My girlfriend reads porn comics, help!

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GeorgeofLydda

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Basically the title says it all: my girlfriend (who’s a catholic as me) reads porn comics, specifically yaoi manga (homoerotic japanese comics). I have asked her is she knows this is wrong, and she admits it is, but says “we all have the freedom to do it”. She doesn’t seem comfortable when talking about the subject, and I am quite worried about her. We’d like to get married somewhere in the future, but this is honestly turning me off.

I have decided to say the Holy Rosary as a way of helping her, and I’ve sent to her the music of Marco Frisina ( director of the Pastoral Worship Center at the Vatican) if that would be of any help. But I would like to know how could I handle this situation. I am really in love with her, and I wouldn’t like to break up. And this is a delicate subject to be talked about, so I guess I should be careful.
 
One thought occurs to me: Perhaps an inoculating factor against her even wanting to read these comics, could be learning more about the beauty of sexuality and the human body as it’s meant to be understood? So making sure she has a positive image of something good to move towards, instead of making the first point (especially if she’s already reluctant to hear it) stressing the importance of moving away from something bad?

Maybe some accessible materials on Theology of the Body. Jason and Chrystalina Evert or other good Catholic chastity speakers (who are able to convey things in a warm, loving, and enthusiastic way?)
 
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We are currently talking about the issue. I’ve just mentioned her that if she wants a christian life, she’d have to do something about those comics. She said “yes, but not now, maybe later”.
 
Tell her you might not be around when she finally decides to give them up. What she is doing is wrong. It’s wrong now, not someday in the future. If she isn’t willing to do this now, it doesn’t say much about the depth of her faith. This is no small thing.
 
Norseman82 said:
There’s another thread where a lady is distressed over her fiancee’s “once a month” porn use. Perhaps a trade could be arranged?
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wince

Bit glib, friend. These are real people we’re talking about here, and the situations will have emotional impact on the people posting about them. Loved ones can’t be swapped around.

Also, from your comment and username, can I infer that you’re not Catholic? (Or am I really misreading that? Not doing it on purpose if so; we have another user who identifies as having a ‘Norse’ (neopagan, I think) religion.)

The Catholic approach isn’t to advise porn users to pair off together. It’s to advise everyone to grow into a healthy sexuality (which requires, among other things, not using porn).
 
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MNathaniel said:
Also, from your comment and username, can I infer that you’re not Catholic? (Or am I really misreading that? Not doing it on purpose if so; we have another user who identifies as having a ‘Norse’ (neopagan, I think) religion.)
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“Norsemen” were the mascot of the former HS seminary in Chicago.

And it would be a practical solution (that does not violate Church teaching) for the two OPs of the two threads.
 
Norseman82 said:
“Norsemen” were the mascot of the former HS seminary in Chicago.
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Gotcha, apologies for misinterpreting your username.
Norseman82 said:
And it would be a practical solution (that does not violate Church teaching) for the two OPs of the two threads.
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Ah you were suggesting the OPs pair off with each other, not that their partners do.

Still, I reckon it’s a bit glib of a joke to make to one of the OPs themselves. As this one mentioned, he loves his current partner. He’s trying to figure out a way to help her grow and understand why it’s good to stop using pornography – it’s probably not the most prudent response to suggest he immediately dump her and pair off with someone else who probably doesn’t live anywhere near him and isn’t his age. Even as a joke. Remember this OP is still a teenager (I think; he mentioned in another thread being 18). This girlfriend who is reading problematic comics (and who I presume is also a teenager) may actually turn over a new leaf once she’s learned about Theology of the Body.

I don’t think it’s quite the same as the other thread where (presumable) adults, engaged to be married, found one of them already familiar with Theology of the Body but still using porn.
 
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I’ll tell you the same thing I say when the genders are switched. Somebody who uses porn and is reluctant to stop should not be your girlfriend/boyfriend. The discernment to marriage stops with the infidelity of porn. Period. If people did this, maybe people would break away from porn more.
 
I think maybe have a discussion about chastity and if she still seems reluctant to stop then you should consider where the relationship is going. If someone is addicted or unwilling to give up porn, they’re not ready to get married. It’s a sign of sexual immaturity and obviously doesn’t bode well for the future marriage.
 
GeorgeofLydda said:
I have asked her is she knows this is wrong, and she admits it is, but says “we all have the freedom to do it”.
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Sounds like she has an attitude problem. That in itself is a red flag
GeorgeofLydda said:
She doesn’t seem comfortable when talking about the subject, and I am quite worried about her
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That’s not surprising. People who plan on sinning (which she obviously does when she buys the book/brings it in the house) don’t like to be reminded they shouldn’t

Honestly, I see this as a blessing in disguise. You are not married and are still free to leave. Not going to be easy, but IMO the best move
 
We have talked a lot about it, and she says she does not read because of sexual arousal (she’s actually disgusted with the idea of sex), but because of the plot and so on. I’ve asked her how much of that genre she reads, and she says it’s not her main genre but only read ocassionally. And those homosexual romance comics she reads the most contain no sex. What do you think of this?
 
It sounds like the guys that say they only read Playboy for the articles. :roll_eyes:
 
If she’s primarily reading shounen-ai that doesn’t contain explicit sex, and the material isn’t sexually arousing to her, then I myself wouldn’t be bothered by it. It’s possible to appreciate it as an art form. I’m also aware of a lot of women who watch various “male buddy” films and TV shows for the “bromance” aspect although there’s no sex in them, just an obvious deep friendship or whatever between the buds. It’s also true that some (though not all) women don’t get sexually aroused by this stuff, it’s more of some kind of emotional appreciation of the relationship, IDK how to describe it but it’s not like how a person would use porn.

However, I’m not the one in the relationship with her, nor have I seen exactly what she’s reading, nor have I personally discussed it with her.

It sounds like you’ve had multiple discussions with her about this issue and she doesn’t sound likely to change her habits, nor does she sound receptive to you trying to influence her reading habits. If this is a deal-breaker for you then maybe consider finding a new girlfriend.
 
You girlfriend reads porn, won’t quit, now says it isn’t that bad, and to top it off now the new information that your girlfriend is disgusted by sex!?
This is not marriage material. At all.
It hurts but this band aid needs to come off.
Imagine in a few years posting because your wife is disgusted by sex and won’t quit her porn problem which is worse than she let you know.
 
I’d be curious as to how old this couple is.

It’s not unusual for girls in their teens or even early 20s to find sex a little bit disgusting. The guys they meet push them for sex, the culture constantly exploits women’s sexuality and pressures girls to be sexually appealing, and if the girl is trying to stay chaste in the face of all that then it’s pretty easy to end up disgusted. For another thing, young women also have to deal with their own feelings of attraction, and the fact that sometimes one can feel physical attraction towards a man despite not liking him as a person or not liking his lifestyle or realizing that he’s a very bad choice as a husband.

There’s a big difference between an 18-year-old girl thinking sex is kind of disgusting, and a 30-year-old woman thinking sex is disgusting. It’s more likely that the 18-year-old is still coming to terms with all the mixed messages she’s getting about sex, and working to balance that all out.

Furthermore, sex in yaoi comics, in porn etc often IS pretty disgusting. Looking at some porn and going “Ew, sex is disgusting” doesn’t mean you’re going to be a poor marriage partner.
 
True. I think the OP just turned 18 they are young. But he did mention they have talked seriously about marriage. Anyone who is considering marriage with a person defending porn use and thinks sex is disgusting is not heading into a good marriage. Those are HUGE red flags.
I think the OP should find a good Holy match with a healthy and holy outlook on sex. She is being deformed in her sexuality. Another big reason she should stop reading those things
 
My impression from these posts is also that this couple is young and probably not ready to be discerning marriage.

However, there’s also no reason for a person, even a young person, to stay in a relationship with somebody who has a habit that they don’t like/ don’t understand/ don’t approve/ have a concern about.
 
Yeah. I wouldn’t ever suggest anyone be in any relationship where the moral repugnance if porn is involved.
 
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