My friend's behaviour (continued...)

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Altargirl

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Hello there,
some of you may have read my previous post about my priest friend’s rather familiar and somewhat unusual behaviour, partticularly when we are alone and outside Mass or regular service times. Well I’ve just had another experience today, as the same friend has invited me out to dinner at the weekend, saying he’ll pay for both of us. From what I’ve found, it is more ususal for a paishioner to ask out their priest or friend for dinner, but it seems to be almost unheard of for a priest to drop the invitation. It’s also intended that they’ll just be the two of us…so my question is, is this behaviour unusual, and would it look wierd if I accepted and other parishioners found out?
 
Altargirl, I would like to send you a PM about your pose but when I tried it said your box was full. I saved it and would be glad to send it to you if you can make room. Thanks!

SrMarie
 
Altargirl,

I read your previous thread. It appears that the “friend” in question is a very forward person! There are a number of factor which must be known to answer your question.

How old are you?
How long have you known this friend?
How much older than you is he?
Have you spoken to parents or other authority figures about this?
There seems to be a lot of context missing from this story; can you fill it in?

A few of these questions may infringe on your privacy (especially the first) so if you wish, answer vaguely, giving an age range, or just say if you are a teen or adult.
 
dshix said:
Altargirl,

I read your previous thread. It appears that the “friend” in question is a very forward person! There are a number of factor which must be known to answer your question.

How old are you?
How long have you known this friend?
How much older than you is he?
Have you spoken to parents or other authority figures about this?
There seems to be a lot of context missing from this story; can you fill it in?

A few of these questions may infringe on your privacy (especially the first) so if you wish, answer vaguely, giving an age range, or just say if you are a teen or adult.
Click to expand...
I’m a young adult (single woman), and my friend is many years older than me, so I’m not sure how unusual it is for him to invite me out for dinner (which he has done so regularly) alone with him. I suppose the only other things I could say to fill in detail is that he does seem to talk to me about things which arguably a priest shouldn’t do, such as some of the internal disputes he has with the other priests he lives with (he has even criticised some of them when we’ve been with each other), as well as discussing topics such as our 'relationship, and he wants both me and himself to ‘work on it’ as much as possible, by ‘seeing each other as much as possible’ both at Church and in private (going out with each other such as this dinner at the weekend). I therefore am not sure, is he overstepping boundaries in the above situations? Do you think our relationship could mean something romantically to him?
 
Trust your instincts. If you feel there is something improper or weird by this request, then politely decline.
 
Perhaps your uncomfortableness with this suggests a discernment is taking place. As you are obviously growing uncomfortable with this you should just be up front and tell him that.
 
None of us can say what is in this priest’s mind and we should assume that he has innocent intentions. He probably just imagines you as a friend.

Having said that, his behavior seems to be extremely close to improper. You should not be having private dinner dates with him. It would be different if you were dining with others. Don’t let yourself become an occasion of sin for him. Remind him that your relationship is that of priest-college student parishioner. He should not be discussing his problems with his brother priests with you.
 
Your previous post was locked for a reason, and I would shy away from posting too much more about this. You are speculating–and asking us to speculate–about your pastor’s motives. As I stated in your previous thread, we can not do that for you. We can not tell you what his intentions are. I too have a close friend who is a priest, and going out to dinner or exchanging a kiss on the cheek is not unheard of between us. If YOU are uncomfortable, and your gut is telling you that this is not a friendship intention, then by all means, STOP accepting the invitations! You do have control of this situation entirely, you know.
 
Well I am not sure if you are talking about priest:shrug:. However if you are talking about a Priest then it can mean a few things. First he could just view you as a daughter or his is fond of you. He could be lustful which is possible. I would keep your mind open and talk to your Priest and parents about this. It would be rude to turn him down. Also not that I am worried but he might be planning rap. I highly doubt this but that is just how I see things.

Everything is possible
 
Save both your souls and keep well away from any situation that would have the two of you in a private situation.
The behaviour you describe is not a description of the Virtue of Chastity.
It takes 2 to Tango. If you stay away no serious sin can be committed.

No person alive on this earth is immune from temptation. Don’t let yourself be that temptation to a man who is trying to live up to a vow of celibacy. Don’t you fall into sin yourself. No matter how nice if feels to be paid such special attention.

If this man does not take a firm “No” in this matter you must report hi to his bishop with great urgency. Otherwise let the matter quietly pass away.
 
The life of a priest is quite complex and sometimes lonely. If you are uncomfortable it would be best to tell him as the fact that you feel this way may come as a complete surprise. In addition, if this doesn’t surprise him he needs to know how his behavior made you feel. If he is a friend be a good friend to him and have an honest conversation.
 
Altargirl,

Somehow, the first time I read all this, I missed that your “friend” WAS as a priest.

Now that I have realized my mistake, I support and reiterate the advice of these people:
Ophelia23 said:
Your previous post was locked for a reason, and I would shy away from posting too much more about this. You are speculating–and asking us to speculate–about your pastor’s motives. As I stated in your previous thread, we can not do that for you. We can not tell you what his intentions are. I too have a close friend who is a priest, and going out to dinner or exchanging a kiss on the cheek is not unheard of between us. If YOU are uncomfortable, and your gut is telling you that this is not a friendship intention, then by all means, STOP accepting the invitations! You do have control of this situation entirely, you know.
Click to expand...
anruari said:
Save both your souls and keep well away from any situation that would have the two of you in a private situation.
The behaviour you describe is not a description of the Virtue of Chastity.
It takes 2 to Tango. If you stay away no serious sin can be committed.

No person alive on this earth is immune from temptation. Don’t let yourself be that temptation to a man who is trying to live up to a vow of celibacy. Don’t you fall into sin yourself. No matter how nice if feels to be paid such special attention.

If this man does not take a firm “No” in this matter you must report hi to his bishop with great urgency. Otherwise let the matter quietly pass away.
Click to expand...
 
My suggestion: politely decline any and all invitations from this priest.
Pray for him that God will assist him to find healthy supportive relationships with other godly men.
 
Well I’ve read your previous post just now.The whole thing is odd.He lives with other priests;can’t he go to dinner with them? I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying this;but it sounds like to me that he has feelings for you that go being just being a priest.More romantic I would say.The hand holding;kiss on the cheek;gazing into your eyes sounds like he has feelings for you.The fact he won’t act that way when others are present especially the priests he lives with says he knows that his actions are wrong;but is still willing to persue them.The fact you are coming to us says you feel that things are going way beyond the friend stage but are afraid to admit it because most people can’t believe a priest or even a nun could have such thoughts.

If you do go to dinner with him take someone along.Another woman or a man.
Best yet don’t do it.
Write a letter to him if you have to.Tell him things are getting out of hand. The hand holding’cheek kiss;etc.It upsets you and you are very concerned about your immortal soul;but more important for his.That he has worked hard to get where he is and must not through it away and for what? Some fleeting pleasure or whatever his motivation for his actions might be. People especially the priests he live with know what he’s doing.That he has made a commitment to the church by taking a vow of celibacy;but more importantly to God by choosing such a life.That he must resist the snares of Satan and that you will pray to the Holy Spirit for him.
That it is best for his immortal soul if you two did not see each other any more even as a friends as you feel horror at the thought that your friendship should become an occasion of sin for him.That he would only in the end hate and resent you since he would loose everything he has worked so hard for.
This is the only advice I can give you. I myself have never been in such a situation.But this is the jist of what I would do if it ever happend to me.
I do hope it helps you out some.
 
Altargirl said:
Hello there,
some of you may have read my previous post about my priest friend’s rather familiar and somewhat unusual behaviour, partticularly when we are alone and outside Mass or regular service times. Well I’ve just had another experience today, as the same friend has invited me out to dinner at the weekend, saying he’ll pay for both of us. From what I’ve found, it is more ususal for a paishioner to ask out their priest or friend for dinner, but it seems to be almost unheard of for a priest to drop the invitation. It’s also intended that they’ll just be the two of us…so my question is, is this behaviour unusual, and would it look wierd if I accepted and other parishioners found out?
Click to expand...
“Unusual” may be your particular que to move on.
 
Please. avoid the situation. His behaviour is unseemly, unhealthy and dangerous in many ways. Please, do not be alone with him like this.

Avoid occasions of sin; trust your instincts,

Reading these posts make my flesh crawl. Celibacy is about far more than sex

He is more than close to breaking his vows. Needs a superior to talk with does he.
 
Issues like this have the possibility of spinning into gossip and uncharitable thoughts. There’s been some helpful advice in this thread. I don’t see much good coming from further discussion.

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