My friend's experience with a new pastor and transgender spouse

[Tis_Bearself]

One additional thing to remember is, depending on how experienced this priest was and what his background is and where he was posted before, he may not have had much or any interaction with trans people. I am sure there are many people who have never met any sort of trans person in real life and have very little knowledge about it. I hung around with a lot of artists and writers and entertainers and trans people were part of the landscape. I have met many of them. But for all you know, this may have been the priest’s first experience of laying eyes on one, and he didn’t know what to say or do or even what it meant.
Go a little easy on people, especially when they are new.

 

[Monica83]

No, they do not see their bodies “exactly as they are”-they envision they are the opposite sex complete with opposite parts-thats full transitioning.They often wish to alter themselves with hormones(even if not fully transitioned) and surgery. If it was simply a man who liked to wear dresses, make up, and call himself “Sue” for fun, but realizes hes just a feminine man and not a woman, then that would be true.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

No, they do not see their bodies “exactly as they are”

Yes, they do and if you think otherwise then you misunderstand what GID is.

they envision they are the opposite sex complete with opposite parts

No, they see what parts they have and may be less or more dysphoric about those parts. Some transmen are more disphoric about their breasts and want or will have them removed while others are okay with binding. Many are okay just transitioning socially, but they know what organs they have and what they don’t.

They often wish to alter themselves with hormones(even if not fully transitioned) and surgery.

True.

If it was simply a man who liked to wear dresses, make up, and call himself “Sue” for fun, but realizes hes just a feminine man and not a woman, then that would be true.

Not exactly. Transgendered persons experience their dysphoria differently so how each approaches it is going to be different. But you might be creating a double edged sword for transgendered people: If they don’t fully transition (hormones and surgery) then they aren’t truely transgender, or you don’t think they should use the restroom that that matches their gender, or what have you.

And while there are cross dressers, drag queens, and feminine men you are coming close to lumping them all together or treating them as freaks (not that being a freak is a bad thing, j/s.)

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Yes. People who are trans are going to be pretty consistent with the terminology and how they express who they are. However, people who are not trans, who are not invested in someone who is, or are an ally will not be consistent in how they talk about this. CAF is a good example; we think about transness differently therefore talk about it differently, we’re not on the same page at all. So they could have been clear (trans community standard terms) in what they were saying and if Father wasn’t sure what they were telling them or asking of him, he might have wanted time to process. I was very lucky that the trans persons I know didn’t come out to me in a sudden way, I was getting/taking hints via social media and was able to process so when they did come out I didn’t react super awkwardly. I still take a listen and learn stance, though, and try to educate myself to minimize harm.