My good friend is dating a loser - need some advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter victrolatim
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
V

victrolatim

Guest
I need some advice here on how to support a very close friend of mine who has been stuck in a manipulative relationship. Here is the story in a nutshell.

She has known/been on and off seeing this fellow since she was 13 (now 23). He has since then become addicted to heroin, robbed her family, manipulated her emotionally and most recently been sentenced to time in prison for armed robbery. My friend suffers from very low self esteem. She has some health issues and she has broken it off with this fellow multiple times but she always ends up feeling bad for him or he ends up promising to be better to her and the cycle continues. Also due to his actions, her one set of grandparents have disowned her and called her “trash” and some other unsavory things. I am one of the very few friends she has and one of the few she confides in. I pray for her daily and I can understand how someone who has known someone so long can sort of be infatuated with the person in their mind’s eye and not the person who exists in reality. Sometimes I have caught myself thinking “I wish he would just overdose and die so she can move on with her life”, then I catch myself and say a prayer because I know this isn’t right. I do know that I am the only person she can talk to regarding him because everyone else flat out doesn’t want to hear it anymore. I guess I’m wondering what I can do to get her to maybe see these things, but to realize the value that is within herself. She is a beautiful young lady, smart, caring, artistically talented and very fun to be around.
 
victrolatim said:
…
I’m wondering what I can do to get her to maybe see these things, but to realize the value that is within herself. She is a beautiful young lady, smart, caring, artistically talented and very fun to be around.
Click to expand...
Nothing. She’s already well aware of them as a ‘smart’ young lady, but finds them appealing to her for whatever reasons. She is choosing this, with all it’s downsides as they appear to outsiders. Often what we see as unintended consequences because we see them as negative are actually intentional on some level.
 
I’d have to know her. Does she accept that there is such a thing as a sociopath? I mean does she accept that some people have no conscience, but only pretend that they do? Maybe she needs to realize that there are people who are extremely unlikely to ever truly *want *to amend and repent, let alone ever do it. Her boyfriend sounds like one of them.
 
I had a friend in similar situation. This person was not dating with but was BFF with a loser. My friend was drugged and raped. I made an anonymous tip to the DEA and the city police where this person lived. This person was apprehended and is still in prison. He was a heroin trafficker.

If this “boyfriend” is trafficking, you should do the same thing, even if you only suspect he is selling to finance his habit. You would even be doing him a favor, along with many others including your friend if you turn him in.
 
esieffe said:
I had a friend in similar situation. This person was not dating with but was BFF with a loser. My friend was drugged and raped. I made an anonymous tip to the DEA and the city police where this person lived. This person was apprehended and is still in prison. He was a heroin trafficker.

If this “boyfriend” is trafficking, you should do the same thing, even if you only suspect he is selling to finance his habit. You would even be doing him a favor, along with many others including your friend if you turn him in.
Click to expand...
If you go down this path, (and I’m not opposed to it) two things:
  1. Make sure your friend never finds out you did it, it will not earn her gratitude.
  2. Don’t be surprised if she takes up with someone similar or even stands by this person as they’re charged/convicted/imprisoned.
Without knowing her there’s no way to even guess how she’ll react.
 
esieffe said:
I had a friend in similar situation. This person was not dating with but was BFF with a loser. My friend was drugged and raped. I made an anonymous tip to the DEA and the city police where this person lived. This person was apprehended and is still in prison. He was a heroin trafficker.

If this “boyfriend” is trafficking, you should do the same thing, even if you only suspect he is selling to finance his habit. You would even be doing him a favor, along with many others including your friend if you turn him in.
Click to expand...
The boyfriend has already been sentenced to time in prison for armed robbery. The police are well aware of him. If he is a sociopath or a psychopath, it would be well if he is never particularly aware of the OP. The idea is to get her friend off of his radar, not to get the OP onto it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top