M
mcc804
Guest
I’ve been married over 22 years and have two children ages 18 and 20. My H is going into a partnership next year with a man he’s known for 10 years. They also worked for the same company for about 5 years until my H was laid off from that job in 2009. My H has not worked in an office environment since 2003. I have only met this friend twice and I’m not even sure it was twice. I only remember one occasion. Anyway, I don’t know him. He lives several hundred miles from us and my H and he talk on the phone a couple times a month.
(BTW, my H went on to get another job…just to close that gap from the above paragraph).
Well, H’s friend was married years ago. Then he got a divorce. Last year he married. They are both “Catholic” and the friend had originally been married in the Church to the first wife. He looked into seeking an annulment, but thought it was going to take too long and decided not to do it. They were married at a country club instead of a church. I will make no further comment on that because as my H’s says “That’s their business, not yours.”
H really likes this friend and respects him a great deal. He told me today that when this partnership takes place, we’ll likely be seeing a lot of each other (the 4 of us) and become “close.” I don’t know how this
will be as we live about 300 miles apart, and there won’t be a central office where they are going to be involved. There’s going to be a type of warehouse for product, and H will continue to travel and use the computer and phone like he has for nearly 10 years. The friend will do the same.
I have never met the wife of my H’s friend. As I mentioned I have only met the friend.
But here’s the other thing, if I have to meet them again or spend time … I am completely insecure (to be perfectly honest here
) about how I’m going to handle trying to make conversation and not disappoint or embarrass my H.
What I know about the new wife is that she’s about 15 years younger than me, has no children, has a college degree and works in some financial gov’t job. She lives in a city and has spent her twenties doing the “girls night out” type thing … is able to buy clothes and get her hair done. They take vacations and eat out and all that. (And newly married, so that’s another difference with us old married people). She’s also blonde and attractive.
Ok. So there it is. What do I have to bring to the table? I am 45 years old. The days of wearing nice clothes and going places ended years ago. Our financial situation really hit the skids after my H was laid off and even though he got another good job … the economy has changed and what used to be a more than adequate income is no longer. We’ve never taken vacations. We don’t go out. I have two grown children who I homeschooled. I do not have a college degree and have not held a job since 1994.
Do you see a bit of a mismatch here? What on earth does one talk about? I have nothing nice to wear in the event that I end up having to eat dinner out with them. I don’t have any friends and haven’t had any since we moved to a small town over 10 years ago. My parents are dead, I have no siblings…remaining family are scattered all over the place and no one’s close.
How do I handle this situation? I can’t confide in my H because he doesn’t understand and would just think I was complaining. He doesn’t understand any of my concerns about any of this.
I want my H to do well in his career and he’s very excited about having ownership in his own business. But I’ve never been an asset to his career all these years. I haven’t gone on company vacations or Christmas parties because I had to take care of the children and had no one to leave them with. Now, it’s been so many years of being out of interacting with people and I have nothing to offer in terms of things to talk about …
And just for the record. Our kids still live with us. We’re broke and what little money we have is being used to pay bills. Our D uses my car to go to school. Sometimes our son uses my car when the snow’s bad. I cannot go back to school for training at this point. We can’t afford it and I can’t use the car that way. The nearest college that has vocational training is an hour away. We can’t afford that.
As far as a job here…the pop. is 3000. The jobs are menial AND hard to get. There aren’t a lot to go around. Convenience store or waitress jobs are filled. And I only reference this aspect because I’m anticipating the advice of developing a career to make myself interesting to those who are involved in such things.
As it is, I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain my existence at this point. What am I doing with my life and all that. I don’t want to talk about it or anything else.
I just feel like a liability to my H and I know that if I’d been an outgoing bubbly type who was a creative self starter (you know, "work from home’ type or whatever) and had friends etc. that my H would be happier and more successful. But I don’t know how I can change who I am at this late date.
Is there anyway around this scenario? I’m hoping that because of the distance between us and the lack of an office nearby … we may only have to be all together briefly. I know that if I don’t make “friends” with my H’s friends wife, it will limit the involvement of my H and his friend and could like stymie their overall success.
I don’t usually feel lonely about this. But I do worry about the time when the kids are out of the house and if my H passes away because I will be utterly and completely alone with nothing and no one around me.
Does anyone have any practical advice?
(BTW, my H went on to get another job…just to close that gap from the above paragraph).
Well, H’s friend was married years ago. Then he got a divorce. Last year he married. They are both “Catholic” and the friend had originally been married in the Church to the first wife. He looked into seeking an annulment, but thought it was going to take too long and decided not to do it. They were married at a country club instead of a church. I will make no further comment on that because as my H’s says “That’s their business, not yours.”
H really likes this friend and respects him a great deal. He told me today that when this partnership takes place, we’ll likely be seeing a lot of each other (the 4 of us) and become “close.” I don’t know how this
will be as we live about 300 miles apart, and there won’t be a central office where they are going to be involved. There’s going to be a type of warehouse for product, and H will continue to travel and use the computer and phone like he has for nearly 10 years. The friend will do the same.
I have never met the wife of my H’s friend. As I mentioned I have only met the friend.
But here’s the other thing, if I have to meet them again or spend time … I am completely insecure (to be perfectly honest here
) about how I’m going to handle trying to make conversation and not disappoint or embarrass my H.What I know about the new wife is that she’s about 15 years younger than me, has no children, has a college degree and works in some financial gov’t job. She lives in a city and has spent her twenties doing the “girls night out” type thing … is able to buy clothes and get her hair done. They take vacations and eat out and all that. (And newly married, so that’s another difference with us old married people). She’s also blonde and attractive.
Ok. So there it is. What do I have to bring to the table? I am 45 years old. The days of wearing nice clothes and going places ended years ago. Our financial situation really hit the skids after my H was laid off and even though he got another good job … the economy has changed and what used to be a more than adequate income is no longer. We’ve never taken vacations. We don’t go out. I have two grown children who I homeschooled. I do not have a college degree and have not held a job since 1994.
Do you see a bit of a mismatch here? What on earth does one talk about? I have nothing nice to wear in the event that I end up having to eat dinner out with them. I don’t have any friends and haven’t had any since we moved to a small town over 10 years ago. My parents are dead, I have no siblings…remaining family are scattered all over the place and no one’s close.
How do I handle this situation? I can’t confide in my H because he doesn’t understand and would just think I was complaining. He doesn’t understand any of my concerns about any of this.
I want my H to do well in his career and he’s very excited about having ownership in his own business. But I’ve never been an asset to his career all these years. I haven’t gone on company vacations or Christmas parties because I had to take care of the children and had no one to leave them with. Now, it’s been so many years of being out of interacting with people and I have nothing to offer in terms of things to talk about …
And just for the record. Our kids still live with us. We’re broke and what little money we have is being used to pay bills. Our D uses my car to go to school. Sometimes our son uses my car when the snow’s bad. I cannot go back to school for training at this point. We can’t afford it and I can’t use the car that way. The nearest college that has vocational training is an hour away. We can’t afford that.
As far as a job here…the pop. is 3000. The jobs are menial AND hard to get. There aren’t a lot to go around. Convenience store or waitress jobs are filled. And I only reference this aspect because I’m anticipating the advice of developing a career to make myself interesting to those who are involved in such things.
As it is, I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain my existence at this point. What am I doing with my life and all that. I don’t want to talk about it or anything else.
I just feel like a liability to my H and I know that if I’d been an outgoing bubbly type who was a creative self starter (you know, "work from home’ type or whatever) and had friends etc. that my H would be happier and more successful. But I don’t know how I can change who I am at this late date.
Is there anyway around this scenario? I’m hoping that because of the distance between us and the lack of an office nearby … we may only have to be all together briefly. I know that if I don’t make “friends” with my H’s friends wife, it will limit the involvement of my H and his friend and could like stymie their overall success.
I don’t usually feel lonely about this. But I do worry about the time when the kids are out of the house and if my H passes away because I will be utterly and completely alone with nothing and no one around me.
Does anyone have any practical advice?
Especially in this case, when you know that they married outside the church and you are pretty sure he never got an annulment. “So, what’s it really like, living in adultery?”