My girlfriend reads porn comics, help!

[GeorgeofLydda]

Yes, she prefers shounen-ai over explicit yaoi, and says she’s kinda disgusted by mangas with lots of sex scenes. If that’s true, I wouldn’t be that concerned, but I initially thought she used to read explicit stuff. Then, I asked her for opinions on porn for the purpose of pleasure and masturbation, and she rejected all those things as intrinsecally evil.

 

[GeorgeofLydda]

We are late teens/young adults, myself being 18 yo and she’s 17. We know marriage seems distant at these moments, but we’ve considered it and we’d like to marry. Both of our families take these things seriously, by the way.

She says she’s disgusted with the idea of coitus and told me she’s afraid of doing it, I guess that’s normal for women of her age. However, she loves children, and told me she’d like to have “as many as God wants”.

 

[GeorgeofLydda]

Should I still be concerned about her reading habits? I’m afraid of her having relativist morals, and when I asked her if she’d let her (future) children read what she reads, she said “ehmm, no”

 

[Tis_Bearself]

It’s normal to be afraid as a teenage virgin. I ran with a group of fairly virginal girls at that age. We were all afraid it would hurt and other than reading about it, had no idea what it felt like other than descriptions in the few explicit books we might furtively peek at, and we also didn’t masturbate, and of course no adult including our moms and female teachers would discuss this subject with us, and we certainly weren’t going to ask a male teacher, male doctor, or priest. This was in the early 80s, not 1910, btw. All of us ended up married just fine.

There’s a school of thought that shounen-ai and even yaoi (though it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is into yaoi) are often read by girls who are insecure about sex because it feels more safe, as there is no female involved in the relationships portrayed. Also, they might just think the male characters are drawn in a handsome way. (I have liked a few male manga characters myself in the past, though I don’t read that stuff nowadays.)

If you don’t want to break up with the girl over this, maybe get her to tell you more about why she likes the shounen-ai, without being judgmental. It really doesn’t sound from what you’ve posted that she’s into this from a porn/ excitement standpoint. Obviously if you see her reading very explicit material, that might be a time to say, hey I think this is crossing the line into sin.

 

[Lee3]

It’s strange to me that your girlfriend likes to read about gay guys sexual/romantic relationships.
Usually women like erotic (male-female) romance novels, or some films…so maybe she really is reading it for the other aspects?

Either way there enough issues here like her views about sex etc.
Maybe it’s no big deal if she reads them and can get past the homoerotic but, but I hope she also has healthy influences about sex life.
Like if all her understanding about sex is from these Japanese manga where sex is often portrayed in a way that’s exploitative and something done to someone, instead of a loving thing, then I’m not that surprised she views sex negativity.

Personally I have Autism but I’m not really into comics/cosplay etc like a lot of other people with Autism so I don’t really fit into a box anywhere:/

 

[GeorgeofLydda]

I guess that maybe she reads those homosexual male romances because of family problems. Her dad is not living with her and her mother, and some repercusion may lead to reading that stuff. I have no problem with shounen-ai, as she was clear that she does not support gay marriage, but enjoys the fantastical, fictional stories.

A big difference between her and me is our sexual education. While my parents were too afraid of talking about sex (and I had to educate myself reading text books and later the doctrine of the Church), her mom is more “open” when having these talks, and she says that talks about sex are common in her house. When my girlfriend asked her mother what the coitus felt like, she said “it’s weird and painful at first, but you get used to it”.

As far as I know, she’s only afraid of practicing coitus, but she’s even more OK than me about sexuality, and I’d say she views it more positively than me (again, because of the sex education we received at home).

 

[MNathaniel]

A big difference between her and me is our sexual education. While my parents were too afraid of talking about sex (and I had to educate myself reading text books and later the doctrine of the Church), her mom is more “open” when having these talks, and she says that talks about sex are common in her house. When my girlfriend asked her mother what the coitus felt like, she said “it’s weird and painful at first, but you get used to it”.

As far as I know, she’s only afraid of practicing coitus, but she’s even more OK than me about sexuality, and I’d say she views it more positively than me (again, because of the sex education we received at home).

Regardless of whether you and your girlfriend continue to date each other into the future, for her sake please connect her with a healthy Catholic teaching resource about sexuality.

I recommend:

Chastity

There are lots of good videos and other resources at the above website, particularly under the ‘Answers’ section. Please consider reviewing some of these materials yourself, and directing your girlfriend to any you think may be helpful for her.

Again, I recommend this regardless of whether the two of you continue to date. For the sake of this precious daughter of God, the earlier she develops a healthy sexual affectivity, the more peaceful and joyful, and free from unnecessary confusion and suffering, her life will be.

 

[GeorgeofLydda]

Thank you very much! I’ll definitely mention her this website.