Some people seem to think God . . . doesn’t really care what we do in small matters. Others . . . think that they need to hear the voice of God tell them what type of soda to get from the vending machine and which pair of socks to put on in the morning.
I asked my friend if she prayed about socks and learned that she does! :bigyikes:
I think the danger in such over-devotion is that you end up with people who think that everything they do has God’s divine stamp of approval. Or else, if they don’t hear God’s voice, they can become paralyzed and lose faith. But then the danger in under-devotion is that you end up with people who don’t pay attention to God at all accept when they are in a serious crisis.
My friend, I’ll call her “Susie,” seems to have selective memory or confirmation bias – she’ll recount hearing in her mind something she believed from God that then came true. But she’ll dismisses ones that don’t. I’ve told her to be careful, the devil could use her gullibility. She seems to have some legit mysticism, but is reluctant to acknowledge that some things might be from her own subconscious, wishful thinking, etc.
Our heated debates affected my outlook. I developed a knee-jerk reaction of
trying not to be like “Susie” But it was messing with my head and my relationship with God. It has been frustrating trying to find my own heart’s center again and relate to God directly rather than running everything through a filter of “not being weird like Susie.”
I would encourage you to be patient with your friend. Perhaps it is no accident that God has placed you in each other’s lives. There may be a lot you can learn from her and also that she can learn from you.
Having Susie as my friend has been a challenge!
I’m praying for wisdom, learning to untangle the difficult parts. If I succeed, my spirituality will be the better for it. And if I can be patient with Susie, I’ll knock off some time in Purgatory
. . . I’m learning respect – it’s so tempting just to think “Susie is an annoying nut!” and go no further. But Susie is a child of God, too. So I work to separate her ideas from her intrinsic worth, and even when I disagree, not to be snarky toward her.
I am really glad you said this, because when I see all that she does it makes me feel that I’m not doing enough in my life. And while I can always connect with God more, I think I’m doing well and I shouldn’t compare myself with her.
The comparing is a great temptation. Susie returned to the Catholic Faith via doing charitable works, realizing they were of God, and re-embracing first Christianity and eventually Catholicism. Her compassion for others is genuine. I’m don’t lack compassion most of the time, yet I do struggle with selfishness.
Susie’s devotional practice has grown at a time when my own has been being chipped away at by life’s stresses and distractions. So yes, spiritual envy happens.
Oh my gosh, yes! I’m very new to CA, but I’d love to reach out so we can go through this together. But oh my gosh, YEARS? It’s been only a few months (about six months) that it’s gotten really bad, especially now since she finally opened up to me about what was going on in her life, but I’m not sure if I could go so long without saying anything! I’m even reconsidering spending a holiday with her because I don’t want it to be too much for me.
You might want to table the holiday while she’s being so intense, if it would keep you from an occasion of sin! Meanwhile, by asking your question here, and giving things time, you’ll be able to deal with your friend more easily.
The times I fought with Susie and we didn’t speak for awhile, or I just stretched out time between calls and visits without making it obvious, at times I certainly did consider moving on. Susie doesn’t make other friends easily, and tends to depend on me too much, another issue. If she had more friends, each of us wouldn’t be overtaxed by her quirks.
That’s the perfect way to phrase it because it’s exactly how I feel. I guess I should add that I’m a little afraid to say anything because she doesn’t take it well. When we were in school I got into one of the biggest arguments that I’ve ever gotten into because I told her “no” on something that she wanted and I didn’t even tell her the real reason why. While that shouldn’t stop me from saying something, I don’t like conflict, which leads me to be a little passive aggressive sometimes :imsorry:
Sounds familiar. I’ve found that both I and Susie can be very stubborn when riled! Passive aggressive too at times. I think when you’re dealing with an unusual personality, it’s difficult to think on your feet and know what tactics to use that are positive. Sometimes we fumble. It’s to be expected.
While she isn’t depressed,she is going through something really difficult for her, so perhaps you are right.
Yes, things with Susie and me have been more challenging when either or both of us is under stress. People with quirks tend to get more quirky under stress as well.
If I ever work up the courage, I will say something to her. The positive is that we live in different states, so the physical distance will be easy. We also don’t talk too often since she is wrapped up in her world and I’m busy as well. It’s just when we do it’s very one sided.
That’s where maybe some rehearsing of conversational skills and planning ahead before a conversation might help, on a practical level. Have a way to make a graceful exit should things become heated: “Susie, let’s not get upset about this, I’m not mad, but let’s just take a little time. I’ll call you later.” Etc.
) like there was only one correct approach or spirituality or acting like they were a mentor or de facto spiritual director. Um, no. I often wanted to ask, “can we talk about art, sports, anything other than religion?” I’m not a football fan but at one point I would have happily listened to a friend talk about players, and plays or whatever else one discusses about football. I just wanted my multi-dimentional friend back.
I hope you don’t mind my taking the opportunity to vent a bit about my own high maintenance friendship. It generally helps me to be more patient, provided I don’t get too carried away with the negative side, and remember the good qualities of my friend.