My friend is in a toxic relationship

[Leila88]

Hello everyone,

I need some advice. A good friend of mine has recently begun a relationship with someone who is pretty terrible. At first, I really wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt and not jump to judgement, but my friend has changed drastically in just the few weeks they’ve been together. My friend’s partner is controlling and my friend is no completely isolated from our friends. This person has come into my friend’s life and turned it completely upside down. My friend was a pretty observant Catholic, but seems not to be anymore. He is kind of a soft-spoken person and in the past has had a very controlling family, so it’s almost like he doesn’t know how to live his own life. She is controlling and manipulating, using his insecurities against him and then trapping him when he feels guilty about it. I can’t stand to watch him continue down this destructive path but I don’t know what to do. He’s a great person, but he definitely seeks approval from others. She knows just how to manipulate him and I’m really worried that this will cause him great harm.

I ask that you help me with advice and with prayers. I’ve been praying incessantly, hoping God will help him see just how toxic his relationship is, but I feel like I’m not doing enough. If anyone has any specific prayers they might recommend or would be willing to join me in praying for my friend Michael, I would be incredibly grateful. He is a great person and I pray our Lord will hear my prayers and help him.

Thank you all very much!

 

[fin]

Hi Leila88,

Sorry to hear about this. I really hate it when people manipulate, break down, bully, and take advantage of others. I known someone who’s toxic like this (I’m praying for her and her conversion and for her to realize what she’s doing), so I know how it feels to see how this person acts. I pray for you and your friend, including that woman.

You mentioned that your friend seeks approval from others. Have you heard of Emotional Deprivation Disorder? I’m not saying that he has this, but you might want to read the symptoms. I’m saying this because I know someone who has some of the symptoms. I don’t know how to help aside from fervent prayers. ( I know most people would say to go to a therapist, and I concur with that. The problem is finding a good therapist who would not undermine Catholic teachings.)

Here’s the link:
conradbaars.com/edd.htm

Need to Please Others
o Pleases others in order to protect self from criticism or rejection and gain approval of others
o Easily taken advantage of or exploited

I pray that your friend Michael won’t have anything to do with that person, and that she would stop interacting with him and stop bothering and manipulating him. Additionally, you might want to ask for the intercession of St. Dymphna both for Michael to cease seeking approval of others, and for the woman to cease the harmful things she’s doing and realize the wrong she has done.

He’s a great person, but he definitely seeks approval from others. She knows just how to manipulate him and I’m really worried that this will cause him great harm.

I ask that you help me with advice and with prayers. I’ve been praying incessantly, hoping God will help him see just how toxic his relationship is, but I feel like I’m not doing enough. If anyone has any specific prayers they might recommend or would be willing to join me in praying for my friend Michael, I would be incredibly grateful. He is a great person and I pray our Lord will hear my prayers and help him.

Thank you all very much!

 

[Leila88]

Thank you so much for your reply! It really means a lot to me to know someone else is praying for the resolution of this situation with me. I have heard of EDD (I’m studying psychology at university), but I don’t think he would meet criteria for any specific disorder. It’s more of a general personality thing; not being a very “strong” person. Whatever the case, I am praying for him, for her, and for everything to work out smoothly.

Again, if anyone has any other suggestions about prayer or general action, I’d appreciate it. Your prayers are much needed and so, so comforting, I can’t express just how grateful I am. Please keep him in your prayers that God might help him in this situation.

 

[EasterJoy]

Use Marc Anthony’s technique…do not attack the wrong-doer directly, but do question the wrong-doing. Find it odd that someone so close to him would say or do such things, that you are at a loss as to what could bring on a slip-up like that. “Did she apologize for saying that? Hmmm…well, she may not realize it, but that really isn’t an apology. The way she words it, it sounds as if you are to blame. Do you feel OK with that?..” Let your friend put two and two together, but let him do so without drawing him in to defend her by what you say.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Hello everyone,

I need some advice. A good friend of mine has recently begun a relationship with someone who is pretty terrible. At first, I really wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt and not jump to judgement, but my friend has changed drastically in just the few weeks they’ve been together. My friend’s partner is controlling and my friend is no completely isolated from our friends. This person has come into my friend’s life and turned it completely upside down. My friend was a pretty observant Catholic, but seems not to be anymore. He is kind of a soft-spoken person and in the past has had a very controlling family, so it’s almost like he doesn’t know how to live his own life. She is controlling and manipulating, using his insecurities against him and then trapping him when he feels guilty about it. I can’t stand to watch him continue down this destructive path but I don’t know what to do. He’s a great person, but he definitely seeks approval from others. She knows just how to manipulate him and I’m really worried that this will cause him great harm.

I ask that you help me with advice and with prayers. I’ve been praying incessantly, hoping God will help him see just how toxic his relationship is, but I feel like I’m not doing enough. If anyone has any specific prayers they might recommend or would be willing to join me in praying for my friend Michael, I would be incredibly grateful. He is a great person and I pray our Lord will hear my prayers and help him.

Thank you all very much!

Your friend is more than welcome to come on here and get advice.

He can even talk to me directly, because I’ve been down that road before.

I’m guessing this girl is with him because he is/was decent, and much more so than what she may be used to. If this is his first relationship, that’s a big problem because he doesn’t know how to navigate this and may seen any form of correction as undue interference in his private life.

 

[lily22]

Best to let your friend know… and separate if you have to, until they can figure it out themselves.