My girlfriend is a Baptist

[SirThomasMore]

I guess I might be a tad nosey … and please disregard my post if you wish not to answer…but…what about children…were you and your wife open to life?

Your experience in this area might help the original poster, as well as others.

Your grandparents probably were because pills weren’t quite on the market back then, huh?

Again, I’m curious.

My grandparents had an interesting life. They eloped when she was 16 and he was in the Army. I say they eloped…he took her to a JP, they got married, he took her to her home, he went back to his barracks.

Because it was not a sacremental wedding, he was not allowed to take the Eucharist for many years, though he never missed Mass. They wanted to fix things, but they were seperated alot due to wars. Long after their 4 kids were born, they had a sacramental wedding in the parish.

 

[vera_dicere]

My mother’s side of the family is incredibly Catholic, with a particular devotion towards Mary. My father’s side are a mix of Protestants, (he was Presbetayrin - sorry, spelling!) SDA and a few Mormons. So when my dad started dating my mum almost 40 years ago, well, you can imagine! My dad converted right before they married, and he was a devote Catholic and fully involved in the Church, until he decided to committ adultery 15 years ago.

My uncle married a Protestant woman and while there was a lot of pressure on her from his mother (the very Catholic Matriarch) to convert, she didn’t right away, it was actually 8 years into their marriage when she finally converted. I don’t know if they were practising NFP, or what her opinions on the matter were, but they ahve four kids, one autistic. And they’re still going strong.

It seems to me its dependant on the Catholic and the non-Catholic as to whether the relationship will work. I"ve seen mixed marriages crash and burn, while others have flourished, some without conversion, and others with - though, I have to say, once the non-Catholic spouse has come to full understanding and research of teh faith they converted. The other thing I’ve noticed, is that sometimes, a lot of the stress and misunderstandings are fuelled by outside sources, like an inlaw pushing for a conversion towards a certain faith, or friends putting their two cents in. It’s fine when its online, we’re all basically strangers, you can ignore us, but you’ll have everyone and everyone in your life who knows about this poking their sticky beaks in - for the most part.

I think that’s what’s important, as others have mentioned, take her along to an RICA class, if you and her are really keen on a life together, its important to know about each other’s faiths. Learn about hers, so she will have more desire to learn about your’s.

But I would say to do this research BEFORE you get married, so you both know what you’re going into. She needs to understand the Church’s teaching on life and contraception in particular, as ALL the real life Protestants I’ve met are pro-contraception, albeit, I’ve met a few online who have the same opinion as Catholics.

 

[lutherlic]

It is really good that you are asking this question and thinking about the situation.

I agree with the other posts that urged caution. There are exceptions to anything and your situation could be different, but I honestly doubt it. The problems will appear once you have children, will grow bigger with each child and as they age. By the time they are 2, 4 and 5 you may find yourselves speaking with divorce attorneys. If it is not that bad, expect a very tense truce, children not having a clear faith and no faith once they leave home.

One thing I have observed is that if one spouse and their family are not overly “religious”, then there may not be a problem. That does not seem to be your situation. Also, even if one spouse is only moderately faithful and his/her family is very religious - expect them to heavily, relentlessly and ultimately successfully lobby.

If your Catholic faith is important to you (and it certainly should be!), then there are three things that must happen: (1) you marry in a Catholic Church, (2) your fiancée attends RCIA at least for the purpose of learning what you believe and your children will be taught, (3) your fiancée honestly agrees to baptize and raise your children as Catholic (this should be open and understood by her family as well). It would also be nice if your future wife were willing to attend Mass with you and future children as a family.

 

[benidict]

I have been in a serious relationship now for over 4 years. I love my girlfriend and we talk often of a future together and getting married. But, we still run into problems and issues when it comes to religion and where our future will take us since she is a Baptist and I am a Catholic. I love her and know that God gives us love and so there must be a way to reconcile or at least come to understandings. I don’t know exactly what my question is but I was hoping for some advice on where to go with this and how to approach it next time we have a discussion or debate. I would love to hear anyone’s advice especially someone coming from a similar situation. Thanks

im not trying to sound crass, but that wonderful feeling we call love, is generally just chemical reaction, driving us to mate. once that is gone. then what? lets say you marry. these problems are not going to go away, they will grow. more than likely she will not convert, and i hope for your sake you dont. then come the kids. ohhh boy! now it gets really messed up. next thing you know, one or both of you are compromising your faith, ( with alot of resentment i might add.) or you are not even worshipping together. either way its not good. i think i can speak to this. i am a former baptist, divorced from a mennonite. we had alot of the same issues you folks are having. it wasnt pretty. i didnt convert to Catholocism until long after i was divorced.and my spiritual life got real screwd up, on account of my marriage to someone not of like faith. and baptist/mennonites agree on far more than a baptist/Catholic union ever could. take this for what its worth, but trust me. the heart ache of breaking up now, would save you alot of hell later on. oh, and incidentally. i dont date. im through with it. but if i did. Catholic women are much prettier than baptist ladies anyday. ours glow with the reflection of their Mother…Mary that is. Peace and prayers for you.

 

[Redbaron998]

Hey there, I can relate to you as my girlfriend (soon to be fiance) was raised Baptist. Early on there was a couple times where the religion thing came up and occasionally it was a source of minor conflict. Espically since early in our relationship I was fallen away from the church and now im very active so I had not set a good example.

This being said, mixed religion marriages, even something within Christianity can have some difficulties. Something you need to ask yourself, and yes talk to her openly about is that you are Catholic and your not changing. Tell her you accept her as she is. (and mean it) You can not go into a marriage expecting the other person to change.

Yes there can be some issues, but if you remember the importance of your marriage and the love of God you both possess you can ride it out. The key is just to talk openly about it and dont let it buid up to become a problem. Mixed marriages can be very successful and wonderful.

Remember you are her example of the Catholic Church, act accordingly and in Love and you should prepare yourself acadmeically to answer basic questions she may have.

God Bless.

 

[Pixie_Dust]

Try this on her: ask her to attend RCIA now (I know you approached it and she has given excuses for not yet doing it - and she attends Mass with you too [just to ‘play along’ for now]

Then tell her if she doesn’t convert, you two are through - see if she is willing to convert or is more willing to let you go.

Any RCIA director worth his or her salt will tell people emphatically NOT to convert because their significant other is Catholic, and especially not to convert in order to keep a relationship with that person. If this girl converts because he tells her “Convert or we’re through” she is doing it for the WRONG reasons.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Any RCIA director worth his or her salt will tell people emphatically NOT to convert because their significant other is Catholic, and especially not to convert in order to keep a relationship with that person. If this girl converts because he tells her “Convert or we’re through” she is doing it for the WRONG reasons.

I totally agree that it would be the wrong reason for anyone to convert. However it is best that they have that type of discussion now on continuing the relationship. then later on baptizing and relionous training of the children.

And I stand by what I said earlier (REALIZING THAT THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS), she may agree now to raise the children catholic, but if she her self does not convert, that will change when the children come.

 

[Pixie_Dust]

I totally agree that it would be the wrong reason for anyone to convert. However it is best that they have that type of discussion now on continuing the relationship. then later on baptizing and relionous training of the children.

Absolutely. She needs to understand that he has an obligation as a Catholic to raise their children in the Catholic faith, and if she can’t deal with that, then she’d best move on.

And I stand by what I said earlier (REALIZING THAT THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS), she may agree now to raise the children catholic, but if she her self does not convert, that will change when the children come.

Very true, but pressuring someone to “become Catholic or else” isn’t a very wise strategy and could backfire badly.

DO: Ask her to go to RCIA, definitely. Ask her to read either the Catechism itself or a book like Karl Keating’s Catholicism and Fundamentalism that will explain the differences and clear up misconceptions that Baptists often have about Catholics. Download the MP3s from the Bible Christian Society and have her listen to them. Pray for her heart to be opened. She certainly wouldn’t be the first Baptist to become Catholic.

 

[Roy5]

How they bring up the children - which church - is for parents to decide. Many couples of different faiths bring them in some fair and balanced way to both churches, at least when they’re quite young. Sometimes the children become old enough to have some say in the matter when it comes to youth activities, for example.

I'm quite sure that faithful and honest Baptists get to heaven just as quickly as faithful and honest Catholics. This notion that God favors those of one religion over another is absurd. We're all God's children. When the lawyer asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life, Christ answered: love God and your neighbor. When pressed, Jesus gave the parable of the Good Samaritan. No doctrine. No church. No theological mish-mash. Love is what Christianity is about and not which church is better, which doctrines must be believed or who is going to hell.

 Let's make religion a bridge instead of a barrier. That would really be serving Christ and would be serving him - and humankind, too.

 

[lutherlic]

How they bring up the children - which church - is for parents to decide. Many couples of different faiths bring them in some fair and balanced way to both churches, at least when they’re quite young. Sometimes the children become old enough to have some say in the matter when it comes to youth activities, for example.

I'm quite sure that faithful and honest Baptists get to heaven just as quickly as faithful and honest Catholics. This notion that God favors those of one religion over another is absurd. We're all God's children. When the lawyer asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life, Christ answered: love God and your neighbor. When pressed, Jesus gave the parable of the Good Samaritan. No doctrine. No church. No theological mish-mash. Love is what Christianity is about and not which church is better, which doctrines must be believed or who is going to hell.

 Let's make religion a bridge instead of a barrier. That would really be serving Christ and would be serving him - and humankind, too.

If the OP is a faithful Catholic, he will be married in a Catholic Church and his children will be baptized and raised as Catholics. There is no two ways about that.

I firmly believe that children in mixed faith families are far more likely to embrace neither, ending up with a least common denominator belief that is offensive to neither mom or dad and being Christian in name only.

Here on earth, having beliefs which differ in various ways and to various degrees from the Church Jesus founded and protected by the Holy Spirit, does not necessarily mean one will not go to heaven. In heaven however, their is only one faith.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

How they bring up the children - which church - is for parents to decide. Many couples of different faiths bring them in some fair and balanced way to both churches, at least when they’re quite young. Sometimes the children become old enough to have some say in the matter when it comes to youth activities, for example.

I'm quite sure that faithful and honest Baptists get to heaven just as quickly as faithful and honest Catholics. This notion that God favors those of one religion over another is absurd. We're all God's children. When the lawyer asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life, Christ answered: love God and your neighbor. When pressed, Jesus gave the parable of the Good Samaritan. No doctrine. No church. No theological mish-mash. Love is what Christianity is about and not which church is better, which doctrines must be believed or who is going to hell.

 Let's make religion a bridge instead of a barrier. That would really be serving Christ and would be serving him - and humankind, too.

Yes I am,as ost here are, that in the opinion of the majority of protestants, it matters little if you are Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, etc… Also even thuought the Catholic Church states there is no slvation outside of the Church, it recongnizes the protestants a christian communities that share in ( if not correctly) the Churches means of salvation. For a much better wording and more correct please see what Pope Benedict had to say about it.
That said as a Catholic you are obligated to marry in occordance with Churhc Law, as well as raise children catholic. So just taking them to any"church" is not acceptable.

 

[laneo]

If she wants to convert, she will convert. It’s that simple. People on here are telling you to run from her and leave and what not. What the hell is that about?? Just do what feels right to you. Things will be fine if you truly know she is the one, that’s what is most important. God knows you love him above all, and aren’t trying to do anything wrong. As far as raising the kids, you will worry about that road later on.

I am a bit of a rebel, but that’s how I have always been. You need to listen to yourself, and take others words as a grain of salt. Its your life and you need to live it. Salvation doesn’t leave you cause you got married to a baptist. Maybe it does to these people though.

 

[benidict]

If she wants to convert, she will convert. It’s that simple. People on here are telling you to run from her and leave and what not. What the hell is that about?? Just do what feels right to you. Things will be fine if you truly know she is the one, that’s what is most important. God knows you love him above all, and aren’t trying to do anything wrong. As far as raising the kids, you will worry about that road later on.

I am a bit of a rebel, but that’s how I have always been. You need to listen to yourself, and take others words as a grain of salt. Its your life and you need to live it. Salvation doesn’t leave you cause you got married to a baptist. Maybe it does to these people though.

love it laneo. im a bit of a rebel myself. im an old metal head from the 80s but with all due respect, those of us that are telling him to end it, are trying to save him a living world of hell. marriage is such an important decision, that “just do what feels right” doesnt fly.and in many areas that philosophy falls way short of the mark. and the kids? really? why drag children into a home ruled by strife. if they are already having problems, they are not going to dissapear with a ring and a kiss. or a roll in the hay for that matter. they will only get worse. not a pessimist. just experienced. Peace to you and yours.

 

[laneo]

love it laneo. im a bit of a rebel myself. im an old metal head from the 80s but with all due respect, those of us that are telling him to end it, are trying to save him a living world of hell. marriage is such an important decision, that “just do what feels right” doesnt fly.and in many areas that philosophy falls way short of the mark. and the kids? really? why drag children into a home ruled by strife. if they are already having problems, they are not going to dissapear with a ring and a kiss. or a roll in the hay for that matter. they will only get worse. not a pessimist. just experienced. Peace to you and yours.

My beliefs are my beliefs, thats all I can say. If any of you don’t agree with them, that’s your problem not mine.

If he marries a Protestant, Baptist, whatever, he isn’t necessarily going to make his life a living hell. It’s not 1940 anymore, Catholics will marry non-Catholics. It’s just part of life, and not all mixed marriages lead to strife. There are plenty of Catholic couples that have problems as well (though they may not deal with faith), there’s still issues that arise like alcoholism, infidelity, neglect, and abuse.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

=laneo;6863996]My beliefs are my beliefs, thats all I can say. If any of you don’t agree with them, that’s your problem not mine.

Not agreeing with you really is not a problem of anyones. Either you nor the person that disagrees.

If he marries a Protestant, Baptist, whatever, he isn’t necessarily going to make his life a living hell.

This is true. I will add that anyone that marries to someone of different beliefs is adding a issue that really need not enter into the marriage.

It’s not 1940 anymore, Catholics will marry non-Catholics.

the year really is not a issue the rules are the same. I do see though that you pick and choose what rules you like. Like take what you like and leave the rest, thats sad.

It’s just part of life, and not all mixed marriages lead to strife.

I agree, it is not a automatic, just a strong indicator of what may lie ahead.

There are plenty of Catholic couples that have problems as well (though they may not deal with faith), there’s still issues that arise like alcoholism, infidelity, neglect, and abuse.

Very true, I pray that this couple not have to deal with any of those issue, but if they do why add another?

 

[laneo]

Not agreeing with you really is not a problem of anyones. Either you nor the person that disagrees.

This is true. I will add that anyone that marries to someone of different beliefs is adding a issue that really need not enter into the marriage.

the year really is not a issue the rules are the same. I do see though that you pick and choose what rules you like. Like take what you like and leave the rest, thats sad.

I agree, it is not a automatic, just a strong indicator of what may lie ahead.

Very true, I pray that this couple not have to deal with any of those issue, but if they do why add another?

All I am saying is that mixed marriages aren’t a bad thing. All marriages have problems. We can leave it at that…If you think my beliefs are sad, that’s fine with me. I am just doing my best, that’s all I can say.

I just have a hard time accepting certain doctrines. For instance, when it comes to “sexual” matters. All humans get turned on, and such, and engage in sexual activity.

The CC states if we use a condom, then it’s a sin. So anytime a couple wants to engage in intercourse they have to create another baby? I get that sex is for making life, but heres the thing. Married couples have sex, to create life, but also for pleasure. So anytime a couple wants to engage in activity, they just ignore it? It’s impossible for some couples…

I have read about NFP, and what not, but I am just being a realist.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

The CC states if we use a condom, then it’s a sin. So anytime a couple wants to engage in intercourse they have to create another baby? I get that sex is for making life, but heres the thing. Married couples have sex, to create life, but also for pleasure. So anytime a couple wants to engage in activity, they just ignore it? It’s impossible for some couples…

.

What do you mean it impossible for some. are the people with the ablity to make decissions, or are they animals controled by there base insticts? The union in the marriage act must remain open to the possibility of life. Other wise it is it is not even a marriage act. Also not understanding is one thing. rejection is another. there are things I do not understand. I accept them as them come from for the Church and I pray for understanding.

 

[laneo]

What do you mean it impossible for some. are the people with the ablity to make decissions, or are they animals controled by there base insticts? The union in the marriage act must remain open to the possibility of life. Other wise it is it is not even a marriage act. Also not understanding is one thing. rejection is another. there are things I do not understand. I accept them as them come from for the Church and I pray for understanding.

Well, couples like to have sex, that’s all I am saying. Some are just very active and though they arent trying to go against any teachings, it’s just part of being humans. Some enjoy pleasure, making love with their partner, they cant help it.That’s how society is. I mean I understand the logic behind contraception being wrong, but couples cant have 20 kids running around. It’s just a hard thing to completely refrain from in my eyes, and I am sure many agree.

 

[Pixie_Dust]

Well, couples like to have sex, that’s all I am saying. Some are just very active and though they arent trying to go against any teachings, it’s just part of being humans. Some enjoy pleasure, making love with their partner, they cant help it.

Bugspit. Yes they can. And quite a lot of them do.

That’s how society is. I mean I understand the logic behind contraception being wrong, but couples cant have 20 kids running around. It’s just a hard thing to completely refrain from in my eyes, and I am sure many agree.

A couple practicing Natural Family Planning is going to refrain from the marital embrace for all of 3-4 days out of every month if they are choosing to avoid pregnancy. It’s not all that difficult to manage. Really. It’s not that they are supposed to quit having sex entirely unless they’re hoping to create new life. God designed sex to be both unitive and procreative.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Bugspit. Yes they can. And quite a lot of them do.A couple practicing Natural Family Planning is going to refrain from the marital embrace for all of 3-4 days out of every month if they are choosing to avoid pregnancy. It’s not all that difficult to manage. Really. It’s not that they are supposed to quit having sex entirely unless they’re hoping to create new life. God designed sex to be both unitive and procreative.

AMEN and AMEN