My Girlfriend

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film_reilly

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Hi, my girlfriend is not Catholic, and basically has no real religion. She likes studying about the Feminine Godess and Pagan mythology. I tell her about the truth of Jesus, but she never listens, she tells me to keep my faith to myself unless she asks for it. Also, when I met her I was not a practicing Catholic so we had sex before marriage, and continue to do so, even though I know its wrong, I dont want to lose her. I really love her and wish she would see the truth. I am thinking of marrying her, but do you think that would be a mistake? How should I try to get her to see the truth?

Please help…

-Chris
 
If you truly love her you could not bear to put her immortal soul in jeopardy by continuing to engage in extra-marital sex, which is a mortal sin. You cannot proceed on your own journey to reconciliation with the Church and return to communion and the sacraments until you end this aspect of your relationship. If she does not accept your religion and your beliefs, how can she claim to truly love you? Would you chop of your left leg if she did not like it? As a practical matter, she certainly will not believe anything you tell her about your religious beliefs if you continue to violate them as a regular part of your life. you really do need the advice and counsel of a priest, there is not much we can do for you here except to point out what you already know to be true.
 
I take the view that God is far more important than any relationship I will ever have. And if a relationship doesn’t lead me toward God, then I need to get out. My faith is more important to me than any person, and thus, in this type of situation I would “get out”. Especially considering the fact that there is premarital sex occurring.
 
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film_reilly:
Hi, my girlfriend is not Catholic, and basically has no real religion. She likes studying about the Feminine Godess and Pagan mythology. I tell her about the truth of Jesus, but she never listens, she tells me to keep my faith to myself unless she asks for it. Also, when I met her I was not a practicing Catholic so we had sex before marriage, and continue to do so, even though I know its wrong, I dont want to lose her. I really love her and wish she would see the truth. I am thinking of marrying her, but do you think that would be a mistake? How should I try to get her to see the truth?

Please help…

-Chris
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Sorry to tell you, but this is not love. Love cannot come out of sin. Also, so you want to marry a pagan? Unless that is if she converts.
Well, seems the devil is playing a chess game with you.
 
Well where do I start, it sounds like to me that you are relatively young. What is love? I am currently 27 years old, and I have liked a lot of young women. Throughout dating you mature. If your Catholic faith is important to you your future mate needs to see that and love that about you. You said she does not care to be informed about your faith. I do not know if there is anything you can say to her to convince her of the truth, that is a gift from God.

You mentioned that you gave up your virginity to her, are you willing to give up other things as well. If you have the truth within the Catholic Church it seems to me that you are choosing her over God.

I would recomend that you find someone who Loves you for who you are, why do you love her and what does she love about you?

There are a lot of young women out there do not settle for one that does not love all of you, everything about you, keep looking and keep dating you will find her.

I believe if you continue this relationship you will walk away from the Church, your faith, God. Down the road when you have kids do you let them believe in your Gf’s view or does she allow you to teach them your faith the truth within the Catholic Church.
 
Who do you love more – God or her? Find a new girlfriend who shares your faith. From experience I can share that my spouse being even slightly negative to my faith causes many problems. You cannot change someone and most who enter long term relationships with the hope of changing another are dissapointed.

Bless you!
Bob
 
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film_reilly:
Hi, my girlfriend is not Catholic, and basically has no real religion. She likes studying about the Feminine Godess and Pagan mythology. I tell her about the truth of Jesus, but she never listens, she tells me to keep my faith to myself unless she asks for it. Also, when I met her I was not a practicing Catholic so we had sex before marriage, and continue to do so, even though I know its wrong, I dont want to lose her. I really love her and wish she would see the truth. I am thinking of marrying her, but do you think that would be a mistake? How should I try to get her to see the truth?

Please help…

-Chris
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Yeah, huge mistake. God is number one. He is the most important thing in your life. This girl wants you to keep Him locked up and out of sight. No good.

Plus, how can you be soul mates when she doesn’t want anything to do with the thing most important to your soul?

If she truly loved you she would respect your faith and your moral limits. She obviously couldn’t care less. Drop her and get a nice Catholic girlfriend:thumbsup:

By the way, you are obligated to raise your kids Catholic. How can you do this if she makes you keep your faith to yourself?
 
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film_reilly:
Also, when I met her I was not a practicing Catholic so we had sex before marriage, and continue to do so, even though I know its wrong, I dont want to lose her.
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You need to find a woman who shares your faith and who will want to help you grow in holiness. It does not seem that your girlfriend is that type of girl.

First thing you need to do is stop having sex with her. Why? Because sex is so powerful that it can continue to cloud your judgment in this matter. Ask yourself, “I am thinking of marrying her because of the sex, because I know it will always be there?” Trust me … I know others who went through something very similar. The point is, if she loves you enough, she won’t need the sex. And if she doesn’t love you … you seriously shouldn’t marry her. Married couples do have to really love each other. Also, living in the state of mortal sin is not good and dying in the state of mortal sin is worse - we believe that those who do go to Hell - is it worth it?

She may be a wonderful person. But is it worth trading in eternal life for the fleeting pleasure of sexual sin? Of course not and God be praised that you know this. Brother, trust me! You need to stop! It won’t be easy - maybe even the toughest thing you have ever done. You need to get back into the state of grace!

My prayers will be with you.
 
She does respect my faith and I really do Love her. I know lots of people that had interfaith marriages, there were some issues, but most of them have been married for 20 yrs or more.
 
I think that you need to talk to your girlfriend. Obviously, you do need to have a talk about religion with her. Because you must think of the idea, what if you do get married, would she consent to it occuring within the Catholic Church? If that is answered yes, then what of children? It is your obligation to teach them and raise them as Catholics. Would she be okay with that? She must also be able to help them, lead them into their faith.

This really needs to be well thought out, you must examine what this really means to you. Now that you are a practicing Catholic, don’t lose it for anything, this is a wonderful gift. Perhaps, slip it into conversation, allow her to see how happy God makes you.

And yes, I agree. Confess to a Priest, talk to him perhaps, ask him for guidance, pray to God. Contemplate and pray! If you do so, as well as talk with her, you will find your answer.
 
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film_reilly:
easier said than done…I am sorta trapped because we are planning to move in together in September. We even have most of our furniture in the apartment.
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Well then, that’s pretty much that. Not much I can do for ya’. You might still want to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation, now and then. The easiest thing to do though, would be to just quit going to Mass, and find some other kind of church that doesn’t have such restrictive rules.

If, by ‘trapped’ into a shack-up deal, you mean she’s got a gun to your head or is holding someone hostage, then there should be no conflicts with your ‘faith’ and your Catholic ‘moral values’, as God knows the deal. Otherwise, she sounds just like the kind of girl you want to take home to Mom and someone you should spend the rest of your life with. Not that what your parents think of her, or what you’re doing matters, but do they have any thoughts?
 
Would it be that hard to move the furniture out? :eek:

You said when you met her you were not a practicing Catholic, but if your having premaritual sex, then I don’t think you would be a practicing one yet…
even though I know its wrong, I dont want to lose her.
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If she truly loves you, then she will stay with you even if you two stop having sex… Or if you two don’t move in together… True love can stand the test of time… All other loves might hurt when they end, but take it as a lesson learned and continue on in God.

But, basically like puzzleannie said… You seem to already know this… It’s up to you to take the first step, we can’t help you there… All we can do is pray, so I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Oh, Chris. BTW,

I forgot to mention one thing.

You’re a good Catholic boy, or at least workin’ on it, so, that means you’re going to bring your Catholic ‘flair’ to the marriage mix. This Catholic attitude is probably, to some extent, ingrained in you. It’s also likely that as you age, your Catholic faith will re-emerge at some point in your life. How is she going to react to the idea of the Catholic marriage sacrament?

It’s no secret that marriage, ‘Catholic style’, leaves little room for feminist modernism and is more than a little ‘politically incorrect’. How’s she gonna feel about you being the ‘head’, and she the ‘heart’ of your own little domestic Church? How’s she gonna feel about birth control and divorce? What would she say if she read Ephesians 5?

Friend, I pray that you will cover these things with her, right now, today.
 
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film_reilly:
easier said than done…I am sorta trapped because we are planning to move in together in September. We even have most of our furniture in the apartment.
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no you are not trapped, you have made a decision driven primarily by reasons other than those based in love to take a certain course of action. you can still change that course. If you do not cease a way of life that represents a complete rejection of Catholic morality your path toward reconciliation and reunion with the Church is barred by your own actions. You must learn to differentiate between true love, which always seeks the greatest good for the loved one, and sexual desire and other selfish needs which masquerade as love. As long as you put pleasure and sense gratification on a higher priority and love your relationship cannot succeed. Regardless of her faith, or lack of it, you are dooming your chances for future happiness by taking this step. She does not respect your faith if you are not even allowed to talk about it. For a Christian to think they can have a life-long union as intimate and important as marriage with a pagan is ludicrous.
 
Ok lets say you can convince her that the Catholic Church is the truth. You have had sex and you mentioned that you believe its wrong, also how do you as a now practicing Catholic allow yourself to move in with a girl friend?

I suggest that you think like an adult, act like an adult, start making your own decisions. The Church will be there for you when you grow up and realize that you made some bad decisions in your life.

I hope you save your faith and beliefs and start to make better choices in your life.

What did you want from all of us, to say that it ok, live with and continue onward with this current relationship?

the answer is simple its your choice, its called free will.
 
I have also had this struggle. There is a girl I am talking to who is not Catholic who has hinted that once she gets to know me she wants the big S word all the time. Since I am 33 years old and have never had a real girlfriend it’s really tempting. However, I am one to always lecture other younger people about how they should wait until they are married before having sex so how would people be able to take me seriously if I didn’t even follow my own advice.

I don’t mind the fact that this woman is not Catholic, however, I have come to the conclusion if a relationship develops I am going to be honest and upfront that unless you are willing to get married then sex is not an option. Will it be hard? Yes. But it’s something I have to do. If she really loves me then she will wait, if she just thinks of me as a cheap thrill then obviously I don’t want her.
 
Hey Chris,

I get the feeling that you really do know what the right thing to do is. I also think that you have feelings for this girl, but something just isn’t quite right.

You had to know that you were going to get ripped on, at least a little, here on CA forums. I’ve found that this place is a little like Mom, where you know what you’re likely to hear, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Or IS it?

Could it be that you just need some encouragment to do what you really know is right?

I dunno, but I’ve done just that. You see, my dear Mom is gone, and I went to her all the time, many times to get the answers I didn’t want, but knew I needed. Now, this place isn’t as good as Mom was, but it’s not bad.
 
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film_reilly:
She does respect my faith and I really do Love her. I know lots of people that had interfaith marriages, there were some issues, but most of them have been married for 20 yrs or more.
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Just realize that if it were a marriage, how would she feel when you explained the Church’s view on contraception or other sexual sin? What would she do when you tell you would like to raise your children in the Church?

She may respect your faith. I have friends who choose not to be baptized and they respect my faith too. The bigger problem here is that your relationship with this girl sounds as if it is consumed by sin. I don’t see how you can say you love her if you decide to keep living in a sinful relationship.

I know that if I were in this problem, I would want to marry a woman who had the same love for Jesus Christ that I had, someone who would pray with me, someone who would work on getting me to heaven through her prayers as I would do the same for her.

I don’t see how this could happen with this girl and you. In your first post you said that she was pretty much a pagan or at least likes to study goddesses and stuff. How could a (practicing) Catholic and a pagan have an interfaith relationship? You really need to pray about what you should do and not make rationalizations about how this might work.
 
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