My hands are tied

[JackVk]

I need advice. I have a friend who I went on a retreat with about a year and a half ago. We’ve kept in touch since then. She’s 18, just graduated from high school but also decided to get engaged to her boyfriend. She has a bad relationship with her dad. Since she’s engaged, she and her mom have had trouble, and she’s been living several different places. She said her mom “kicked her out”, but I talked to our youth minister, who investigated it and said what really happened was she said she was leaving home, and her mom locked the door after she had left and then she came back.

So today, she posted on facebook about how her dad kicked her out, and how her boyfriend’s parents kicked them out as well, and that they have no place to live. I posted and tried to talk to her about it.

One more thing: she has bipolar disorder, and possibly other psychological disorders. According to the YM, she has a tendency to distort stories and not tell the whole truth. I told her that I would pray for her.

Is that all I can do? I know sheltering the homeless is a corporal act of mercy, but I live with my parents, who would never approve of the idea of taking them in in a million years. I want to help, but I seriously feel this problem is beyond my control. I don’t want to make excuses, but that’s how it is.

 

[fred_conty]

If I were your parent, I would not agree to that.
Sounds as tho she needs special help and is not doing at home what she needs to do.
I would guess her mother is a her wits end.

But that was a nice thought you had, and God does consider those good desires.

 

[maltmom]

Your heart is in the right place. You said that she’s your friend. I would suggest that you make sure that you are never alone with her. If her psychological problems are as you state and she distorts stories and lie you may be accused of doing things that you did not do. She and her “fiance” need help beyond what you are able to give. Pray for them. As her friend that is the best thing you can do.

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

The practice of of “Love thy neighbor as thyself” does not mean that you enable a self-destructive, deceitful person to keep on their downward path of harming themselves and sponging off others.

The practice of of “Love thy neighbor as thyself” does not mean that you can use Christianity as a pretext to pursue a woman you want to have romantic love relationship with. (Sorry if I am wrong,Jack, just a gut feeling.)

 

[JackVk]

The practice of of “Love thy neighbor as thyself” does not mean that you can use Christianity as a pretext to pursue a woman you want to have romantic love relationship with. (Sorry if I am wrong,Jack, just a gut feeling.)

FYI, I do not want to. I’m not attracted to her, and she’s 2 years younger than me, which I feel, at my age (20), is sketchy. I’ve set a policy that I won’t date a girl who’s more than a year my senior or junior.

 

[berwick07]

Many times people are “diagnosed” with bi-polar when in actuality they are simply immature. Some people have a tough time learning to live with the consequences of their actions, or for that matter assessing the likely consequences of what they say or do. That’s immaturity. Unfortunately, in our society, we classify people who are 18 and older as adults, so it is likley your friend’s parents no longer have a legal obligation.

There are three parties in this situation who are exhibiting poor behavior. Regardless of age, the parents have a moral obligation to establish a safe environment in which their daughter can grow and learn the basics of being a functional adult. That does not appear to have happened. The daughter, at the very least, has an obligation to respect what her parents provide: food, shelter, clothing, etc. Clearly, that didn’t happen and I’m sure her last parting words were not used for the first time. Then there’s the 20 year old fiance. His decision to start a lifelong relationship with someone who can’t even maintain a relationship with her parents does not speak well for his judgement.

Given, these very limited observations, you might consider giving a phone call (not in person) to these people, and provide your perspective and attempt to persuade them to put aside the past and attempt to lay the ground work for their relationships to grow in a peacful direction. And then of course, as previously mentioned, these people need your prayers. Beyond that, your compassion is compelling, but you must understand your limitations and not chastise yourself for not being able to do what is not possible for you to do. Remember, these people are rational beings as well. They have free choice and an ability to learn. They are responsible for their decisons, not you.

 

[constantconvert]

I think all you can do for her is pray, which is actually a lot.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Is that all I can do? I know sheltering the homeless is a corporal act of mercy, but I live with my parents, who would never approve of the idea of taking them in in a million years. I want to help, but I seriously feel this problem is beyond my control. I don’t want to make excuses, but that’s how it is.

Well, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that this problem is beyond your control.

 

[Bezant]

While it’s very difficult to watch your friend’s life deteriorate, I think you realised the most important thing: you can only do as much as you can. Pray for her, and if possible put her in contact with people who can help her, but don’t take on something you can’t manage.