My Girlfriend Cheated but

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dtm1616

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Hi all,

I’ve probably had the worst 24 hours of my life, I just found out from my girlfriend of a year and a bit cheated on me about 2 1/2 months ago.

We spoke a lot about it last night, and she is really sorry and says she still loves me and that she will never cheat on me again. Our relationship for the past year or so has been really good, we got in the odd fight her and there and it was somewhat of a normal relationship. About 3 months ago, she found a text message on my phone from a girl that I was texting behind her back. Now in those texts we did flirt a little and we did meet up one time for dinner and we ended up fooling around, but no sex (while I was with my GF), now I haven’t told me girlfriend about this, but I kind of feel like I should, since she just told me what she did. She also told me, because she found those texts that it was the reason she cheated on me. I honestly don’t know what to do.

Anyways, I would just like some advice on how to go about this, I know we both cheated, but she seems to be the better person and has told me. I’m still deeply in love with her and hoping that some how or some way that we can maybe get past all of this.
 
This all sounds very junior high, except for the sexual component. So, I suggest you get off the dating track entirely, and focus on maturing.

So, my recommendation is to focus on building character-- the kind of character a woman would want in a husband. Because nothing you have described in your post indicates “man who is marriage material”. Secondly, build a foundation of chastity in your life. Being sexually active (including “fooling around”) is not godly behavior.

Then, after you have matured and gotten your own spiritual house in order, you can begin to get to know godly women who have also developed the kind of character you would want in a wife.
 
I would agree with what 1ke has said already.

In a situation like this, it is important to discern in yourself what your real purpose is; to find lifelong, sacrificial love for the other person, or to get temporary gratification, and then decide from there.

If you are not ready to give your all to a person, whether it be this present girlfriend or another, I’d strongly suggest not dating until you are ready.

Your girlfriend seems to be in the same boat as you are, so you could speak to her about this possibility of not dating before you are ready… it may help us to know your age and situation so we can understand better.

God bless!
 
1ke said:
This all sounds very junior high, except for the sexual component. So, I suggest you get off the dating track entirely, and focus on maturing.

So, my recommendation is to focus on building character-- the kind of character a woman would want in a husband. Because nothing you have described in your post indicates “man who is marriage material”. Secondly, build a foundation of chastity in your life. Being sexually active (including “fooling around”) is not godly behavior.

Then, after you have matured and gotten your own spiritual house in order, you can begin to get to know godly women who have also developed the kind of character you would want in a wife.
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+1

The first thing I thought after reading this post is why either party is involved when niether apparently has much interest in avoiding sin, avoiding hurting each other, and moving towards a Godly marriage.

The purpose of a relationship is to discern marriage, and what has been shown by BOTH parties in this relationship is that niether is going to be very good marriage material for each other. Time to move on…
 
Frankly it sounds as though you two deserve each other.

That aside you guys need to break up. Neither one of you are mentally, emotionally, or morally mature enough for a relationship. Break up and take some time to work on yourselves, then worry about dating.
 
shouldnt be having sex outside of the holy sacrament of marriage, period. there’s where your problem lies at. sex is a sacred gift from God, not to be thrown around, even if you do end up marrying this girl it still is not right.
 
I’m sorry to hear that you have had such a bad day. I will pray for you.

But then like everyone else has said, you should not be having a sexual relationship with anyone until you are united as husband and wife in the Sacrament of Marriage. This relationship does not sound like it is going to work out. Like others have said, it sounds like both of you need to grow in maturity before trying another relationship. I would also highly recommend, as others have said, to get to Confession and get right with God before considering new relationships.
 
👍👍👍
1ke said:
This all sounds very junior high, except for the sexual component. So, I suggest you get off the dating track entirely, and focus on maturing.

So, my recommendation is to focus on building character-- the kind of character a woman would want in a husband. Because nothing you have described in your post indicates “man who is marriage material”. Secondly, build a foundation of chastity in your life. Being sexually active (including “fooling around”) is not godly behavior.

Then, after you have matured and gotten your own spiritual house in order, you can begin to get to know godly women who have also developed the kind of character you would want in a wife.
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👍👍👍

I am sorry for your troubles, I went through something similar minus the other friend and fooling around and such. Being cheated on sucks, big time.

That said, this is the best advice you could be given at this moment.

That, and start abstaining, and living a chaste life until marriage.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Frankly it sounds as though you two deserve each other.

That aside you guys need to break up. Neither one of you are mentally, emotionally, or morally mature enough for a relationship. Break up and take some time to work on yourselves, then worry about dating.
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This and what 1ke said.
 
1ke said:
This all sounds very junior high, except for the sexual component. So, I suggest you get off the dating track entirely, and focus on maturing.

So, my recommendation is to focus on building character-- the kind of character a woman would want in a husband. Because nothing you have described in your post indicates “man who is marriage material”. Secondly, build a foundation of chastity in your life. Being sexually active (including “fooling around”) is not godly behavior.

Then, after you have matured and gotten your own spiritual house in order, you can begin to get to know godly women who have also developed the kind of character you would want in a wife.
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I agree! And any sexual activities should be left for marriage, this includes most forms of “fooling around”. Sex isn’t the only thing that should be saved for marriage, but all sexual activities.
 
Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa…whoa. Don’t date until you’re mature enough? If everyone waited until they were mature enough to date, no one would ever date to begin with. How is one supposed to mature in relationships without having relationships? Heck, I didn’t know how to ride a bike until I tried it a few times.

I read his post multiple times and he didn’t mention that he had sex. Rather, it was implied that he had sex with the “other woman” at some point prior to his present relationship. He doesn’t state that he is having sex in his present relationship. “Fooling around” has many connotations. Evidently to him it means something up to but not including sex.

I’m sorry. I know I’m a very new kid on the block here, but the guy asked for advice on how to handle a relationship problem and what he got instead was that he shouldn’t be in a relationship. *That *horse is out of the barn. Stable. Whatever. I’m not a farmer so I don’t know.

dtm–First, don’t tell her. You made a mistake. Get over it. It’s not a big deal. She’s not your wife, she’s a girlfriend. That sounds like an unfair ranking, but there it is. I had girlfriends. I have a wife. There’s a difference between a wife and a girlfriend.

Second, why is she snooping on your phone?

Third, she found texts and cheated on you as revenge because she saw some texts? So what would she do if she knew what actually happened?

On second thought, go ahead and tell her. She’ll break up with you, at least for a while. Do you really want a relationship with someone who will put you through “revenge cheating?” How much does she value you and the relationship? It’s like, “Honey, I’m upset with you for eating the last cookie. I have no choice but to eat this triple layer chocolate cake, and it’ll will be all your fault.” 🤷
 
Personally, I would dump anyone that cheated on me; no second chances. Dating is for determining if a person is suitable for being a spouse, and IMHO someone that cheats automatically fails that test.

The problem with this situation is that the OP has also displayed dishonest behavior. IMHO, it’s time to dump the girlfriend and start from scratch. From now on, be honest with others, and you will find others that are honest with you. Being dishonest with others then complaining when others are dishonest with you is not the sign of a person being serious with their relationship and discerning marriage.
 
You can choose to let the last 24 hours of your life remain the worst you’ve ever had by breaking up now, or you can set yourself up for more of the same in the future by staying together. Keeping on the path you’ve chosen so far will only lead to additional heartache.

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” - Maya Angelou

Telling you that your behavior is the reason why she cheated is a huge warning sign. Don’t let her manipulate you that way. You don’t want someone who would stoop that low. This relationship is not meant for anything positive.

God bless you both.
 
Honestly, you and her both deserved to be broken up with. So do yourselves a favor and do it mutually. If your not going to be faithful, learn to do this and stay single until you are ready.Otherwise it will lead to heartbreak years later
 
Dont tell her you cheated OP! Keep the upper hand! (totally kidding…and by “totally” I do mean “not so much”)
 
Hmmm.

Well, if you are on a Christian, specifically Catholic site, asking for advice on what to do about a GF cheating in an adulterous relationship, then you may have come to the wrong place for advice.

Frankly, I wonder if you are trolling.

The advice already given is consistent and clear. If your purpose is to discern marriage, then approach a potential partner with that as your goal.

If your purpose is to find a faithful female with benefits, then this is not the place to ask for advice, and it is disrespectful to do so.
 
epan said:
Frankly, I wonder if you are trolling.
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I think it’s always best to assume someone isn’t trolling. That said, there have been a fair few post lately that seems to have plots derived from 90210 or Gossip Girl. Lots of young adults lying and cheating on their partners and wondering if they should forgive them and move on. Hmmmmm…what would Blake Lively do?

Anyway, assuming it’s a legitimate question, I have to agree with the weight of responses so far. Break it off and concentrate on preparing yourself to approach dating in the right manner.
 
Wait - so you come on here, crying the blues about how you were cheated on & how finding out was the worst day of your life, blah blah blah. And then in the next paragraph tell us how you, also, cheated? And we are supposed to what, exactly - feel sorry for you?

I am a firm believer in “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I agree w/ what BEL said - you two deserve each other. Because by cheating, you both have proven yourselves to not be trustworthy for people who are looking for someone to marry.
 
_Jenn said:
I am a firm believer in “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I agree w/ what BEL said - you two deserve each other. Because by cheating, you both have proven yourselves to not be trustworthy for people who are looking for someone to marry.
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IMO, when it comes to boyfriends and girlfriends, “cheating” isn’t a black & white issue. I do mostly agree ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ because I’ve seen it work out that way with people I know. On the other hand, it’s a broad brush to paint with.

Again, just my opinion–let’s not put too much value out of the box on girlfriend-boyfriend relationships
 
_Jenn said:
I am a firm believer in “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
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I believe that a lot of factors come into play, such as age and maturity. There is a big difference between, say, someone that is 40 years old that cheated once when they were 16, and a 40 year old that has always cheated. People do make mistakes, regret them, and never make those mistakes again.

In the case of the OP, the cheating from both parties is recent, and I would view such people with great concern in terms of discerning marriage. The best way to fix the situation is to grow up, cheat no more, and establish it over time…and it’s best to start now.
 
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