My friend loves his cousin.. really

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They’ve been keeping it a secret and they’ve been going out for a month. Just today he told me and trusted me that I will not tell because he feels that I am the only one that can help (other than a counselor). He says that he really loves her as a girlfriend. So now their parents know, and they are deporting her back to where she came from this month. He says that they will still love each other. She feels the same way. He trusts me enough to let me know and read their love letters. And they are of high school age and their first love.

What do you guys think?

Typo: I meant to say “her” instead of “him”.
 
They’ve been keeping it a secret and they’ve been going out for a month. Just today he told me and trusted me that I will not tell because he feels that I am the only one that can help (other than a counselor). He says that he really loves her as a girlfriend. So now their parents know, and they are deporting her back to where she came from this month. He says that they will still love each other. She feels the same way. He trusts me enough to let me know and read their love letters. And they are of high school age and their first love.

What do you guys think?

Typo: I meant to say “her” instead of “him”.
 
Yeah, I had a similar experience; except for the cousin part…She left to go back to Russia. We still really really care for each other, but it’s difficult. My do I sooooo miss her right now…😦

Sorry, anyway, from I Catholic perspective, I don’t know. From a secular perspective, it’s generally frowned upon…

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius:cool:
 
MarkA16 said:
What do you guys think?
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It doesn’t make a difference what anyone thinks. What matters is whether or not such a relationship is morally acceptable.

First of all, people tend to use the word “cousin” pretty loosely. A first cousin would be the daughter of his parent’s sibling. Anything more distantly related to this is less than a first cousin, and such relationships are fully accepted by Church and are therefore morally acceptable on that level.

Even if they are first cousins, the Church routinely gives dispensations for such marriages. Since it seems unlikely to marry without a period of courtship, it would follow that even for first cousins, a dating relationship is morally acceptable according to the Church’s authority.

However, the 4th Commandment requires us to obey the civil authority. If cousin relationships are considered incest by the local civil law then such relationships would be morally unacceptable, otherwise it is morally acceptable.

The biggie, however, is that the same commandment also requires minor children to obey their parents. Seeing that, in this case, the parents have forbidden this relationship it would be morally problematic to pursue it further.
 
Alexius said:
Sorry, anyway, from I Catholic perspective, I don’t know. From a secular perspective, it’s generally frowned upon…

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius:cool:
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Yeah it is. But I don’t see that as a reason for not loving someone, but rather another obstacle to overcome as a couple.
 
Timidity said:
It doesn’t make a difference what anyone thinks. What matters is whether or not such a relationship is morally acceptable.
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Well this is a Catholic forum, so what I was basically saying is, “What do you think from a Catholic perspective?” 🙂
Even if they are first cousins, the Church routinely gives dispensations for such marriages. Since it seems unlikely to marry without a period of courtship, it would follow that even for first cousins, a dating relationship is morally acceptable according to the Church’s authority.
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Is it proven in any official source? Catechism maybe? or Bible?
The biggie, however, is that the same commandment also requires minor children to obey their parents. Seeing that, in this case, the parents have forbidden this relationship it would be morally problematic to pursue it further.
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I agree. I’ve told him that if their parents are really opposed with the relationship, then they should end it, because it will most likely ruin the family. But on the other hand, if it is not illegal, then the parents could learn from this experience.
 
MarkA16 said:
Is it proven in any official source? Catechism maybe? or Bible?
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The 1983 edition of the Code of Canon Law. It’s pretty clear language, except the method of measuring relationship is not the same method used in the U.S. So instead of talking about “First Cousins” it talks about “consanguinity”. Basically Canon Law forbids marriage to siblings, and direct descendants and ancestors. Marriage between an aunt & nephew (or uncle/niece) or first cousins are allowed with dispensation. Anyone more distantly related (e.g. first cousins once removed, second cousins, etc) are freely allowed without even a second thought.

(Though I know of no US state that would allow an aunt/nephew or uncle/niece marriage. It’s been a while since I researched it, but at that time about half of US states allowed first cousins to marry, though some had certain restrictions. Only Wisconsin and West Virginia forbade marriage between first cousins once removed.)
 
MarkA16 said:
Yeah it is. But I don’t see that as a reason for not loving someone, but rather another obstacle to overcome as a couple.
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Right, it doesn’t make it any easier since love is the culprit…I can’t really say if it’s right or wrong as I don’t know. In my opinion, it could be permissible, but I don’t know. If they truly love each other, then I don’t see it as an inerrantly wrong “union;” I tend to think it is okay. Most see it as wrong because that is the Western culture’s view. Again, that is only my opinion…

Prayers and petitions,
Alexius:cool:
 
I think that first cousins, to be married in the Church, are required to obtain a dispensation. Second cousins and beyond do not require one, if I remember correctly. From a scientific standpoint, there isn’t much cause to ban such unions, especially once you get to second cousins and beyond.
 
Timidity said:
The 1983 edition of the Code of Canon Law. It’s pretty clear language, except the method of measuring relationship is not the same method used in the U.S. So instead of talking about “First Cousins” it talks about “consanguinity”.
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Specifically, it’s Canon 1091, and Canon 108 descibes how to determine degrees of consanguinity.

Also, you mentioned the Bible. Leviticus 18 is the Old Testament reference for forbidden relationships, and cousins are permitted there. BUT, the Church has authority on earth, so even though the Church’s requirements are stricter than the Bible, those requirements have legitimate authority.
 
2nd cousin isn’t really related, so that’s ok.

1st cousin…have sex with your first cousin, that’s incest. Cmon…your aunt/uncle’s children…
 
deporting her? where is she originally from and is this acceptable in their culture?
 
JFonseka said:
2nd cousin isn’t really related, so that’s ok.

1st cousin…have sex with your first cousin, that’s incest. Cmon…your aunt/uncle’s children…
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I’m not sure that is the case. If it were incest, why does the Church allow for dispensations? Unless I am wrong about the Church doing that.
 
LSK said:
deporting her? where is she originally from and is this acceptable in their culture?
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She came from the Philippines. She’s in the same school as us (friend and me). She’s going back.
 
ChristIsTheWay said:
I’m not sure that is the case. If it were incest, why does the Church allow for dispensations? Unless I am wrong about the Church doing that.
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Incest is is sex between parent and child, uncle/aunt with nieces/nephews and brothers and sisters not cousins. It is legal in the State of VA for cousins to marry, and I’m sure in many other states.
 
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