My friend is a lesbian

[NFPMom]

I need some advice. I have made friends with someone years ago and in the middle of our friendship she came out as a lesbian. Of course, I am still her friend and, in fact, she came to visit my family around Thanksgiving. She’s really a great person but she used to be Catholic. She holds disdain for the Church now because she feels that the Catholic Church doesn’t welcome homosexuals.

I am against homosexuality and view it as a sin…and she’s aware of this. She has a girlfriend, whom I’ve never met. She talks about her often. This is the issue I have a problem with. I don’t know how to respond to her when she mentions her girlfriend. Although she’s aware of my beliefs on homosexuality she still wants me to be somewhat supportive as a friend. I don’t know where to draw the line on this issue. I don’t want to ignore her when she mentions her “girlfriend” and pretend she didn’t say anything…then again, I don’t want it to seem as if my views of homosexuality have softened. Sometimes I’ll ask, “So how’s so-and-so?” but I never bring up their actual relationship. I’ll listen to her when she discusses her relationship although she doesn’t go into details.

I’m trying my hardest to be a good friend but also be true to my Catholic faith. I just don’t know where to draw the line when it comes to talking to her about her girlfriend. My ultimate hope is that she’ll eventually realize her sinful ways and “come home”. I pray for her every time I say the rosary.

 

[Debora123]

Would you feel weird talking to a heterosexual friend about her boyfriend if you knew they engaged in premarital sex?

Probably not.

Same applies to talking to gays about their significant others. Obviously, there is sin in the relationship, but it’s not our judgement to make and we shouldn’t have to treat them any differently or look at them any differently. We are all sinners.

 

[NFPMom]

I also cannot be silent and act like I agree with something, especially when it goes against my faith. The thing is: she wants me to be supportive and to inquire after her relationship. I’ll acknowledge her girlfriend, like I said before. But I cannot support their homosexuality. Just like I’ll acknowledge my heterosexual friends who are cohabitating. But I won’t support them of their living arrangement. That is not being judgemental.

 

[Debora123]

I also cannot be silent and act like I agree with something, especially when it goes against my faith. The thing is: she wants me to be supportive and to inquire after her relationship. I’ll acknowledge her girlfriend, like I said before. But I cannot support their homosexuality. Just like I’ll acknowledge my heterosexual friends who are cohabitating. But I won’t support them of their living arrangement. That is not being judgemental.

I see what you’re saying.

I think what you’re doing is the right thing to do. Acknowledge her girlfriend,and ask how she’s doing (as you would if it were a friend).

But as you said, you don’t need to support the relationship itself or ask to know details about it, and you shouldn’t. Your friend needs to be tolerant and respectful of your religious beliefs.

Sounds like you’re doing just fine

 

[Rascalking]

I see what you’re saying.

I think what you’re doing is the right thing to do. Acknowledge her girlfriend,and ask how she’s doing (as you would if it were a friend).

But as you said, you don’t need to support the relationship itself or ask to know details about it, and you shouldn’t. Your friend needs to be tolerant and respectful of your religious beliefs.

Sounds like you’re doing just fine

I like your post.

With all my gay friends, is quite simple-I don’t ask, they don’t tell. We leave it at that. I love them to death, like I do with all my friends, and I do ask how their partners are doing (the only two openly gay people I know have been in 10 years plus stable relationships) , but we don’t discuss our sex lives.

 

[followingtheway]

Would you feel weird talking to a heterosexual friend about her boyfriend if you knew they engaged in premarital sex?

Probably not.

Same applies to talking to gays about their significant others. Obviously, there is sin in the relationship, but it’s not our judgement to make and we shouldn’t have to treat them any differently or look at them any differently. We are all sinners.

Exactly!!! I mean don’t get me wrong I believe in the teachings of the church but that’s just…lifts hand in amen

 

[NFPMom]

Thank you. I assume I was doing the right thing but I needed reassurance. I also love my friend dearly. No matter what I will always be there for her. But God and my faith will always be #1.

 

[lauraabarlow]

I have 2 family members who are gay and transgender males. Strangely, six yrs ago while still a baptist, my catholic gay uncle was the one I turned to about coming back to my faith. Although he is in a gay relationship (and knows it goes against Christianity), he still attended mass but not communion. This past Feb, he had a stroke and his partner was there for him, got him to his doctor appts, therapy, and so forth and for once, I was grateful that he had someone there for him. Sometimes, good comes out of a bad situation-and even tho their relationship is wrong, when things went to pot, his partner was there for him and made sure he got the care he needed, never abandoned him. I feel wrong passing judgement, I just keep them in my prayers and leave the rest to God. My uncle was partly what helped me come back to my faith. I used to be judgamental against gay folks and yet realized that many of them really are kind folks and some even realize that acting out on their sexuality is wrong yet are caught up in it. Being gay in itself isn’t a sin, just acting on it is, just like relations outside of marriage is also a sin. I try to look past the gay side and leave the rest in God’s hands.

 

[Debora123]

I have 2 family members who are gay and transgender males. Strangely, six yrs ago while still a baptist, my catholic gay uncle was the one I turned to about coming back to my faith. Although he is in a gay relationship (and knows it goes against Christianity), he still attended mass but not communion. This past Feb, he had a stroke and his partner was there for him, got him to his doctor appts, therapy, and so forth and for once, I was grateful that he had someone there for him. Sometimes, good comes out of a bad situation-and even tho their relationship is wrong, when things went to pot, his partner was there for him and made sure he got the care he needed, never abandoned him. I feel wrong passing judgement, I just keep them in my prayers and leave the rest to God. My uncle was partly what helped me come back to my faith. ** I used to be judgamental against gay folks and yet realized that many of them really are kind folks and some even realize that acting out on their sexuality is wrong yet are caught up in it. Being gay in itself isn’t a sin, just acting on it is, just like relations outside of marriage is also a sin. I try to look past the gay side and leave the rest in God’s hands.**

Right.

We are all sinners. They are no different whatsoever.