My girlfriend broke up with me to discern religious life

[Gabriel_oOLoS]

I don’t really understand what you are asking here. If you’re asking if the relationship was sexual, the answer is no. The relationship was about a mutual attraction for eachother and sharing a love for God.

I think he means not only were you physically chaste, but emotionally chaste. What I mean is did you end up sharing too much or sharing information that should only be shared with a spouse. Its tough the first time to know what your limits are or to even consider limits because you care about this person. If you are though able to guard your heart then it makes it easier for both of you to walk away if its not God’s will that you should end up marrying each other. Just something to consider for your next courtship.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I think he means not only were you physically chaste, but emotionally chaste. What I mean is did you end up sharing too much or sharing information that should only be shared with a spouse. Its tough the first time to know what your limits are or to even consider limits because you care about this person. If you are though able to guard your heart then it makes it easier for both of you to walk away if its not God’s will that you should end up marrying each other. Just something to consider for your next courtship.

I’m sorry Gabriel, on behalf of the OP and me… what do you mean by emotionally chaste? I realize we are to guard our heart, but developing relationships means to share increasingly intimate areas of our lives. We aren’t robots. What would be lovely about a marriage or relationships without that intimacy? Certainly you aren’t suggesting that this occurs after marriage? I"m not talking about sexual intimacy either when I use that term ‘intimacy’.

Some people just ‘click’… and I believe its wrong to put your (as in, the own person’s, not you Gabriel) religious thumbs into that. Its a gift from God when closeness-whether cordial, romantic or friendship- happens. Why gum it up with being cold and frigid just because you are afraid of getting hurt? Sometimes people just mesh and trust. This is good. Hurting about one pulling away is natural but just a fact of life. Did Christ guard his heart in the manner you speak of? It seems to me He bared His soul out of love for us. What is genuine love if that does not mean opening up to vulnerability. Of course we shouldn’t be foolish about it, but even at that… the example of St. Francis and the Sultan comes to mind! Foolish? To the world, yes! To God? Well with the outcome, doesn’t seem so!

 

[Gabriel_oOLoS]

I’m sorry Gabriel, on behalf of the OP and me… what do you mean by emotionally chaste? I realize we are to guard our heart, but developing relationships means to share increasingly intimate areas of our lives. We aren’t robots. What would be lovely about a marriage or relationships without that intimacy? Certainly you aren’t suggesting that this occurs after marriage? I"m not talking about sexual intimacy either when I use that term ‘intimacy’.

Some people just ‘click’… and I believe its wrong to put your (as in, the own person’s, not you Gabriel) religious thumbs into that. Its a gift from God when closeness-whether cordial, romantic or friendship- happens. Why gum it up with being cold and frigid just because you are afraid of getting hurt? Sometimes people just mesh and trust. This is good. Hurting about one pulling away is natural but just a fact of life. Did Christ guard his heart in the manner you speak of? It seems to me He bared His soul out of love for us. What is genuine love if that does not mean opening up to vulnerability. Of course we shouldn’t be foolish about it, but even at that… the example of St. Francis and the Sultan comes to mind! Foolish? To the world, yes! To God? Well with the outcome, doesn’t seem so!

Currently, i am in a relationship with a young lady who has also been attracted to religious life, so i feel very close to the OP’s situation. She was clear about her attraction to religious life from the start and it was hard for me to know how to react. I tried to listen when she talked about it, and we both enjoyed our time together and knew we were getting closer. A big break through happened when we both attended an event called SEEK 2013 in Florida in January. When she asked to look into some of the religious orders that were there i had mixed emotions, but i learned how to trust God in a new way. I wanted Gods will for her, even before my will. God’s will brings perfect peace. Even though i’m still unsure of the future, i am trying to keep this in mind. When we got back from the retreat, a really cool thing happened. I surprised her by getting a yellow rose for her and found out she had prayed a novena to St. Therese asking for a yellow rose if she was supposed to keep dating me. I didn’t know anything about the novena, but had felt an impulse to get her the rose. God works in mysterious ways.
Emotional chastity is something a speaker at the conference talked about while we were there. It is a fairly new concept, even for me. I’ve started talking about it with my girlfriend and how we understand it is the virtue of prudence and relying on the Holy Spirit-asking him to direct our conversations. We are putting the other person first and considering how our words effect them. Because i know that she first needs to find her identity in God, i strive to help her go there first when she has emotional needs. Not to me. While it is important to share more and more of yourself with the other person, it happens on God’s time not ours.

 

[Lucid_Panda]

Currently, i am in a relationship with a young lady who has also been attracted to religious life, so i feel very close to the OP’s situation. She was clear about her attraction to religious life from the start and it was hard for me to know how to react. I tried to listen when she talked about it, and we both enjoyed our time together and knew we were getting closer. A big break through happened when we both attended an event called SEEK 2013 in Florida in January. When she asked to look into some of the religious orders that were there i had mixed emotions, but i learned how to trust God in a new way. I wanted Gods will for her, even before my will. God’s will brings perfect peace. Even though i’m still unsure of the future, i am trying to keep this in mind. When we got back from the retreat, a really cool thing happened. I surprised her by getting a yellow rose for her and found out she had prayed a novena to St. Therese asking for a yellow rose if she was supposed to keep dating me. I didn’t know anything about the novena, but had felt an impulse to get her the rose. God works in mysterious ways.
Emotional chastity is something a speaker at the conference talked about while we were there. It is a fairly new concept, even for me. I’ve started talking about it with my girlfriend and how we understand it is the virtue of prudence and relying on the Holy Spirit-asking him to direct our conversations. We are putting the other person first and considering how our words effect them. Because i know that she first needs to find her identity in God, i strive to help her go there first when she has emotional needs. Not to me. While it is important to share more and more of yourself with the other person, it happens on God’s time not ours.

This situation does sound quite similar to mine and I admire the approach you are taking to it. The one difference being your girlfriend made it clear to you from the start that she was considering the religious life, whereas my ex told me from the beginning that she had never felt the call to religious life. She even took a trip to a convent with her youth group in high school and she still didn’t feel the call. That is why I am having such a hard time with this, because it came out of nowhere. I am hoping to learn to trust God in a new way just as you are. I also like what you said about God’s time. The way I’m looking at it, the timing just isn’t right for us right now. We are both young. She has some things in her life that she needs to sort out, and there are some things in my life that I want to improve on. Maybe somewhere down the line when we both have our stuff figured out, God will unite us again. Who knows. But for now I am going to use this time to work towards becomming the best man of God that I can be so that I can prepare to be a great husband some day, whether it is with my ex or someone else.