My friend lied to me

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doglover2

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Sorry to post this here but I want to get it out of my system and I don’t know who else to tell. So I was admiring the tote bags gift with purchase with the Saks beauty and fragrance week and I told my friend about it. He said he wanted to buy it for me and I kept saying no it’s okay, it’s seriously okay don’t worry about it, but he insisted. He said he would go to his bank branch and send me the money for it. And then he made some excuse like he can’t send me the money for it because he can’t transfer online, even though he had said he can go to his bank. Basically, he lied and pretended he was going to buy the bag just to make himself seem like a really nice person. So yeah I’m a bit upset by it, how someone pretends and is insincere just to make themselves seem good. Thoughts?
 
doglover2 said:

“Basically, he lied and pretended he was going to buy the bag just to make himself seem like a really nice person.”

That’s an unnecessarily uncharitable reading. It could equally be true (or is even more likely to be true) that he wanted to make the gift in the heat of the moment, but then on reflection, he realized he didn’t have the money and felt embarrassed about it.

In any case, in traditional culture, nice young ladies do not accept expensive gifts from young men who are neither their relatives nor their husbands nor their fiances. (I’m assuming this was an expensive gift. If it wasn’t, nevermind.)
 
Ah, I wish that were the case, but he told a mutual friend about his “strategy” :confused:

What culture are you from? In an Asian culture usually there are some societal of older to younger and male to female so it’s very traditional for older or male friends to give presents to younger and female friends regularly 🙂 Of course I tried for quite some time to refuse his present 🙂 It wasn’t expensive at all though, so don’t worry 🙂
 
In that case, that sounds immature and kind of dumb of your friend. Nobody is going to be impressed with a gift that never materializes.

doglover2:

“What culture are you from? In an Asian culture usually there are some societal of older to younger and male to female so it’s very traditional for older or male friends to give presents to younger and female friends regularly Of course I tried for quite some time to refuse his present It wasn’t expensive at all though, so don’t worry”

That’s traditional American (and probably English) culture. The issue is that if a man who isn’t a relative or a fiance or a husband gives an expensive gift, it can look like he has some sort of expectation of being compensated in kind (if you know what I mean).
 
hmmmmm
Ok , so you told him not to get it for you, and he didn’t.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much…
and apparently it worked.

Next time say “OH THANK YOU!”
😉
 
No, I told him it’s okay it’s not necessary, but he insisted and then made an excuse, but then he told a mutual friend that he never intended to and was just pretending to impress me, which makes me feel disappointed when people pretend and try to mislead :confused:
 
Not meaning to make light of your situation, but maybe just call it a learning experience. You just learned what some people are like, and there are probably more like him out there, so beware and don’t get your hopes up?
 
What’s there really to be upset about? Perhaps my dealings with people in life have just left me jaded but I would say situations like this are how you weed out the bad friends from the good ones.
 
You probably get lied to by friends on a daily basis (just like everyone else)… just saying :rolleyes:
 
I’m really puzzled how your friend intended to impress you. I don’t have to think too hard to realize not keeping my word will disappoint someone. He tells you he will buy something. He doesn’t. He tells someone else he never intended to it but told you he would to impress you? It doesn’t make sense. I think someone isn’t telling the truth here.
 
Why did you say no when you really meant “Ooh yes, get that for me!” Because obviously, you are upset you didn’t get what you hoped for. If not, this wouldn’t have bothered you that your friend did not get you what you said you didn’t want.
 
Wow thanks for all your responses 🙂 Yeah it sucked to find out my friend was trying to mislead me :confused: You’re right bruised reed he wasn’t being honest, oh well, now I know…awkward!
 
Well, I’d say he made an impression on you, alright. A person who would lie to make themselves look better and then brag about having done it? This is something he thinks his friend will* admire *about him? Does the man know what a conscience is? If he did, why would he brag about such a thing? It worries me very much that this incident doesn’t embarrass him.

Do not trust him any farther than you can throw a freight car. Seriously. I would not get on his radar as someone he does not like or who does not like him–the seriously dishonest person can also be a spiteful person, too–but I would stay as far out of his orbit as you can without being obvious about it.

IOW, you do not need to judge him, but he has given you reason to be seriously wary of him. You cannot be too wary of a man who is proud of having no conscience.
 
Thanks easterjoy, yeah you’re right…he didn’t think I would find out but I did :confused: Just kinda disappointed because I thought he was the honest type, ah well…
 
Phalanx said:
You probably get lied to by friends on a daily basis (just like everyone else)… just saying :rolleyes:
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Do you really believe that you and your friends lie to each other on a daily basis? You can live like that? :confused:
 
EasterJoy said:
Do you really believe that you and your friends lie to each other on a daily basis? You can live like that? :confused:
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Yes, of course. Whether its white lies, exagerations, half-truths or outright legitimate bullsh*t, im quite sure everyone who interacts with humans get “lied” to every day
 
Phalanx said:
Yes, of course. Whether its white lies, exagerations, half-truths or outright legitimate bullsh*t, im quite sure everyone who interacts with humans get “lied” to every day
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a) this wasn’t a white lie (that is, a lie meant to spare the person being lied to from harm or an exaggeration of the truth not really meant to be literally believed) and
b) he seemed proud of himself for deceiving her about the kind of person he is

If that is your life, wow, that is a rough. Even people who tell white lies meant to spare someone’s feelings usually feel a bit bad about it. I have learned that people who are proud of their lies are people to be wary of, but particularly if they hold the victim of their lies in contempt. If they have a cruel sense of humor, triple that. The people who do that can be just plain dangerous. I don’t think I’ve ever personally known one who was good in the sense of exhibiting real integrity when it counted. 😦
 
This is probably not the first lie you have been told by this “friend”, though you may not be aware of it. It certainly won’t be the last. This may be a good time to say farewell to your friend. One thing I have no tolerance for is lying. Can’t stand it.

In my estimation if a person is a liar they are also a theif. Can’t be one without being the other. People who care more about how they look versus how others are never seem to stop putting themselves first. Consider this a lesson learned and move on.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
I’m really puzzled how your friend intended to impress you. I don’t have to think too hard to realize not keeping my word will disappoint someone. He tells you he will buy something. He doesn’t. He tells someone else he never intended to it but told you he would to impress you? It doesn’t make sense. I think someone isn’t telling the truth here.
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Yes, I’m very confused by this “strategy”. There is perhaps some miscommunication or misunderstanding?

Keep in mind that the information regarding this being a strategy is second hand itself, so that information may be dubious.

Oh well, if all is true, this is a blessing in disguise for the OP, who can spare herself from wasting her time and effort on such a “friendship”. But just make sure you are not jumping to conclusions or trusting second hand information. Perhaps it is the other person (who was told about this and passed it on) who has confused things?
 
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