my friend is pregnant...

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lauraella

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and she is getting an abortion. i dont know what to tell her because before i decided to change my life i had them too.
i regret what i did, but i told her she should have the baby but she says she cannot handle it (she has 4 kids now…)
any advice on what i can say to her to change her mind.She is almost 17 weeks…and i did read to her what really happens when you have one…but she wanted me to stop and she did not want to hear it.
what can i do…i feel so helpless…😦
 
Don’t feel like you have no business telling her not to because of your past. What a perfect person to tell her because you have walked that path. Be totally open and honest with her about your raw emotions on the aftermath. Hold nothing back.
Maybe God put her in your path to share your experience. He just may be using you as a warrior to fight for the life of this child. Pray, Pray, Pray!
If she truly cannot handle one more child, please tell her that adoption is one of the most selfless things a mother can do. What a testimony of love to place your child in another’s care so they may have a LIFE that is filled with things you cannot give them.
You, your friend and the baby will all be in my prayers today.
 
lauraella said:
…but she wanted me to stop and she did not want to hear it.
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That might be an indication that she knows what she’s doing is very wrong and she’s feeling guilt over it. However, if she goes ahead with the abortion, the guilt will not go away, but will press on her even more.
I’m not saying she necessary feels this way, but it’s not about feelings, anyhow.
She can give the baby up for adoption, too, can’t she? And what does the father say? Even if she goes for the adoption, it’s her chance to do something really good in this life: not just save the whales, trees, and not even feed a hungry child, but to save a life of a child.
My prayers to all involved in this situation.
 
You have done some good already. Reading to her what happens during an abortion. You can talk to her about your own experiences of what happens after the abortion now, explain to her how you regret them now and do not wish these feelings on your worst enemy let alone a good friend like her.

She does have the option of adoption, what a wonderful gift to a couple who have been trying to have a baby but for whatever reason were unable to. See if you can get her to at least talk to an adoption agency and their councilor. An adoption councilor will be able to help her with this decision (to adopt) especially with the knowledge that she has other children and how she can talk to them about it.

Plead with her if you must to at least give this idea a try because you know you can get an abortion legally all nine months in most States so she has time to “humor you” on this.

Brenda V.
 
There is a study that I heard about from Priests for Life that discovered that abortions can cause fibromyalgia. If she won’t choose life for the baby’s sake, maybe she will choose it out of fear of harm to herself. I will see if I can find more information on it for you.

I agree that you should tell her about your horrific experience with abortion and how deeply it hurt you and filled you with regret. Once again, the goal is to get her to realize that abortion isn’t the magic solution here, but will cause even more problems than having the baby. Also, she has 4 kids, how much more work/expense will one more really be to her? Hopefully she may still have baby clothes, but if not, she at least will have hand-me-down clothes from the ones her kids are now wearing… Just a thought.

I will pray for your friend not to make the mistake of aborting her baby, and I will also pray for your healing from abortion. :gopray:
 
Right now is a time to be blunt and honest. A child’s life is at stake. Don’t hold back because you feel it’s “not you business”. She made it your business when she informed you that she’s having the abortion.

Call your local Right to Life and get some brochure information to take to her. Sit down and go over it with her. Whatever it takes.
 
And while you are talking to her, do all you can to support her physically. Offer to help watch her other kids when she’s not feeling well, make dinner for her family occasionally. See how many of your other friends/parishoners you can get to help also. Let her know she is not alone in this. You local pro-life organization should also be able to get adoption information for her so she can begin to consider that.

Where is the father/husband? What does he think?

I will be praying for you all.
 
she needs to be taken to a life affirming organization that can give her the resources she needs to maintain the pregnancy and they will also help her with options like adoption. You need to be very vocal about this - her feelings should come second to saving the life of her child.
 
Your testimony of what you did and how horrible it is to have that done mentally, physically and spiritually can be a good example to your friend. Please talk to her. Showing her a picture of a 17 wk old fetus would be something to stop her from doing it. You could also ask her, since she already has 4 kids, what if she had aborted one of them 4? Would she have done it then now that she has lived and loved her 4 kids?

What about adoption? Where is the father in all of this? Is she Catholic? If she is, tell her to speak to a priest.

I hope you frined comes into her senses and decides not to do it. She really needs to think about the 4 she already has. If one of them would have been aborted, she would have missed having him/her around. Waht if it was one of them 4 instead of this one baby? Make her think about it.
 
I’m praying for you and your friend.
I had a friend a few years ago who had an abortion. She is extremely close to me and knew what I would think about it. I told her anyways that I didn’t want her to do it and I would help her with anything she needed. She said she understood where I was coming from and respected it but she did go ahead with the abortion anyways.

What everyone else said : do tell her how you feel about it. Don’t hold back! It’s not rude to tell her it is wrong. it is not insensitive.
 
lauraella said:
and she is getting an abortion. i dont know what to tell her because before i decided to change my life i had them too.
i regret what i did, but i told her she should have the baby but she says she cannot handle it (she has 4 kids now…)
any advice on what i can say to her to change her mind.She is almost 17 weeks…and i did read to her what really happens when you have one…but she wanted me to stop and she did not want to hear it.
what can i do…i feel so helpless…😦
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Just do what you have to do as a christian and a child of God and leave the rest for you to see his mighty deeds.
 
yessisan said:
Your testimony of what you did and how horrible it is to have that done mentally, physically and spiritually can be a good example to your friend. Please talk to her. Showing her a picture of a 17 wk old fetus would be something to stop her from doing it. You could also ask her, since she already has 4 kids, what if she had aborted one of them 4? Would she have done it then now that she has lived and loved her 4 kids?

…She really needs to think about the 4 she already has. If one of them would have been aborted, she would have missed having him/her around. Waht if it was one of them 4 instead of this one baby? Make her think about it.
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Other than sharing your own experience and the consequent emotions/regret/guilt, I would not agree with the rest of the suggestions in this post. This woman is clearly overwhelmed. Blasting her with images, what-if comparisons to her living children, and guilt-provoking questions etc., might be so emotionally pointed it could be counter-productive.

I would also like to know where the father is in all of this. Is their marriage secure? Are her children old enough to appreciate that she is pregnant? It can be very trying on an intact family–read: young kids–to adopt-out a newborn sibling.

I would gently encourage her to keep on with the pregnancy–taking one day, one week at a time. My guess is that her talk of abortion is a desperate plea for help…not a failure to recognize what a horrible choice it would be. The prospect of adoption could also be particularly painful and guilt-provoking–though certainly not of the moral magnitude of going forward with the abortion. See what you can do to support her during her pregnancy and see if it is possible to secure some domestic help for her–esp.once the baby arrives. Assure her that she is capable of caring for another baby having already managed four. She needs support and encouragement that she CAN do this now, and will have the support of you, other family and friends.
 
Could you organize some other friends or even a group from your church to support this woman through her pregnancy? She is feeling overwhelmed right now, but if she knew that people are willing to help her out in any way – driving her to appointments, stockpiling diapers, keeping her other kids so that she can rest, catching up on housekeeping, anything she needs – she might start thinking that she can do this.

She might also benefit from studying the Bible (and Church documents if she is Catholic) to discover the truth about motherhood and the blessing we call children.

I’m just trying to encourage you to encourage her now when she desperately needs to recieve courage from somewhere.
 
This has happened 3 times in my life when 2 different people wanted an abortion. Here is what I did.
The first one, I was shocked and very young. She knew that I would tell her not to go through with it so she avoided me like the plague and she went through it. At the time I didn’t know what to do at all.

The second one, didn’t tell me either, but I learned from a co-worker that she was planning it. That one I prayed like crazy for her and that baby. She didn’t go through with it.

The third one, was the same girl as the second she told me her husband was pressuring her and she didn’t know what to do. I told her she should keep the baby, that it was a wonderful blessing for her, but it didn’t sink in and it wasn’t enough. She had an abortion. I wish I had the appropriate material to give her who to contact (Pro-life group in her area) , but I didn’t.

The second approach worked best. I suggest that you also pray for that little baby and his/her mother.
 
My cousin just adopted. The birthmother is 41 and already has older children and didn’t want to start again. BUT she kept her pregnancy and gave her child the greatest gift: LIFE. Now that baby is in the loving care of my cousin and his wife. If four is too much for her, she could place the child for adoption. Can you bring that up?
 
Island_Oak said:
I would also like to know where the father is in all of this. Is their marriage secure? Are her children old enough to appreciate that she is pregnant? It can be very trying on an intact family–read: young kids–to adopt-out a newborn sibling.
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If she’ s 17 weeks along, she’s already showing, the older kids at least know something’s up, and I would think aborting the pregnancy would be at least as traumatic to the other kids as adopting out the baby.
 
I have one personal experience with this.
Rather that talk about it or attempt to convince this girl not to have an abortion.
I simply took over as if it were my place to set the agenda.
We set her up with the Catholics that handle young mothers and adoption.
They kept her while she was pregnant, and when she returned no one was the wiser and the baby was adopted by a loving Catholic family…done and done.
 
You mention four other kids…is she married? Is the new baby his?

Brass question, perhaps, but I find that women who have children and want to abort…it’s usually the hubby/partner is pressuring no more kids, or there’s a lover in the attic who doesn’t want to be spotted.

You can support her all you want but until the aggressor is found and taken care of, she will prolly just give in. (And they can be cruel!)
 
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