP referred to, if I remember correctly, a kid with feelings for the opposite sex, not on a sodomy rampage in the locker room. And only seduction or recruitment explains this? Not loneliness? Not a desire to confide in another human being?

Applying this sort of orthodox line of reasoning to the relationship you have with this prostitute, it seems that your continued friendship ought to be conditioned on something like the warning Christ gave to the woman caught in adultery: to “sin no more.”

I’ll pass on those words of wisdom. How long should I give her to mend her ways or is a warning sufficient? Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.

---

Meus inflatus laudo hic. – Duc d’ Earle.